ONE DAY!!!

ONE DAY! Holy shit!

At this time tomorrow I'll be holding my newest little person.
One day.

I'm freaking out here! I've NEVER known when my babies were going to come and it's very wierd to know that. I worry that he/she is not ready, I worry that I am not ready... I worry. I worry because I know all the stats about c-sections and having had two I worry because I know I hate them.

I am so paranoid these past few days about baby moving... It's like I am so close and just even more worried that something could take this joy away.

The girls are estatic. We went out last night and bought Maddy her summer clothes (a whole 4 pairs of shorts and two shirts....) she has plenty of short sleeved shirts, dresses and skorts but only two pairs of shorts. She helped me pick the stuff out and it's really cute. Oh and Olivia got her "biderman" (spiderman) jammies. She's over the moon.

They are at my mom's for the day so jeff and I can get last minute stuff done here at home. We have laundry to do, beds to change, windows to paint... lol.

My grandma is coming over for dinner and then spending the night with us so she can look after the kids in the morning and early afternoon tomorrow. It should be fun.

One day.

Holy shit.

Heading to the freakin frackin dentist...

blerg.

Went to bed last night and within 1/2 an hour developed the WORST freakin tooth ache!!! In a tooth I have never had issues with to boot!!!

So I spent the night crying my eyes out. Arnica did not touch it. Rescue remedy nada. I even resorted to extra strength Tylenol and NOTHING!!! I've had ice packs on my face for the last 13 hours and I'm still in the same amount of pain.

What a time for this to happen. 3 days before my surgery.

So I called both my dentist and ob and she gave the ok for anti-biotics. I'd rather not have dental surgery right now right before a c-section.

4 more days!!!!

Until the baby comes :) EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! Is it possible to be totally stoked and yet completely scared at the same time? I've never gone into a delivery KNOWING that I'll have a c-section. The thought of just laying there waiting to be sliced and diced is a little unerving...

My birthday was yesterday. I had a great time :) Jeff and the girls bought me a in bed co-sleeper for the babe, a new book and some new lotion. The rest of the family pampered me with gift cards and such and Robyn got me two awesome gift packs with stuff to pamper me and the new babe! So of course I spent most of last night sniffing various lotions and potions and trying them all out ;) The best was an awsome magnet for my fridge about friendship. It made me cry. I am such a sap.

Before dinner yesterday I was in the hospital. Apparently the superficial layers of my scar from MADELINE have separated and now I have a small hernia along my scar line. Nice... very painful but not dangerous they tell me. Just don't take castor oil ;) Then jeff took me to dinner where I had a huge King crab leg platter. I think I'm STILL full!

Well everything is ready for the baby... my bag, his bag, the kids bag. The bouncy seat is washed, the sheet for the co-sleeper, my sling is washed... I need to spot wash the sheep skin today though. Oh and get jeff to put the infant seat back in the car...

Well since I'm actually up before the girls are I shall get some breakfast. The mini beast demands to be fed :)

Can I cry?

Cause I sure as hell want to.

I've been in bed since 12:30. Lights out since 1:45 ish... it's now almost 5 and I have not slept for more than a half hour at a stretch. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like my freaking brain just cannot shut down and it's PISSING me off! I am so TIRED! I want to sleep for like five hours... or two hours... just a decent stretch so I don't feel like such a zombie. *sob*

Tuesday thoughts

Well only 10 more days (or less!) until baby day :) I called my grandma and got things set up for her to come and spend the night on the first so she can be here when we leave friday morning. I think we have to be at the hospital at like 6am and I don't want to wake the kids that early. Then she'll stay with the girls until I'm settled in bed with babe, jeff will come home and pick kids up and then they'll all head to hospital (with my grandma too.) Then the girls go to spend the weekend with my other mother (Rose) I think they are looking more forward to that than the actual baby thing!!!!

I'm a bit worried about Livy... she's only spent one night away from me in her life and she didn't do so well... I hope she'll be okay.

I need to make a list of the girls stuff they'll need for that weekend and figure out if maddy has ballet rehersal that saturday.

We had a busy freaking weekend. It's nice to relax today. Though I do love it when we're busy cause the time goes by so fast! Yesterday Liv and I went to Robyn's for the afternoon and the kids were STELLAR! They played, we actually got to finish sentances... lol! I love spending time with Robyn. I can just be myself you know? And not worry about offending her with anything I say cause most likely she thinks the same way!

