Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Sweet Lily

Lily is a wonderful, sweet little baby. She is one of a set of triplets born in september of 2006. I was able to be in an online chat with her mama and caregivers as the babies were being homebirthed. She's a chubby, beautiful girl.

She was rushed to the hospital last week with rsv and she has suffered severe complications due to it. She has been very severly brain damaged. They are not sure what is going to happen at this point.

I'm feeling mad right now. Mad that a happy, chubby little girl is being taken away from her parents. I'm also feeling very sad. Everytime I check for an update I cry... everytime I see a picture of her adorable smiling face I cry. Why? Why did this happen to such a wanted and loved little person?

I can't really articulate my feelings right now... but that's the reason I've been quiet. She occupies my thoughts constantly. I can only pray and sending healing thoughts... I wish I could make it all better...

Saturday, February 24, 2007

What a day

We have our puppy :) Loki is currently sleeping in his crate. We brought him home at around 2:30 and 9 hours later he has yet to pee or poop in the house. He's peed a couple of times outside as well as pooped. He's already a little watch dog ;) He barks when people come over or when he's scared. It's hilarious! He's smart and usually comes when he's called. We'll have our work cut out teaching him not to nip heels though... being a herding dog and all ;)

I had a craptacular afternoon. Robyn and the kids had just come over for some puppy love with I got massively dizzy and felt like I was going to black out. Then I got really nauseaus. I got Jeff to take me to the er. I was thinking blood clot? But yah. They have no idea what is wrong but apparently the waiting room and er rooms were full of people that were feeling dizzy... apparently it's either the tail end of the flu or beginning of the flu... or vertigo for no apparent reason. My guess? Panic attack. Big huge motherfucking panic attack. Sigh.

Jeff just talked the baby to sleep. I nursed him but he would not settle and since I'm feeling yucky jeff took over. I love him.

Oh yah... Loki is named as such because the Norse God of mischief and fire is Loki. Fitting name for a corgi ;)

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Oh sweet puppy breath :)

This is not a picture of the puppy we ARE getting... but pretty close! We went and checked out the corgi's this morning and snuggled with four adorable doggies :) This little BOY puppy has a lovely short cobby body, four white socks and I think is more of a sable than a red and white. The breeder said he was a mismark but I couldn't see any colour faults while I was there. The girls ran and frolicked with said puppies and when we told them that we were actually going to get one they were ESTATIC!!! We're going to go pick him up on saturday. Before then we need:

crate (borrow rose's)
nature's miracle (an enzyme cleaner for wee poops and peeps)
paper towels... lots of paper towels
id tag
toys (checking valu village and the dollar store)
food (Innova or California Natural)
bandana.. just cause

I'm so excited! I'm so insane!!!!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Just cause ;)

So night three of antibiotics and he's sleeping in 2-5 hour stretches... last night he woke up yelling both times but I think that's more of a habit than anything else ;) He took a bit to calm the first time but the second time it was only a minute or so. And then he nursed and slept for another 5 hours STRAIGHT.

I have energy again. I have motivation. It's amazing. I woke up, checked the net, fed Phoenix, folded and put away two loads of laundry, made the kids lunch, made hummus (and then ate hummus) all before noon! That's a big accomplishment for me these days ;)

Someone on snet just posted a link about lead in vinyl lunch boxes. Yep... we have two of one of the brands that may contain them. So they are going in the garbage post haste. Madeline was coveting a metal lunch box at Great White this weekend so looks like that is in her future ;)

Phoenix likes black beans. He ate about 8? 10? beans at lunch yesterday. I have having spicey black bean soup so I just sucked the spice off the beans and gave them to him. He also had some apple/mango/peach fruit cup after dinner. He was very happy with that.

Jeff and I sent the kids downstairs last night after their dinner of eggs fried in coconut oil and fresh whole wheat bread and cultured butter so we could eat our king crab legs and salad. It was nice to just hang with him (and phoenix) and actually talk while we ate! What a concept ;)

Jeff's home for lunch. I'll go chat with him :)

Sunday, February 18, 2007

And he sleeps...

