Friday, September 21, 2007

where did I go?

the woman who wanted to be a lawyer, travel the world, have rampant sex any time of the day with the love of her life?

who did the swingin thang? Who partied the night away in clubs? who could attend any concert any time?

who swore she would never have kids? who rebelled against any form of commitment?

she's been replaced...

by someone who wants to be a midwife, loves long drives while her children sleep in the back seat, has quiet but still mind blowing sex on the couch... after the kids are in bed ;)

by someone who can't imagine sharing her man. Who parties the evening away at pagan family friendly events. Who's idea of a good concert is "big comfy couch"

by someone who laments the fact that her baby making days are over. who nurses her babies until the wean. who has made the ultimate commitment for her family.

I've changed.

I've grown.

I've matured.

I can't imagine doing anything else, being anywhere else or being ANYONE ELSE.

I love who I am.

I love my life.

I'm me... and for the first time in my life it's right where I want to be.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


and it's so freaking adorable!

I put him down while on the phone with jeff and he took 6 steps. Then a bunch of steps at LLL tonight. Then he walked like four or five times at Roses!


That is all :)

Is it true? Could it be?

Olivia Sporting her "first day of school" outfit :)

Madeline in her "first day of school" outfit

Phoenix sporting his... new teeth? Smile? Cuteness?

Emma (Maddy's friend) Madeline and Olivia outside M's school on the first day

Am I actually becoming a *gasp* morning person????

I guess that's what happens when you get up every single day at 7am and start falling asleep at 10:30 (yes 10:30... don't have a heart attack... I'm serious!)

I'm sitting here with my breakfast, listening to Chuck Berry while Olivia does some serious "Happy Feeting"

I'm back, a poopy diaper to change, a baby to get dressed and washed. I lead an exciting life. I should go run and put diapers in the wash as well.

Maddy's at school. Lunch is packed (pizza, apples, granola bar and banana for snack) and Olivia has school at 1. Jeff and I are actually going to take Phoenix and go do some birthday prep stuff. With just one child. We may get a wee bit giddy with the freedom ;) (great now he obviously was not done filling his pants cause he's crappy again...)

Yesterday I had my three kids, three daycare kids and then Maddy's friend. I must thrive on chaos ;) I find when there are that many they just tend to keep one another amused. We come home, have a snack (yesterday was fruit salad and juice) all homework gets done, homework gets invented for those that come without and silent/out loud reading takes place. THEN they get to play for about an hour and it's go home time. I LOVE afterschool care.

Olivia is sitting beside me saying "mommy, mommy, change Phoenix. No time for writing... change Phoenix! Changing!" I may have to kill her. Now Phoenix is driving his car on Liv's chair so she took off. These are the sounds of my morning...

I miss my Madeline. I enjoy the quiet but I miss her.

My sister is? hopefully? coming home for Christmas. Oh gawd she'd better. I need her here right now.

We're having a small party for Maddy's birthday day at my mom's on saturday. That reminds me I have to call Aunty Gail and my grandma. Then the big waterslide party at Ester's on the 22nd.

Well poopy diapers wait for no woman and it will just get stinkier the longer I wait. If I'm not back in 10 call the emt's kay?

but first... some new pics ;)

Sunday, September 09, 2007

another day

Phoenix is having a heck of a time with his sleep tonight. He's been up about 5 times in the last 2 hours and we have NO idea what is wrong. So we've given him Motrin and we're crossing our fingers.

Maddy's lunch is made; organic pb and strawberry jam pinwheels on whole wheat tortilla, whole yogurt with honey, cinnamon and vanilla extract and orange flavoured craisens with watered down orange juice to drink. Banana for snack. I wish I made lunches for myself like I do for her ;)

I have two extra day care kids tomorrow. I love a house full.

On Friday I somehow managed to collect three extra kids on the way home. Caitlin (our one after school kid) Maddy, Liv, Phoenix and I were going to watch a very family friendly movie and eat our snack downstairs, then Maddy wanted Emma to come so I invited her (such a sweet kid with a wonderful mother), then Kendra (another grade one girl but in the K-1 split) overheard and I got guilted into inviting her... THEN our old next door neighbor Danica asked to come. We had a blast, the kids had a great time and Jeff hid upstairs ;) I have a feeling I'll always be the one with all the kids over at their house. I guess I'm just not afraid of having that many kids over. I find it fun :)

Ballet/song and dance are back in full force. Not much to report there. We planned it for the girls to have the same teacher as last year as we adore her :)

I made a roast chicken in the crockpot today so it could cook while we were out. Neither Jeff nor I are feeling well (head colds coming on) so it was an easyish type day. Did a bit of shopping and came home. Got Phoenix some new rice noodles and gluten free cereal (Gorilla crunch by envirokidz) and the girls some lunch things.

