Monday, December 24, 2007

Oh I'm so annoyed...

I have been battling strep/tonsillitis for a couple of weeks now (coming up on three weeks I guess) and I went back to the clinic yesterday and it's back. So more antibiotics for me and supposed rest (lol!) So I get a call from my sister this morning saying she's horribly ill, it's strep (apparently now she's a doctor) and CAN I SHARE MY ANTIBIOTICS WITH HER! Ummmm... no.

First of all, I understand that since she no longer lives here she does not have health insurance. I know she'll have to pay to see a doctor. I know she'll have to pay to get antibiotics. I know this. But I also know that I need MY antibiotics. They are not going to give me another scrip until this one runs out so that will leave ME needed antibiotics and having to suffer because I can't get any. Never mind that she just very well might have a virus (there's a bunch going around) that cause sore throats and will not respond to drugs PERIOD. I am not going to diagnose and prescribe her and that is what I would be doing if I gave her half my antibiotics.

Of course she hung up on me (real mature) refused to answer the phone when I called back and then when I finally got my mother on the phone, I tried to explain my point and the feeling I got from her is that I was making HER life more difficult because now SHE had to get her to the doctors and "don't I know that she has a lot of stuff to do today?"

Why... why why why is it always MY FUCKING FAULT. Why do they always strive to make ME feel guilty???? Dawn KNEW I was getting over strep. I made no bones about it. I also told her that my doctor told me not to share utensils, cough on people or kiss anyone... and I didn't.

Oh and then yesterday my mother moans to me about how are they going to get grandma home Christmas day. (she's in a wheelchair after having had a stroke) She was about to ask me if Jeff would take her home when I said we were full up. We're not leaving early so we can take her home. I asked why THEY could not take her home... "the truck is too tall" ... so use the car? No... just ask Jeff! He's the family chauffeur!

Always the drama at Christmas... always.


I am making the pact RIGHT NOW to not take on this guilt. This is not my fault, it has nothing to do with me. It is not up to me to make every single persons life easier. I am not taking ownership of other people's bad moods and attempts to make me feel like shit. They can own their own energy and karma. I refuse.

I will enjoy this Christmas with my family. I will not let attempts at negativity drag me down. I do not have to accept the shit that people throw at me.


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Oh yah... whatever...

lol! I'm shaking my head... once again the whole vaccine debate comes up at good ol storknet. I posted that my littles had the pox and we all got through them... this brought up the debate on how anyone could ever dream of exposing their children to the horribly deadly disease that is the POX! (duh duh duuuuummmmmm) Because don't you know that someones aunt best friend's cousins daughter had them and nearly DIED and then their uncle had them and he DID DIE and blah blah blah. Yes... the chicken pox can do damage... VERY VERY RARELY and I'm willing to bet that not as much damage as that fucking vaccine has caused. How about this? How about giving millions of kids a vaccine that will leave them without protection in 10-15 years just in time for them to get them when they are a teenager and CAN be horribly damaged? Of course people say they'll just get the booster... but not everyone will. And people that could have earned life long immunity when they were children are now completely fucked.

Another funny... a couple of weeks ago when I posted on my status on facebook that my littles had the pox and I was happy, a woman that I barely know, who added ME, posts rather passive aggressively on HER status "........ ...... is wondering why anyone would want their child to be sick." How about just WRITING ME and ASKING ME instead of pulling the PA shit that I so enjoy?

I can't believe it's only six more days will christmas. Unreal. I still having stocking stuffers to buy and wrap!!!!!

Well I've watched three episodes of 90210 season three tonight and I am off to shower and hit the hay. Jeff's downstairs watching star wars... again. Uggg.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

My husband...

is very very creative :) He designed and made these necklaces for our little ladies Yule presents :)

This is Madeline's :)
And a close up
Olivia's close up
And Olivia's entire necklace :)

I can't WAIT till they open them!!!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

update of sorts

Just cause... lol!

So my issue with not breathing ended up being over a week long battle with evil evil strep. I'm FINALLY out of pain and that is a very very good thing. Jeff ended up getting it as well but he got on antibiotics right away. The kids are all finished the chicken pox as well. So Goddess willing we should all be well for Yule/santa day celebrations!

I'm all done my shopping, decorating and wrapping. I'm currently folding laundry and watching Star Wars I with Jeff. I'm tired. I have to stay up for another hour or so until my bread is finished.

Sigh. I had a whole post planned out but I'm too sleepy.

Sunday, December 09, 2007



It's six thirty in the morning and other than a two minute doze here or there... I have not been to sleep yet.

I took a t-3 (tylenol with codeine) because my kidneys were sore, my back was sore, I was having tons of aches and pains of various sorts... it seemed like the right thing to do.

Those pills are going away tomorrow. Far far away. From about 20 minutes after I took ONE DAMN PILL I suffered a huge huge massive panic attack. I was so fucking exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open but every time I fell asleep I woke up convinced that if I did fall asleep I would die. Every. Single. Time. So now my bodies trigger to passing out is... to wake itself back up as soon as fucking possible.

Oh gawd. There are no words to explain how incredibly shitty I feel right now. Oh and to top it all off I have a massive sore throat. I've been managing my panic/anxiety well for a while but always, right around 16-18 months postpartum... when my hormone levels are reaching normal cause my babes start nursing less this happens. I attended a course on managing my anxiety and panic the last time and it worked very very well. I think I need that again. Or a shrink. Or something. Cause I can't live with the mood swings and the feeling of impending doom (which is one of the major signs of a heart attack... nice) and I don't think that my family really wants to live with it either.

So I sit here on the couch in the dark with my laptop... while my dark prince sleeps on the couch across from me. I tried to go to bed and managed about an hour in my room before I freaked out. I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN. I just can't.

I'm hoping this is just codeine induced. Praying it is.

Sigh. Out of words :(

Friday, December 07, 2007

The pox... round two

Both the littles have fevers. Olivia has a sore throat and no appetite... Phoenix has a cough and runny nose. My bet is two rounds of spots by tomorrow. Fun fun fun!

I have a kidney infection. I'm sore. I'm tired. I need a nap in the worst possible way. We're going to finish watching Emily Young and then it's bed for all of us. Diapers need to be switched to the dryer but other than that not much housework is being done today.

I need to do a grocery list... we're supposed to go visit rose and al tonight and we have a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I think Maddy's supposed to sleep over at my moms. We'll see.