wow....

I had my healing/reading and cleansing with Carmen St. Pierre yesterday http://www.amrasspirit.com/index.htm It was fantastic!!!!

Many of the details are far too personal for me to post to a public site (and the people who need to know already know) but I will say that it was a life altering experience. I'm uplifted spiritually and emotionally and even physically.

I am starting a new weightloss journey today as well. More exercise, less snack foods at night, more getting real with myself. Everyday in every way I am getting thinner and thinner and thinner. I feel as if I can really do this... I am in charge of my body and all I need is will power. I have a ton of will power (no fat jokes please ;) ) and succeed at almost everything that I do. So why should this be any different?

Well off to shop and get stuff done while Madeline at at rehersal. The spring dance festival is tomorrow for her and she's very very excited :)

Ouch...

Whine... I have a massive massive headache. Bad to the point where it's hurting to look at the computer screen. I just want my baby to go to sleep... but to get him to do that I have to nurse him... and right now that idea is making my skin crawl. I don't want to be touched, I want to sleep. For hours and hours.

I'm worried... my sister has been feeling uber crappy for months now and upon seeing a doctor today for an MRI was informed that she has three spots on her brain. Mostly likely MS or Lupus. I've NEVER heard her more upset. I kept it together long enough to get off the phone and then lost it :( I just want my sister home so I can take care of her, snuggle with Kylee and lend some support.

Blah. What a day.

:)

The sun is shining, Olivia's at preschool, Maddy's watching tv and Phoenix is sleeping. The puppy is chewing a bone and the cats are snoozing. Almost all caught up on laundry and my kitchen is clean. Maddy is mostly over her red food dye induced insanity and while Phoenix did wake every two hours to nurse last night, he was in bed from 12 midnight to almost 11am and didn't spend any time screaming.

So it's a good day. I'm heading over to superstore tonight to pick up some of that 5 hpt stuff that Robyn got for depression. I need it to help keep me on an even keel. I actually got my period today so that explains some of my mood for the past week... I need to find a way to take some more time for myself. Whether it's a nightly walk, shopping with friends or just reading in my room for a portion of every night with no kids around.

I started with "the sun is shining" and I'll end with ...

THE SUN IS SHINING.

Is it possible?

That my baby is just truly this bitchy?

He sleeps well for three nights and then pulls a week of 5 hour total sleep nights where he's screaming, bitching and whining at me for the rest of the time. I can't leave the room or he loses it, even if someone else is holding him and there is nothing physically wrong with him. I can't go pee without taking him, brush my hair without holding him, make a sandwich without bringing him into the kitchen. He can no longer sit on the floor and play with his toys... he has to sit either right beside me on the couch or on me while whining the entire time. Daddy is not cutting it either. He's happy with jeff for about two seconds before screaming for me.

I know he's teething... and he still has this snotty nose (I think we're going on a month now?) I wonder if he has another ear infection? I dunno. He was so gassy and crampy last night again... I think it could have been the large amounts of cheese that I ate. Oh fuck I don't know. I want to take him to the doctors again over this food issue of his but all I'm going to hear is "let him cry" and "he'll just have to learn to deal." Gawd I'm so tired of this fussy fussy fussy baby.

Madeline is STILL DRIVING ME NUCKING FUTS! She's being hyper, rude, mean... listens to nothing I say. It sounds food related but who knows... I don't know what else she could have got into. I'm SO TIRED OF DEALING WITH HER. Jeff just reminded me that she had popcorn at the dog agility show yesterday that was yellow. Fucking hell. GAWD I'M SO TIRED OF THIS.

Olivia is fine. She's mellow and a love. Can I sell my other two and just keep her? Don't tell my other kids I said that.

So yah yesterday we went to the dog agility trials and took Mr. Loki to check out the scene. He made friends with a female agility Pem, two Bernese Mountain dogs and two Nova Scotia Duck Tolling retrievers. I got to talk to tons of people and get info about how to get started. It was in the agriplex and it was lots of fun. Loki was a hit with everyone and we had all the kids (and most of the adults) come up to ask if they could pet him at some point. LOL!

