Wednesday, January 31, 2007


I'm tired today. I got very little sleep last night and now I have to gear up for an action packed two hours of set up, sing and take down for Mother Goose. I know I'll have fun once I get there... it's just the getting there that is the issue!

I used the ground beef from last night to do some meatballs. I made them simple and just added some Montreal steak spice and was done with it. They are currently baking in the oven with a pan of roasting califlower, brocolli, carrots and garlic. They've got a bit of EVOO, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper and some Garlic plus seasoning on top. I'm counting on them tasting good ;)

Maddy had a good day at school. They tested her on her dolce sight words and she only did two... TWO. She knows a heck of a lot more than that. She hates to preform for anyone though. This could spell issues for her in public school. I'm hoping that with time she gets over that. She did get a green "gotcha" ticket though for colouring so nicely and keeping within the lines... not that I encourage conformity but it made her happy.

Olivia and I did a puzzle (100 pc) that is challenging for even an adult. She just plucked away for about a half hour and got it done. That child and her puzzling abilities just blow me away! She was making me laugh today... talking about "ass farts"... she was actually talking about asphalt! But she says it "ass fart"... hilarious!

Phoenix says "ah da" (all done) "ah ga" (no idea) and "dada" (daddy) So cute!!! He loves his feet and he sucks his thumb now. He's always chewed on it but just in the last three weeks has he actually started sucking on it. It seems to make him very happy.

I should get dressed and get a move on. The kids and I will eat and daddy will eat after he gets home from dropping me off at mother goose.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

DInner of the depressed...

I took out ground beef tonight. I was planning on making something fantastic with it... but now I'm all depressed about all the shit going on and I can barely drag my ass off the couch (well that and I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick.) So the kids ate organic peanut butter and organic strawberry jam on whole wheat flax tortillas. They had yoguart and natural granola bars on the side. And water. For dinner.

I've asked Jeff if we can order for some chinese or something. I need something fattening and entirely bad for me. I also need to eat a dinner with just my husband and reconnect. I had a wonderful time with Diane here but I need to let my hair down and relax a bit.

Phoenix is napping... still. Since three hours ago. I should go check on him.

Friday, January 26, 2007

I'm bummed...

My best friend is going through some serious shit with her husband right now. Well... better said HE'S putting her through some serious shit and she does not know what to do. All I can say is that I hope she realizes how special she is and that she DOES NOT have to put up with being treated this way. She is a wonderful, caring, loving TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME person. He? A useless dirtbag. Worse than a useless dirt bag... more like a totally infected pustule on the ass of a non organic, mass produced cow. /rant

My mother in law is visiting for the week. I love having her here :) We really didn't get off to a good start in our relationship with one another but now I love her like a mother and confide and trust in her much more than I do in mine. It's so wonderful to have her love and support. I wish we could live closer to them :(

I made a rocking dinner tonight of a spicy black bean soup.

Tammy's spicy crock pot bean soup
Two cups of black beans, soaked all day yesterday, put in crockpot on high all night (for 10 hours) cooked in ham stock and two bay leaves
In the morning add a large can of tomato sauce
chopped carrots, celery
one large onion (sliced) 5 cloves of garlic (sliced)
cracked black pepper and sea salt, two small handfuls of taco seasoning

At the last hour add two cups of cooked rice.

The rice puffs out and gets all barlyish...

BEST FUCKING SOUP EVER! Spicy, soft, hot... oh yum.

We went to Maddy's school for family literacy day today. She read us a story and we did a story as a class. It was so much fun :)

Kids are in bed, we're watchings "cars" with a very fussy Phoenix. I'll be in bed early tonight I think. Phoenix gave me about two hours of sleep last night and that... was... it.


well phoenix went to sleep at 8:30 and I was asleep on the couch by 9. I slept until 10:30, fed Phoenix and now I'm awake. I think I might go back to bed soonish here. I need to catch up on my sleep.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I'm insane...

My mother in law is coming tomorrow. She's staying for a week. I've been working steady for two days to get the house ready for her. Jeff's been working steady for two days to get the house ready for her. I just finished (at 2:30 in the morning) folding 6 loads of laundry. I briefly toyed with the idea of putting it all away but didn't. I'm doing stuff like cleaning out under my sink where my garbage can is... Yah I'm insane.

