Saturday, December 30, 2006

Just another day in paradise...

If by day you mean week... and by paradise you mean hell...


Mr. baby Fiend refused to sleep last night. Daddy fiend and I wished to have hot sex in front of our roaring (gas) fireplace. The scene was set, the blankets were down, the pillows were... plumped and then the baby called. So off I was at midnight to boob him yet once again. After what seemed like 4 hours (but was really 45 minutes) of boob'ing, shushing, cuddling, pleading and finally BEGGING he finally conked out.

The sex happened. The sex was fucking fantastic. The sex ended and I went to bed.

And fell asleep... for about 5 minutes. Until about 10am this morning when I finally got another 1.5 hours of sleep. Mr. fiend was up ALLLLL NIGHT! He could not settle, he would not nurse, then he'd nurse for an hour, then he'd cry, then he'd giggle... he was hysterical! One look at his cheeks this morning told the story... bright red streaks. He is FINALLY getting a tooth. He's been threatening to get said tooth for about 3 months. But there is a whitish dot on bottom gums and I believe that the tooth is coming.

Hylands teething tablets do nothing for this boy. And even though there is almost the exact same ingredients in the Boiron liquid teething remedy, IT seems to work. As in conk said boy out. It's nice. Very nice.

So boy has been sleeping on and off for around 3 hours now. Waking to nurse briefly (15 minutes or so) and then back off to homeopathic drug land ;)

In other news... well there is no real other news. Not doing anything for New Years this year apparently (oh wait jeff just walked in and we might be getting together with Chris and Nansi) but nothing too exciting anyways. Even if we did want to do something I think Rose is already busy babysitting her grandkids. Apparently Robyn and the kids are back in town as of yesterday? I dunno. Have not heard anything from them as of yet.

I think we'll head out to my real mother's house on new years day. She has a pot of chilli and some Turkey soup for us to take home. I will not turn down good homecooked food that I only have to heat up ;)

Today was a throw together supper. I whipped up a batch of garlic hummus, guacamole, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, fresh sourdough bread and tortilla chips. The kids loved it. It was yummy. Phoenix actually ate some solid food! He had about a half tablespoon of organic oatmeal and a half tablespoon of organic applesauce. He's finally figured out the move food to the back of your throat and swallow thing ;)

I think we'll take the girls either swimming or to the museum tomorrow. Burn off some energy. They've been having a ton of fun with new playdoh, markers, painting sun catchers, doing their scaperfoil art... pretending to be ponies and nursing off their big ponies ;) They're a little nutso but wonderful girls. They picked out some new books at the library today and Maddy found a ballet one. If there is a ballet book within 2 miles it's hers.

Well I should probably pay some attention to jeff... even though he got to go out and visit and I didn't. Sigh... tis my lot in life I suppose. ;)

Friday, December 29, 2006

A Holiday Picture Post

Sleeping bunny/dragon
Oh so cute :)
Stockings stuffed and waiting for morning
Ponies, Discovery dome, pressies galore
My mom and dad
My cousins Brittney and Sadie with Madeline... after their bubble fight while doing dishes ;)
Olivia... hangin
December 23rd and dressed in their finest
Maddy's school picture
Mr. Fiend... lookin fiendish
Sister Maddy lovin on the babe

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Where to begin?

I guess I'll start... at the beginning... lol!

December 21
We had good intentions to do a ritual with the kids to celebrate Yule... It got late though and we got tired so we let the kids open their presents from Aunty Dawn and then it was bedtime for them. They both got very cool Disney Princess sets and Phoenix got a cool crinkly book and a winnie the pooh photo album.

December 22
We headed over to Al and Roses to open presents from Mike and Robyn as they were going to Robyn's parents house for Christmas. We bought the family (even though we were not supposed to be exchanging family gifts... doh!) a years membership to the local kids museum. I really think they'll enjoy that. They got all three kids of ours jammies, the girls got kids croc's and Phoenix a very cool Leap frog Caterpillar. They also got the girls bobblehead dolls that you put your own pics in. We had dinner there (fantastic as usual) and had a good time. Olivia chucked a wobbly when it was time to leave (long night, very LOUD and busy time) but it was dealt with.

December 23
My parents came over for chinese food and to open presents. My dad was in a fucking snit most of the time that he was here. He was all pissed off because we were not going to be there for Christmas day and it would be the first time that they would have no kids around. Well try treating our family like we mean something to you and perhaps we'll show up? Just a thought? They got the girls some toys, Phoenix some toys and us a big lawn ornament. It ended up being an okay night but my dad's bad mood just overshadowed the whole ordeal.

December 24
We spend the morning just hanging... it was nice! We then took cards and soda cracker candy to all the neighbors that we know. We went to my aunt and uncles for a bit. It was... okay. It's the first time my aunt has seen P since he was born. They got the girls a very cool Crayola crayon maker and some really ugly porceline dolls jewellry box things... I think they will be freecycled shortly ;) We went to my grandmothers for dinner after and my other aunt and uncle, mom and dad and my cousins were there. We had a good time there. I had a very yummy Margarita ;) The girls got really precious dance bags from my grandmother. After we were done there we came home, put out chocolate milk and chocolate chip cookies for santa and the girls went to bed.

I filled the stockings, Jeff brought up the Santa gifts and then he struggled with the farking Discovery Dome for Phoenix for about 45 minutes. lol! We had a late but good night.

December 25
Let the carnage commence!!! The girls and us took about an hour to open all presents. Everyone liked everything. That about sums it up. The girls are ALL about their ponies ;) I got a couple seasons of Friends. Cordless notebook mouse, Memoirs of a Geisha, organic shampoo, face toner, tea and chocolate. I got some socks and notebooks as well. My Mil got me a gorgeous Goddess candle and the Llewellyn press 2007 Witches Datebook. They also got us another years membership to the kids museum.

We went to Al and Roses for breakfast and presents. Breakfast was awesome! They got us (get this!) a Cuisinart Food Processor!!!!!!!! I'm stoked!!! They also got us a Humidifier and some towels, the kids snowsuits and clothes, chairs and umbrella's and markers. Michelle got the girls slippers and Phoenix a First Years Cell Phone. He loves it! We came home for a bit, went back for an awesome supper, put the kids to bed there and then we all came home at around 11pm. Good times. Best Christmas in years.

December 26
Relaxed most of the day. I got to wash my hair with my new organic shampoo, eat some organic chocolate, drink some fabulous chai tea... heaven. We went back over the Al and Roses for an awesome ham dinner and visiting.

Today? I took down my tree ;) Cleaned up the living room and put it back in order. Vacuumed, swept, washed dishes... I got my Babyhawk Mei Tei in the mail!!!!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I got Phoenix on my back and cleaned for two hours with him there. I'm going to get a TON of use out of it! I also got a notice that my credit limit on my card is being upgraded from $200 to $1200. That's quite the jump.

Phoenix went to bed at 8:30 but he's up now. Still tired though. I gave him a bit of mashed avacado and coconut oil. Not... such a fan. He eats maybe an 1/8 of a tsp of food every fourth day or so... maybe. Solids not such a fan of is he.

Well my time is up... I just wanted to get an account of these days done while it's still fresh.

Thursday, December 21, 2006


both my girls are at school (Maddy had her skating party today) and Phoenix is in bed... asleep. Maddy comes home at 2:45 (in just under an hour) Liv at 3:45 and Phoenix should sleep for an hour or so.

I am SOOOO going to get nekkid, have a bath and relax.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Oh for fucks sakes...

Just GO TO SLEEP already!

Yes THIS TIME it's about the baby.

He's been in uber bitchy, teething, grouchy, colicky mode for three solid days. You cannot put him down (not even to pee), you can't eat, HE won't nurse without screaming for 15 minutes first. He chomps at the breast, pulls away, screams... he's getting enough (I'm watching the diaper count) but he's bitchy about it.

I got maybe three hours of sleep last night. I'm bagged. I've now had TWO false starts where he's been in bed tonight but then woken up 10 minutes later ready to party. It's midnight. I'm bagged. I need to sleep.

I'm entertaining thoughts of running away to Greece and leaving it all behind. I'd settle for a QUIET baby, a bath and a good nights sleep though.

Can this stage just be over already? Olivia was such an easy baby... she spoiled the heck out of me.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Good holiday feelings :)

*we've been able to help a family in need (along with my other mother) buy groceries, with santa presents, fill stockings, holiday snackies and with extra money. It feels very good.

*I love watching the girls look at the presents under the tree, try to figure out who's is who's... what's in each package...

*wrapping presents, afixing tags just so... happy feelings :)

*waiting waiting and waiting for santa

*classic Christmas shows on TV... sharing them with my littles

I wish this time of year lasted forever :) One of the first years I've not been stressed about it in a very long time :)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Solid food... and sex (but not together... not that there's anything wrong with that)

and annoying co-leaders.

We had LLL on thursday and we had a "new" mom to the group. She seemed very nice and had a teeny 7.5 month with her (teeny as in like 14-15 lbs) she expressed some concern that her baby seemed to be taking in less breastmilk with the introduction of solids. With some questioning it turns out that her baby is taking in three solid food meals a day. This is the point in the meeting where I'm thinking "well of course he's taking in less breastmilk!" and gently give her the information that breastmilk packs more calories ounce for ounce than any solid foods and that most babies at 7.5 months are not able to fully digest the solids anyways. That if she does not want her baby to prematurely wean that she'll want to be careful with how much she offers.

