Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I miss my sister


It's been nine months since I last saw her. I miss her. A lot.

She now lives a 5 or 6 day drive away as opposed to a 20 minute one.

I'm sad.


Saturday, September 23, 2006


It's 12:32 am and my baby is still awake. He's showing no signs of sleepiness. I am showing many signs of sleepiness however. We were out at my mothers for dinner until 10 tonight. We just took the kids jammies and put the girls to bed so we could visit. My dad was home so we had a good time. He snuggled and played with Phoenix but was not really into hanging with the girls tonight. I think he just didn't want to be jumped on. I don't blame him.

Tomorrow we're heading over to C and G's for a mabon ritual. It's a harvest potluck so I'm taking foccacia and hummus as well as some hot chocolate and marshmallows. I'm really hoping that Chris and Jamie will not be there. I really really don't want to have to deal with the aftermath of two weeks ago.

Jeff's off hopefully putting diapers in the wash. The kid goes through 2.5 dozen prefolds in record time. He's an uber pee'er.

Well off to convince the baby to sleep. Or at least just coo at me in bed while I sleep.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Daily ramblings

I'm having a conversation with jeff about blogging... he asks why I continue to blog when no one reads it and no one comments. Quite frankly I blog because... I do! I write about my day, my feelings, my hopes and fears. I don't care if anyone ever reads this. I find blogging on blogger to be easy and since I am online anyways I might as well just write here. Between this and my former blog I have been keeping an online blog for almost two years. (and apparently Jeff just informed me that my mouth hangs open when I type) Thanks Jeff ;) (his blog is samurai-shisho.blogspot.com so go bash him there if you want) lol!

Well onwards...

A fairly good day today. I had my leader orientation meeting for Mother Goose today. Richard informed me that this is his last session that he will be my co-leader. The politics involved are just not making it fun for him anymore. I'm sad. He's a fantastic guy and a great leader.

Olivia had preschool. She had a good day. Apparently no one wanted to play with her today so she played alone (this was from her) and since Jassy is on vacation she was lonely. Poor livy ;) I told her that she'll make friends and it's only the second week to not lose heart.

Tonight Phoenix and I watched tv (well he nursed for a couple of hours and I watched a show on bullying) and Jeff played "Dawn of War" on the computer. He geeked out. It's funny to watch him play computer games and looking all serious like.

Last night I went out for coffee with my friend Mandy. We went to tastebuds and had some rockin cheesecake. It was fun. She's cool to hang out with. Then we came back here for a bit. She's heading to England for three weeks so hopefully we can get together for a bit before then.

But after I got home, Phoenix only ate once and then went to bed. And didn't wake up until 7:30 am!!! Yah... my boobs were ready to burst. So I broke out the pump and pumped off 6 oz of liquid gold in 5 minutes. Not that I'll ever offer him a bottle but it's good to have... I guess. I ended up giving all the milk that I pumped when Livy was born to a friend that adopted a baby boy. Not sure what I'll do with this small stash.

Jeff's now sleeping in his chair and I should head to bed. Phoenix went to bed at around 12:15am and I want to go snuggle.

Off to my mom and dad's tomorrow night for a spegetti dinner. If I hear one more comment about how I should take him off the boob and put him on formula because he's "too fat" I will freak. Totally and completely.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

new laptop!

Has arrived... yayyyy!!!

Jeff was attempting to set it up at lunch and gave up because it would not find our network. Swearing, irritated, the whole deal.

So after he left I turned it on, clicked on the network button and lo and behold it had found our lan network.

So I powered up explorer and now am surfing.

It takes a woman's touch apparently ;)

This mother is HUGE though! It's got a 17 inch screen (sweet) and is super easy to use. I was worried about not having a mouse but within about 5 minutes I'm totally down with it. I rock. I am woman... hear me ... type!

Okay I'm just silly but this is a seriously cool laptop!

1:00 am


The baby is finally in bed (now lets hope he stays asleep... he just finished nursing for like an hour so he should be good to go.

Yesterday was Maddy's party. It went awesome! All of the kids played together nicely. The only kids that fought were brandon and travis and they are brothers. They had a BLAST playing, shouting, running, cuddling... they loved making the pizza's (not so much eating them ;) ) and watching Brother Bear. Almost everyone actually SAT and ate while they watched the movie! I was seriously impressed. Every one gorged on my pizza (even Mike said it was good... for Hippie pizza) and they all loved how the pizza cake turned out! I think they were fooled into thinking that it was actually pizza. It really did look like it! Maddy got tons of cool pressies (mostly princess stuff, clothes and some cool toys) and she loved everything. I loved everything! Except... the moon sand.

Moon sand is supposed to be kinda like play doh. Cept it's actually NOTHING LIKE PLAY DOUGH and just serves to spread the joy of coloured sand all over your house. This is an outside toy ;)

Last night we were all so stuffed from the party food that we just snacked if we were hungry. I didn't bother making dinner. The kids ate some popcorn at around 7ish and they were good.