And I was a bitch to Jeff tonight. He cleaned and cleaned whilst I held a very irritated and then screamed Phoenix. All I could think of was "come get this kid!" but if he had? I'd be bitching that he was not cleaning. He really couldn't win with me tonight... hey Jeff? I'm sorry honey :(

I get so uptight when we get company. The only person I truly feel comfortable letting see my house a mess is Robyn. That's it. Pretty sad.

So Phoenix has two teeth. Two teeny sharp little grating little irritating little teeth. My breasts are sore tonight.

I'm off to bed. Sooooo tired.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sick sick sick

Well Madeline never made it to ballet yesterday because SHE woke up sick. So they both still have fevers, runny noses and sore bodies. Madeline was up all night last night with nightmares (Daddy slept on her bottom bunk and took care of her... I LOVE that man.) Olivia slept through the night. Phoenix nursed basically all night... he was very grouchy because...

Phoenix got his first teeny tiny razer sharp tooth! I stuck my knuckle in his mouth to calm him down today and OUCH! He bit me! It's very cute though :)

Well Jeff's home and wants to chat :)

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Still sick

We'll Liv is still sick. She stayed in her pj's the whole day and was only awake for about three hours of it. Jeff gave her a lukewarm bath (not enough to bring down her temp but even to make her feel a bit better) and washed her hair. She ate half a bar of good dark chocolate, four sippy's of water and a piece of plain toast. Go liv. I took her temp a few times and it never came below 102.5. I don't know why I check. I have this need to know the number. It's pretty irrational but hey... I can be an irrational person at times! I called Robyn in a panic when Olivia was getting close to 104 but she talked me down off the roof ;)

Maddy seems fine and if she still is fine in the morning I'll send her to ballet. Olivia is not going.

I spent $105 at the fabric store today. Thank the goddess I get it reinbursed by the dance studio. The ribbons are all cut out. Jeff is tracing patterns as we speak and I only have to cut the material for the girls dresses. If just ONE MOM bitches at me I might have to slap her. Then YOU do the fucking work next time! Grrrr! And not one of them offered to help. Nice.

I went to Ave Maria last night and picked some stuff up for Liv's flu... in the anticipation that the rest of us will get the flu as well. Got ground beef, whole organic milk, two jars of organic jam, honey, fenugreek. I put in an order for three Kleen Kanteens. Oh and I picked up coconut oil too. But they were out of the big jars again! Grrrrr!

Okay I should go cut out material. I need some sleep!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007



Olivia is very sick. Fever of 104-5ish sick. I'm being good and letting her body do it's thing but it's SO HARD to have her so sick and not be able to DO anything. She was up most of the night (thank so SO MUCH JEFF!) but Daddy was up and down with her because I was ...

Up and down with the baby. Who is not sick (I think) but was up about every 15 minutes for 7 hours. Crying, fussing, sad... fuck.

Maddy is not sick. She slept through the night. She also thought it would be a good idea to wake up her sick sister. Not once... but TWICE! She's in her room now. I'm toying with the idea of never letting her out.

I have SO MUCH TO DO this weekend and people to see and things to organize... fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!

"people before things, people before things, people before things"


Thursday, January 18, 2007


There are few things in my life that I am very passionate about. Breastfeeding, attatchment parenting and circumcision.

I was wandering around Mothering.commune today and finally came across the Penn and Teller Circ episode. I watched the half and hour program, I cried for the poor baby boys that were having parts of their bodies sliced off against their wills. I was checking out some other sites and some of the quotes on this one site just cut me to the core.

In Memory of the Sexually Mutilated Child

In memory of all the children throughout history who have died at the hands of sexual mutilators; and in memory of those who almost died, those who wanted to die, and those who wished they had died; and in memory of those who never knew that a sexual mutilator killed a beautiful, wondrous, irreplaceable part of them.

"What happens to you here is forever." "Through lack of understanding they remained sane." George Orwell, 1984

"Mutilation ... implies the cutting off or removal
of a part essential to completeness, not only of a
person but also of a thing, and to his or its perfection,
beauty, entirety, or fulfillment of function."
Webster's Dictionary of Synonyms
Springfield, Massachusetts: G. & C. Merriam Company, 1968

"A piece of skin the size of a quarter
contains more than three million cells, 12
feet of nerves, 100 sweat glands, 50 nerve
endings, and almost three feet of blood vessels."
The Human Connection
Ashley Montagu and Floyd Matson
McGraw-Hill, 1979

"Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity."
George Bernard Shaw

"There's something deranged about anyone who persists in
circumcising babies after being confronted with the facts."