But... before I can say anything my co-leader leaps in (for the record she's not known for her tactfulness) with "rice cereal is completely garbage, your baby would eat tacks if you put them in front of him, how do you KNOW he want food" (repeat for about 15 minutes) I finally got to interject and gave her some good advice. Dammit I'm getting really tired of having to deflect her comments all the fucking time. If she's that jaded she should just give it up! Grrr....

We give Phoenix a little something every four or so days... usually just a teething bisquit to suck on while we are eating (ok so he's only had two in his life) because he's doing just fine on breastmilk and I don't really say much reason to rock the boat. He still can't sit up unassisted and he still has a tongue thrust so he's obviously not ready for much. Not a popular opinion in the "feed them as soon as possible" sect but probably the safer way to go.

I got to have sex last night. Well mostly sex of the oral variety but sex none the less. I can't FUCKING WAIT till he has his sperm analysis and they are all dead in the water. I hate hate HATE condoms. Most of the time I'd rather not have sex that have sex with condoms. It does not matter the brand, lubed or not, ribbed or not... I just hate them.

I'd like to have sex eventually in my own bed ;) I feel so exposed doing it in the living room. I keep waiting for a little jammied person to walk out and ask for a drink of water ;) That would be a show for them ;) Oh well I guess everyone walked in on their parent's at some point.

After the great fantastic sex (lol) Phoenix only woke up 3 times last night! He woke up, nursed, passed out. I like that.

We're spending the day just hanging and then heading out to friend's for dinner and a gift exchange tonight. It should be fun!

Friday, December 15, 2006

please just SLEEP!

And for once I'm NOT talking about my baby!

Last night Jeff and I decided that we should put up Maddy's ikea bunk bed. We got this gorgeous periwinkle metal bunk bed off of Freecycle about 7 months ago... but it didn't come with bolts! So $40 worth of bolts later...

We finally got the bed up, made and ready for sleeping at 10:45pm! The kids normally go to bed sometime between 7 and 8!!! Maddy and Olivia were finally both sleeping at midnight. MIDNIGHT! Then Miss Madeline decided to wake her sister up at 8am. Not cool. There were son incredibly bitchy and volitile this morning that I canceled our playdate with Robyn and kids and they are back in bed. They better sleep. THEY BETTER!

Phoenix has been sleeping very well (knock on wood) for the last two nights. I'm enjoying it. He's already back in bed for his first nap right now.

Well off to clean the kitchen while I have the time with no kids (I know... party!)
Kitchen is clean... dishwasher emptied and refilled. Pots and pans washed, countertops scrubbed. Today I've also put away three loads of laundry, cleaned the bedroom, scrubbed the bathroom, tidied the living room and dining room and vacuumed the whole house (except for Olivia's room as she screamed NOOOOO when I went to do her room. I figured I'd avoid a fit... hey if she likes to like in squallor who am I to clean her room?)

I had to put Madeline BACK TO BED when she came out after only an hour (and she hadn't slept at all... she's been out three times. Once to pee, once to poop and once for a drink) and asked if they could get up yet. I explained that perhaps she had misunderstood me... she needs to NAP and THEN she can get up. Sigh.... if they don't nap the rest of my day is going to be hell on earth.

I think I might have a bath while the kids are in bed. Hopefully Phoenix won't wake up the second I get in there.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It's 8:15 pm...

and all my children are in bed! Sleeping!!!

I put the girls to bed at around 7:15ish. Jammies, teeth, story, kisses, rock-a-bye and in to bed. Tucked them both in and snooze town! I called my girlfriend Jean and we were chatting. I was hanging out on the bed with Phoenix. He hadn't nursed for about an hour but was happily playing with his teething beads on his tummy. All of a sudden I look and he's doing the sleepy kitten thang ;) He passed out! I tucked our blankie over him and tip toed out. Who knows how long he is down for but I aim to enjoy it whist I can!

I did a baby shower at Healthiest Babies today. I was representing La Leche League. I was pleasently suprised at the number of breastfeeding moms there :) I got to hang out with Laura and Saphie (Saphie being the baby that Phoenix is arranged to marry... lol! She's absolutely freaking adorable!) and the other babies. At one point I had about 10 women all asking me about first solid foods and food allergies. I am such a good public speaker :) It's really nice to have people who want to educate themselves actually listen to what I have to say. It was a good affirmation of why I do what I do :)

After the baby shower we went and picked up Madeline from kindergarten and I took the kids to Exploration Place for the afternoon. They love the kids museum. We played in the sand, climbed on the ship. Maddy and I did boat races and Liv and I crashed our trains. Afterwards we went upstairs to watch the Bearded Dragon eat his dinner of live crickets. The kids got a massive kick out of that! We watched the snakes, talked to the turtles, played with electricity. We then sat down and played Frog tic tac toe, did a huge wooden Melissa and Doug dinosaur puzzle, played with an insect block puzzle and coloured some christmas pictures. Phoenix napped happily in the sling after nursing his fill downstairs.

We grabbed some dinner tonight and the three of us ate while Jeff went back to work. I let the kids watch a Christmas special on TV until 7 and then into bed.

It's been a good day so far. Though I just got a phone call from Rose that apparently the boys got a "head lice" notice home. Funny... my kid goes to the same school and no notice? I checked her bag and there is nothing in there. I'll check her head in the morning and give her and olivia both shampoo's with some tto in them as a preventative measure. I'm not too worried. The kindergarteners have their own door, don't use any sports gear that the other kids do and are generally segregated. Their coats are in their own room as well. Just have to keep on it that's all. Rose suggested I shampoo their heads with denorex but I remember how badly that hurt my head and I'm not going to put the kids through that. Generally with girls if you keep their hair in tight braids that helps a lot as well.

Well I'm going to take a quick nap I think while Phoenix is sleeping.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


I had a crappy childhood. My father was (is?) an alcoholic. I can't even count the number of times that I woke up in the middle of the night with my mother threatening (screaming) that she was leaving him. My dad going for the gun cabinet, handing my mother a pistol and begging her to kill him. My mother throwing good china at my dad's head... My dad came home one night and ran his brand new truck into the front steps because he was drunk, my mother came out and as they fought my father opened his wallet and pulled out about 10 one hundred dollar bills... threw them on the steps and then left. I watched this through my window... Believe it or not? These were the best of times...

We moved to British Columbia, my dad had to find a new job and things went from bad to worse. He became depressed, poor, mean... he was master of the silent treatment. If he was mad at my sister and I he would ignore us for weeks on end. He would grunt if an answer was needed to a question. Often just the slightest infraction from us would send him over the edge. My father is a large man... almost 6 feet and a former boxer, rodeo guy and farrier. My father is a very very strong man and had no problems using violent physical force to "discipline" us. Being thrown up against walls and held by our necks. Being beat on our bare asses. Slapped across the face. Hair being pulled. I was never beat with his belt but my sister was. Numerous times.

Many times I would weep while I heard my sister being beat through the bedroom walls. I would beg and cry for him to stop, for him to leave her alone... he never did. I would ask my mother to make him stop. She never did. She never protected us. She never even tried. I got my last spanking on the bare ass at the age of 15 for having brought home a report card that had a C- on it. I told him then that if he ever tried to spank me again I would report him.

My father has an acid tongue. I recall being called a slut at the age of 11 because I dared wear make-up. Fat cow was a frequent title that was bestowed upon me. We used to have "family meetings" where he would pound the table with his large meaty fists for hours upon hours. Calling us names, asking us questions that we didn't have answers to. I would stare at my hands and rub my right thumb over my left thumb over and over... for hours. I still do this when cornered. I still have a very hard time looking anyone in the eye when I experience confrontation with them.

My parents are drug addicts. They have been for as long as I can remember. Everything for them is all about getting their next hit. Their next toke. When we were poor I can clearly remember my dad handing me two dollars and telling me to buy as many packs of ramen noodles as I could... and saying that this was what was going to feed us as a family for the next week. I came out of the grocery store and excitedly conveyed to him that they were having a sale on "no name" noodles... 6 packs for a dollar! I was able to get 12 whole packs. My sister and I had to share one... one per day... for four days until my mother was able to get an advance from her work and buy some groceries.

When I finally moved out and was on my own I spent all my money on food. All the time. I gained over 100 lbs in two years. I have a much better relationship with food now but my cupboards HAVE to be full. My children will never starve. My children will NEVER eat ramen noodles. My children will eat good, organic, home cooked food. They will never have to wonder where their next meal will come from.

My parents felt particularily flush one day and bought my sister and I both horses. Two horses plus all their tack for $600. I spent one whole glorious summer riding constantly. Her name was Misty. We explored all the surrounding mountains, lakes... rivers. She was my life. They sold her without telling me just before Christmas. They needed the money. They let my sister keep her horse... saying that they knew I would understand. They gave away my cat, my rabbit, my dog.

The years have past. I have children now. I don't want to hit them. I don't want to yell at them. I don't want to neglect them. I struggle daily with how I was raised. I get SO MAD when I read that people think it's ok to beat their kids... "they have to learn right?" They "pop" "smack" "tap"... they hit them. Call it what it is. They do it out of "love"... if my husband hit me out of love he'd be in fucking jail! I cannot condone the violence... I just can't.

