as suspected...

This weekend is a no go for me to visit with Jeff at the tourney. Well actually Rose called this morning and said that al agreed they could babysit for half the day. That does not really work for me or jeff. That would mean that he would have to leave half way through and drive us home. Uh... no. I told her I'm not panicked about it. I had already made up my mind to just forget about it regardless of if they said the kids could come over or not.

I try *try* not to get my feelings hurt over things like this. I try... because in the same breath as "it's too much for al for the girls to come over" I hear "but jasmyn and grayson are coming over one night this week." Are my kids really that bad? Are they really *that* high needs and stressful? Am I putting way too much thought and time into trying to figure out a reason? ;) edited to add that I don't begrudge jassy and gray AT ALL for being with their grandparents. This has nothing to do with them. It's just MY feelings so no offense should be taken... I hope.

I want to go over and visit and hang out there. I want to feel like part of the family... but even though my girls have not been at their house for about a month (before sunday) it seems we have worn out our welcome. I remember when we were always invited over and told to come and visit... not so much anymore. I guess those are the perils of having a large and noisy family. Well I will not ask my daughters to change who they are no more than I would ask a dog not to bark. Brandon and Travis practically live there and I know that must be tiring...

Having thoughts like these always take me right back to wanting to move to Sechelt. Where since there are only Janet and Jeff and only 4 grandkids between both of them there is more than enough time and energy for all. Larry is getting better with the kids too which is very nice. When we were down visiting in august he let the girls pick potato's with him, water his vines, chatting and hung out with them. I could really tell the girls were tickled about that :) I think he just does not know what to "do" with babies... it's a guy thing I think.

My parents are out at camp till the 21st. Not that that matters at all. They have zero to no interest in the kids and my mom basically ignores the girls once she's greeted them and told them to go play. Phoenix is still paid attention to but then again... he's the baby. Once he's up and running he'll be become redundant as well. Apparently we're supposed to go there for Christmas dinner. Do I have to?

We're invited over to Al and Rose's for Christmas brunch and present opening. It will be busy. I really wonder if Al *wants* us to be there or just puts up with us because Rose wants us there (I'm assuming she actually wants us there or she would not ask.)

I'm feeling vulnerable. And not liked. And not wanted or needed. Blah. Bah humbug.