I'm stoked about May long weekend in Lac La Hache. We're taking our tent trailer, my best friend and her hubby just bought a truck and camper so neither of us have to tent it! Yayyy! We've decided we'll drink beer, play cards and act like our parents did when we were kids (minus the pot smoking ;) ) It will be nice to have a place to cook and a heater. A roof over our heads and a bed not on the ground.

Well bitchy baby is getting even bitchier (is that possible?) Should go boob him.

Footprint

I was thinking tonight (while nursing my babe down to sleep at 2 am) about what it means to be pagan in regards to our footprint on this earth. Obviously part of being pagan and choosing this path is my devotion to nature and to the Mother Goddess and a huge part of what it means to be pagan (to me) is how to preserve our earth and ensure that it is here and clean for future generations.

It's funny because when I was led to the Pagan path (4 years ago) I realized that in my heart and with my actions I already WAS Pagan. I was Wiccan in my soul for a long time before I became aware. Becoming a parent strengthened my resolution to make a difference in our waste management and to become healthier not only spiritually but physically. We cloth diaper (three kids now and very little disposable diapers to last for the next 500 years in our landfill), breastfeed (no formula cans to dispose of, nor toxic plastic bottles to feed our babies with) babywear with slings and wraps (no plastic non-biodegradable strollers to clutter the garbage dumps) and use very little in the way of baby "gadgets" (no swings, exersaucers etc to hang around for a long time after our babes are grown.)

We eat natural foods in as close to their natural state as possible and buy locally whenever we can. We eat organic local meat to ensure that animals are being treated fairly. We use ecologically friendly cleaners and personal hygiene items. Recycle, Freecycle and donate. Drive a vehicle that is good on gas and buy pre-loved.

What about you? How important is being friendly to the earth for you? Is it part of your pagan path? Is it something you think about?

Why?

Edited to remove very large rant about a very tired husband... who really did not deserve to be ranted about.

I may have no other option...

I just might have to sell Madeline to the gypsies.

As a little PSA... no name chocolate puddings DO NOT SAY they have food dyes in them... but they have food dyes in them. Trust me. This is the only thing different in her diet and she's been a fucking pyschopath for the past two days.

She got up this morning, woke up her sister. Then chased her around the house until she screamed. Then ran screaming down the hallway and woke up Phoenix. I got up and walked into the living room to find CEREAL spread EVERYWHERE! She apparently took handfulls of cereal out of her bowl and threw it around the room.

Okay at this point I point to her and tell her to go to her room. I tell her she can come out when she's 18. For the next couple hours she continues to yell "when can I come OUT! when can I come OUT!" So then she had to stay in her room until lunch. I did let her out afterwards... until she took a teddy bear, whacked phoenix in the chest with it and he fell backwards knocking his head on the floor. Back in her room...

repeat this sequence (with different bad/out of character actions) all afternoon.

She was in bed by 7:30.

Thank Fuck.

Yum!

The girls and I are chillin out with our afternoon smoothie. Today it's organic whole milk, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, bananas, raw honey and one organic raw egg. It's soooo good!!! All the berries were of the frozen variety and so it's nice and frosty cold.

Phoenix is napping. I took him in the bedroom, changed his diaper, nursed him for 10 minutes... he kept doing the latch on latch off thing so I flipped him over, rubbed his back for a bit and he passed out! Sweet!

It's a freaking blizzard outside. Winds up to 50km/hour. Nice. Snowing and blowing. When the fuck is spring going to be here??? I want to replant my garden, watch my iris's bloom, reseed the lawn. ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE DAMN SNOW! /rant

I've got Mother Goose tonight. I'm looking forward to it. It's our second to last session of the winter season and then we break for a couple weeks for spring break. I wonder what attendance will be like?

I gave Loki a good grooming, cleaned his ears and clipped his nails. I like his nails uber short (like hidden in the fur short) and he just lays on his back with his four little paws waving in the air. It's adorable! Oh and Jeff got informed by a woman at the library yesterday that he HAVE to clicker train and that if your puppy is not totally trained in all areas by the time they are three months then they never will be. Ummm. Okay. Can you say fruit cake?