After Robyn's we all went to Rose and Al's for dinner for their grandsons birthday. It was a great dinner... the kids were a bit cranky though. All of the kids had had busy weekends.

Tonight is mother goose night. I wonder if Stacey has had her baby yet???

Still pregnant...

Still here... still pregnant

I went in for my 36 weeks 2 day appointment today and my very normally low blood pressure (usually about 105/65 ish) was 148/88! I've been having tons of foot/hand/face swelling so of course we're thinking pre-e... well I had a bunch of blood work done and it all came back GREAT! So why the high pressure? Who knows I'm just glad it's not pre-e!

I signed my papers of consent for the c-section if this baby has not come on his own by june 2... that bummed me out.

She checked me (by my request) and I'm soft, 50% effaced and 2cm's. More evening primrose oil for me!

Ho hum...

Baby come... please... nowish would be good... lol.

finally decided on dinner tonight. Tuna melts for jeff and I and mini pizza's on whole wheat bread for the girls. Some dye free mac and cheese on the side and we're good to go! Jeff's working a night shift tonight so he's home for dinner and then not home again till like 9:30. I'm aiming to have the kids in bed by 8 and then I can have some alllll alone time.

We really need to shave Frodo's ass. He gets all manky and smelly and I just don't want a stinky cat around! Maybe tonight we'll finally get around to that?

I packed my bag for the hospital...
3 pairs old undies
4 pairs socks
toiletries
gum
mints
birth plan
jammies... one pair have to put in another
coming home outfit (will wear that in)

I need some new slippers and then I'm done. The baby's bag is all packed. We're taking cloth diapers to the hospital so we can cd from the very beginning. Takes up a lot of room though! I've also got to patch my old nursing pillow to take. I don't care if it gets messy for the first couple of days... it'll be good enough. Only 15 days or less!!!!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG

Picture me screaming this at the top of my lungs... this is how I feel RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Now also picture me PULLING OUT MY FUCKING HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAARRRRGGGGG!

Deep breath...

Apparently my kids are incompatible with outside life. If it MOVES it must be an enemy and shrieking at the tops of their lungs must ensue... we're talking an ant... or a teeny fly. I'm serious...

So they are outside in the sandbox, jeff and I are wrestling the infant seat and trying to get it in tight enough in the van... both girls start SCREAMING "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!" at the tops of their ever lovin lungs... why you ask? Surely someone was trying to rape them, or there was a rabid wolf in the back yard... oh no...

why? why? WHY? The gate closed.

Yep. The... gate... closed...

Oh the fucking horror.

I won't even get into how just frusterated mommy turned into pyscho mommy at that. We'll just say that since they are incompatible with the outdoors, they are now both firmly swaddled in their beds and it's nap time. For about the next three years...

I feel like I am about as far away from a gentle discipline mommy as I can get.

did I mention aaaarrrrrrgggggg?

sleep? what's that?

With all the shit that's been going down at this message board I didn't get any sleep last night. I worried about what happens if she decides to get nasty with me again, what if she goes ahead with the "this person makes me unsafe" and gets me banned... she's got enough people that she's friends with on there (including admin's) to do that very easily. And I don't wanna leave :( I love the women on there :( I'm so fucking freaked about this baby and having him that I need that support. I think the damage is probably already done though... everyone knows she's talking about me ( all in the name of "therapy" )

So I finally fall into a semi decent sleep at around 6 am and the next next door neighbors start JACKHAMMERING at 8am. Rise and shine porcupine! Sleep? Who needs that!!! Fucking idiots.

Oh and useless contractor is STILL NOT FINISHED OUR FUCKING WINDOWS!!!! He (or the window guys) made a mistake on the kitchen one so we have to wait for a new one. He still has not come back to caulk Maddy's or our window's... he still needs to fix the sophiting on the side and the chipped wall in the bathroom. Did I mention that he thinks it's okay to hang window's with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he head half in the house? Yah. Nice.

The kids are stil sleeping thank goodness. I need to get out of this funk for their sake...

Should I stay or should I go...