Am I a perfect parent? No. Have I fucked up royally and hit my children? Yes. Often? No. I can count the number of times that I have hit my older children on less than two hands. I strive daily to improve my parenting skills and find alternate ways to handle my children... and handle myself.

My parents want us to come for Christmas dinner. I have declined. My mother burst into tears and told me that she cannot lives without her "babies"... I had a hard time not laughing in her face. She does not care about my children. She spends no time with them. She does not play with them, talk to them, show affection for them. She can go for months without seeing them... she lives in the same town! I thought things might change after Kylee (my sisters daughter) and Dawn moved to Alabama but it didn't... we just don't matter. I just don't fucking care anymore. I'm tired of striving for their love and approval... I will never get it. I don't want it.

I'm very glad that I have Rose and Al. They have been my parents essentially since I was 15 years old. They took me in to their home. Fed me. Clothed me. Rose was my mother, phychiatrist, best friend. I spent weeks and weeks at their house just hanging out, being a family... feeling normal. Normal was so fucked for me that I didn't know what it was at first. Then I began to crave it, seek it out. Whenever I am stressed or sad... lonely or freaking out I head back to Roses. I cry at the drop of a hat around her. I feel like I can lose it with my kids around her... I know she'll pick up the pieces. I know she'll love me no matter what.

My best friend has helped me more than she'll ever know. Robyn and I's relationship has evolved over the last five years. She knows more about me than almost anyone. My day does not feel complete until I talk to her. She knows bit and pieces about my past... she struggles with her parenting as I do. We bounce idea's off of one another and cry on eachothers shoulders when things don't go as planned. I feel normal around her. I don't ever have to put up a pretense... I know she understands.

And Jeff. Well he is my rock. My love. My life. He has taught me so much about love and forgiveness. I would not be the person I am today were it not for him.

This post has been brewing for weeks... I know it probably sounds disjointed... my mind works that way ;) Phew... I feel better.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Another long day

But a really really good day with the kids. Phoenix slept like crap last night (what else is new?) and we were all up and about at 9am. I was going to go back to bed but I really wanted to shitkick the kitchen into shape. So Jeff and I washed... cupboards, counters, fridge, stove, sinks, floors... it's a very very clean kitchen and I am a happy Tammy :)

Jeff played with the kids a ton today. Drug them around the house while they hung to his ankles, tickled, scared, threw them around. They soak that time up. Phoenix was less impressed with the noise but a good boobing keeps him happy.

The girls did tons of crafts... watched "Cars" twice *roll eyes* played with playdoh, stamps, coloured, did paper dolls.

We went to the mall today and hit the dollar store so the girls could do their shopping for eachother and jassy, gray, brandon, travis and phoenix. They bought some interesting stuff ;) I tried to gently guide them to appropriate items but in the end it was whatever struck their fancy.

Maddy has school every day this week except friday. They are practicing the christmas concert on tuesday and then preforming it on thursday. I can't wait!!!

Well off to bed. I'm knackered.

Sunday, December 10, 2006


So I'm off to bed.

Quick summary...

Most presents bought. Ballet paid for. All presents wrapped.

I need sleep.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Busy busy busy

Tonight we did grocery shopping and health food shopping. Ave Maria had a 25% off special tonight that I did not know about but since I bought nearly $100 it was nice to get that off! I bought a $22 dollar jar of coconut oil, Aubrey organics shampoo for the girls, Weleda Calendula cream for Phoenix. I also pick up Tahini, the girls vitamins, organic baby oatmeal and some vanilla teething bisquits. They still had their organic ground beef on for buy three get one free. So I got four chubs of that. I then went to Superstore and dropped another load of cash. Dammit why does it cost so much to eat fresh and organic? I won't change it for anything but I'll also never be one of those people that say eating organic is no more expensive. It's more expensive. Trust me.

While at Superstore I picked up a Leappad book for Maddy (on sale for $6!!!) and the kids x-mas outfits. A gorgeous black velvet dress for Maddy with a little fuzzy pink bolero jacket, a burgandy and pink fluttery dress for Liv and a little vest/shirt/tie/pants set for Phoenix. They'll be smashing!

I asked Rose to babysit the kids tomorrow while we do some shopping. She already has the boys though so we'll see. She's supposed to call me in the morning and let me know. I hope she can but I also don't want to feel as if I'm pulling teeth or anything ;) Apparently Al might have something already planned for her to do. We'll see.

I have to run all over town tomorrow for Christmas pressies. Exploration place, PG sewing, Superstore, Wal-mart, Pine centre, Warehouse one... it will be extrordinarily stressful if we have to take the kidlets. It will be bad enough shuffling Phoenix in and out of the car. At least the weather is nice though and so heavy duty clothing is not needed. The girls both have ballet tomorrow too... that reminds me that we have to pay them their fee's.

I've got my lists made. I've checked it twice. I'm ready to rock and or roll.

Friday, December 08, 2006


It's a mish mash post. Mostly thrown up because my darling sister asked me to ;)

Today was a hard day. I've got very little sleep for the last oh well six months or so. I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing children fight and bicker from the very second I wake up to the minute they go to bed. Thank the goddess above for preschool and kindergarten. I would not survive this year I swear.

Phoenix is a fusspot. He is about 10 times fussier than Olivia ever was. He wants to be held constantly (normal of course) and it's hard. He's in the sling at least 4-5 hours a day and my back is feeling it. I love him to death and he's such a little punkin... but he's a fusspot. I have to remember though that one day he won't want to be held and cuddled and snuggled and I should enjoy it whilst I have the chance. I love my little guy. I love my girls. I thank the goddess every day that I have the chance to have them in my lives... but could they just take it a bit easier on me? lol!

Jeff had to work late tonight. He had a meeting with a client (web) and he'll come home with not only a paycheck tomorrow but also another $750 cheque. Nice! He works very hard for our family and I am very grateful and thankful to him.

We had a nice dinner tonight after the girls were in bed. Phoenix sat in his bouncy seat and chewed an apple through his baby safe food teether. I think he mostly ate drool but he got some tastes :) It kept him happy for a bit. Jeff and I ate Boston Pizza takeout and it was tres yummy. Damn it's expensive to order from there! I think it's our first time ever?

Tomorrow Maddy has school and then grocery shopping at night. I want to finish my Christmas shopping this weekend and get that out of the way.

Our yule tree this year. The kids decorated it :)

Our ornaments on the bookshelf.

Olivia and Phoenix while Maddy was at school. Notice that Olivia is in possesion of the family Rudolf. He's currently tucked into bed with her. Phoenix has found his hands and is quite happy with that :)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006



I am soooo tired. Phoenix has slept no more than 15 minutes at a time all day and all night for the last two nights and days. I FINALLY got him to sleep in bed as of about an hour or so ago. I hope he stays down for a while... he needs it.

He thinks that he wants solid food. He does. He watches us eat, opens his mouth, pretends to chew... but his body is clearly not ready for it judging from the fact that he gets crampy and gassy and uber bitchy. He'll just have to grouch about it for a while longer I guess.

My husband loves me. He really does! He told me to go ahead and order a Baby Hawk Mei Tai. I'm stoked! I need something to be able to carry Phoenix around on my back for hours. I've been doing it with the pouch but he's a little too low in it for it to be comfy for my back. I'll keep using the pouch around for poppability (great for just running in somewhere) but if he's going to be it in for a couple of hours I need the MT. I'm uber stoked! (did I mention that?)

I go an order in for Carazoo shoes. Two pairs for Phoenix (skull and crossbones and a tan Teddy bear pair) and a pair for Ella (lavendar with purple butterflys) so cute! I'm waiting for a bill for my Klean Kanteen's as well. I love Christmas shopping on line.

I'm laying down for a bit before I have to make dinner. This day is just freaking dragging...

Monday, December 04, 2006

Stuff and stuff

point form ;)

*we put up the tree and decorated last night... the kids did the tree and did a fantastic job! Good times... good times

*we've had like two feet of snow over the weekend. It... fucking... sucks

*my milk supply is rebounding (thank you fenugreek!) and Phoenix is having tons of nice wet diapers now (yayy!)

*still looking for a pony... supposed to call Jason from Leisure at superstore tomorrow and suck up to him ;)

*got Jeff put on moderated status on freecycle for mentioning that we'd pay for a pony

*Jeff scored a $1500 web contract. Half now and half at the beginning of January. Snow tires here we come!

*yah... we decided not to buy snow tires and then it snowed two feet. We need snow tires

*my mother came and visited today... for a whole hour. Nice. She payed attention to Phoenix... talked to the girls a bit and then left! Spending the evening with Sue before she heads out to work... we're high on the priority scale I tell ya

*off to boob babe and hopefully get him to sleep. He had about 1/8 of a tsp of fresh mashed pear today (if that) and Jeff let him lick a fudgsicle. If you can't tell I really don't care whether he eats solid food or not.

Sunday, December 03, 2006


I need a pony. Desperately. All Madeline wants for x-mas is a "Fur real" Butterscotch pony. They are $300. I could get away with just a large riding pony (but not rocking) BUT I CAN'T FIND ONE ANYWHERE!!! We got Olivia a half sized one and know I'm freaking out because I know Maddy's heart is going to be broken because Olivia got a Pony and she didn't. I just cannot justify a $300 pony though! I can't afford it.

So I've been searching ebay all night (nothing) looked through all the catalouges (nothing) I've even got a post out on freecyle offering to buy one!

