I yar lazy...

Today at least. All I did off that list was put the diapers up to wash. Oh and I made dinner. That was it.

I did however do a photo montage of Madeline with Phoenix sitting on my lap.. check it out!

I made Eggs Benedict for dinner and we had berries (blue, black and razz...) for dessert. It was uber yummy.

Olivia coloured and played all afternoon. I took part in her imaginary play by feed her oats and water out of her bucket (pretend oats and water), brushed her mane and sent her around picking up "people" to give them rides. Oh she was a horse if you didn't guess.

Jeff picked up Maddy today but then showed up at home without her! Emma wanted her to come play and Tammy (Emma's mom) was keen so she went straight home with them. Jeff picked her up at 5:45 after work so I only had two kids all day. Strange as it was... I missed her :)

She came home very grouchy and upon further investigation found that she took one bite of her sandwich and maybe two bite sized pieces of watermelon for lunch. She ate her two picks and a banana but nothing else other than that! No wonder! She ate a ton at dinner (two whole english muffins, 1.5 eggs, jelly and a whole bowl of berries) and then it was bedtime. Well she was so bloody rude to us from the time that she got home and THEN said she was going to live with Emma. Okay. So we talked about how the way she speaks hurts us and our feelings and we talked about everything good about our house and family and asked her to think about that. Well then she burst into tears and sobbed her guts out. She never used to be empathetic at all about anything, now she's emo girl extreme. Gawd. So I soothed and tucked her in. She better sleep in tomorrow.

Jeff's out for his painting night. Phoenix had a late nap so he's currently sitting on the floor eating a stacking cup. He ate four rice crackers today (he LOVES them) and nursed a ton. He's finished his antibiotics so we'll take him in this week and make sure everything looks good.

Loki and Frodo are doing their nightly "kick eachothers ass" session. lol.

I need to move my ass!

All I've done this morning is clean the kitchen and run the dishwasher. Oh and I picked up some dirty clothes... and I talked to my best friend on the phone. Yah... that's it.

So my TODO list today is...

vacuum house
wash diapers
make dinner
declutter basement
bring doll cradle upstairs, a freecycler will be here at 4:30
change sheets on our beds

get moving Tammy!!!!

On this day...

Two years ago we got confirmation that we were pregnant. Our wee baby Violet only stayed with us for 9 weeks but she's never far from my mind and heart. I know that were she to have stayed, Phoenix would not be here... and I know deep down that her soul is a part of his... but it hits me every april and may and it probably always will.

So I'm a bit blue today. I don't expect anyone to remember and I'm not sad at all that they didn't for who else remembers the day you found out you were pregnant except oneself? But I could really use a hug... or some chocolate. Three hours till Jeff is home...

Still thursday ;)

Maddy had a wonderful playdate today. When the twins mom brought her home she said she was "so incredibly polite and has the best manners!" Apparently the three girls had a fantastic time running around screaming their heads off ;) Snack was great as well according to Madeline and she's eager to repeat this arrangement :)

Olivia had lots of fun at preschool. Her and Jeff got there a bit early so she was showing him around and introducing him to all of the toys. lol!

Phoenix never did nap but it was nice and quiet and both girls were out having fun. That works for me!

Funny thing. We were out at superstore doing a bit of grocery shopping last night. Jeff, I and all three kids. The girls were in their jammies.. when we meet Jean, John and THEIR two kids... both in THEIR jammies. Superstore. Where AP parents meet and have social lives. Proving that you can have fun WITH your kids! Maddy and Elisabeth were ecstatic of course! That reminds me, Jean called today and I have not called her back yet. I think I'll invite them over for an afternoon next week some time.

I was called a martyr today. Simply because I don't dump my kids at every opportunity. Now even if I WANTED to dump my kids (which I don't) where the hell would I dump them? My mom is not interested in watching them, I'm not going to bug Rose to do it as she's got enough on her plate right now and that leaves me with having to pay someone. Well I'm sorry but I'm not going to PAY someone to watch my kids while I shop. I can bloody well take them WITH me. They are my kids! Sure they annoy me at times but I *gasp* actually like spending time with them. (horror upon horrors.) And if it's so important that I shop sans kids... that's why I'm married :) He can watch the kids while I go. Is it really that hard for people to see that maybe I don't want/need to ditch my kids constantly??? I get my time in the evenings to relax. While they are small that is all I really need.

