Monday, July 17, 2006

how morbid am I...

That I am sitting here crying my eyes out as if Phoenix has liver disease and has died already. I know that liver disease is one of the things that they will be trying to see if he has and I am already thinking that he has been handed a death warrant.

I can't imagine my life without this little person in it. He smiled at me today... for the very first time. I burst into tears.

I stroke his very soft skin as if I am trying to touch for a lifetime of touches that I will miss.

I smell his soft head and commit the scent to memory.

I study his every feature and take a photograph in my mind.

I hope... I hope... I hope...

that everything will be okay.

That it's nothing.

That they are overreacting.

That my little boy will be with me forever...

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