"Carving, crushing, burning, and slicing a baby's penis,
reducing it to gore, getting his hands covered with penis
blood, and filling his ears with shrieks and screams of agony
and terror are the potent drug cocktail the serial circumciser
needs to make himself feel alive."

"I was never to see those beautiful,
mystic, Leboyer newborn-baby smiles again."
Rosemary Romberg, after the circumcision of her third son, eight days old

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you talk me out of it? Why didn't someone stop me?" Mother and health care provider after watching a video about circumcision after her son had been circumcised

"It's absolutely horrible. I didn't know how horrific it
was going to be. It was the most gruesome thing I have
ever seen in my life. I told the doctor as soon as he was
done, if I had a gun I would have killed him."
Melissa Morrison, seven months after watching the circumcision of her baby son "The psychological impact of circumcision," by R. Goldman

"I'm sobbing. The baby's screaming. The doctor's cutting.
There's blood everywhere. And the doctor looked into my
face and said, 'There's no medical reason for doing this.'"
Marilyn Milos, RN, Executive Director, NOCIRC

"Circumcision meets the legal definition of sexual assault and child abuse."

Violating the Golden Rule -- George C. Denniston, MD
"I clearly violated, all in one instant, the Golden Rule
(I certainly would not have wanted that done to me); the major tenet of medical practice, First, Do No Harm; and all seven
Principles of the American Medical Association's Code of Ethics."

Foreword to Circumcision Exposed -- Paul M. Fleiss, MD
"I now know that every baby I circumcised cried and that I never responded to their pain ... I then decided I was
on their side; my job was to protect babies, not harm them."

Excuse me now... I have to go snuggle my very perfect, very whole little baby boy. And cry for the millions and millions of boys that have had this horrid atrocity done to them. *tears*

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

And another day draws to a close...

I got approximately one hour of sleep last night. Jeff brough me home a large iced cap last night at around 10 pm. I finally fell asleep at 4:30 this morning!!! For about... 10 minutes. Then I got maybe another 45 minutes at around 5? Then Phoenix was up until 9am which was when Olivia got up for the day. Oh well. I survived. I'm sooo tired though. Phoenix just went to bed about 20 minutes ago and I'm soon going to going him.

Olivia played with her paper horses, played Bob the Builder with Princess bear, played games with me on the computer. She had some leftover chicken noodle soup and fresh bread for lunch and then we were off to get Madeline.

Madeline had a wonderful play date today! We got together at Caitlyn (with a C) and Dawn's house. Emma and her mom Tammy came as well. The girls all played very nice together and a good time was had by all. Olivia was a bit nervous and had to have Madeline in sight at all times. Both girls were very polite and gracious. Phoenix had a ball being loved on and I think other than nursing him, I really didn't hold him for the whole two hours! He was loving being passed from Tammy to Dawn. They were cuddling and snuggling him. I think their uteruses (uteri?) were twitching ;) He had great fun trying to dive at Dawn's cats and chatting.

We had a good supper of pasta and tomato/mushroom sauce. I made some fresh foccaccia to go with and some frozen corn. I'm going to do the good food box next month after I read what's in yours Robyn! That rocks! I'm glad your root veggie roast turned out well. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Tommorow night is the day before grocery shopping. Slim pickins... I'm making a sweet and sour stirfry with chicken, brocolli, garlic and tri coloured peppers. I'll do up some jasmine rice to go with.

Oh so tired. Night all :)

My 200th post!

Hurray! Apparently I have a lot to say ;)

Maddy discovered the computer today. Yes she's five. I've done my best to keep her away from it so far. But Olivia was at preschool and Phoenix was sleeping and I had already drawn and cut out horses, coloured in her princess book, cleaned the kitchen with her and read four books. I refused to turn on the boob tube so we checked out Nick Jr. instead. She played games for about an hour! She's got a bit to learn on mouse control but she has the concept down pat. I highly reccomend the "Wonderpets" game. So cute! Useless... but cute!

Olivia had a good day at preschool. She brought home a food bag? It's a brown paper bag, with pictures of food stuck on it. She had put organic lettuce, sausage rolls, a hot wing platter (?) and various stuff on it. I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with it... but it's cute!