We put in Madeline's scholatic book order today. I got some sweet books!!! I love how cheap they all are! I went a little wild ;) Oh well it's for the good of the school right?

Well I'm going to put a movie on the for kids and have a wee nap.

Coffee anyone?

Well Jeff and I finally made it to a pagan coffee meet... we never usually go because I don't want to have to ask Rose to babysit (she babysits her other grandkids often enough) but I thought I'd ask her anyways. It's been since before Christmas the last time that Jeff and I got out together without the girls (the babe was with us of course.)

We met one other member there and chatted the night away. We headed back to get the girls at around 10:30 but ended up staying and visiting till 11:30!!! I was chatting with Rose about her daughter Michelle... apparently she feels unnapreciated and unloved. I'm not sure why... I know I have been enjoying her company when she is around and I make an effort to include her in conversations.

Phoenix is still up and getting his diaper changed. I'm crossing fingers that he sleeps after this.

This is basically a nothing post... I don't have much to say apparently!

hrmmm...

I had a disturbing conversation with my sister tonight...

She explained that she's "read all the research" and if they ever have a son they'll still circumcise him... Well my darling sister please read some more on this subject.. please?

http://noharmm.org/home.htm

is a good place to start. I can't even fathom thinking that a part of your baby boy needs to be cut off :( It can interfere with breastfeeding, it can lead to DEATH in some cases. It's an elective surgery... ELECTIVE.

It's late and I need sleep... please do some more reading?

I hab a cowd

Blerg. I am ill. I have a cold. It's the same cold thats been threatening me all week but finally hit. Blerg.

I'm also very hungover... I never ever drink. In fact that last time I got drunk was almost two years ago! But Robyn and I decided we were going to nurse our babes, put them to bed and drink. And so we did. A bunch of beer, case of coolers and case of Mudslides later...

Blerg. My head is pounding. We had a great time though. We talked straight for 6 hours, laughed our asses off and bonded more big time. Now if only we could remember the night? ;)

Jeff steam cleaned the carpets tonight. Loki promptly barfed front and center in the living room. Jeff asked to let the cats up but you just know they'll drag their asses everywhere because they know the carpet has just been done.

We bought Loki two new stuffies today (from VV) a rope bone, a rope and nylon frisbee and a pack of tennis balls. We made the score of the century at Value village... two pewter goblets that are from Birks originally with the original price tags on them. We paid $6 for the pair... they were $95 each!!! Sweet :)

Well Jeff is watching Open Season... again. Phoenix went to bed at 8:30pm and I'm about have a nap on the couch :)

Long long long long LONG day

I need quiet. Lots of quiet.

Phoenix waiting until I got into bed last night at 2am and decided that no... he was not in fact interested in sleeping at all and that yes... he was going to bug me until I got up with him.

So Phoenix and I watched 30 minute meals, 90210 (yes it's on at 3am) and then Mad about You. He finally nursed back to sleep again at 4:30am!

I took Loki out for a pee, snuggled him a bit then crated him and curled up on the couch expecting to be awoken at any second by the fiend...

9am rolled around... He slept for 4.5 hours IN A ROW!!!! A ROW!!!!!! wow. Then I curled into bed with him and we slept until noon. And then the day started. We went to...
M&M meats for chicken and frozen berries. Ospika pet and farm supplies for Innova EVO to supplement his chicken backs and hearts. Another place for cat litter. We then hit Shoppers Wholesale for organic fruits and veggies. Lunch and dropped frozen foods off, I nursed and changed Phoenix and then back on the road. Olivia, Phoenix (in the babyhawk) and I shopped at Superstore for the next hour and a half. FINALLY we came home. Fed the kids and relaxed... for about an hour.

Jeff took the girls and went to pick up our order from our local Metaphysical store and then picked up stuff from Ave Maria (health food store) for me. Came home, picked up fiend and I and we went to the mall to exchange Jeff's shorts and look for Jassy's birthday pressie. She wanted Dusty the talking vacuum... not at superstore, not at zellers...