Well I think my ex friend is officially back at the group we both used to post at. I can ignore her posts and go on there gleefully but now she is dredging up past issues on there that we have had... :( I really don't need this shit right now... really... don't. I've never done ANYTHING to anyone on there other than the shit that went down with her and even then I was not rude or mean... I just wrote my feelings in defense at what she said about me.

I'm just in defense mode ya know? I don't want to be hurt.

I don't want to read mean things about me and how horrid of a person I was because I ditched her.

I don't want everyone looking at me like "oh YOU'RE the one who hurt her"

I had my reasons... I'm not justifying myself again.

Why now? 18 days... now I have to fucking worry about this.

I need a hug.

u/s update!

Baby is doing very well.

I am 35 weeks 5 days today.

Head measured at 36 weeks 2 days.
Tummy measured at 38 weeks 6 days.
Legs measured at 39 weeks 2 days!

Baby is very head down. Good fluid. Things look well.

Oh and he's already an estimated 7 lbs 2 oz!!! And an estimated fetal age of 37 weeks 4 days :)

I'm in hell...

Useless contractor is here.

Useless contractor listens to horrid horrid country music.

Save me.

Such a good time :)

So Mandy and I went to Kelly o Brians for dinner last night. I started off with a salad, then had the most AMAZING chicken breast smothered in cream cheese, shrimp and crab meat. It was the BEST chicken I have EVER tasted. OMG... heaven. Then we had "death by chocolate" for dessert... I brought half home for jeff :)

We gabbed nonstop for 2.5 hours ;) We never run out of things to say! I really really wish that Robyn and I could get out sans children once in a while... oh well. Maybe in another two years or so? lol!

Useless contractor should be here today... well he SHOULD have been here 20 minutes ago. Useless. Sigh. I think he SHOULD be spending the entire day and getting at least two or three windows done. But no... he'll probably be back tomorrow on Mother's Day so I'll have to get up early .. sigh...

Maddy has ballet at noon and hopefully she'll be getting her costume today! I need to get the fins and stuff sewed on before this baby comes... speaking of which...

he PUNCHED me in the cervix last night. Holy fucking hell that hurt!!!!!!! This babe is going to be a handful ;)

Heading out :)

A old friend of mine and I are going out to dinner tonight. I can't wait. My kids are driving me kinda batty (they are not being horrid, they are being kids. It's enough apparently... lol) We're only going out for a couple of hours but I still feel bad leaving Jeff to deal with them for the second night in a row (last night was LLL).

Had my non stress test today and the baby did great :) Contractions showing up every 6-7 minutes but not strong. Just annoying enough to be a bit painful. Doing my evening primrose oil and tonight will start vaginally inserting it. Fun fun fun!!! I'm hoping it softens and effaces me enough so we can do a "stretch and sweep" when the time comes. Our next u/s is on monday... will it still be a boy?

Go away... STAY AWAY!

Woman don't tease me like that!

An ex friend (that i ditched ... for various reasons that I won't re get into) has reentered an online community that we both used to post at. She left in a huff saying she was not "feeling safe" (though she was the one who repeatedly harrassed me in emails) and I was really really REALLY hoping that just this ONE time she would actually do what she said and stay away...

I should have known it was too much to ask. Well I did know. She's kinda famous for pulling this shit.

She's actually written me a couple of emails saying she wishes me well and blah blah but I just refuse to go there with her. She really showed her true colours when she got very nasty with me and accused me of many things that I never said or did.

Oh well. I guess that's why the "ignore" feature was developed ;)

The cutest kids EVER!

I've got music going on the puter and jeff just went back to work. We're listening to Cinderella and of course Maddy has to get her princess dress on and she's being... well Cinderella. Olivia decides she is going to be "rosapurr" rosapurr would be "Lucifer" the cat.... you have to hear it to understand exactly how fucking cute it sounds.

Well aforementioned useless contractor didn't show up today as he is "cough cough" sick. Whatever. Useless. Did I mention that?

Today is our first do nothing day in weeks. It's soooooo nice. I layed in bed until noon listening to the kids play and making sure they were not killing each other or themselves. We're all still in our jammies and I'm thinking that's the way it will stay. I do want to get outside but I think after dinner tonight maybe we'll head to the park. What should I make for dinner??? I've got hours to think about it.

I want to call Robyn and see if they got a van but I don't want to depress her if they didn't. lol.