Phoenix had his three doses of antibiotics yesterday. I was holding out hope for a good night but didn't really think it would happen...

He went to bed at midnight. The night went like this...
wake at 3am. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 6:40am. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 7:40. Snuggle, smile, coo... Go right back to sleep
wake at 8:40. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 9:40. Reach for my hand, squeeze, coo, stretch... Go right back to sleep
wake at 11:20am for the day. Smile, giggle, nurse and get up

Holy... shit. He slept! I slept! I feel 10 million times better!!!!

He's had two doses of his antibiotics so far today and while I was nursing him on the floor while on the phone, he passed out. So he's been sleeping ON HIS BACK on the floor for 1/2 hour so far. I'm all for garlic oil. I'm all for homeopathics first... but I'm really so very glad that this is clearing him up. Because if he didn't get out of pain and start sleeping I was getting a divorce and selling the baby to the lowest bidder.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Well I figured out that the only reason my mouth was not in pain from the wisdom tooth extraction yesterday was because I was taking advil regiliously... today not so much and now my mouth is FUCKING KILLING ME!!! Ouch ouch ouch.

Phoenix is about to get his third dose of antibiotics and go to bed. I hope. I hope he sleeps. My marriage cannot take another night of no sleeping. Jeff and I fought most of last night (quietly though) and my nerves are shot.

Cross fingers that tonight is a better night... I hope. Sigh.


Phoenix is still sick. I'm not sure he was ever better. It's becoming increasingly clear that he still has his ear infection (and sinus infection) and that's the root of all the sleeplessness. Tosses head from side to side, hates laying down, refusing to nurse periodically, cries of pain. Tomorrow morning Jeff is head out to get his antibiotics prescription filled. It's obviously bacterial and obviously more than garlic oil can handle... :( If it was viral it would have run it's course by now.

He's currently moaning in his sleep while sitting up on Jeff's lap :(

I just need him to get better. I need this family to calm the fuck down.

Friday, February 16, 2007

My tooth is out. My big huge bottom wisdom tooth. I keep waiting for the pain from this gigantic hole I have in my mouth and it has not arrived yet. Could it be the three advil liquidgels I took four hours ago? I'm just about due for three more...

We went grocery shopping whilst I was still frozen. Another 330 bucks spent. But hey we did get three lbs of frozen crab legs and claws for free! I also bought Phoenix some "Quietude" by Boiron... it's for kids to help them with sleeping issues. My issue? He does not sleep. We'll see if it helps. It's homeopathic so either way it's really not going to hurt.

On the upside, At 1:20pm Phoenix and I layed down to nurse and woke up at 4:20pm! We both had a very much needed three hour nap. Jeff and the girls went to the car dealership and checked out new vehicle options. Yes I know we just bought a minivan last year. But apparently there is a class action lawsuit starting (we've already contacted a lawyer) for the intake manifold gasket and I guess it can fail and seize the engine (Robyn the lawsuit is for your vehicle too so check it out online.) So jeff and the girls were eyeing up a 2005 Chevy Uplander with all the bells and whistles. Colour? White. Again. Doh! It only has 30,000km's and it's 22,000. We'll see. I'm not convinced we need another vehicle so soon. But we'll get financed at a much better rate and we'll spread the payments over 7 years and not 5 so we might run the numbers and see. If it's not too much more than we are paying now we might go with it. We'll see... again ;)

I've been thinking about Car seats. Olivia's is falling apart and she needs a new one. I'd really like a Britax Marathon for Phoenix. So I think I'll suck it up, get Phoenix a Marathon and put Olivia in the Evenflo Titan (we just bought it new three months ago and it's good to 44 lbs and she's only just 32 lbs so far.) I'd really like the "cowmooflauge" but we'll see if Jeff will go for it... hey! Maybe I'll let him get the uplander if I get the cow seat!

The kids are having Annie's mac and cheese for dinner (Jeff's cooking) and I'm not very hungry. I might have a fruit cup or something.