Phoenix's rash is doing much better. We took him to our doctor yesterday (first time in 4.5 months! We don't do well babe visits apparently...) and he figures it was a systemic reaction caused by gluten. We had tried him on a bit of organic oatmeal and he screamed for 48 hours and has had this rash for three weeks. He said it could take a few more weeks to work itself out of his system. So no grains till at least a year (no biggie... babes can't digest grains until at least then anyways) and keep him off any foods for another month or so. We'll probably try again somewhere around 8.5 to 9 months. He's over 20 lbs on just boob so he'll be fine.

I'm beginning to think that with my very tall boy I should have sprung for the extra tall bodied Baby Hawk Mai Tai. When he falls asleep on my back his head lolls... even with the head rest. He often falls asleep on my back. Easiest way to get a baby to nap; bore them to death.

Dinner was very good tonight. Dinner was also very good last night for the record. Yesterday I did an organic roast chicken in the crockpot and after dinner put the bones and meat on for stock. It made the BEST STOCK EVAH! I then did a chicken noodle soup in the crockpot tonight with a loaf of fresh bread.

Watched the first episode of American Idol tonight. Wow. Some people are so incredibly fucking UNtalented it's not even funny. Nuff said.

I should head to bed. Jeff and I got in a very long philsophical discussion tonight about wicca and paganism. Either we're very elitist, very picky or assholes. Okay... probably most of the above. I just don't understand why every new member of our pagan board for the last couple months is either A. A complete flake or B. A complete asswipe. (No I'm totally not talking about you Kat ;) ) Could we just get some nice normal eco-friendly pagans please? PLEASE?


off to boob babe ... and by babe I mean the small one. Not the large one ;)

Sunday, January 14, 2007

It's a better day...

or it will be if I hear from Robyn... you out there my friend?

I made yummy yummy ham stock. I used yummy yummy ham stock to make black beans in the crock pot. It took soaking them over night, THEN cooking them on HIGH for 8 hours to get them soft enough to mash. I refried them, added some taco seasoning and Jeff has lunch for the next week. He LOVES refried beans but the sodium content in the canned ones is insane.

I was hoping to have them for dinner tonight but they were not finished till after the girls were in bed. So I made my (robyn's) chicken pasta but instead of brocolli in it put halved baby organic tomato's. Soooo good. Served up with flax pasta. Yummo.

I took out my frusterations and bad mood on my house today.

I cleaned out the hall closet and that yielded THREE garbage bags full of stuff. All the top sheets (we don't use them) tableclothes we don't use, excess towels and pillow cases, a ton of gift bags, blankets... then I cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards and took four boxes full of stuff out. I gave away ANYTHING excess that I have not used in the last two months. The only things I kept that I don't normally use was my coffee maker and a veggie tray. That's it.

Jeff did the storage room, rec room, laundry/cat room, all the hallways down stairs. He took all the stuff to give away and donated it, did all the recycling and cleaned his heart out. Phoenix took a three hour nap and that helped quite a bit.

The girls were helpful, cheerful... a real joy to be around.

Well jeff's getting off the phone and we are just starting "Brothers Grimm." Hopefully it's a decent movie.


It's been a day. One of those days where you seriously question the wisdom of having that third child that you wanted so much. Don't get me wrong... I love Phoenix with all my heart and soul but my girls are getting on my everloving last freaking nerve. It's the NUMBER of children and needs and wants that wears me down.

You know ... it takes a village to raise a child. In this society that we live in we are so separated from those that could give us help with the child rearing. Hold babies while they cry, make our kids a meal, fold some laundry. I'm jealous (yes jealous) of people (mostly my best friend) who have their mother in laws around to invite them for dinner, watch their kids... who WANT THEM THERE. I always feel like an intruder. I feel like when I pull into their driveway and someone else is there that I should just keep on driving :( We descend with our horde and the noise level increases five fold. I feel like I need to keep my kids quiet and well behaved so people will invite us back... but we rarely rarely get invited anywhere. And I'm tired of inviting myself :(

Apparently I'm having a pity party tonight. Oh well. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

I'm making ham stock tonight so I can make refried black beans tomorrow for dinner. It smells delicious. I've done my menu's for the next two weeks as well. My MIL is coming for a week at the end of the month and I am SO looking forward to it. I can't wait to have some company and help!!! I sound so pathetic don't I :(

I'll end here. Anything else I say will just come out totally wrong.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


First of all... if you have not read the new Hathor comic go here:

absolutely true. She always manages to put into words exactly what I think!