Last year they had the full sized ones at superstore and by the time I had the money to buy one they were all gone. I wish they would bring them in again this year. Sigh.

I don't know why this is so important to me... but it is.

Friday, December 01, 2006

CUTEST BABY EVAH and a daddy birthday day!

Daddy and Madeline reading the card that Madeline wrote all by herself! That's daddy on the front wearing long sleeves because it is so cold outside ;)

Daddy and Olivia with the very first card she has ever printed... apparently she does know all her letters and how to write them. Who'd a thunk it?

THE CUTEST HAT EVER!!!!! made this hat and I freaking love it! Apparently so does he ;)

Once again with the cute cat and CUTE BABY in the sling... telling mommy how much he likes the hat (and how much he likes boobs of course.) Hat is now safely wrapped up and ready to be put under the tree.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Broken windows!

Or one broken window at least! SO the fact that the windows were not installed properly lead to 6 inches of thick ice on the INSIDE of the windows which led to one of the windows CRACKING IN HALF this morning. Our bedroom window. Which is already so freaking cold in there because the insulation is crap... so cold that my mattress is now in the living room so Phoenix and I can stay warm.

Yah. Useless fucking contractor strikes again!

Robyn and Gray came to visit today while the pre-k girls were in school. We got both babes to sleep and destressed with a nice quiet chat. It's refressing to see that some one else's babe fights sleep as much as Phoenix does ;) I told her to leave Gray here while she went to pick up the girls and he visited me in the kitchen while I did some dinner prep. He's such a happy go lucky little fellow. I love the way he giggles like a maniac when you catch him doing something he shouldn't ;)

I made pizza for dinner tonight. Sausage, carmalized red onions, garlic and yellow peppers, my homemade sweet and sour bbq sauce, mozza and feta cheese. My homemade whole wheat crust... HEAVEN. Easily the best pizza to date. Sooooooo good. I need to make it for Robyn... she'd love it (minus the feta ;) )

I wrapped all the x-mas pressies that I had already. At least that's done.

I'm up this late because I'm just finishing off baking oatmeal/chocolate chip muffins for Maddy's "teddy bear picnic" at school tomorrow. lol! Yep... I'm one of "those" moms. They didn't ask us to send anything but I thought it would be nice. I also had to make a name tag for her bear and make her lunch. I did this all at around 12:30am. Think I could have started a wee bit earlier?

Well I should head to bed. Morning will come all too soon and I can't really sleep in much past 8 as Maddy and Jeff will be coming through the living room. I think Olivia and I might just have a pj day, lounge on the bed and watch movies.

Mood right now? Content :)

Monday, November 27, 2006


It's been a day.

I had Jassy and Gray for a couple of hours this morning. It went mostly ok. Jassy LOST IT because I asked her if Gray could have peanut butter and honey for lunch (I forgot to ask Robyn what they ate and so had to improvise as I thought they would be back just after 12pm) So she chucked a wobbley. I put her in a time out, then a time out in Olivia's room and then explained priorities... to a three year old... am I insane? I gently tried to tell her that screaming for 20 minutes because I asked her a question probably was not a very good use of her (and mine) time. Especially when having to make lunch, cart around my baby and supervise both hurricane Gray and Olivia. LOL!

This... would be the reason I stopped at three kids. Because four is just insane. I'm just very very thankful that Madeline was in school. She would have been a big help but even one more body might have driven me over the edge.

They stayed to visit until just after four. Then my kids went for quiet times in their rooms so mommy could decompress for a few. Phoenix finally fell asleep while nursing but just as he was starting his slow breathing I had to make pasta. So once again had to put sleeping baby down (for about the fifth nap try of the day) and once again said baby wakes up crying.

He finally went to sleep at around 9:15 and has woken three times in two hours. This could be a very very very long evening.

Kathy is coming over to visit tomorrow and bringing me lunch! I invited Robyn and Gray as well to come visit after they drop off Jassy for pre-K. Not sure if they are coming or not. Jeff phoned to ask her (I was nursing babe) and Mike answered. Kinda got the brush off. So we'll see.

I need to relax for a bit, maybe try to have a bath... and go to bed.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Another sunday

It was a pretty good day. Got to sleep in. Had a great brunch (bacon, eggs, toast and jam) and visited Robyn and the kids for the afternoon. The kids "eventually" had a good time. Jassy was in a mood for the first part. I think Olivia telling her that she was "being mean" and that she didn't want to play with her finally brought her out of her funk... that and they had a snack. Food makes everything better apparently. Especially fruit cups. Manna from heaven ;)

I read the "Night Before Christmas" to the girls for bed. I really need to get a hard copy of it. I'd like to make that a tradition. Maddy got to paint "guys" with daddy today. She got a real kick out of it and I think that jeff did too.

Our new windows suck ass. They were installed the wrong way or something and have like an inch of ice build up on them!!! So we're got All-west glass coming this week to fix them. Guess you get what you pay for... the guy that installed them (remember the useless contractor?) did it for a really good price but took like a fucking month! Now our heating bill is going to go through the room.

Oh and our Star Choice reciever is fried I think. It's not recieving properly... we've got a guy coming out on tuesday and I think he'll probably tell me we need a new one. I'm going to politely explain that they better give us a new one or we'll drop their service.

Robyn is going to pick Maddy up from school for me tomorrow thank goodness. It's way too cold to be taking a baby out in this weather. I really hope they have an "in day" I've got her two kids for the later part of the morning. Then they'll have lunch with us and hang out. I think I'll make some chicken/garlic/brocolli pasta for dinner. Maybe some foccacia as well.

Tuesday Kathy and Julian are coming for lunch (well they are bringing the lunch with them) and then Thursday Jean, Elisabeth and Alex are coming for lunch and to watch "Cars" with us.

It's going to be a busy week. Friday is Jeff's birthday so I'll bake him a cake and have people over for cake and ice cream. I should pick up some more coke and ... ice cream. Lol!

Trying to figure out what to get him. Think think think.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Please stop me...


The girls each have 7 x-mas pressies and one more planned! It's all within my budget of $150 per kid but really! Enough already! The problem is that once I get to the store and I see all of these things that I know the girls will just love than I have to buy them. I have issues. I know.

I bought Olivia a gorgeous Barbie ballerina dress, Madeline her CD player and a Bella Dancerella "Swan Lake" kit and Phoenix an adorable soft "My first Eeyore." I still need to get Olivia's Littlest Pet Shop ($50) and Madeline's 12 Dancing Princesses with Genevieve Horse and Carriage ($50). I need to buy Phoenix some Robeez, a book and some Jammies. If I do end up having the money I really want to buy him that Discovery Dome. I probably will. Then do their stockings (dollar store) and they are done!

Next payday is everyone else on my list. The payday after that (the 22nd of December) Jeff and I finally get to buy for one another. Oh how I wish I had endless money... or the credit to pretend I had endless money ;) At least with no real credit cards (well I have a $200 one but that's it) we can't get into any trouble. Everything we buy is with our own money and not borrowed.

Phoenix is sleeping (since 9:30) and I think I'll head to bed. Liv, Phoenix and I will go over to Robyn's tomorrow to hang for a bit, Maddy and Daddy are going to do some painting (model guys.) It should all be fun.

I wonder where my sister is, I think I'll call her. Okay.. called. No answer. I wonder if she's in jail? She's been denied citizenship to the usa and she's due to be deported... well any time now. I have not heard from her in days so maybe? I dunno. Dawn if you are reading this CALL ME YOU COW. (sisterly love)

Well Jeff's geeking out and my oh so warm bed is calling me.

Tired... but a new day :)

Phoenix slept like absolute crap last night... seeming to have tummy issues. So today I change a poopy diaper and it's green and chunky... wtf? Then I remember... when I was on antibiotics after he was born for my uterine infection his poop got green and chunky... the SAME ANTIBIOTIC. So psa... Keflex produces green and chunky poo in breastfed babies. It also gives them tummy aches.

Mystery solved.

I've only got 5 days of the stuff so hopefully he'll be better soon after that.

Today was parent observation day at ballet. So Phoenix and I watched Olivia for an hour and then Madeline for an hour. Both girls are doing wonderfully, were perfect listeners and both got comments and praise from both Tina (their teacher) and other parents on how they are naturals. That's my girls!

Jeff's at a meeting with a new web client. It's about a $1500 or so job so that would be nice at this time of year. The client is a pain in the ass to deal with (wants something specific, but won't tell him what... lol) but jeff has had dealings with him for almost 5 years. He usually turns to jeff whenver he has a new project to do.

The girls are watching cars. again. for the like 5th time. Thankfully I like the movie ;)

Jeff let me sleep in the morning. He took the babe at around 9:20 and let me sleep till 10:45. Heaven! Asleep ALONE in my bed! Only the second time that has happened in 6 months :)

Oh and fiend is 18.5 lbs now :)

Friday, November 24, 2006

have I mentioned?

how freaking tired I am?

We finally got to bed at 6... AM. He slept for about 2.5 hours until 8:30 and then nursed. Then back to sleep till about 10:30. So all told I got about 2.5 hours of sleep. Total. Broken up. I am so tired.

I wanted to have robyn and the kids over today but I'm way to out of it. I can barely plunk my eyes open.

The house is tidied. I need to put the whites in the dryer and vacuum but other than that I am good.

