Tuesday, June 26, 2007

sunny day

I'm meh. Worried about my mom. Trying to keep myself very preoccupied. It's not really working.

I tidied the kitchen. Cleaned my room. Folded and put away five loads of laundry.

The girls have a picnic snack and are eating outside on the patio table. Cut up bananas, apples and granola bars. I have all the windows and the front door open so I can hear them. They know the rules anyways but it can't hurt to be careful.

Phoenix is having a nap. He's been so incredibly happy for the last four or five days... ever since we put him on the floor on a futon. I think along with him waking me up, I was waking him up. He's getting more sleep. He's actually napping. He's HAPPY. I don't mind crawling down to nurse him 2-3 times a night. It beats being up all night with a screaming unhappy baby.

It's a beautiful day. 21 degree's. The wind is blowing a wonderfully warm summer wind. I think I'll ask jeff if we can take the girls to the park tonight.

I love my view. I'm sad that I'll only have it for at most another two years. Sigh.

Jeff applied for a job in Medicine Hat Alberta. I was kinda meh on going there until I heard that the university has a conservatory of music and dance and that he'd probably get free dance tuition for the girls. That's worth it's weight in gold right there.

Sigh. I wish it were the weekend and i knew what was going on with my mom. The not knowing is murder.

Monday, June 25, 2007

sorry I'm MIA

my mom went for a mammogram three weeks ago because she had a huge mass in her breast. They send her for a retest and x-rays last thursday. Today her surgeon called and she went in for an appointment. They strongly suspect breast cancer (has many characteristics of it). She has surgery on thursday to remove the mass, biopsy it while she's still under and if it is cancer they will be removing her breast.

I'm in shock. I'm scared. I'm sad.

I don't know what to say or do.

So I'm not up to posting much... but I still care about you all and I am here... just... tired.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


I always thought that a certain person in my life talked behind my back about how incompetent I was... now that I know she actually did I'm even more annoyed. How DARE you say I can't "handle" my children. What gave you the right to say that I shouldn't have had a third because I could not "handle" the two I already had. I think I handle them pretty damn well!

Both girls are at or ahead of where they should be schooling wise.

Both girls are excellent friends, very kind hearted (except to each other but that really would be too much to ask) and good listeners.

Neither are cruel, mean or heartless.

Everyone gets fed good healthy organic foods, gets parented gently, is shown kindness and respect. I don't dump my kids anytime I need to do something. Anytime I want to do something or just because.

Do I mess up and compromise my morals and values? Yes of course I do. I'm HUMAN... not a robot.

I'm just a mama trying to do the very best by her kids and you know what? FUCK THEM who think that they are allowed to have an opinion. I'm tired of being backstabbed. I'm tired of my best friend being backstabbed. I'm just tired of it all.

I AM handling three kids, two cats and a dog. AM.. fuckyouverymuch.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

mish mash mosh... part two

Olivia is four as of Saturday. I cannot believe that she is four! She's just so teeny tiny and just so much a little person to me. Four. Wow. She graduates from 3-4 year preschool to 4-5 year preschool (lol) on Thursday and then on Friday we have her end of year picnic. Which Jeff will be unable to attend. Just like he'll be unable to attend her graduation. Which if he would have informed Mary (his supervisor) of these things two weeks ago when I told him, she would have had a chance to work them into the schedule. So I'm not sure how I'm getting to these celebrations, or getting home from them either. I might end up having to walk... although that's a loooong walk with a little person who does not tolerate walking long distances. Oh well... guess it's my problem and not his.

Madeline graduates from kindergarten on Monday. It's her last day. She's pretty bummed that she has a whole summer with no school. We'll keep in touch with her friends and then with dance camps and such she'll have lots to do.

This Wednesday is recital rehearsal with recital being Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Then we're having Emma (M's friend) and Jassy over for a sleepover. We'll rent a movie and get some healthy junk food. Jeff's been offered the evening out away from us so I'm sure he'll snatch that up... missing the bachelor life that he is ;)

We're doing the "No cry sleep solution" and when Phoenix is not suffering the effects of his wheat issues he's sleeping awesome. 3-4 hour stretches. Easy to get back to sleep. Goes to bed after his nightly routine (bath, massage, teeth, stories, nursing and bed) at like 7:30-8:30!!! We're pretty happy.

Well off to make any last minute adjustments to Maddy's costume...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I am leaking...

copious amounts of breastmilk. Phoenix went to bed at 7:40. He woke two times between then and 9:40 but Jeff settled him both times. It's now 12:10am and I am engorged like you would not believe. I can't remember a time when he went 4.5 hours between nursings... maybe the "No cry sleep solution" is working?

I dropped the costume examples off today at the studio during rehearsal. 3 hours of rehearsal. Everyone loved how they turned out. It's just pandemonium at the studio during recital prep time!

I signed the girls up for the summer dance classes. Olivia has two weeks of dance camp, Maddy has two weeks of Jazz camp and a one week exam ballet prep course (running at the same time) so from July 23 to August 3 don't expect to hear from me ;)

So $300 later...