Olivia had preschool today. While she was there, Phoenix had a piddly 45 minute nap but in that time Madeline and I made tuna salad and egg salad. She had a great time! She chopped up all the eggs, added the mayo and the spices, stirred it all up. She had to tell everyone that SHE made the dinner ;) Olivia had a good time and came home with a stop sign that she had made. All night every time we said something she didn't want to hear, or did something she didn't like she'd pop her sign in the air "STOP!" it was hilarious!

Well I'm obviously not pregnant (thank the Goddess above) as I ovulated today. Funny cause Robyn ovulated yesterday so my cycle must have pushed it back in order to be at the same time ;) Or my body is just whacked. I've always ovulated at a similar time as women I'm close to though so who knows!

Jeff just got in from shoveling three inches of snow. He's cold. (okay I'm back... baby woke up, went it to boob him but he REALLY woke up... that kind of awake where they tell you that they just had a great nap and they are ready to party and NOTHING you can do will convince them to go back to sleep... well at least he's in a good mood).

Better depart, Jeff's got a bunch of web work to do and I'll hang with the fiend. Even though I'd really rather be sleeping... sigh...

Monday, January 08, 2007

I need to go to bed

and yet here I sit... ;)

We did some running around yesterday and hit Ave Maria. An easy $50 every single time I enter that store. I bought kids probiotics, baby soap, kids toothpaste (orange from Green Beaver... it's... interesting) organic milk and butter and Jeff some new crystal rock deoderant.

Today we slept till 9 when Phoenix simply would not settle. I nursed him in the living room, handed him to jeff and went back to dreamland for another 1.5 hours. Nice! We went to a birthday party (son of a friend) today and the girls had a blast. Of course people get me started on the food dye issues and before you know it we're talking organic meat, coconut oil, cloth diapers, baby wearing and all of a sudden I'm the resident freak! Thank fuck no one brought up vaccinations or co-sleeping... I might have been stared right out of there! Oh well there's one in every crowd... might as well be me ;)

I've been told that I need to get Phoenix out of my bed. He needs his own room. He needs his own crib. Did that someone miss the memo where I proclaimed that all children I have will sleep with me, in my bed, until they no longer have a need to anymore? Obviously they did. I LOVE co-sleeping. I REFUSE to get out of bed to deal with a baby in the middle of the night. Deal with it! Not your bed, not your baby, NOT YOUR PROBLEM.


Okay I'm really off to bed now. I just have to search quickly online for a good decent priced bread machine. I thought it might have been the flour but obviously one of the heating elements went because my bread was about 5 inches tall and raw. Yummy!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

and peace was had once more...

the girls are in bed. Oh thank the Goddess. They've been treating one another like they are their own personal punching bags. They are not fighting in ernest, but playfighting like crazy. First they are lions and "pinning" one another, then they are ponies and kicking one another, then they are sisters and wrestling. Girls... noise and dirt. I honestly think they really are boys just cleverly disguised as female.

Phoenix is majorly teething and pretty grouchy. He just woke up from a two hour nap and he's still grouchy ;) Come to think of it though sometimes I'm grouchy after I nap too. Oh he's sitting now!!! That's exciting :)

While Phoenix was sleeping we had a yummy dinner of Caesar salad, Olive chibatta bread and cheeses (double creamed brie and havarti) and then continued cleaning the girls rooms. We bought Maddy four big rubbermaid storage bins for under her bunk bed. She then made labels for them (barbies, dolls/bears, Loving Family, Dress up) and put them on. I cleaned her room out of all excess toys and put them back downstairs. We then did the same to Olivia's. Their rooms are all sparkly now.

Yesterday we got a call from Rose asking us to come and visit at night... when I told her we had to grocery shop she told us to bring over the girls so we could shop alone! Rock on! So we got two hours to ourselves (and phoenix of course) and then went over and watched a movie. We got home around 11:30 or so. It was a wonderful quiet night with visiting and just hanging out.

Well the fiend is still acting hungry so I'll go boob him ;)

Thursday, January 04, 2007


Was a fairly good day! I got a decent amount of sleep last night. I managed to get a nap as per my previous post. Olivia had fun at pre-school. My BFF brought me chocolate chip cookies (that were FUCKING AWESOME! Thank you Robyn!) The girls went to bed without a hitch... it was all good.