It was a good day. I had fun. The kids had fun. It was fun.

Today was .. not so fun.

Maddy's first full day of kindy didn't go so well. She was good apparently until after lunch and then when she was playing house in the school kitchen she started crying. She missed me. Her teacher gave her some tissues and a hug and then she was ok. She's never really been away from me with anyone except people that I trust with my life. It's an adjustment... she'll do fine. I keep wondering if I'll be fine ;)

Olivia and I slept in a bit (Phoenix slept in a lot) and then played ponies, puppies, read some stories, ate A&W for lunch (special treat!) watched some tree house and just hung out. We picked Maddy up at 2:30. We walk over there with Phoenix in the pouch. He just sleeps the whole time :)

Tonight we went to save on to buy some rice milk (their house brand is 1.99 a litre. Good price!) and searched around for a wireless router.

Speaking of which... THE COMPUTER COMES TOMORROW!!!!!!!!! yay yay and double yay!

Tonight I had a good rant on the phone with Robyn about various things. I'm on a very mainstream parenting board that I have been a part of for like 6 years. Most of the time I'm good at ignoring things but sometimes... I want to scream.

Like the person who's talking about letting their less that one month old baby cry themselves to sleep... but hey it's only for two minutes.

Like all the people who circ'ed their sons so "they would look like their dad."

Like the person who ACTUALLY ASKED if their baby only eating twice a day was okay...

*head explodes*

If I didn't have mothering.commune to temper this off I think I'd go mad.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Quick entry

Maddy's party is tomorrow at 2.... I finished my grocery shopping for said party at 9:30 tonight!!!! The house is mostly clean (curtesy of Jeff) he just has to wash floors and do the bathrooms. I've got three sets of pizza dough rising and then to bake them. I'm doing one pizza with ham, red onions and pineapple and one pizza with salami,pepperoni,onions, shrumes and peppers. The kids will each get their own shell and get to make their own!

Since it's a pj party we'll also have popcorn, cake, pretzles, cheezy snacks, juice. I'll read them a new story, we'll pop in a movie, they can colour in pictures of their very own pizza's :) We'll also have goodie bags and such.

I'm excited. Hard work though!

Maddy and Liv had a great time at grandma's last night... with brandon and travis... and jasmyn and grayson... I swear Rose does just not want to be alone with my kids. Oh well.

Well off to nurse Phoenix and then get back to work.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Ballet, pre-school and second day of kindergarten pics :)

A bunch of pics :)

Olivia in her first ever line to go into ballet! She's so tiny and so adorable... she's the youngest one there.

Olivia all dressed up with her "diego" backpack for the first day of Preschool!

Madeline wearing her dress from Grammie for second day of kindergarten.

Phoenix this morning upon waking (at noon!)

Ballet sisters :)

Maddy in first position (she's in pre primary ballet this year!)

Olivia attempting first position (she's in creative movement :) )

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Stuff and stuff

Maddy had 2.5 hours of kindergarten today. It was nice, I won't lie. lol! I got up to do her hair (note to self: teach daddy to braid) and then went back to bed with Phoenix (who btw slept 8 hours straight last night!) Olivia got up about 9:30 and climbed into bed with us. We went and picked M up at 11. She was so excited that she actually got to stay long enough today to have snack and recess! Woot woot!

I asked her teacher about the little boy who was hitting/biting/kicking and spitting. She said he'll be back but he'll have a full time aid. It appears that his parents were trying to get him into regular school and hoping no one would notice he was a fucking maniac. Nice. I'm not sure what his issues are but I know that they are many.

It's Maddy's birthday on friday and her party is on sunday. 5 already!!! Her and Olivia are spending the night at grandma roses so they'll have a blast. Apparently she's taking them out for dinner as well. The only slightly annoying thing is that their "cousins" brandon and travis will be there too for the dinner part... they are always there.

Plans are finalized for the pj/pizza party. It should be fun :) I'm taking muffins for M's birthday to her class on friday. She asked to hand them out :)

Maddy got some packages yesterday and cards today. Yesterday she got a Hello kitty calculator, a "make your own" calendar and a book (click clack moo) Today she got a Ballet tickelope card from grandma rose and grandpa al and a $15 cheque and card from jeff's grandma. She was so excited!

Well I made a macaroni/tuna cassarole with a cracker/butter topping for dinner and some brocolli and cauliflower veggies. Jeff should be home soon and then we can eat.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

What's that I hear?

No fighting!

No fighting because Olivia is at preschool and Maddy can't be bothered to fight with me ;) She's quietly playing Candyland by herself (yah I know...) and Phoenix is watching her. It's quiet. So quiet. Awfully quiet. Terribly quiet.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


Dinner is on the stove. A chunky beef stew with organic stew meat... oh yum! I put carrots, potato's, onions, celery, meat, garlic and some spices. A bit of soy sauce, some water and we're good to go. By dinner time it should be melt in your mouth fantastic!