So at 9pm we all headed up to Hell*Mart where we FINALLY located a talking vacuum. Purchased said vacuum and came home. It's now 10pm and we've been on the road since 1pm. Got the kids into bed. Jeff and I finally ate. Played with the very neglected today puppy and did some cleaning.

Phoenix is STILL AWAKE but ready to be nursed and put to sleep I think. I hope.

Tomorrow is parent viewing day at ballet so I get to sit through back to back classes with both girls. Then Jassy's birthday party and we stay until jeff gets off work at 5:45. Then a family night movie with the kids.

Sunday... sunday we relax hopefully.

I'm all alone...

Well Jeff is here too... but all three kids were IN BED and ASLEEP by 9:40 tonight. That's a record... that has not happened anytime in the last two months. Yay!

We have a loverly dinner tonight at a chinese buffet. I had two plates and I am STILL stuffed 7 hours later. The girls enjoyed an assortment of fries, shrimp, chow mein and sushi... yep sushi.

Olivia loves sushi. She loves the nori (seaweed), the rice the fish... she loves it all. She gobbled down all that jeff had shared with her and then wanted her own plate full of sushi. So imagine if you will a teeny little pixie baby walking through a restaurant with a plate full of sushi, exclaiming to anyone that will listen that she "looooves sushi!" Adorable. Phoenix ate his toes and his toys and Madeline munched oodles of noodles. Everyone that walked by had to admire our children (and probably marvelled at how well behaved they were!) and that was nice :)

After dinner we took our kids to (ssshhhh) Mcdonalds for some ice cream and so they could play in playland. They had a great time and got to shake some sillies out. We went to Zeller's after and bought a new toilet seat (wahoo) with a built in potty seat (super wahoo) and then came home.

Loki and Frodo chased eachother in cirles around the house while I talked to my sister (who incidentally is NEVER COMING HOME ;) ) It goes something like this... Loki chases Frodo, F stops, hisses and keeps running, L barks, F spats, L playbows and the chase is on. All night... You would think they would eventually get tired of this game... nope!

Well Jeff is asleep on the couch and I just took his picture. Today is a ditl day!

Thursday is a day...

Now who could not love that little face!!!

I've had decent sleep for three nights in a row. THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW! He's had no solid food for six days in a row... noticing a correlation?

Last night he went to bed at 10:20pm. Nursed at 1:20am, 4:15am, 7:15am and 9:45am. Notice the three hour stretches there? THREE HOUR STRETCHES! Rockin dude! He wakes slightly, grunts, latches on, switches sides, passes out. I'm not sure he even really wakes up! Heaven. Really. Heaven heaven heaven. Oh I like him soooo much more than I did last week ;)

Madeline got her report card. She did awesome and showed improvement on her sharing skills. She's now up to par :) I got her book order sheet and got busy ordering books for birthdays and just because days. I love cheap books!

Last night was Mother Goose and though it was a small crowd it went fairly well. All busy boys and no girls (we usually only have two anyways) but not bad busy. Just busy.

Tonight we're going out for dinner. I'm not sure where actually... maybe the chinese buffet or Denny's. Something kid friendly and diet friendly for Madeline.

Well should get dressed. I just got out of the bath and Robyn will be home with Olivia fairly soon. Phoenix has been in bed asleep for over 2.5 hours so I imagine he'll be up soon. Maddy and I played Old Maid, Crazy Eights and did some school work together. The puppy is napping :)

Camera download ;)

So we finally go around to downloading the camera... let the past month commence!

Sigh... and this is what happens when good kids go bad. And their mom's beat them (or their cousins throw them face first into ice which is more likely...)

Loki!!! He's smiling :)

Loki head profile

Phoenix and Loki hanging out

Can you say bat ears? Come in space control!

Play?

Teeth... the source of all my hellish evenings

My darling children :) Excuse the look on Madeline's face... she was concussed at the time ;)

teeth?

He's getting at least one tooth (top left) and probably more. He screamed again for six hours last night. He has a wicked cold and his tummy is still pushing through the last of the solid foods.

