Monday, July 03, 2006

depressed...

Through a friends blog I read about another woman who had a baby (and lost her baby just shortly after birth due to her not breathing) and I have been reading her blog. Her words affect me greatly... I can FEEL her emotions and just ache at how badly she is hurting right now. I don't know this woman, don't know anything about her other than what I have read on her blog and yet I feel such a connection to her. I guess because we were due around the same time.

But why? Why did my baby get to stay and her's had to go? WHY???? It kills me that this mama has empty aching arms and mine are full. Why Phoenix wakes me for the 10th time in the night I remind myself that this mama would give ANYTHING to be woken up by her babe.

I was listening to the song "baby mine" this morning and started to cry. I was rocking Phoenix to sleep and it hit me how incredibly lucky I am that he is here, that he is alive, that we are safe.

It's just now hitting me that we dodged the blood clotting "bullet"... just now. I spent so much of my pregnancy trying not to bond or hope that he would actually make it. I am so lucky.

1 comment:

Jessica Jones said...

I'm not a mom (yet) so I can't even begin to imagine the scope of the poor woman's pain.

I am, however, a nanny to two little boys who have my heart. To lose either one of them would be unbearable.

That poor woman. She's in my thoughts...