My sister is pretty depressed. She misses everyone and everything. Her and Tony have offered to pay for my plane ticket for Phoenix and I to come for a week in October! That rocks. Money is tight and I just can't swing it myself so this works for me :) I hope it goes through. I miss her and Kylee.

Well Mr. Phoenix needs more nums and then a nap. I need a nap too. Hey if I put Maddy to bed then I CAN have a nap. This works for me ;)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Leave my FUCKING kids alone!

So we went to the aforementioned weenie roast last night. There were a bunch of members from the pagan group there including a couple that we had not seen for a few months. The man of the couple (Chris) has had a habit in the past of trying to parent other peoples children. The problem? He is NOT nice about it at all. He'll yell and try to frighten them. So the kids are playing with this pull car and Maddy is pulling Olivia around in it. The rope is quite long and Maddy was trying to turn the car around, the rope got caught around Olivia's shoulders. So Olivia pulled the rope up over her neck and went to put it over her head. No problems right? Except this fucking asshole SCREAMS NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! At the kids, both kids freeze as this guy fucking CHARGES across the yard at them. At this point I jump up and yell "DO NOT TOUCH MY KIDS AND DO NOT YELL AT MY KIDS OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

sigh... mama bear came out.

He right away says "oh it was around her neck" and I say "yah I fucking know! I asked her to get it off and she was! It was under control... DO NOT parent my kids for me thank you!"

So they left within minutes... there was a lot of tension between them and the hosts of the party anyways due to other things so I think it was the straw that broke the camels back you know?

After they left we all had a chat about it and everyone was very happy that I said what I did. THey all just usually let him do and say whatever he wants! I do not fucking think so...

We stayed until about 10 and the kids played while we all sat around the fire. We had marshmallows and drank far too much pop (the adults... not the kids. They had water.) It was a good time after they left ;)

I'm betting he'll never say anything to my kids again ;)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Today will be a better day...

and it better cause yesterday sucked mucho asso...

The girls both have their first ballet class of the season today. They both have new shoes (courtesy of grammie) outfits and they are ready to dance. This will be Madeline's third year and Olivia's first class ever! They are so cute in their dance wear :)

Phoenix was in bed by 10:00 pm last night! I was shocked. He was pretty grouchy. He's still in bed right now and the girls are eating their breakfast. We'll have to start getting ready pretty soon. The house is totally clean (thanks to jeff) so there's not much else to do.

We've been invited to a hot dog roast tonight by some people from our pagan group. I'm not enamoured with their family (three massively hyper high needs kids that are rude and destructive) but we'll try to make the best of it. I'd like for Jeff and I to have more (ok any) couple friends to hang out with. Mike's always busy and I don't think he's too interested in hanging with us anyways. Chris and Nansi .. well... they're a complete write off to me (jeff keeps hope ... lol! He's a die hard.) So it would be nice to be able to hang out weekend nights with friends while the kids play and such.

Speaking of Chris and nansi. Jeff was over there the other night helping them rip up their kitchen. It pisses me off... they never want to hang out so the ONLY way jeff gets to see his friend is if he offers to help them do stuff. Yah... they're real friends. I don't put up with that shit.

I'm trying to plan Maddy's birthday party. She wants a pizza pajama party ;) During the day. lol! Whatever. It's her party. I don't control them.

Off to eat breakfast.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Olivia's first day of preschool!

She loved it :) I found out there are 14 kids in the class (and I think only one boy?) and three teachers. Olivia got a chance to chat with all three of them and thought they were very nice. She played with playdoh, cut and coloured, played with blocks and "cooked" in the wood kitchen. I asked her if I can drop her off next week alone and she can play, she's cool with that. She loved the low toilet and counters ;)

Preschool is only $85 for two days a week so that is pretty good! I think she'll have fun :)

In other news... our drain in our furnace room was backing up so we called Roto Rooter to come out and take a look. Apparently it's our washing machine doing it and it's fairly common. Meanwhile though the guy tracked BLACK FUCKING SLUDGE through our house! I got ticked and told him what he had done and asked how to clean it. He to ME to go and get some spot shot and that would talk care of it... ummm... no. Your mess buddy.

So I called the office and "Al" said that was absolutely unnaceptable and he would send him back to clean it. Well the wife ended up coming instead and she did an awesome job... appologized a million times. Good! Clean up your mess asshole next time. The wife said her husband was not impressed that one of his workers did this... hopefully he'll get in shit. Is that evil? Maybe ;)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

That's one fat baby

and damn am I proud ;) Nothing but 100% pure mama milk going into this previously very scrawny boy.