/rant

Frodo is screaming at the top of the stairs. He's too lazy to haul his fat ass over the gate. The gate that needs to be there because Loki likes to eat kitty roca at any opportunity. Phoenix is beside me chewing on his toothbrush. The kids are in bed and Jeff's still at work. We ordered in a panago pizza and wings for dinner and it was very yummy. We had four pieces left so Jeff came home and had dinner with us.

this is really a nothing kinda post isn't it? Hmmm...

Time off!

I am having a once in a lifetime day... BOTH of my girls are somewhere else and Phoenix and I are home alone! Olivia has preschool today and a mom at Maddy's school offered to have Maddy come and play for the afternoon! She said that since Phoenix had an ear infection and I looked tired as all hell that it might be nice for me to have a break. There's a change! No one EVER offers to give me a break! Needless to say... I took advantage ;)

So Phoenix is sitting on the floor, snuffling like a pig, wiggling his eyebrows at me as I type and generally just being in a good mood. That's also a nice change! Oh he's sleeping sooooo much better now. Good 3-4 hour chunks, nursing for 15 minutes and then heading back into dreamland. My supply didn't take a hit from my period this month either so he's getting tons of good healing milk just when he needs it! He's less than impressed about the taste of the Biaxin but he takes it ;)

Jeff works a night shift tonight so the girls and I are on our own for dinner... I wonder who does debit at the door? lol!

I found out on tuesday that my "mom" lost her job... her job that she's been at for 20 years! They are "reorganizing" and apparently she does not have the skills that they need her to have. I'm sad for her. She's 57 and even though she is the YOUNGEST 57 year old I've ever knows it's tough to be so uncertain about your future at that stage of your life. Jeff's helping her with her emat questions and I'll do whatever I can to help as well.

I finally got a box packed for "Babycatcher" a live journal person that I read :) She lost her baby Abby shortly after birth last year and she is due with another little girl this year at the same time! I'm sending some newborn cloth dipes, wool, bigger dipes and a fuzzy suprise (A full sized Care Bear "Wish Bear" which I thought was appropriate.) I'll get that mailed this weekend.

Well the native (baby) is getting restless. He needs a boob and since mine is the only one around... I guess it will have to do!

me :)

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And yet again...

My baby fiend has a double ear infection. Apparently according to the doctor (who was very nice and very thorough) his right ear is ready to burst and his left ear is not far behind. Nice.

I've ended the P sleeping log. Cause well.. he just is not. Sleeping that is. Two nights ago he screamed half the night (by that I mean around 5 hours all told. Shrill high pitched screaming.) Last night he screamed for about 8 hours all told. Today he spiked fevers on and off, was lethargic, napped on and off all day (but only on people) and whined/screamed and moaned whenever he was not sleeping. So I finally decided to take him in.

Hence.. double ear infection. The doctor figures it's bacterial from all the freaking goop in his ear so he's now on Bactrim twice a day for seven days (heavy duty bacteria fighting antibiotic) and we also have a ear drop that actually is an anesthetic to numb his ear canal. I'll send jeff out tomorrow for more Bio-K probiotics. I also picked up some non-alcohol gripe water to help with his tummy which will be very upset from these antibiotics. Oh and some motrin. Lots of motrin.

Hell yah I'm totally stocked up on allopathics right now. I won't even apologize and try to logisize it. I'm fucking tired. My baby is in fucking pain. Nuff said. Let the crunchy police kick my ass. I don't fucking care. I treat everything else homeopathically.

We had dinner at my grandmothers tonight. My parent's, favourite aunt and uncle, my two cousins and one of their boyfriends was there. I had a great time (other than dealing with P) and he got to be snuggled and comforted by many sets of loving arms. Oh it was SO NICE to have a wee break. The girls chased bunnies, talked to ducks and barked back at a dog. Played in and out of the barn and were really good. Then they washed dishes with Sadie and Britt (my cousins... 19 and 24) and had a blast.

Yesterday we went to Alex (my friend Jean's) birthday party at Ft. George park. It was lots of fun. It was just them, their immediate family and us :) Lots of yummy food and good people. The girls had a blast running around with Elisabeth and Phoenix napping in the babyhawk the whole time. We did some running around after dinner, stopped by Al and Roses just after 8 and then got the kids into bed at a decent time (of course that's when the screaming started and didn't stop!!!)

Well Phoenix just started crying because Jeff tried to stop him from biting his leg. lol. Other than that he's been really happy for the last two hours! Motrin and ear drops will do that to you.

I hope to get some sleep tonight. It's times like this when I wish Grammie was around to help.

edited to add: Jeff found ear goo on the bed when he was getting things ready for Phoenix tonight so it drained a wee bit during his nap today... blerg.