Why oh why did I get the emo kid to end all emo kids? He's sensertive... so very sensertive (and yes I know I spelled that wrong.) He's annoying the ever living heck out of me. I love my baby but I SO CAN'T WAIT until he's not a BABY anymore!!!!

My sil is not helping matters any. Her exlusively breastfed baby who is just four months old is sleeping in 12 hour stretches in her OWN BED in her OWN ROOM. I am sofuckingjealous.

Grrrr... I may just have to eat him while his bones are still soft.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am ohsofuckingtired I can barely keep my eyes open. Phoenix SCREAMED from 2:30am to 8:30am. Pretty much straight. I'm not entirely sure what his problem is... he has a cold and is snuffly but I think it's more of the solid foods thing. We had been gradually introducing solids in very small amounts of very benign foods... apparently he's not capable still of eating anything other than breastmilk. I think I'll make an appointment with his doctor and see is there is anything else going on. So I made Jeff sleep in the bedroom with us and suffer through the noise as well. Why am I always the only one who has to deal with this shit?

I looked up the symptoms of a food intolerance and he has five of the seven signs. Runny nose and eyes, red around his anus, mucusy stools, gas and fussyness. He had some cucumber last night and some sweet potato's the night before and he's been miserable. I'm taking him off solids again for another week and then starting at the beginning. Some organic brown rice to begin. I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS!!!!

Babywearing

I wear the fiend on my back for a portion of every day. It's the only way I can get my housework done. I can vacuum, wash dishes, sweep, clean bathrooms (except the tub) and organize. He's happy. I'm happy that he's happy and all is well in the world.

I've been wearing him on my back with the shoulder straps crossed over my breasts. It would get uncomfy after an hour or so and he would have a tendancy to slip down on to my tailbone (not comfy.) But last night when perusing a friend (Babs) live journal I saw a link to wearing instructions... and a how to for a Tibetan carry http://www.babyhawk.com/pages/tibetan.php I love it! It's a back carry but then when you bring the straps around to the front you pass then under the shoulder straps and tie them on top of your chest... this works awsome for me because in just a simple rucksack carry the straps fall off my shoulders (hence having to cross them in front.)

So armed with this new knowledge I tossed Phoenix on my back, did the Tibetan tie and off we went. He didn't slip, my tailbone is intact and he was up there for over an hour (typical) but my back is not sore at all! And lugging a 22 lb infant around for an hour on your back is a great workout (right Babs? lol!)

*rubs eyes*

Don't let that sweet little face decieve you... this baby is sadistic.

He woke up from his nap yesterday (only a 1.5 hour nap and his first of the day) at 4pm. He went to bed at 1 am. 9 hours he was awake. And that was 9 hours that he whined, bitched, grumped and fought sleep. So you'd think that he would have slept well wouldn't you?

I hit the sack at 1:30am. He woke at 3:20. 5:20. 7:20. 8:20. 9:20. I got out of bed at 9:30am.

I was in bed for 8 hours. I am exhausted. A typical feed looks like this... he makes his "feed me" noises. Latch him on, attempt to pass out, he pulls off, whines, latch him on, attempt to pass out, he pulls off, whine, latch him on....

What is his problem! *shakes head*

The girls are snarky snarky today. The puppy refused to pee or poo when I took him out but them promptly shit on my floor and started eating it when I brought him back in. So he's back in his crate. The girls are doing puzzles (after fighting about them) and I am attempting to pretend my name is not mommy and I'm not here.

You ever have a day where the second you get out of bed you wish the day was already over?

Today.

For Lily

A bunch of really wonderful mama's have come together to help Kathryn and Baby Lily. Their whole family could use our support (both emotionally and financially) right now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go buy some tickets to these raffles and do your part to make their lives just a bit easier.

http://hyenacart.com/Charity_raffles/

Thank you everyone!!!

stuffed

Blerg. I am stuffed. I think Jeff might be in the bathroom purging as we speak ;) I made a schwackload of french toast for dinner and man was it good! We had some leftover so Maddy's taking french toast sticks in her lunch... that and grapefruit.