I think we'll take the kids to see Santa at the mall tonight and then get my grocery shopping done.

still awake

After my last post he woke up within 5 minutes. It's now four thirty in the morning. He's awake. He's alternately screamed and dozed for four and a half hours. He has a 101 fever, he's hot and bitchy.

I am so tired. I have not slept (obviously).

He finally ate (went for five hours without nursing even when offered.... you so know somethings really wrong with this boy) and now he's laying on the floor beside me chewing on a dinosaur tail.

I am soooooooooooooooo tired.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

G double rr

My son. Listen up. When you are grouchy all day, don't want to nap, drooling all over the place and bitch for like two hours before bed this probably means that YOU ARE TIRED. You need sleep. So when mommy spends a half hour nursing you, gently sets you down in the family bed and expects a night to herself... do not wake up 1.5 hours after this yelling and screaming and refuse to go back to sleep after being nursed. It turns gentle mama into a mama that picks you up, gives you to daddy and takes a breather.

Thankfully after nursing again for another twenty minutes (about 15 minutes after I had just nursed his for 20 minutes in bed to try to get him back to sleep) he is in bed. I hope he's asleep. I don't hear anything... I'm not checking though. Just in case.

Parden me while my head explodes....


With that out of the way...

why why why do I even bother with storknet. WHY! I should stick to mothering. I really should.

I had my tooth that had a partial rootcanal/then broke/then got infected worked on today. He cleaned it out, drilled, released some of the absess, drilled, filed, cleaned, steralized, drilled, poked, filed (you get the point.) It's now smooth at least and has a temp filling. It will need a crown when the root canal is finished. I walked into there asking him to just pull the damn tooth but he convinced me otherwise. He's also referring me to a surgeon to get my bottom two wisdom teeth pulled out. The one is cracked and the other is decaying. Blerg.

Mother goose was pretty good last night. We had six families (not suprising considering the roads) and then I went to Robyn to pick up jassy. We had a wee visit and then came home. I fed the babe, had a hot bath and then went to bed. Jeff actually got Phoenix to sleep and that was a huge suprise and very nice.

Maddy had a playdate with a school friend yesterday. I had to listen to the mother go on for at least 45 minutes on why she didn't breastfeed. How come the second people find out I am a LLL leader they need to justify themselves to me? You know what? I DON'T FUCKING CARE why you didn't breastfeed. I just don't care. I help mama's that DO breastfeed or want to breastfeed or are sad about not breastfeeding. If you didn't and you are happy with that then don't try to justify it to me. Cause I don't care. Period. It's your life. You have to live with your decisions. What I think is not going to make a difference one way or another.


So this mom and I don't have a lot in common. The volume level of their house was insane... no one talks they all YELL... ALL THE TIME... annoying. The three year old just babbles and does not say one recognizable word... yet she's about 6 inches taller and 10 lbs heavier than Olivia! We were only there for about 45 minutes and 15 of them were spent taking off all the snow gear and putting on all the snow gear in their teeny tiny little foyer. Then the kids and I had to trek back home in -12 and snowings and non plowed roads.

My house is messy. I've slipped on flylady. While the baby is sleeping I'm going to have a nap and tackle it later.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Vintage pictures :)

Grammie trying out the sling :) This is back in august in Sechelt with her and Phoenix
Olivia at around 6 months. I LOVE HER HAIR!
Miss Madeline at 1.5 years. Notice the lady like position ;)
My all time favourite picture of Olivia. I have no idea what she was so upset about but that lip just slays me ;)
My all time favourite picture of Madeline. I think she was around 2 when this picture was taken (or 2.5?) and yes those curls are real :)

Monday, November 20, 2006


Maddy had a much better day today. She was polite, respectful, could actually sit down for two seconds and I LOVED being around her. What a difference come down off the artificial dyes and sweeteners can do. My poor babe.

Olivia, phoenix and I slept until 10:30 this morning. Rather, Liv and I slept, Phoenix talked, kicked, played, grabbed me and tried to get me to wake up. I was rather sleepy as I had went to bed around 2am. He nursed about 6 times between 2am and 6am and then WAS UP FOR THE DAY. I'm tired.

We had a slow morning. Olivia actually ate a bowl of "mommy oatmeal" (real oatmeal as opposed to instant crap) and liked it! We played, watched some tv, olivia coloured and then we ate lunch. Jeff dropped us off at Maddy's school at 2:10 and we waited for Maddy to be finished. We walked home, had a snack, played... you get the idea.

Tonight we ordered supper from Domino's pizza as they were having a "dough raising" fundraiser to raise money for a new playground for Maddy's school. It was yummy. Our pizza had feta on it... mmmm... I LOVE feta.

After dinner we had a "family night movie" which we had planned for last night but the power going out kinda put that on hold. We bought the widescreen version of Cars (we had already seen it at the drive in and loved it!) so we stacked blankets and pillows on the floor, got some strawberry banana frozen yoguart and crashed. Maddy actually FELL ASLEEP about 20 minutes before the end (she usually does that when's she's coming down off of a reaction) and Jeff carried her to bed. Phoenix was fussy and drooly requiring teething tablets and multiple nursings. He's now (finally) in bed.

Jeff just cleaned the kitchen, mopped the floor and is now geekin out with his warhammer.

I balanced the budget today, finished my shopping lists and did my flylady stuff. Tomorrow is a 27 fling boogie for the bedroom.

I'm afraid that Phoenix is not getting his discovery dome for Christmas... having to buy a car seat kind of put a wrench in things. I don't want to take away from anyone else's pressies so we'll cut back at home. Hey! At least he'll be safe.

I'm excited about one of his gifts :) is making him a white and blue knit bunny ear hat! I can't wait to see it.

Oh and we got a package in the mail today from one of Jeff's cousins Sarah and her hubby Brad. They sent a gorgeous outfit for Phoenix... Old Navy light blue overalls and a cream coloured waffle wear long sleeved onesie. Stripedy long sleeved old navy shirts for the girls and playdoh as well! That was a very nice suprise :)

Well I'm off to have a nice, long bath. Cross fingers the fiend does not need to be boobed.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The car seat hath been purchased

We went today and checked out the Radian seat at Canadian tire and looked for the Evenflo Tribute at Wal*mart. Wally does not CARRY the evenflo tribute. That's handy. They did however carry the Evenflo Titan 5 with comfort touch memory foam... ohhhh... ahhhhh.... soft ;)

So the Radian seat is...nice. If you wish to have your child sit basically on metal covered with not very comfy foam padding. It had no head support for a smaller baby, no wings to help protect the head in a crash and I think that sucker weighed like 50 lbs! Yah. No. I don't care if it does go up to 48 lbs.

We went back to wally and got the Titan 5. Highly rated in crash testing (right up there with the Britax seats) no bells and whistles but hey... it's a CAR SEAT not a moving restaurant. It's black and grey so it goes with the interior of our car ;) and we got it mega tightly installed with the latch system in the van. We put Phoenix in it and he SMILED! He hates his car seat so this is big. It's rear facing to 30 lbs and that makes me happy :) Oh and it was only $120! Bonus!

I visited my grandmother today and it was very sad to see how far downhill she has gone :(

We lost power for 6 hours today/tonight. We ended up at my other mothers so the kids could bath and get ready for school tomorrow. She gave me a big bag of hair stuff that will be great for the girls! She also has two super cute fake suede and furry vests for the girls that were given to her. Pink and Purple :) Oh and another really nice winter jacket for Maddy. Hey! I'm not to proud to accept handouts!

Well off to have a bath. All the kids are in bed and it's sooo quiet.

Google till ya puke

Or in other words... the great car seat debate is on.

Phoenix needs a new seat. He's not quite at the weight limit for his graco seat (20lbs) but He's definately coming close to the height limit. So I've searched and searched and searched.

I think *think* we've chosen the Sunshine Kids Radian 65 that you can get at Canadian Tire. It's one of only two seats in canada that do a five point harness up to 48 lbs. This is a very important feature to us as it's imperative to keep kids in a harness for as long as possible. I'm uber uber pissed that seats up to 65lbs don't exsist in Canada but do in the states. I'd totally switch Maddy back to a harnessed seat if I could.

So the Radian it is. The other contenders were the Safety first Intera and the Evenflo Triumph 5. Both good seats. Both highly rated. Both only good up to 40 lbs. Doh! The Radian is $199 canadian so it's not too bad. Dammit I REALLY WISH I had not given away my Fisher Price Safe Embrace which apparently is good to 33 lbs rear facing. At least it has a good home. I was hoping that the new Fisher Price seat (the safe voyage) that is made by Britax would make it into canada (rear facing till 33 lbs and forward till 65!) but alas... not so much yet.

I've been searching for 2.5 hours. I'm tired.

Phoenix was up until after midnight tonight. I kept trying to convince him to sleep but it was not to be. Finally jeff slung him and then patted him to sleep. He better sleep well tonight!

I got more yule shopping done today. Bought Kylee two books and a poster/marker set. Picked up some more stuff for the girls... so far

princess light up tracing desk
Champion horse set
baby car seat
princess ballet slippers
12 dancing princess sticker book

playdoh activity mat
fur real panther cub
baby car seat
princess ballet slippers
Horse (stand up with bridle, saddle to ride)
Dora book

twirly popper do dad thingy
chunky soft car
white and blue bunny hat


It's almost 2:30am. Time for bed.