Friday

A school day for Madeline today. I got Jeff to take the laptop to work so I couldn't be on it... lol. I wanted to spend the whole day with no distractions from my kiddo's. So Phoenix and I got out of bed just after 9 when Olivia came in to wake me up. After breakfast we read 8 books (we got our Scholastic press order in) and then got dressed. Phoenix, Liv, Loki and I went outside and played ball and tag despite the coldness. We had smoothies for lunch and then Phoenix had a nap... I passed out sitting up on the couch while Olivia coloured ;)

We went and picked up Maddy at 2:30 and played outside when we got home from our walk. Then hung out, cleaned the house, made dinner (organic taco meat on macaroni and cheese with brussell sprouts and corn) and went to Rose's for a visit. I didn't see Madeline the whole time we were there... she was outside playing with the boys!

So it was a late night for the kids and a busy day tomorrow. Ballet for both and then a birthday party for Phoenix's friend Alex (my friend Jean little guy.)

P log

Woke at 3ish am and nursed... and then again at 4ish am sometime?
Woke at 8:45 am and nursed... then was basically up for the day. Not too bad!

April 20
Ate some dehydrated apple around lunchtime (about a teaspoon)
Ate some applesauce (about three tablespoons!) with about two tablespoons of rice cereal after nursing at about 10pm. Threw up his hands and said very clearly "all done!"
Nursed at 11:30 and to bed after his quietude...

we'll see what the night brings ;)

Phoenix Log

I'm keeping a solid food and sleep log for the boy ;) Yes I'm that desperate to see any pattern and work on improving it! This two hours of sleep a night for me is going to put me over the edge soon!

So yesterday April 18.
Solid: some dehydrated apples, some organic brown rice cereal and organic applesauce
Quietude before bed
Fell asleep at 11pm. Woke 2 am and nursed. Woke 3:30 and burped. Woke 5:15 and nursed. Woke 9:30 am!!!!!! (so very good night!)

April 19
Solid: some dehydrated apples
Quietude morning and night
Fell asleep at 9:20 pm. Woke 12:10 am and nursed (I'm heading to bed now so I'll update in the morning... cross fingers!)

Today is a day...

Like no other day of course!

Our next door neighbors have their daughter/son in law/two girls (ages 10 and 14) living with them. They are getting very old (late eighties/early nineties) and are ready to move into an retirement home. Their family is taking care of getting the house and yard up to date and apparently are moving here for good from Australia. They are very very nice.

Sharon (the daughter) is a registered Nurse Midwife and has started a business called "Family Health: Parenting Help and Education." Sounds great huh? Yah... she believes that babies should never rule the roost, should be sleeping through the night early on and should only eat every three hours. That if they are eating more often then that, something else is going on and that should be dealt with. Babies should have their own rooms and the family needs to not be baby centered.

She lives next door to me. I am a LLL leader. Hmmm.... how's this going to work?

She's planning on providing breastfeeding support, prenatal classes and post-natal support in sleeping, feeding and calming issues. My toes... feeling a bit stepped on ;)

I don't mind so much that she is providing breastfeeding support but she said to me that she would never be a LLL leader as we are not "structured" enough. Schedules have to be in place and maintained and none of this wishywashy stuff.

I get the feeling she thinks I am a slightly crappy parent for letting Phoenix rule my life with his sleeping issues, feeding issues and having him on the boob every 1.5 hours. Well Olivia nursed every 1.5 hours too and she turned out wonderfully!

Hmmm... just venting sorta. Cept I'm not mad or anything. Just kinda slightly bemused about it all. lol!

So Jeff bought me a new breadmaker yesterday. A new CUISINART breadmaker! It's pretty... all stainless steel and stuff. Oh and it makes REALLY good bread. Yum!

Today was the first session of mother goose for the spring. We only have 8 weeks and then off for summer. We had seven familes. It was all good. One mom was stressing way too freaking much about her daughter touching things. The whole time was "insert name... NO!" Annoying. She was 16 months old. Give her a break!

Another little boy was only one week older than Phoenix and seemed SO MUCH MORE ADVANCED. So much. He was crawling everywhere. Totally didn't care that his mother was there. Sat in front of me the whole time. In contrast my babe whined, clung to me, climbed me and nursed while I was supposed to be leading. I know he'll crawl ... but when? Maybe then he can freaking follow me instead of WHINING!