Yes grapefruit. I've never liked it. I've always wanted to like it because the smell is intoxicating to me. It's a smell I'd love to eat... except I have always hated grapefruit. However superstore's special this payday was spend $175 and get a 14 lb box of Ruby Red grapefruit. Jeff convinced me to try a slice... oh my god. Manna from heaven! I love this stuff!!!! Maddy and Olivia both wanted to try and now Madeline is in love... Olivia thought it was good but sour. She still ate it though. Jeff juiced up a bunch and we all had some of that as well.

We slept in a bit, did some housework, lazed around and then went to the kids museum. We had a blast. I sent Jeff off by himself for some guy time (to great white) and the kids and I hung out. Phoenix had a great time with the wire bead toys and the rain sticks. He nursed through the Dinosaur movie and got to pet a snake. The girls were enthralled with the snakes! We played some tic tac toe, checked out all the animals and as usual made new friends. I love going there.

I think Rose and I have cleared the air over the bruised Madeline. Finally ;)

My mother is leaving to go back to work tomorrow. She's been home for over a week and we have not seen her. She's coming for lunch. I think I'll make Egg Salad.

Black eyes, goose eggs and broken noses...

Get that girl a helmet!

Maddy's doing better... after a week and a half her black eyes are starting to fade. Her goose bump is now brown and still very bumpish. Her nose is reduced in swelling and she's mostly out of pain. My poor baby :(

I wrote an email to Rose tonight letting her know that I don't blame Travis in this. That I know it was an accident but that we should also keep in mind it's not a "he said she said" thing. That a lunch monitor saw the whole thing and that we shouldn't keep trivializing Travis's role in this by telling madeline that she "slipped" or "tripped." Rose said tonight that she's "not taking sides" but there is really no sides to take! It's pretty black and white honestly. He hurt her by accident. Done deal. I understand that she's protective of him and going to choose his "side" because he's her grandchild but have a little compassion for a poor wee girl with a ginormous injury!

Loki's on the floor chewing up his brown bear. I just caught him eating my carpet... nice.

You know what?

I love glycerine suppositories. My baby hates them... but I love love love them. You know why I love them? Because they, in 10 minutes, make a baby that has NOT SHIT in almost 3 WEEKS, well... shit! Yayyyy for poo!!!!

The downside? Having to hold it in... oh blerg.

Phoenix is not compatible with eating. Solid food that is. He is eating just the tiniest bit of things but they are mega constipating him! Then it hurts to poo, so he does not poo, so it gets harder to poo, so he does not poo... the poo. IT WILL KILL YOU!

But he had 6 gloriously large poo's and he's getting back to a liquidy state. He's a much much happier baby now :) He even fell asleep on his own, in the bedroom, by himself! It was not intentional... I left him with his Winnie slumber sleeper and turned out the light so I could go pee. Next thing I know he's snoring!

So Jeff is cleaning his shop and destressing and I'm on the puter. Like normal ;)

I'm irritated

My kids are driving me crazy. Phoenix decided that 5am was a good time to be up... until 7am when I asked jeff if he thought Phoenix would shut up if he knew how perilously close to being chucked out the window he was.

I had 4 of Madeline's school mates and their moms over for a playdate today. It went... okay. Maddy was a bit whiney and would rather have sat and ate muffins, popcorn and raisens than play with her friends. That was a tad annoying. And then she'd whine that they didn't want to play with her. That was really annoying.

The reason I am so irritated is because of non napping Phoenix. He slept for about 40 minutes (less?) before Maddy and her friends woke him up. He was really tired around 4:45 so I went to nurse him down for a nap. Of course that is when the girls CRANK the tv and start jumping up and down and YELLING at one another. I damn near lost it. I stormed into the living room and told them both to get into their rooms. Of course by then Phoenix is wide awake and is still not sleeping...

Loki is still doing well. He's had some accidents but he IS a puppy after all. He's a bit nippier with the girls currently but if they'd LISTEN to me and STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE Loki wouldn't feel the need to herd them!

Well dinner is ready so I should sign off. Oven roasted organic whole chicken and roasted califlower and brocolli. Yummo!