Saturday, November 18, 2006


I like my sister in law. I really do! She just had a baby and she swore she wouldn't co-sleep, cloth diapers were a no go, she'd "try" to breastfeed... I just talked to her for 1 1/2 hours tonight and she told me what an inspiration I am to her in parenting. How she's so proud that she's breastfeeding and what a help I have been. How she never would have tried cloth diapering if it were not for me and how much she LOVES sleeping with her babe and that she only thought about it after seeing how happy my babes were sleeping by my side.

I LIKE my sister in law! I have a new friend. I am so very proud of her for following her instincts and doing what feels right for her and her babe.

Speaking of friends... apparently my best friend left town to quesnel. Said best friend didn't tell me she was leaving town. Hey... best friend? I worry about you! Let me know when you are taking off so I don't think the worst! Or at least then I'll know where to stalk you ;) I mean find you ;) lol! Love ya girl.

My house is still very clean. The computer desk is downstairs and it's sooo nice. So much more decluttered. So tidy looking. I love it! Laundry still caught up. Heaven :)

Girls have ballet tomorrow. I should have got their stuff ready tonight but I was not on the ball. Oh well.

Oh and I got the strangest phone call today. A woman from my pagan group called me out of the blue. Says "you have to do me a big favour" (ummm no... I don't have to do anything) she wants me to watch all three of her kids this weekend! Apparently her eldest has brought some allegations against them (he's 9 and adopted... major issues) and social services said all three kids had to go for the weekend. I lied (I know I know) and said we all had the flu. I cannot look after those kids. The two year old would be fine and the older kids are psycho. There is no way that I can deal with a 7 and 9 year old that still pee in their pants and are so incredibly hyper/rude/spaced out for AN ENTIRE WEEKEND!

So I said no. I can't watch three kids day and night for three days on top of my three kids.

I should not have lied but it was a gut reaction. Dammit... this is probably really bad for my karma.

Should go to bed... so sleepy.

Friday, November 17, 2006

flylady... among other things...

flylady is going great! 5 days in and my laundry is always caught up, my sinks never looked better, my toilet smells great and the decluttering is going famously! I've already this week:
cleaned toilet
cleaned out girls clothes and closets
got caught up and stayed caught up on laundry
cleaned all my utensil drawers
cleaned out my "junk" drawer and cabinet
cleaned out and decluttered my bookshelf and kids craft cupboard
cleaned off the cupboard and basket in the kitched
decluttered the living room
got jeff to move the desk downstairs and cleaned the aftermath of that

nap times and after bed times are my cleaning times. Once the whole house is decluttered (hall closet, my closet, junk cupboard and rec room are all that's left to do) I'll feel so much relief. I'm being ruthless in my throwing/giving away of items.

On to other things...
Maddy's got show and tell at school tomorrow. We washed "piggie" tonight and he'll be clean and ready to go for the morning. I made her pb and j for lunch but cut it into various shapes; an apple, star and two baby hearts. She'll like that. Yoguart, raisens, snap peas and rice milk to round it out.

Olivia had a good day at preschool today. Jassy was there so I am assuming the family is no longer sick. I hope not for their sakes.

Jeff's watching Robocop (blerg) and I'm off to bed. Long day and I'm giving myself a break tomorrow (as per flylady's request)

My sink is shined and I'm ready to go :)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A picture post

I love the suprised look on his face... and his fatness!

She wrestled a bed... the bed won. Result? Broken nose and black eye!

Yah yah... should not be used on a raised surface. But how do you ever expect me to actually cook!

Organic snugglebugs :)

Good morning baby fiend!

Monday, November 13, 2006

Sunday, November 12, 2006

what a day...

I'll save all the boring stuff... highlights of the day include:

-jeff's vasectomy incision (yes it's been over three weeks) exploded soaking through his underwear and pants. He's got an absess apparently (yah... no shit) and is now in IV antibiotics. Can this be over yet alfuckingready?

-maddy tripped, fell and smashed her nose on a bed frame at grandma's. Result? Bleeding nose, swollen and purple nose, at least one black eye.

-fight between jeff and I because I am so overwhelmed at the CLUTTER and MESS of this house.

Leading me to...

I joined flylady again. I started tonight but making sure the kitchen was clean and shining my sink. Tomorrow I'll get caught up on my laundry and do some tidying. I'm not going to kill myself. BABY STEPS. Then I'm going to work on getting the kids to sort their laundry as they put it away and I may purge their closets of clothes that they never wear. That will cut down on the clutter. So each night I'll shine my sink, choose my clothes for tomorrow, wipe the bathroom sink and put out my hotspots. I can do that.

It was nice to be at al and roses tonight. I felt welcomed and happy.

I went shopping today and bought Phoenix some clothes. All Carter's brand... all coordinating ;) Two pairs of soft cotton pants in blues and stripes, four long sleeved onesies, two pairs of jammies. Oh. So. Cute.

I'm going to bed now. Jassy was throwing up and having the runs today. I'm praying my kids and us don't get ill.

Friday, November 10, 2006


My sister (hey dawn!) keeps bugging me to post recipes... so I shall :)

Sweet and sour chicken:

In your crockpot put as many frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts as you wish... I usually use two or three for us four
cracked black pepper
sea salt
garlic (three or so cloves) sliced
one large red onion sliced
one cup of sliced peppers (red, orange, green...)

about one cup of ketchup
about one cup of good dark brown sugar
one tablespoon of white vinager

Mix the sauce and put it on top of the chicken and veggies mixture

Cook on low for 7 hours or high for 4. About 4 hours through the low cooking time I'll take out the chicken and dice it and then add it back it. Cook up some rice or noodle and you have a meal!

Chicken brocolli pasta

Three cubed boneless skinless breasts in the crockpot
top with cracked black pepper and sea salt
chop up a red onion, three cloves of garlic or so
add about 1 cup or 1.5 cups of good quality extra virgin olive oil

Let cook for about 7 hours in low or 4 hours on high

When almost done cook up some pasta (I like rotini) whole wheat is best
cook some brocolli florets (I just use fresh frozen)
toss the whole mess together... viola! Melt in your mouth chicken.

There ya go dawn ;) My pizza crust, foccacia and hummus will have to wait till tomorrow.

Friday friday friday

It's almost 11pm and the baby fiend is in bed. The girls are sleeping. Jeff is painting... it's very very quiet. I like it.

Today was busy but good. We got grocery shopping done, bought the girls new vitamens "Progressive" with no food dyes. You have no idea how hard it is to find vitamens and vit C without food dye! Jeff got gas for the van, paid preschool, mailed Heather's package (finally!!!) It was productive... expensive but productive.

I bought some christmas pressies for the girls. Both are getting a little car seat/carrier for their "babies" Princess of course. Each a pair of "12 dancing princess" ballet shoes. A light up Princess tracing desk for Maddy and a Playdoh activity mat set for Liv. It's a start.

The girls got some new clothes yesterday too :) Olivia 3 pairs of boot cut stretchy/fleece pants and two shirts and Maddy a pair of black boot cut stretchy pants and two new shirts. Olivia is in desperate need of clothes to fit her teeny tiny body. Both girls could do with some ass at least to keep their pants up ;)

Phoenix was pretty fussy today. He's teething I'm pretty sure. Just grouchyish... crampyish sorta.

I got a very nice phone call from Rose offering for the girls to come over to her house tomorrow afternoon so I can go see jeff at his tourney :) And then an invite to dinner! All of a sudden I feel less gloomy :) They love me, they really love me. Lol. I am seriously way to old to feel this insecure about myself.

I downloaded the 90210 10 year reunion show tonight and watched it whilst nursing babe to sleep. It was good :) I really need the first season... oh jefffffff?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

What's that I hear?

Oh! It's the sound of no fighting... cause Maddy's out roller skating with her bff and Olivia is at Preschool! Yayyyy!!!!

We got a package in the mail from Grammie and Grandpa today. They mailed a bunch of Jeff's old baby sweaters, a hat, a shirt... the sweater Jeff wore when he was three fits Olivia nicely (it's cream with wood buttons, hand knit) and Maddy is wearing his old knit rainbow hat. SO CUTE I COULD SCREAM! Phoenix fits into BOTH baby sweaters :) And yes I'll make him wear them ;)

The sent Maddy a glitter sticker book, Olivia a "grey mouse" book and Phoenix a Lamaze cloth baby book that he is loving on right now.

Well off to bliss out and hopefully nap in front of the tv while nursing my babe in this oh so quiet house :)

My day just got way better with this show of love :)

as suspected...

This weekend is a no go for me to visit with Jeff at the tourney. Well actually Rose called this morning and said that al agreed they could babysit for half the day. That does not really work for me or jeff. That would mean that he would have to leave half way through and drive us home. Uh... no. I told her I'm not panicked about it. I had already made up my mind to just forget about it regardless of if they said the kids could come over or not.

I try *try* not to get my feelings hurt over things like this. I try... because in the same breath as "it's too much for al for the girls to come over" I hear "but jasmyn and grayson are coming over one night this week." Are my kids really that bad? Are they really *that* high needs and stressful? Am I putting way too much thought and time into trying to figure out a reason? ;) edited to add that I don't begrudge jassy and gray AT ALL for being with their grandparents. This has nothing to do with them. It's just MY feelings so no offense should be taken... I hope.