I'm not sure at which point sleep deprivation becomes torture... but from my own widespread studies (on myself of course) I think it takes about a month of being constantly wakened and getting absolutely NO rem sleep. Check the time of this entry. 4... AM.

Phoenix went to sleep at 9pm. Slept until 11:45ish. Nursed well. Crashed again. I went to bed just after 1am. He woke at 1:42am. I nursed him... I flipped him onto his tummy and he started to scream. And continued to whine and bitch and fuss and moan for the next hour. following the trend of EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS. I get into bed and within a fucking hour he's awake... and awake for the rest of the god damned night.

So with murderous thoughts in my mind I figured it was safer for him for me to give up any thought of sleep and just get up and suck it up and deal. So we've watched the end of 30 minute meals. Little Miracles, Birth Stories and now we're watching the Mom Show. Phoenix is sitting beside me on the couch having just nursed and is now chewing on his tiger tail. He is showing NO signs of sleepiness. I imagine that the whole half hour of sleep I got tonight already is all that I'll be getting for the night. Add that to the 45 minutes the night before and the 15 minute nap I got today and that's almost 1 1/2 hours in 48 hours! Sweet... oh fucking hell.

I have a dentist appointment in less than 5 hours. He's supposed to be finishing my root canal on my left hand bottom tooth but since my right bottom wisdom tooth has now inflicted the entire right half of my face and jaw with shooting pains, I'm hoping I can convince him that an extraction of that tooth is a better idea. Not that I'm into pain or anything but I'd love to get it out and get out of CONSTANT pain.

Wow I'm whiney this morning. I'm sorry.

In my next life I want to be a dad. Because dad's get to sleep. Because dad's get to lie in bed and pretend they are asleep until you take the baby and go away. Because dad's get to pull the "I don't have the tits" card whenever they want. Yep... sign me up for fatherhood.

It's really dark in here. I want to be sleeping. Nothing is going on in the net at this time of night. I'm tired.

Maddy has school today and Jeff has the day off (so really he should be helping me out here... I guess my sobbing cries did nothing to wake him). So after my dentist appointment we have to go grocery shopping and then hopefully I'll take some t3's and nap for a couple of hours. Then he has to work tomorrow and I get to go camp out in the ballet studio for a couple hours. That's always fun. Not. I have to remind Jeff to pay monthly and festival fee's for the girls. I wonder if they need to come in costume again? Eh. I'll just take it in case.

I wonder if the food thing is bothering him again? Maybe he just will never be able to eat and I'll have to nurse him until his wife takes over? Goody.

Robyn and the kids came over after preschool. We had a good visit despite the very moody Olivia. I mostly tried to just ignore her (Olivia... not Robyn...). It's always nice to have someone around who understands the depths of sleep deprivation.

Jeff went and helped Rose with her resume tonight. He loves doing resumes. He's strange. She was very appreciative and bought him a bottle of Bailey's, a shoe shine kit and a nice card. She also sent home a Valentines card for us and a cool puzzle (100 piece dino!) for the girls. It was a nice pick me up.

I made a very yummy stir fry with a Thai peanut sauce. I just winged it and used coconut milk, peanut butter, couple drops of hot sauce, sesame oil and soy sauce. It was yummy! I did brocolli, carrots, califlower and celery and tossed it all with flax rotini. I'm thinking soup for dinner for me tonight.

I really have nothing more to say but I'm bored so... hmmm...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

My baby

Went down for a nap at 2pm and it's almost 5 and he's still sleeping! Rock on baby fiend!!!!

Maddy had a great day at school today. She's such a trooper about the no food dye rule. Her teacher made sure there was chocolate for her and I sent a fruit platter. She got valentines from all her classmates, a paper crown and did some painting. She got all dressed up in her black velvet dress and pink jacket. She was adorable. I am so glad she likes school... I'm very conflicted whether to send her next year or homeschool. We'll see.

I had soup for breakfast, hummus and whole wheat pita's for lunch and just had another bowl of soup and some cheese for dinner. Jeff's going to take the girls out for dinner whilst Phoenix and I are at Mother Goose.