Well I should help jeff fold the laundry ... oops... he's done ;) Shucks ;)

My stock is finished (soup tomorrow) and the bread machine is almost done it's thing. I think I may have the hang of this suzie homemaker crap after all ;)

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Instant Karma...

Oh how I love the mysterious and wonderful ways that the Goddess works... whatever good you put into this world comes back to you threefold. Whatever bad you put into this world comes back to you threefold...

remember the post where I said my inlaws backed down on a promise yet again? Well the sale of their house just fell through.

Karma's a bitch ain't it?

Monday, September 03, 2007

Planning a sixth birthday party...

SIX!!! I can't believe my teeny blonde blue eyed chubby baby is going to be six in 12 days! She's so tall with hair down to her waist and these muscled little dancer legs. She can read, do simple math, clean her room... she is way too young to be six and in grade one.

Esters Inn is the setting for the party. September 15th. Rose just informed me that her crew (them, Mike, Robyn and the kids) will be gone camping again. But if we got our tent trailer fixed would could go! Ummm... no. It will be cold. Probably rainy and yah. We're having a party. And she'll be gone. As usual ;)

So I guess it will be Madeline, Emma, Kaitlyn, Brianna, Caitlyn, Madison and Elisabeth. Olivia too of course, though she won't have a friend there... maybe we should invite Kathrine and Caroline? We'll see. So I'm booking the party Room and the kids will have two glorious hours to do those water slides just as many times as their little legs will ;) We'll have cupcakes, ice pops, juice, snacks and fun! I'll invite my mom and grandmother but I doubt they'll show up. I guess it will just be Maddy's friends, Jean, Jeff and I. I know they'll have a blast.

For goody bags I'm thinking a craft kit in each bag, a princess crown and some chocolate candies (Sundrops that are made with natural dyes, like M&M's.)

Madeline wants a pretend cash register, baby stroller, new baby and a Pucci Pup. She also wants a princess "polly pocket" type doll. I think maybe Olivia will get that for her. I found a cute Graco umbrella stroller for $9, the cash register for $19 and the new baby set for $22. I think we'll ix nay on the pup. She'll get some new clothes and a book or two to round it out.

Just got out of a very relaxing hot tub with Jeff. I think I'll go jump him while his defenses are down ;)

Sunday, September 02, 2007


So part of the reason that we chose to buy THIS house instead of buying the one that we were already living in that my inlaws owned was that we would receive money from the sale of the home. I won't go into huge details but basically they would give us the down payment for this place and then promised us more after their house sold and we would save that as a financial buffer. We informed them of this plan and they applauded us for being fiscally responsible...

Fast forward to today. They just informed us that there will be no more money forthcoming. So we spent more money on a house, spent money moving AND increased our mortgage by $400 a month on the promise of having an additional "X" amount of dollars in the bank and now it's not coming.

Now them backing down on their promises is nothing new so I shouldn't be surprised. It is what it is. However I am still disappointed.

The girls have not SEEN Jeff's mom since January. They are coming to visit on September 18th. They'll arrive that evening and are only staying until saturday morning. 3 days. Nice. They won't stay here and we probably will not see much of them at all.

Once again... it is what it is.

I am very grateful for what they have given us. We would not have been able to purchase a house without their help. However for the small amount they gave us, we helped them make $140,000 over the last three years by living in their rental and allowed them to acquire equity on it.

I'll just stop... I sound like a whiny little bitch.

I'm... meh

I've been lax on journaling. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm... depressed? I'm not sure but I feel that way a bit.

Lately I've been feeling the finality of Jeff's sterility. I don't "want" more children but I'm feeling the finality of not ever having that choice again. I was okay with it 10 months ago but not so much now. Not that there is anything that we would do or can be done. I feel our family is complete. But mommy amnesia has set in and I can only remember all the good things about being pregnant and having a newborn ;)

I'm dealing. I'm hoping this stage does not last long. I should have waited until now to get my dog ;)

The house is great. It's a dream. Our first mortgage payment came out and now we're officially on the poverty program ;)

Phoenix is back in cloth. He seems to tolerate being a bit wet much better than he used to and now that he is not quite so hating diaper changes and is willing to sit a tiny bit still, it's easier to get a snappi on him without impaling his penis and testicles.

School starts on tuesday... I'm ready but am I "ready?"

I need to let my feelings go to the Goddess and just trust that everything will work out.