I want to go over and visit and hang out there. I want to feel like part of the family... but even though my girls have not been at their house for about a month (before sunday) it seems we have worn out our welcome. I remember when we were always invited over and told to come and visit... not so much anymore. I guess those are the perils of having a large and noisy family. Well I will not ask my daughters to change who they are no more than I would ask a dog not to bark. Brandon and Travis practically live there and I know that must be tiring...

Having thoughts like these always take me right back to wanting to move to Sechelt. Where since there are only Janet and Jeff and only 4 grandkids between both of them there is more than enough time and energy for all. Larry is getting better with the kids too which is very nice. When we were down visiting in august he let the girls pick potato's with him, water his vines, chatting and hung out with them. I could really tell the girls were tickled about that :) I think he just does not know what to "do" with babies... it's a guy thing I think.

My parents are out at camp till the 21st. Not that that matters at all. They have zero to no interest in the kids and my mom basically ignores the girls once she's greeted them and told them to go play. Phoenix is still paid attention to but then again... he's the baby. Once he's up and running he'll be become redundant as well. Apparently we're supposed to go there for Christmas dinner. Do I have to?

We're invited over to Al and Rose's for Christmas brunch and present opening. It will be busy. I really wonder if Al *wants* us to be there or just puts up with us because Rose wants us there (I'm assuming she actually wants us there or she would not ask.)

I'm feeling vulnerable. And not liked. And not wanted or needed. Blah. Bah humbug.

It's been a long day

-Phoenix was up about every 45 minutes last night nursing
-I got up before I got very much sleep at about 9:30 am
-I had a bath with both small kids (one at a time)
-Jeff left for work... an afternoon/night shift
-Olivia and I hung out
-We bundled up and picked Maddy up from school (to find out that someone in her class was barfing today)
-got her picture proofs back (soooo cute)
-got ready to go to rose and al's
-had dinner there
-went to mother goose and led a session
-back to rose and al's... hung out there till 10pm
-came home and put girls to bed
-nursed Phoenix to sleep only to have him wake up screaming not 45 minutes later...
-rocked Phoenix BACK to sleep again
-wrote in my blog... 1:02 am

I'm tired. It's been a very long day. Not sure if rose is going to babysit the girls on sunday... she's had the boys all week and then will have Robyn's kids on friday I guess. Meh. Whatever. I really wanted to hang with Jeff on sunday at the tourney but it's probably too much for Al's nerves to have my kids there for an entire day. I love my kids to death... but I can really see how others might not be able to handle their high needsness (read brattyness) lol!

Off to bed in a bit. Maddy's going to hang with Jean and Elisabeth tomorrow and go roller skating. Liv has preschool and I'll have the house allll to myself. I really should clean. I should. I'll probably nap though ;)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My husband...

wrote me a poem yesterday.. it made me cry :)

my best friend
in this sphere of
is a woman
i know
she listens and
has interesting things
to say
she is an amazing
the most amazing
i know
she understands me
and wants me
to do my best
as a man, as a husband
as a father
this woman i know
she’s my
and she’s my
best friend


I am so very lucky to have him in my life, sharing my life, raising our kids. How on earth did I get so lucky?


Well apparently Maddy's food dye allergies extend to cosmetics with dyes. We (the great pumpkin) got her a pink and purple disney princess make up set. She's been acting slightly loopy. Guess that's the end of that! She's not too bad... just slightly insane.

Robyn and the kids were over today and broke bread with us at mealtime. I made a very yummy chicken pasta dish. I cooked four breasts (boneless skinless) in the crockpot with a red onion sliced, three cloves of diced garlic, tons of olive oil (extra virgin from greece) fresh organic cracked pepper and chunky sea salt. I cooked some frozen brocolli, a bag of rotini pasta and tossed. Sooooo good. The chicken was melt in your mouth soft. My kids both ate like three bowls! I also made a pan of foccacia (whole wheat) topped with sea salt and paprika. Yum.

I chatted with my mother tonight. My grandmother clark has had two more mini strokes and they don't figure she has much time left. I know she wants to leave this earth... I hope it's peaceful and in her sleep :( I'll go visit her and bring her chocolate on friday. Apparently she's craving chocolate.

Both my boys are passed out in the rocking chair. Phoenix was fussing while I was on the phone and he passed out in Jeff's arms. Nice! House is on in 20 minutes so I'll wake Jeff then ;)

Tomorrow is a school day for Madeline. What to pack for lunch? Maybe pb and honey again and an apple fruit cup for snack. She needs her milk to go along with it... "no juice mommy... I prefer rice milk" Okay...

Oh... Phoenix is stirring... better boob the babe.

tuesday... continued

Jeff's out and about at a friend of his to get some army stuff. Phoenix went to sleep and was in bed by 9:30! He must be growing. With the amount he's been eating lately it's about time he has the sleeping part of the growth spurt.

House was interesting tonight. I won't spoil it ;)

Maddy's lunch is made. Organic pb and rasberry jam on whole wheat. Organic raisens and carrot/celery sticks round out the lunch portion. Apple mango unsweetened fruit cup for snack. I have to make sure to pack her a QUICK snack as they only get five minutes to eat it. 5 minutes! And they are not allowed to take it outside if they don't finish it. Madeline often comes home without having eaten all her food and just starving. I'm not so into that I have to say.

I should clean the kitchen... but I'm not.
I should do some laundry... (see above)
I could do some reading of actual paper books... nah.

I think I'll surf and drink pineapple juice.

Monday, November 06, 2006


A post of mine COMPLETELY dissapeared. It was titled "patience" it was here the other day... and now it's gone. WTF? That really pisses me off.

So Jeff went to the er and his specialist today. Apparently he has some strange infection of some soft tissue area of the scrotum. It is getting better but it only happens in 1 out of 300 vasectomys. And it had to happen to him. Nice. So he'll be in pain for a bit longer unfortunately.

I got the kitchen totally cleaned today. That was nice. I really need to clean out the fridge and my junk cupboard. If I have time (and the baby permits) I might get it done tomorrow. Jeff is at work till 9pm tonight to make up his missed time. I'll get the kids into bed around 7:30 and then relax.

Phoenix is sleeping right now (finally) and the girls are watching treehouse. They had a very exciting dinner of PC mini chefs mac and cheese (yes I know it's refined white flour. I have decided not to care that they eat it once every two weeks or so) and red anjou pears (so good!) I made some egg salad and I'll have a sandwich once the bread comes out of the bread machine. Jeff took some soup and fruit for his dinner.

I got homework from Maddy's school today... lol! Jeff and I both have to fill out stars stating why we find our daughter amazing. I'm compiling a list in my head :) I also got her progress report. Almost all "all of the times" and only three "some of the times" No "none of the time" so that is nice to read.

She got invited to her first every birthday party from a school mate. I'm not sure we'll go. It's this weekend when Jeff has his tournament and I'd like to go watch him. Rose was going to babysit the girls for the day for us. Besides it's a girl I don't know, with parent's I don't know, at a roller skating rink that we have to pay for and she does not even know how to skate! We'll catch the next one maybe :)

Oh Ms. Spider is on... that should keep them amused for the next half hour ;) Bedtime is only 1.5 hours away... heaven ;)

Just another day in paradise

Phoenix seems to have recovered from whatever was ailing him. He's back to his happy chipper chubby little self :) Still going to bed at around 10pm. Oh so nice.

Maddy and Olivia had a pretty good day yesterday and today. We had a tea party and that norty lion aslan kept stealing our fridge ;)

We did some shopping this afternoon, went to the library for books and then picked up some take and bake pizza's for dinner. I didn't feel like cooking. Last night I made some organic beef meatballs, homefries with lots of garlic and olive oil and corn. It was very yummy and got rave reviews from the kids and jeff. I like meals like that.

My husband just took two T3's for his irritated balls. TWO FREAKING WEEKS and this infection from his vasectomy is still kicking his ass. He's got an appointment with the specialist on tuesday and maybe he can get some answers. He's still in quite a bit of pain. I just informed him that he had better get his teeth brushed and get ready for bed because once the drugs kick in he won't be moving for a bit. Gotta love codiene. I have hard core dental pain and even with that I only ever take one at a time!!!

We went over to al and rose's for a visit tonight. It was very very nice to just kick back and relax. Rose snuggled the baby, al snuggled the baby, the girls watched a movie and played. No fits, no fights, no struggles... no noise! We are rarely over there without the whole rest of the family so it was nice for the girls to get some one on one attention. Rose is watching the girls on wednesday night along with Jassy and Robyn and I will head to mother goose together.

Well I'm tired. I cleaned out the craft cupboard tonight (that was a huge job) and purged a giant bag full of colouring books and just papers and stuff. Looks nice now.

Oh and Olivia can write her name now :) So cute.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Snow... and lots of it

Well about 2-3 inches. Just enough to let us know that yes... we do have to buy new tires for the van. Fuck.

Last year in November we shelled out over $400 for new tires for the Malibu and then sold the damn car three months later. Only to buy the van which now needs new tires. I love having a vehicle... just hate paying for the maintenance on it.

Phoenix (knock on wood) has had no screaming fits today. In disposables and me with no chocolate in my system. It's working for me.

The girls are driving me insane today. I think the hallowe'en candy is going bye bye tonight. They are hyper, loud, squirrly... you know. Kids. lol. We hit the mall for a bit today and checked out some new stores. Dropped off the Ruby and Diamond ring that my mom gave me to be sized. They have to take it up one whole size so that might get expensive. They are going to mail me with a quote first.