I should probably get ready for that... lol. I'm still in my PJ's and I have to be there in an hour!


my very first ever DITL (day in the life) is up... take a look!



I would really like my baby to decide that sleep is a good thing. Not that I'm stressin bout it or anything... just sayin is all.

Phoenix had a nap from 6:30pm to 9. I napped from 7:30-9. I lay down on the couch and Olivia covered me with a blanket, both girls got me bears and both Madeline and Olivia sang me rock-a-bye. They kissed me good night and went to brush their teeth. I woke up 1.5 hours later and Daddy had read them stories for 20 minutes, got them ready and then put them to bed. Then he cleaned the entire kitchen, put the leftover soup away (it was great!) and was enjoying some quiet time.

Phoenix ate dinner tonight! He had some soup ground up with the baby food grinder and he thought it was awesome. Olivia didn't eat even one bite of soup and went to bed with exactly one half a piece of whole wheat bread and butter in her tummy. She'll be hungry tomorrow! Madeline loved the soup, ate a whole bowl and two pieces of bread.

Madeline has her valentine's party tomorrow at school so she'll take her valentine cards and a fruit platter that we picked up. I like to send healthy snacks... I just know there will be tons of red food dyes and I'm counting on her and Mrs. Cole to make sure she does not eat any.

Phoenix is crying in Jeff's arms. He's been fed and he's tired but he just does not want to give in. Daddy is comforting and singing to him (while he watches "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"... yep he's a geek) but he's continuing to fuss. Maybe cause it's after midnight???

I need to go eat something healthy. I've had far too many pringles tonight and I'm feeling blergy.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

*roll eyes*

Here we go again... someone posted an article on snet praising the miracle of the measles vaccine... it's been posted of course in the hopes of getting us non-vacc'ers all riled up again. I am not taking that bait! I'm in far too good of a mood to be bothered with them. I had a pm from Maribeth (the editor of snet) saying she was sorry I was having such a hard time in the cafe lately. It was nice :)

I'm doing DITL today (day in the life.) It started at 1:30am when I was headed to bed. And continued at 2:20am when Phoenix awoke for the first time... 4:20am for the second time... 6:20 for the third time (and then stayed awake until about 8:00) and then moved on to getting up at 10:00.

I have my chicken soup in the crockpot. I added some fresh grated ginger root to it as well. I need to go add a tablespoon of coconut oil too. I made a fresh batch of hummus. I went easy on the garlic today (only two cloves) because this garlic I have is bitter for some reason. I hope it mellows out in the soup. So lunch was a bowl of hummus (what was left after the kids kept dipping their fingers in it for *tastes*) and some whole wheat pita's.

Olivia is off to preschool so it's just Maddy, the fiend and I. Beverly Hills is on in one hour ;)

Well Phoenix napped for the grand total of 45 minutes and Olivia should be home any minute. The floors are swept and vacuumed and dinner is burbling away. The bread is baking and Madeline is doing ballet while we listen to "out of the west" (LOTR) by Annie Lennox. Phoenix is on my back in the Mei Tai and he is happy... for now ;)

Mmmmmm... food...

Mmmm... my house smells so good. I did a roast organic chicken in the crockpot today and forgot to turn it down to low after a few hours... by the time it was ready it fell apart (literally) and was so incredibly tender. Yum! We had a root veggie bake with it. Organic: carrots, sweet potato's, potato's, onions and garlic. Extra virgin Olive Oil, sea salt, pepper and poultry seasoning. THE BEST ROOT VEGGIES EVER. I just finished my stock (it burbled for 7 hours) and it's ready to make chicken noodle soup tomorrow for dinner. Add a loaf of fresh whole wheat bread and we're good to go!

We had a pre-valentines evening tonight with the kids. We had some popcorn, good chocolate and licorice. Watched a movie and just hung. It was fun times! The girls were up until about 9:30 so hopefully they'll sleep in a bit tomorrow. We also got Madeline's interim report. She's doing well on everything except she still needs to listen better in class. We've chatted about that and she will work on it. She's my little chatterbox that's for sure.