I've not been complaining about his sleep issues lately but they are many. He fights going to sleep, he fights STAYING asleep, he fights going back to sleep after nursing. Last night he went to bed at 11:30. Woke at 2 am to nurse. Then woke at 3:30, refused to nurse and SCREAMED for two hours. What he really wanted was for me to get out of bed and rock him but I am so exhausted I just couldn't. I rocked him in my arms for a bit until he didn't want that anymore. So I lay beside him with my hand on his back and slightly rocked him ... for two hours. I'm not sure when he fell asleep... I know when I woke I still had my hand on his back. I think we probably both gave in to sleep at the same time. I've never been able to sleep while a baby is crying ever.

I had bought some Boiron's Quietude quite a long time ago for him but never used it. You give one dose morning and night and it's supposed to help with sleep disorders in infants. Babes whole wake frequently, fight sleep and get fussy at night. I don't think he has a sleep disorder... I think he sleeps like crap because he does. This kid will never die of SIDS because he does not sleep long enough too! I'm hoping the Quietude makes his night waking shorter and just nursings.. not screamings.

My sister is not moving back to Canada. Boo Hiss. I really miss her.

Robyn and the gang are in Quesnel for two days and then dropping off her two kids at her mother in laws and then off to Edmonton for two/three days. Alone. With no kids. As good as that sounds right about now I couldn't leave my nursling. Dammit... I wish my conscience would leave me alone! lol! We're looking after their cats... Boots is a very stupid cat. They left town and left him outside so Jeff was over three times yesterday trying to get that damn cat to come it! Do you think he would? He'd get to the door and then run away! He finally got him in at lunch today... think he was finally hungry enough.

Well I should be sleeping. Liv has pre-k tomorrow and then kindy for Maddy on friday. Then a birthday party for Jean's little Alex on saturday. No rest for the wicked ;)

Clothes!

It's been FOREVER since I was able to buy some new clothes. There is always something else that comes up... and besides I have a really hard time buying hippie, patchy, my style clothes here in town. BUT I don't know WHY I never thought to buy EBAY!

So today I spent about $100 on three skirts but they'll do me for a very long time so I'm not panicked... they'll be the basis of my summer wardrobe. I just need to add a bunch of tank tops in matching colours and I'm good to go!

wanna see ;)

brown patchy

pink patchy

daisies and ladybug patchy

Yep I know I have eclectic tastes ;)

Where are my children?

because I hardly saw them today!!!

I got up at around 11ish. Got ready, got the kids ready and then Madeline, Phoenix and I went to visit my friend Jean and her two little people (Elisabeth is Maddy's age and Alex is Phoenix's.) From the time we arrived (around 1) to the time we left (about 5:30) I saw Madeline for 10 minutes. And that was enough time for the two girls to wolf down two muffins, some cheese and drink a glass of water.

They played dress-up, makeup, polly pockets... restaurant, sisters and school. They played and played and played... the had not ONE single fight, one argument, one issue. Not one. Not a single one. Was that really MY child I took over there today? I soooo need to her to play with her big friends more. She is such a likable person then!

While we were playing (well jean and I were gabbing non-stop for 5 hours and the boys sat and petted one another) Jeff and Olivia payed some bills and then went to the kids museum. Apparently they had a wonderful time and ended the trip with popcorn and nacho's with cheese sauce. Olivia has no food dye allergies ;)

So then we got pizza for dinner, cleaned up, I fed the babe and Jeff dropped me off to grocery shop. BY MYSELF! For almost two hours!!! Rose brought me home with my groceries, I walked in the door. Fed Phoenix. He fell asleep and went to bed by 10:30.

It was a busy busy day but wow was it a good one!

Photo montage!

Montage madness!

Of Mr. Phoenix :) Check it out!

Hmmm...

Random thoughts...

-I wonder what time Jeff gets lunch? I'm not "supposed" to call him at work anymore and apparently he's not calling me FROM work anymore so I actually don't have any idea when or if he's coming home. That's annoying.

-I put a set of tires up on freecycle. I had a taker. He came this morning and apparently I should have specified that they were CAR tires and not truck tires. I didn't realize that there was a difference. And then when he was here he tried to talk me into giving him my really nice iron padded lawn chairs... ummm no.

-I had the city knock on my door this morning. They were fiddling with our water shut off valve in the neighbors driveway and marveling at how OUR water valve was in THEIR driveway. I dunno why! I didn't build the house. So I had to turn on the water, turn off the water, turn on the water, turn off the water.... annoying.

-Loki has the runs. Again. Perhaps if he just ate HIS food and STOPPED EATING FUCKING CATSHIT he'd be solid. Now that we have a gate up that should stop.

