especially NOT the children!
Mr. Phoenix decided at 2:47am that he was "all done" sleeping and I should get up and amuse him. Needless to say I was not amused... in the slightest.
He screamed for 1.5 hours... right in my ear. He would not be soothed, nursed, cuddled... I ended up wrapping him in a blanket, rocking back and forth and shushing vigorously. All the while Jeff and I are fighting because "he wants his wife and life back" and "phoenix is manipulating me."
I know that Jeff was just ranting and I can respect that. But I WILL NOT let Phoenix cry it out and I WILL NOT leave the room and let him scream and I WILL NOT let myself feel guilty for tending to my infant sons needs... even if that means I ignore some of my own needs. I won't. I will not. It's not going to happen. Ever.
I know that Jeff has needs. I do. But at 2:47 at night when he's already been sleeping for an hour the only need he has right then is sleep. I told him to go into the living room and crash on the couch so he could get some sleep. He chose instead to rant and rave for an hour. So he made the choice to not sleep as I see it.
I am tired of being an all night buffet. I am tired of being on beck and call. I am tired. Period. But this is the way that we chose a long time ago to raise our children and I am not changing it now. Besides... jeff does none of the nighttime parenting anyways. When he's the one getting up 3-4 times a night then he gets to choose how, when and where our son sleeps.
I love my husband. I love my son. I want to make both happy. But when it comes down to it Phoenix will only be a baby for a short period of time. If I meet his needs now (like I did for both girls) in the short term it will have great rewards for the long term. I am trying my very hardest to make my husband happy and respect his needs. His house is clean, there is almost always dinner on the table (and often it's what he's requested), he can go out whenever he wants, if he wants sex he only has to ask. I sit and talk to him about his interests, I let him slack off on the housework and pick up the pieces afterwards... what the fuck else can I do?????
Fuck I am so... tired. Tired of being in charge of EVERYONES happiness.