The girls spent the night at my parent's this weekend. They had a good time... I guess. Apparently my mom told Dawn that the girls were nice... but they are just not her "baby!" (meaning Kylee my neice.) No shock there. I wish they would just appreciate them for the wonderful special children that they are... instead of always wishing they were somebody else.

I have so much more to say but I'm trying to watch 90210 as I type ;) My guilty pleasure.

Friday, February 09, 2007


There has been a giant (I won't say debate because hardly any of these women know the true meaning of the word) rant/arguement at Storknet (a board I have been a member at for 6.5 years) for the past two days that just blows my mind. The subject is vaccination... or rather how people who DON'T vaccinate are just giant pieces of crap. In two days we've (a collective we of about 4 or 5 of us) been called crazy, stupid, ignorant and assholes. We've been told they'd like us to stay home, homeschool and stop putting their children at risk. We've also been virtually slapped and bitchslapped. A couple members of this group are so incredibly immature and naive that it's laughable.

All of the people that I know that have chosen to not vaccinate their children are incredibly well educated on the subject. In fact, studies show that children who are not vaccinated tend to come from homes that have married parents, a mother that has a college education and a family gross income of over 75,000. So rather us lowlifes being stupid and ignorant... it would seem we're a fairly educated intelligent bunch!

As a general rule almost ALL of the people I know that vaccinate their children have gone through a very short thought process to get there.
-my doctor says I should vaccinate
-sign us up
No research is done. They rely on scare tactics (so and so's great aunt had measles and DIED. So EVERYONE ON EARTH must get this vaccine.) and fluffed up stats that really mean nothing.

All non-vaccinator's that I know usually arrive at that decision by way of the following...
-what should I do about vaccines?
-most people I know do them... but are they safe?
-I should look this up
-wow... this information against vaccinations is compelling...
-I should talk to more people and do some more research
-I can see why people would vaccinate but do they know how dangerous the ingredients can be?
-oh my... I can't believe that your common vaccine contains this stuff! (http://www.vaccination.inoz.com/ingredie.html) for a list
-I'm making the choice to not subject my childen to these poisens
-I hope I've made the right choice and I'll continue to research and keep up to date on all issues due to this subject

Notice the difference? It takes a lot of guts, brains and determination to step away from the herd. To not become a "sheeple" of sorts. It's not the easy choice. To have to explain again and again why you are chosing to PROTECT your child and that to YOU people who vaccinate are putting their childrens lives at risk.

I feel just as strongly (if not more) as people who do vaccinate that we have made the right choice for our family and our children. Just as I chose to breastfeed, wear my baby, co-sleep and feed an all natural organic diet. These are choices that benefit MY KIDS. I don't do them to make ME look better. I give two shits most days about what is best for me. My kids are my life, my heart and my soul. I do everything in my power to protect them and keep them safe. And THAT IS WHY I refuse to inject them with poison all in the name of science. I believe that the more natural you are, the better you eat and the better care of yourself that you take, the better your immune system will be! My organically grown babes have the power to fight the chicken pox, the measles, the mumps. I don't know where as a species we have lost such faith in our bodies natural abilities to keep themselves healthy.

These women are rude, crude and uninformed. They rely solely on their wit and sarcasm to get them friends and see them through. Not a single non vacc'er has had to resort to name calling to get their point across. None of us are begging them to stop vaccinating their children. We're just asking them to research and keep an open mind... as we are always doing.


Thursday, February 08, 2007

Another night...