I made Jeff and I a yummy sweet and sour organic beef over some whole wheat rotini for dinner. He had a meeting right after work with a web client so I ate cookies for dinner and waited for him. The girls had organic eggs fried in coconut oil, fresh whole wheat bread, organic peanut butter and vanilla rice milk. And cookies for dessert ;)

Mr. Fiendish is in bed already. He had a lovely long bath which we took a very adorable video of. If you want to see the video and I know you ;) Email me at Kozoris at telus dot net and I'll send you the link.

I'm wiating up to see Beverly Hills 90210 at midnight and then I'll be off to bed. Grocery shopping tomorrow and need to pay some bills.

And just when you think you're losing your mind...

Your baby sleeps, your husband takes two days off work to help you, you see your best friend and the world is a better place.

I feel about a zillion times better than two days ago. Phoenix has stopped screaming, is nursing much better, is sleeping... I'm happy. He's still waking up 3 times a night to nurse but he's going back to sleep right after or talking quietly to himself and then passing out. I feel rested. I feel rejuvinated.

Jeff took two emergency vacation days because I think he knew how close to snapping I was... I think he's the ONLY one that knew how close to snapping I was. Sleep deprivation does very mean things to a mama...

We went to the museum with Robyn and the kids yesterday. I needed that. To get out with other mom's and chat about life and kids. I made a new friend or two, the kids got to run off some energy and I got to show off my new Babyhawk of course ;)

I ended up making a fantastic pasta dish in about 1/2 hour last night. Chicken, organic tomatoes, red onions, tons of sliced garlic... all sauted in coconut oil and then toss with raw EVOO and pasta once it was done. Heaven.

I went to the dentist this morning where they finished one of my root canals. It didn't hurt. It did take a LONG FUCKING TIME! 1.5 hours with my mouth wide open. But now it's all smooth and pretty. They used composite fillings (no mercury offgassing thanks so much!) and it looks good. Unfortunately the freezing is wearing off and ohmyfuckinggodithurts! I've taken some more ibuprophen... I hate to take pain killers but ouch!!!

Well liv is at preschool for another hour. I'm having a nap.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

And he sleeps...

He's been sleeping for 2.5 hours now. In bed. Without me.

I'd love to be sleeping but with two other kids to look after and feed and amuse... I'm not. But I did get my kitchen cleaned, eggs hard boiled and dinner thawed. Small miracles.

It's Phoenix's 7 month birthday today!!! 7 months... 7 months of kisses and cuddles, smiles and laughter, giggles and milk sighs... in 7 months he's almost tripled his birthweight and has thigh rolls like a michelin man. In 7 months he's stolen my heart and refused to give it back.

He hates sleep, he screams a lot, he likes to whine... but he's my baby boy and I wouldn't trade him for the world (maybe 8 hours of straight sleep... but not the world.)

Sleep is highly overrated...

I know all my posts these days are about sleep... or lack thereof. Eh... you go with what you know right? And currently all I know is I'm NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING SLEEP.

I can deal with a baby nursing all night. Wake up, nurse, go to sleep. I can do that. I did that with Olivia until she was two. I have no issues AT ALL nursing a baby each and every single time that the need it. I however DO have issues with babies that wake up, refuse to nurse, scream, then fall asleep and wake up 15 minutes later. And do this for 4 hours straight.

I finally got up with Phoenix at 5:30am because I was seriously thinking of chucking him out the window. We watched an hour of Friends and now we're watching some stupid show on "surviving motherhood." Another "wean your baby" "you don't need to feel guilty for not breastfeeding" "solids at 2 months are great!" show. Yah... advice I don't need right now thankssofuckingmuch.

So I've slept for about 1/2 hour. I know it's his teeth and his cold. He can't really breathe laying down. However I have a hard time sleeping sitting up. I'm praying this passes quickly.

So I figure I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or when he moves to his own room. Or when... oh who knows. You can't put a timeline on this kind of torture ;)

A vintage picture post :)

The boy is not old enough to be vintage... so here's one from a rare smiley moment the other day :)
Little Miss Madeline when she was about 7? 8? months old :)
Madeline doing the required naked baby on sheepskin pose ;) About 7 months old.
Olivia... looking fat and contemplative. 6ish months.
Sisters... lookin cute! Maddy is about 2.5 and Olivia is around a year.
Maddy and I at the park... she's about 8 months old.
Olivia... looking fabulous in her shoes. 1.5 years.
Olivia... around the same age. I love this picture :)
My Madeline beauty :) Around 3.5.
Olivia in the bath. Our kewpie doll. 1.5 years.
Madeline being Madeline ;) 3.5.
Olivia at around 1.5 years. Being her normal cute self.
All Hallow's eve. Maddy was three and Olivia was 1 1/3.