The batteries have been bought and let the chubbyness commence!

Gotta love the extemely fat thighs. He's already fitting into size m/l motherease wraps!

The double chin. Oh how I love baby double chins!

A fat little paw :)

Wow it's been a busy day!

We got up at 7:45 this morning to get Maddy ready for her first day of Kindergarten... sniff sniff.

She's wearing the outfit that her Grammie picked out for her and has her Princess Disney backpack on :) She was very excited to be there!

We were informed upon arrival that they ended up with 28 KIDS! in the kindergarten class. So they are splitting the class to 14 each. They are adding a tuesday/thursday designated friday class. Most people still want in the wednesday one of course but preferance is giving to whoever registered first.

Guess what number we registered? go on... guess...

Yep. First. What can I say. We're keeners. lol!

We were only there for an hour and I got to stay with her. Just going over policy and procedures. I honestly could not believe how freaking hyper and out of control some of those kids were... with their parents RIGHT THERE! I was worried about Maddy's exhuberance but I see I have nothing to worry about at all.

I gave her teacher a letter about her food dye allergies and told her to call me if she had any questions. She seemed to appreciate that.

Suprisingly enough... I didn't bawl. Tomorrow I have to leave her there though... let the waterworks flow ;)

Monday, September 04, 2006


Was a pretty good day. I was awoken by jeff this morning at 10 am with a momma on the phone having nursing issues with her 12 day old baby. Both LC's are out right now (one with a broken arm and one on vacation) so I opted to go for a home visit. I don't HAVE to according to LLL guidelines but I felt it was warranted.

Teeny baby... teeny. Just over 6 lbs and the cutest little sprite of a girl :) It all of a sudden got really hot here yesterday and today and baby was not wanting to nurse and falling asleep at the breast. Pretty common in a wee hot baby. I advised the mama on how to deal with engorgement, showed her a different hold and the breast sandwich technique and suggested they move into the very cool basement. As soon as we got baby downstairs she latched and nursed well for 20 minutes ;) I think they'll be fine. First time jittery parents just needing some support.

We then took Maddy to the clinic for a suspected uti. Suspected turned into raging uti and she's on antibiotics. I would prefer to do things more natural but she's in so much pain :( Hopefully this kicks it and she feels better soon.

Olivia, Phoenix and I went and visited Robyn and the kids after the clinic. The girls played very quietly while Robyn and I got to chat. Mike headed to the hospital with a suspected? broken foot. I have not heard back what the result of that was.

French toast for dinner. Yum.

Phoenix is in bed without having a bed time nursing. I took him in the bath and apparently that wore him out. Daddy tried him and jammied him... he passed out. lol!

Well I think I'll go crash on the couch for a bit while Jeff watches Kill bill volume 1. Again.

Sunday, September 03, 2006


If I go to bed with previous thoughts on my mind I will never get to sleep. So lets think of ten things to be grateful about...

1. soft arms around my neck and wet kisses goodnight from my girls
2. "I love you mommy"
3. clean dishes
4. my husband... who gets the dishes clean
5. unconditional never ending love from Jeff
6. a warm sleeping baby at my breast
7. a three day weekend
8. the means to provide my girls with the things they need
9. purring cats
10. my family and friends

3 months

It's been three months since Phoenix was brought into this world by surgery. It's been three months since I once again had by stomache cut, cauterized, stretched... had my baby suctioned out of me and was stitched back together. It's been three months since I held my teeny baby boy and fell totally and completely in love.

It's been three months since I first nursed my wee man. It's been dozens of nursings every day and almost as many diapers. It's been millions of kisses and tons of coo's. It's been three months since I had my last baby.

My. last. baby.

I'm at a point in my life that I never thought I would come to. A point where I feel complete within myself and full with the children I have. It's strange though to think that I will never give life to another person. I will never feel another baby stir within my body, I will never dream about giving birth vaginally, I will never have another newborn to nurse.

I'm okay with it. I think.

My little man is getting so big and so NOT newbornish. He's laughing now. He's smiling and grabbing things with his fat little paws. He kicks and rolls over sometimes. He's everything I ever needed him to be.

Jeff's vasectomy is October 20. He won't be cancelling this time.

That's hard to take. It's just so... permenant.

How come some women who honestly DO NOT CARE whether they have c-sections or not have the most easy, quick vaginal births? And when I have so desperately wanted to give birth naturally THREE FUCKING TIMES and I never have?

I feel cheated. I feel bitter. I feel sad.

I'm tired.

New pics and a chunkaroo!

Mr. Phoenix is about 16.5 lbs. He was born at 7.5 lbs. He's gained 9 POUNDS in three months. That officially wins him the title of chunkaroo extrordinaire ;)

"Oh really mommy?"

It's a good thing baby boy!!!

"Okay! If you say so!"

Now is he not adorable? I just love this little (big) man :)