Another night of no sleep. Phoenix fell asleep at 9pm... slept till 11pm and then was up ALL FREAKING NIGHT. He was driving me crazy! He'd talk, chatter, whine, cry, grunt, scream... repeat. After a fight with Jeff at 6 am (always a nice thing to wake up to) I got up, got Phoenix up and:
cleaned the kitchen
emptied and refilled the dishwasher
made a loaf of bread
browned some ground beef and onions and put my baked bean dish in the crockpot
swept the kitchen floor
collected all the garbage
tidied the living room
cleaned up Phoenix's toys

Then I turned on my computer to find a raging discussion at storknet involving how STUPID and CRAZY all non vaccinating parents are. I'd find it incredibly laughable if I were not so sick. Same arguement, different day. I swear these people get bored and think "let's pick on the freaks today." I wish all of these women could spend just ONE DAY on mothering.commune and the vaccination forums. When I post a net link I get sarcasm, when someone posts a net link supporting vac's it must be true.

Phoenix is back in bed and the girls have had breakfast and are chilling with me watching Little Bear. Yes I'm mostly ignoring them. I don't have the energy for much else right now.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Oh god...

Can I GET any sicker?

So the fiend has an ear infection. He finally stopped screaming after doing garlic oil, heavy duty probiotics (3 times a day) belladonna, camomilla and tylenol the first night for the pain. I broke my tylenol ban... when your baby is in THAT MUCH PAIN (and trust me... he was) you do something. It must have been one freak of an infection because I know Grayson didn't scream nonstop like this! Either that or Phoenix has a really low pain tolerance.

Olivia complained last night that her head hurt (oh shit) and then woke up at midnight with a headache. Then woke up at 2am barfing everywhere. Blueberries, strawberries, pancakes and syrup DO NOT make for an easy barf cleanup. Nasty nasty nasty. Of course she did it while she was laying on her back and barfed all over her face, long hair and bed. Everything fucking stained and she needed a bath immediately. She seems fine today so I don't know what that was about?

Two days ago I woke up with a head cold. Yesterday it hit hard and now today I have a fever, chills, plugged up totally head, massive head ache and all over body hurt. And I am at home, alone, looking after three kids. I really need to get Jeff a job where he can work from home.

Jeff's sick too. Not to this extent thankfully... one of us needs to have their head about them.

I called my other Mother Goose leader and let her know that I would not be there tonight. I left a message so I hope she gets it! I'll try again in another couple of hours. I've had a bath but I just can't get out of my jammies... dammit I can barely get off of the couch.

I have to make Maddy's festival dress by saturday... we have 11 kites to construct... I have to survive. It's all seeming a bit much right now.

I see this icon on a friends livejournal and it says:

To do list:
Wake up
Go to bed

that's about it for me today.

Monday, February 05, 2007

We're still alive...

But don't count on that statement holding true tomorrow morning ;)

Phoenix didn't sleep last night. Jeff and I took turns rocking and holding him ALL NIGHT. He could not sleep unless being held but he slept crappy because he was being held. I took the 1-3am shift, Jeff the 3-6am, then me again for the 6-10am. I actually managed to get him asleep and on his sheepskin on the floor for the hours of 7-9am.

He didn't nap today (okay for about 20 minutes in bed and five minutes in the Babyhawk when we were at the mall.) He basically fussed or screamed the whole day. He's sick, feverish, teething, snotting and just plain old freaking tired! You'd think he'd actually sleep. Nope. Not this kid.

We did get him down around 11 tonight and he's been up 3? 4? times in the hour and a half. He wants to nurse, he does not want to lay on his tummy, he wants his side... no not that side (!) the other side! No... forget that, he wants to sleep on his back... with one arm in and the other out (okay scrap the whole damn thing and start over!)

Insane? Yep. I'm already there.

Olivia was a bear and a half today. She'll probably wake up sick tomorrow. Maddy's good and that's good because she's going to fucking school if it's the last thing I do. It's her show and tell day tomorrow so she's taking a picture of her when she was a baby. She's got a peanut butter and raw honey flax tortilla, strawberries, yoguart and a trail mix I made with craisens, raw almonds and raw sunflower seeds. Water to drink. Clothes are picked out and homework is done. Her Valentines are done as well (done by herself, all by herself) and so are Olivia's (done by me.)

I just finished having really good sex. We're getting creative because according to his semenanalysis he still has sperm. Dead sperm.. but sperm. I also happen to have developed an allergy to latex. Latex in the vagina = really bad burns. Not good. I'll leave the rest to the imagination.