Just cause :)

Monday, January 01, 2007

Hoping for a peaceful night?

I won't hope too hard though...

Phoenix went to bed at 1:45am last night. We went to bed at 3:15am... Phoenix woke up at 3:25am and SCREAMED for about an hour. Screamed to the point where I seriously considered taking him to the er... I could hear his tummy gurgling and he was cramping :( He is NOT READY FOR FUCKING SOLIDS. He just is not. No solids of any sort of form for at least the next month. Poor baby... having a cold, teething and then having a reaction to food. For the first time in his life he had some allopathic medication... I didn't even have any infant motrin in the house so he got a 2/5's of a dose meant for a 24 pound child (he's 20 lbs) and it eventually soothed him a bit. He woke up after about an hour SCREAMING again for another 1/2 hour, refused to nurse and then slept straight until 11am. He nursed at 3:25 am and then not again till 11am. My boobs... were ready to explode.

After he nursed both breasts I got up and pumped and got another 4 oz off. I went back to bed until he woke up at 1:30pm! Jeff snoozed on the couch and the girls watched some movies and hung out. He's been refusing the breast less today than the past three weeks so that is making me feel a bit better about things. I've been so tired, so stressed, SO NEEDING A BREAK that it's been very overwhelming. I know I need to ask for help but I am so bad at it. I feel at times that I am fighting a losing battle and I just want to curl up and sleep for about a week. I wish... but if all my wishes were fishes I could fill a whole ocean with my words. It's no use wishing when the fairy godmother never comes.

Today was a good day as far as days go. We went to my real mothers place and ended up staying for Chinese take-out... ohsofuckinggood. So I didn't have to cook after all ;) She sent home a big pot of Chilli, turkey soup, lettuce, green peppers, pepperoni and a huge box full of bulk spices. Taco seasoning (which we use a ton of) oregano, celery salt, bay leaves, montreal steak spice, curry and seasoning salt. Muchly appreciated! Madeline is spending the night there and apparently she is having a great time. She just called to say goodnight :) So cute! She's had some junk food and now it's time for bed.

Rose bought me some patterns for the spring ballet festival... I should see how much she spent so I can pay her back! The one pattern will be perfect I think but I'll pass it by Madeline's ballet teacher on wednesday. She has rehersal from 12:15 to 1pm. Olivia is back at pre-school on thursday... sweet.

Here's hoping for a quiet night. Phoenix has done minimal screaming this afternoon and evening so I'm praying to the goddess above that he sleeps... for just a bit.

Happy New Years!

Well calendar new year at least ;) Being wiccan we celebrated the new year beginning November 1st.

Well we did absofreakinnothin tonight to bring the new year in. Everyone we knew was already doing something or were having people over and we were not invited. Way to feel loved ;) I had planned on staying home with our kidlets and just chilling but it was a little depressing not to even have an option you know? Nothing to do and no one to watch the kids if there WAS something to do! We didn't even think ahead to make some yummy food or get some booze... maybe Phoenix would have gone to sleep earlier had I some alcohol in my system ;)

But all in all it was a nice, semi-peaceful evening. We watched a movie with the kids and ate some popcorn. The girls were in bed before 9 and then we hung out, watched Friends, Jeff did some web work and played with his MP3 player. I got to have a nice bath while Jeff looked after Phoenix and we rang in the new year talking to some friends on the phone (the only ones that actually phoned to wish us a happy new year!!!)

Well Phoenix is in bed (as of about 1:45am) and hopefully he'll sleep better than the last two nights. I'm running on single digits of sleep (like maybe 5 total for both nights?) and I could use a break. Where is the kind grandmother than has nothing better to do than come rock my baby so I can sleep? Oh right... she's in sechelt... lol! She's coming to visit this month... thank goodness for retired MIL's ;) I'm beginning to get a little batty from sleep deprivation. I can totally see why they use it for torture.

First new years day that we have not been invited anywhere for dinner either. Dammit... does that mean I have to cook? ;)