Absolutely fucking useless...

That would be our contractor. I should have known when it took him THREE FUCKING WEEKS to coordinate a time and then install a simple fucking bathroom fan. Okay scrap that... I DID know but by that time he had already ordered the windows and spent the money so he's gotta do the window's too.

The window's have taken well over a month to get here. Then one got broken... so we're still waiting on that one. He comes over today at 11... he just left. He was supposed to do either two or three window's today. He did... NONE. Not ONE FUCKING WINDOW!!!!! Oh so now it's more complicated than he thought and he has to get new wood and blah blah blah. Is he a fucking idiot? Do people actually reccommend him? Like really. So now instead of two days of getting up early... this is probably going to drag on for weeks. Yah I really need this on the verge of having a fucking baby.

Geez I'm in a shitty mood today.

baby? prodromal labour?

bleh. I just don't even know.

Saturday I went for a non-stress test (hereafter known as nst) and the baby was good. A couple of decels down to 90 when he was FLIPPING but other than that... good. Saturday night around 8 I started having contrax. These took me by suprise! So 8 hours of steady 1 minute long, every 5 minutes, have to breathe through them contractions later, they stopped. Spaced out to about every 10-12 minutes and there they stayed. Sunday ... monday ...

I had my ob appointment yesterday and with my horrid back pain, mucus losing, steady contracting... she sent me for another nst just to check on baby. He was fine but I was having contractions still so they checked my cervix. No change so we got to come home (yayyy!)

I just want this baby to stay in for at least another two weeks. Course I'll be in pain that whole time but eh... it's my last babe. I can take a bit of pain.

Last night we went to my other parents for dinner and cake/ice cream. It was Al's 37th birthday. The first time everyone has been together in like months! We're all fairly healthy now so hopefully that can happen more often :)

I called Robyn this morning to let her know that I was not having a baby yet (lol) and she was sleeping! Yayyyy!!!! Apparently Mike let her sleep in :) That makes me happy. I hope he finally is getting that she NEEDS some time to sleep and just be herself. Sleeping in makes for a way better mama.

Speaking of which... there was none of that for me today. We're finally getting the new window's installed and the guy was supposed to be here at 10... so he finally gets here about 11 and now the banging and stuff the ensues is not very napping friendly.

Mother Goose tonight... yawwwwnnn... I'm going to be wiped by then! I'm in charge of snack tonight. I'm thinking strawberries, grapes, popcorn, cheese and crackers.

34 weeks 2 days

:)

I am so ready for this baby to be here! I know baby is not ready... but I am ready. My mother (in her infinite wisdom) phoned me this morning to tell me to take some castor oil today. Ummmm... NO! Little too early there mom! Apparently her and my dad are going back to work sometime in the next couple of weeks and so I guess she's missing the birth of our babe. Oh well. Now to find someone to watch the kids for me!!!

I am having second thoughts on the gender. I know they said it's a boy. I know we saw a "penis" but did we? Hmmm... if it's a girl she's wearing an awful lot of blue cause I got rid of all my baby girl clothes ;)

We're off in a bit to go to Robyn's for the afternoon. At least we can sit, talk and let the kids play. They usually require minimal supervision from us and that works for me. The three play very nicely together. Tomorrow we'll head to the park with Heather and her little person for the afternoon. Maddy has ballet at 12 and I have my non stress test then too. Hopefully our little person is non stressed.

Tonight we're going to see my other parents ;) We're all finally healthy so the kids FINALLY get to see them! I think it's been like 6 weeks or something?

Just tired...

I'm just tired. That's it. Tired. I want to lay in bed and sleep for the next month until the baby gets here (well one month minus two days... lol!) Maddy let me sleep in until 10:30 today and it still was not long enough!

Yesterday was a good day. Robyn (my best friend) and her kiddo's came over for the afternoon. We spent most of it in the backyard telling the kids to "go play!" We came in for a snack and a nap (Gray... her son) and I got to show her my newborn/small diaper stash :) I can't wait to use them on a baby!!! They went home around 6ish and Jeff bbq'ed turkey burgers for dinner.

Today the weather is supposed to be sunny and around +22. We're definately spending the afternoon outside. Maybe I'll work on exposing my bright white legs to the sun?

I'm hungry too. I should eat. It just seems like too much work ;)