-Our new neighbors are cool. She actually knocked on the door to ask if I needed anything from the "shops" as she was headed to superstore. She's Australian. I think I'd like to live there if they are all as nice as her :)

-Phoenix is trying very hard to crawl and pull up. This is resulting in a LOT of head wounds. Poor baby!

-I got next to no sleep last night. Normally I'd call my husband to complain and get sympathy but (see random thought #1)

-I need some companionship. I need an adult to talk to. Mikes home on days off though so I shouldn't bug Robyn... now that they actually like each other and enjoy spending time with one another ;) I might call Jean.

-LLL is tomorrow night. I need to get the key I suppose.

oh Jean is on the phone! Yay! Companionship!

Le sigh...

I'm all alooooone... there's noone here besiiiiide meeeeee...

Yep just another night at home. Being bored. lol! Jeff is out for his weekly painting "guy time" night. Part of his "taking time for himself" crusade. I was kinda hoping all of this would mellow him out a bit... maybe it takes longer for it to take effect?

All three kids are sleeping and Loki is hard at work destuffing a pink Dr. Seuss fish. Currently my house is COVERED in fluff but he's busy, not chasing cats and not peeing on my floor... you take what you can get ;)

Today was a pretty good day with the kids. Olivia had preschool and then when Robyn was dropping her off she mentioned that she had to go grocery shopping so I offered to take Jassy for the afternoon. She was awesome and they all had a great time. We played outside for almost two hours, blew bubbles, drew with chalk, rode bikes and scooters and played simon says. I know my kids had no problems falling asleep tonight!

I made "coney" fries and roasted cauliflower and broccoli for dinner tonight. I did homemade fries and then did some organic ground beef with taco seasonings for on top. It was so good!

I've eaten FAR too much chocolate the past three days. I feel blergy.

Well I think I might just lay down and sleep for a bit before jeff gets home.

Happy Bunny day!

The turkey is on, potatoes peeled. Baby tomatoes, cucumber and cheese are sliced and in the fridge. The house is clean, tablecloth on the table, kids are napping... eggs are boiling for deviled eggs. All the dishes, silverware and napkins are ready to put on the table. The butter is softening and the iced tea has brewed and is cooling. We are almost ready!

My mom is bringing a macaroni salad and my grandmother is bringing a dessert. Jeff and I did most of the deep cleaning yesterday so today was mainly just a tidy up. We both need to shower and get dressed though.

The kids loved their easter bunny loot :) They both got a hollow chocolate animal, chocolate eggs from the hunt, play-doh spring buckets, bubbles, stickers, chalk eggs, glow in the dark bracelets and a new book. Phoenix got a fuzzy puppy book and a Tigger dressed in a bunny costume. Grandma Rose got them bunny ears and a stuffed bunny for Phoenix. They were pretty excited :) I don't want easter to get all commercial in this house. I think 20-30 bucks per kid is MORE than enough. Especially knowing that my parents AND my grandmother bought them easter stuff too!

Anyways off to chat with jeff while he's showering ;)

Dance Festival!

Well we got a surprise phone call today from Maddy's ballet teacher Tina... their group was chosen to take part in the "Gala Event" tonight (the best of the best). Wonderful news! Perhaps a bit more notice would have been nice...

There were 30 acts tonight. Ballet, jazz, tap, highland, modern... So much fun! So much talent!!! Kids from 5-17 ... very cool. Maddy's group was the ONLY group chosen that was under the age of 10 years! Most of them were at least 12 and up. So cool! And we got to see their adjudication sheet and they scored 83/100. We are so very proud :)

Pictures! (no flash photography allowed during the performance.. so it's all before and after)

Madeline after the performance, making a very strange pose

Sitting on the stage after the performance

Backstage in the gym... one final practice (the purple haired girl is a stand in)

Morgan, Cameron, Madeline and Molly all posing so pretty

Madeline and her ballet Teacher Miss. Tina

A pre-show pose

Gorgeous ringlets. This is what 1.5 hours gets you folks!

Stage Make-up. I swear to you... she really is only just 5!

Just... drained.

I can honestly say that this has been one of the most emotionally and spiritually draining days of my life. I can't say when I've felt this horrible before... I think an all time low has been hit.

But then I had to suck it all up and put on a happy face for Madeline and her spring dance festival. Their group took first for "Let's go fly a kite" in large group, demi character 8 and under. I'm proud of her. She danced wonderfully, behaved impeccably and had a wonderful wonderful time. My mom and dad, grandmother and cousin Sadie showed up to watch. I'm glad she had some supporters. It was very important to her that people be there to cheer her on.

I'm going to eat some french onion soup and go to bed. I may not get up again ever... if I have to have another day like this.