I've been checking out play systems tonight. When we buy our new house I'd like to take some money and get a good one... we're probably looking at a couple grand but they'll play on it forever so I'm going to get a decent wood one that will last.

The real estate agent was through here yesterday... she says it will list for at least twice of the price it was bought for three years ago. Now that's an investment!

I'm tired. I think I'll curl up on the couch till Phoenix calls. Jeff is watching a movie and the house is tidy. tomorrow is preschool for Liv and LLL at night... can I relax already?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

I almost forgot!

Check out Olivia's photo montage I finished in time for her birthday!


Here's Phoenix's too


and Madeline's!


my kids are adorable ;) It's time well wasted ;)

next week...

I WILL RELAX! I swear I will. I have been on the go constantly non-stop for the last week. Thank goodness Phoenix nurses because with all this being on the road all the time it's the only way he gets fed!

All the costumes bags are done and handed out. I just need to sew my own now.

I've had less than four hours of broken sleep each night for the past two nights. I spent thursday in the er and friday doing costumes.

Today was one of the most gut wrenching days I've ever had. I won't go into big details but a friend of a friend had her child removed from her custody due to mental health issues. I was there when it happened... her child is all of six years old and have never been without her mommy. *tears*

I've eaten entirely too many green frogs tonight.

My baby boy is ONE!!! He was one last week but that just goes to show how little time I've been on the puter. He's crawling, loving, talking... he's just a joy... most days.

Tomorrow is the big birthday party for him and Olivia. I think everything is done. I usually end up buying all the fruit and veggies and washing, cutting, organizing them myself. Well Costco has huge fruit and veggie platters for 13.99 each. SOLD! I bought one of each, some snacks, ordered both kids cakes (Magic of Pegasus for Liv and Pirates of the Caribbean for Phoenix) got goody bag stuff. All presents are bought (not wrapped but they are in the bedroom where Phoenix and Jeff are sleeping) and I think I'm ready.

For Phoenix's first birthday we bought him:
A wooden pull animal puzzle train from Melissa and Doug
An old fashioned Fisher Price Chatter Phone
Pack of 5 soft playskool cars
4 outfits

Olivia is getting:
rollerblades, Barbie ones that go over her shoes ($15!)
Melissa and Doug 48 piece wood pirate puzzle
Melissa and Doug wood pirate chest to decorate
Polly Pocket dog walking set
Littlest Pet shop two pack of animals
2 outfits

I went a bit wild... but didn't spend more that $100 per kid. We also bought Madeline an outfit and a hat. They always get a little something on the other kids birthday.

We're birthday partying at the park... it better not rain! I just checked the forcast and it's a 70% chance... maybe kids will come in their rain gear?

I need to tidy the house and go to bed. I'll probably do neither.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Oh gawd...

Save me from the mountain of tulle that has taken over my living room. I offered to be the costume mom for both Madeline and Olivia's ballet classes. Olivia's class are pink pigs. It was SUPPOSED to be easy... a body suit, a big frilly tutu (both purchased by the studio) I would cut out ears and tail and then put the bags together. The parents sew their own child's costume. But ... tutu's are back ordered. SO... we have to MAKE tutu's. This involves cutting mountains of tulle into strips, counting out strips and putting them into bags. Not only for Olivia's class (of nine girls) but Madeline's clown costumes require tutu's as well. All 12 girls. 35 strips for each tutu. 21 tutu's... do the math. That's a FUCK of a lot of tulle.

Ahh... the clowns. Bodysuits, tutu's (multicoloured... we have six colours of tulle as opposed to just white for olivia's class) clown hats, neck ruffles, wrist ruffles, ankle ruffles, pompoms on the body and sequins on the tip of EVERY SINGLE STRIP OF TULLE on the tutu. Oh the parents are going to LOVE me... not.

So after about six hours worth of work I have the pig bags almost ready to go. I'm done half the tutu strips but everything else except the ear claw clips and sequins are all sorted, bagged and labelled. Tomorrow night? I tackle the clowns...

Speaking of which. My FIL comes tomorrow and stays till thursday. If he would have asked we would have told him it's not a good time. Tomorrow jeff has to pick up more clown stuff at the studio, Maddy has school, he's supposed to game at Chris's house. Tuesday Olivia has a dentist appointment, Jeff has an appointment with our banker, Olivia has preschool. Wednesday Maddy has school, then we head to the studio for rehearsal for 2.5 hours then I go to Mother Goose right after for two hours. But he didn't ask... so we spent the ENTIRE day (of our seventh anniversary!) cleaning.

We did hire the girl next door (Talia 14 years) to babysit for 2.5 hours tonight. We took Phoenix, went for dinner and dessert and then went for a drive. We needed that. We need to do that more often. Freedom for $20? I'm all for it.

Well back to nursing the babe and cutting tulle. Tulle.... it will be the death of me.