I should take my pills and get ready for bed. Iron, aspirin, B vitamin complex, cod liver oil and evening primrose oil. Yummo. I'll be burping cod livers all night.

Oh funny story... Maddy and I were in the store buying cod liver oil the other day and she says to me "mommy, do they really get the oil out of the cod's LIVER?" and I say "yes they do... they take their little itty bitty livers and squeeze the heck out of them and all the oil comes out..." Maddy says "mommy! You're lying and I'm telling daddy!!!" Nice... even when I tell her the truth she does not believe me! I finally convinced her though ;)

Well off to snuggle and bed. Or bed and snuggle.. hopefully with the large man and not the small man.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Today... continued

Well Phoenix basically screamed for 7 hours... then fussy for 2.5 hours... and now is asleep on Jeff's lap.

I had a complete meltdown today at lunch. I had finally got Phoenix to sleep and started to clean up my (very trashed) house. He woke up after 5 MINUTES screaming. I got him up and freaked. I yelled at the kids. I yelled at Jeff. I yelled at Phoenix. I slammed doors, cupboards and dishes. Jeff right away started power cleaning with Phoenix in the sling and we tidied up the whole house in 1/2 hour. I cannot operate in stressful times with a messy house. I just can't.

I feel like I am swimming and swimming and just can't get my head far enough out of the water to see the shore. I am going on faith that there actually is a shore out there and at the end this will all have been for something.

My eldest daughter is lucky she made it through the day alive. She was rude, beligerant, loud and just... so very five it was unreal. The final straw was when I finally had soothed Phoenix to sleep and asked her to grab a blanket for him. She ran at me with it, yelled "catch!" and then chucked it at his head. I had to fight to urge to throttle her... and I rarely get physical with my kids. Of course Phoenix woke up and tons of yelling ensued (from both him and me.)

Olivia had a nap today and didn't wake up until 6:30. So she's still up. I'm thinking another half hour and then to bed.

We had a simple dinner tonight... egg salad in spinach tortilla shells with frozen strawberries for dessert... and lets talk about those strawberries shall we?

It's a company called "Europes best."
The strawberries come from Chile.
They are packed in Montreal.

Where the fuck does Europe figure in this equation?

please stop screaming...

Phoenix is currently on my lap, facing me, bobbing his head up and down on my chest and SCREAMING HIS EVER LOVING LUNGS OUT. This is hour three of this.

Maddy got sick. She got better. Phoenix now has a fever and the snotty nose. It's a really good thing I don't have an infant tylenol in the house because I'd be sorely tempted to use it right now.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Calgon, take me away!

Fussy Phoenix didn't sleep last night between the hours of one am and six am. I got to bed at one. I was up at six. Madeline was complaining of a headache yesterday after school. She went to bed okay... slept until the middle of the night and then was screaming that she was cold. Jeff got her another blanket. Not a half hour later I hear "mommy! daddy! I'm throwing up!"

oh... fuck.

So I held her hair while she puked. Daddy cleaned up her bed. Got her settled on the couch. I turned on the laptop and "googled" sore neck and vomiting. I promptly got daddy out of bed and the whole family was off to the er. At first they were worried about menengitus (like we were) and then it turned to a kidney infection and she'd have to stay the day and over night... with iv antibiotics. Then that test came back clean. So they did some tests and sent us home. Possible strep throat? We don't know. Most likely something viral and it will just have to run it's course.

So we all slept (except daddy that went to work and olivia that went to pre-k) for a couple of hours and she's feeling a bit better.

Jeff ended up having to work till 9:30 tonight. He's not home yet. In the two hours the girls have been in bed; Phoenix has not stopped whining, Madeline has woken up screaming twice, Olivia has woken up crying three times and I think I'm going bald from pulling my hair.

I am exhausted, emotional and stinky. I need a shower in the worst way.

My house is a mess. I have to grocery shop tomorrow (I HAVE to) my phone will not stop ringing and I am wanting to go to bed.