I'm conflicted over Maddy's second big present for Santa day. We're getting her a CD player and burning her some cd's but what for the second one? She wants a Leapster game system, The 12 dancing princesses carriage and Genevieve, a doll stroller etc... I'm thinking maybe the doll stroller as she already has a leappad and a cinderella carriage with horse. Olivia is getting a ride on pony and an aquadoodle. I'm kinda fuzzy on what else to do for them. I'll probably just hit hellmart and go from there. Oh that reminds me... probably more crafty type stuff and viewmasters. I think they'll like those.

I saw the Playskool Discovery Dome today in Zellers. Phoenix is getting that. Some board books... some clothes and Eeyore Robeez. He's easy ;)

Well dinner is almost done. I did sweet and sour chicken breast with garlic, peppers and rice in the slow cooker. Add some veggies and we're good to go! Smells soooo good.

I just don't get it!!!

Why on earth won't my children eat regular, old fashioned, GOOD FOR YOU oatmeal!!! I'm reading Robyn's Nourishing Traditions book and it reccommends soaking your oatmeal overnight with water and yoghurt to release the good things in the grains. So I soaked. I made it up with morning and added cane syrup and rice milk. It was very yummy. It took them ONE WHOLE HOUR to eat it. They are driving me nuts.

I caved and got jeff to go buy a pack of disposable diapers last night. Pampers "caterpillar flex" To move with your baby right? Yah... first diaper he poops right up the back all over my shirt, my pants and the couch. Nice. Sigh. Daddy gave him a bath right after. Funny thing though... Phoenix was pretty fussy all day, two screaming fits after dinner... as soon as we put a disposable on him though he stopped screaming, layed on the floor for AN HOUR talking and chatting, nursed well, had a bath, nursed again and then went to bed at 10 and only woke up twice in 12 hours to nurse. NO SCREAMING AT ALL. Curious.

Well I heard daddy and phoenix chatting in the bedroom so I should go boob the boy (the small boy... not the large boy...)

Oh and I had sex this morning. YAYYY! First time in about a month!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Oh dear... what can the matter be...

Oh dear what can the matter be?

I think *think* the baby fiend may have issues with me having chocolate. Well at least chocolate consumed in the mass quantities that I have been eating. He's also still a week bit snotty, gassy, crampy... He's been fighting nursing as well so that also leads me to believe that it's a gas issue.

He likes to scream. Lots. He's had four screaming fits today all lasting between 15 minutes and 45 mintues. He's completely inconsolable at that point. He's always has had problems going to sleep without yelling but now it's umpteen times a day. I'm drained. I finally got him to go to sleep IN MY BED and not on me so I could recharge a wee bit. Last night I nursed him down at around 11:30 and then fell asleep beside him. I didn't mean to... but I did. He only woke up once last night. I think he was tired from all the screaming.

I also think he hates cloth diapers. I've diapered two girls in cloth for a cummulative 5 1/2 years. I picked up a pack of disposables last month to use because I just could not keep caught up on my laundry. Now that I am trying to switch back (well switched back... there are no more disposables in the house) I am finding that he HATES to be wet. The second he pee's he screams. He pee's around every 20 minutes or so. I am exhausted just trying to keep up with it. I am seriously considering selling the cloth (or keeping it for backup) and switching to full time disposables. I dunno... the guilt factor for his health and the environment might not let me though.

Liv's home from school in another 10 minutes and then my quiet will end. I think I'll put on "over the hedge" and let them veg out in front of the tv. I put a organic beef stew in the crockpot this morning and jeff put up a loaf of bread so dinner is made... thank goodness.

I need a housecleaner... and a cook... and a nanny... lol.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

My current favourite song :)

I've listened to it about 200 times since getting it a couple of days ago :) The kids love it and it seems to calm Phoenix down during his fussy times and really? Who doesn't like Pooh!

Return to Pooh Corner

"Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood

So help me if you can
I've got to get back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

Winnie the Pooh doesn't know what to do
Got a honey jar stuck on his nose
He came to me asking help and advice
From here no one knows where he goes
So I sent him to ask of the Owl if he's there
How to loosen a jar from the nose of a bear

Help me if you can
I've got to get back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
You'd be surprised
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh

It's hard to explain how a few precious things
Seem to follow throughout all our lives
After all's said and done I was watching my son
Sleeping there with my bear by his side
So I tucked him in, I kissed him and as I was going
I swear that the old bear whispered "Boy welcome home"

Believe me if you can
I've finally come back
To the House at Pooh Corner by one
What do you know
There's so much to be done
Count all the bees in the hive
Chase all the clouds from the sky
Back to the days of Christopher Robin
Back to the ways of Christopher Robin
Back to the days of Pooh"

I'm back at the House of Pooh... and there is no where else I'd rather be :)


Three year olds. They are evil incarnate. I swear that Jasmyn and Olivia have been stolen by aliens and replaced with tasmanian devils. Ones that hate their parents. Between the two of them there was repeated screaming in this house today over the most menial stuff. Jasmyn didn't want to paint or decorate a goblin, Olivia was not getting a turn to speak, Jasmyn pee'ed on the toilet seat, Olivia didn't want to stop riding on her truck, Uncle Jeff put soap on Jasymn's hands after she had already washed them...

Devils I tell ya. Devils.

Aforementioned three year old just got up to go pee and complained that Eyore was missing... she's now tucked back into bed and there she better stay. I hear the aliens are out in full force tonight.

Phoenix (knock on wood) went to bed at 10:00pm again tonight. Woke at 11 for a quick nurse and then back to sleep. It was a big day for my boy today! Wake up at 10am... pee all over mommy and queen sized bed during a diaper change, nurse a million times, pick up big sister at school in new snowsuit (keeps him toasty warm) nurse a million more times, refuse to nap, roll over a dozen or so times, whine a bit, cry a bit, whine some more, smile, laugh, coo and giggle. Add some drool, pee, poop and snot... and that's our day. I truly love being a mom :)

Miss Madeline had her Halloween party today at school. She had a great time and came home with some plain chips and a few chocolate bars. She brought home tons of art work that are now all over my windows.

We had Robyn and the crew over for pizza tonight. It was even better than normal. Then Jeff helped the kids (sans Olivia... sent to bed early for screaming at mommy repeatedly) carve their pumpkins. I need to tidy up still from the grayson tornado (lol) but that will wait till the morrow.

It's 1:30am and I should go to bed... it's just so nice and quiet with only jeff and I around.

Monday, October 30, 2006


Tired today. I was tired yesterday too. I think it was all the chocolate I snarfed. I always feel like crap when I don't watch what I eat (well I DO watch it... as I snarf it) so back on track today. Just had my organic oatmeal with brown sugar and raisens and some pineapple juice with my cod liver oil pill (oh yum.)

It's Madeline's halloween party at school today so I baked some double chocolate with chocolate chunks muffins and stuck a tootsie roll in the middle of each one. They were good. Contributing to my sugar crash (see paragraph above.) Maddy's wearing her pony costume :) She wanted a mozzerella and orange pepper pita for lunch today and a WHOLE apple (cause all the other kids bring theirs whole...) a pinapple juice box (her first one for school ever!) and a blueberry yoguart for snack. Duotang is packed, box of organice crispy treats packed (for when other kids bring group snacks that she can't have) and extra outfit packed (our girl plays hard... and wet apparently.)

Olivia is at the table making a pumpkin out of orange poster board and black shapes. She cut out her own shapes and is now glueing them on. Tonight we'll carve the big pumpkins as a family. Phoenix is sleeping...

Speaking of sleep (knocking on wood) He's gone to bed around 10:00-10:30 for the last four nights. And last night because of daylight savings time he actually went to sleep at 9:30!!! I could get used to this. Before I was nursing him around 10 and he would nap for a bit and then be up until 2am. Now I put him in our bed as soon as he's asleep... if he wakes we turn on his music and pat his back and he goes right back to sleep. I like this. He usually starts waking to nurse about 2-3 hours later but that's cool. I get a bit of time to read or just stretch out on the couch... or fold laundry (I know... I'm a wild woman!)

I gave Phoenix some pulsatilla for his snotty nose last night. It seems to help.

Dammit I wish I could stop burping col!!! I like fish. I really do. But to burp it even when I have not eaten it is just really gross. I'll have to try freezing them. I've heard that helps.

We went to value village yesterday. I got some good deals! I found Madeline two pairs of jeans (in EXCELLENT condition) on paid 2$ for one pair and 4$ for the other. I bought Phoenix a blue fuzzy sherpa Winnie the Pooh snow suit in perfect/new condition for $7. He's getting one for Christmas but he needs something warm for now when we are going back and forth to pick up Maddy from school. I also picked up a pair of old school Robeez booties in navy (in good condition) for Gray for $5!!! Robyn kept saying how she wanted a pair for him but couldn't justify the $40 for a boy that can't wear them outside seems how he's already walking. But for $5 if he only wears them as slippers that is a great deal :) Jeff bought two brooms, two identical dishes for water and salt (alter items). Maddy got a pair of fisher price binoculars, Olivia a crocidile grabber thing that she has already got her fingers caught in twice... good haul altogether I'd say!

It's desperately trying to snow outside and not being successful. GOOD. I really need to move far south.

Well off to boob the newly awakened babe.