Frodo the cat :)

By request ;)

Phew...

So I did manage to get every single freaking fracking thing done on my list today. The littles watched FAR TOO MUCH movies with snacks but hey... it won't kill them.

My house is very very very clean.

We found someone to watch Loki whilst we're gone. Apparently it does not matter to Mike that we've looked after his fucking cats every single time they've gone away for the last FIVE YEARS. He's still pissed that I charged him for watching his kids for three days (and feeding them for three days... while I had double pneumonia... on my kids spring break...) AFTER HE TOLD ME HE'D PAY ME GLADLY! I charged them WAY below going rate too. And I didn't babysit his dog when they went to Vancouver because Loki had Kennel cough. So he's mad. And won't let my dog stay there. I hope he's not planning a vacation soon and asking us to look after his cats.. That's gratitude for you.

So our friend Stacy is going to take him. He'll get to play with Cyrus for the two weeks and she'll do the raw thing for him while he's there (we'll have it all bagged and ready to go.) She's an angel. I really didn't want to take Loki on vacation. Stressful for all involved.

Well I'm bathed and off to bed. K is here at 8 in the morning and I have a busy day for us planned. Playing outside, a long walk, lots of stories, lots of songs. :)

updated...

I am just frustrated today. We've been looking at buying a new van. We thought for sure today that they'd come back to us with a decent interest rate and that we'd be driving a new van by tomorrow. Well Jeff's stupid student loans that he made a deal to pay off are STILL ON HIS CREDIT RATING. But only until september. So as of september we can get any interest rate that we want. I want a new van NOW though and think that we should just suck up the one or two months of a $600-650 payment and then re-fi in september to get it down to $500. It would only cost us about $300 more than having a good interest rate now.

Jeff wants to fix the brakes (about $200-300) and it needs new roters) fix the a/c (free) and fix the gas gauge (probably about $100 or so). We wouldn't get any more for a trade in on the van.

So it works out to costing us about the same amount of money either which way.

But of course Jeff's in meetings and doing training all day and I can't talk to him about this.

update: I finally got to talk to him and it will be $594 as opposed to $650. I think we'll go for it. We're waiting for one more lender to contact the dealership.

/rant

It's clean up day. I have this day free and then daycare for the rest of the week. I don't clean when I have kids here (other than put dishes away, clean trays, wipe crumbs, sweep big chunks of things) during the day and there is no time for big cleans at night so days off it is.

So today I've cleaned the downstairs... bathroom, swept, litter box, swept laundry room, vaccuumed the entire downstairs, cleaned Loki's craft, cleaned the rec room, done three loads of laundry, went through the shoes, vacuumed all of the landing and carpets, collected all of the garbage, organized K's stuff.

I still have to do the upstairs... clean our room (done), bathroom (done), P's room, vacuum (done), sweep (done) and mop (spot washed), dishes, tidy, dust, clean hot spots, clear off fridge, snack plan for the week, sweep deck, clean high chairs, clean windows (done)...

Is there a way to clone myself?

Hawt

It's a hot one! It's been around 30 for days now... we've had a wonderful long weekend so far. My sis and niece came in on saturday and then we spent the day at Hixon campground on Sunday. We ate lots, played lots, swam lots. I didn't bring a suit but managed to get soaked when Phoenix sat down IN THE RIVER, patted the water next to him and commanded "mama... sit!" so sit I did ;) In a floor length skirt and tank top ;) It was SO DELICIOUSLY COOL. Best time evah!

Today we spent the day with my friend Jean and her kids up at her place. It's so nice to hang out with friends and not ALWAYS have it be at my place! Phoenix and Alex had not a SINGLE argument (this is normal for them... they never fight... EVER) the girls were all a bit owly but Kylee spent the night last night and she woke them up at 6 freaking am...

Apparently tomorrow I'm going out with my sister and mother for a bit and then they are taking LIvy home for a sleep over. Dawn's spending the night here then. I have Alex and Kaidence full day on Wednesday. It will be fun for Phoenix to have someone bigger to play with :)

I'm off to have a nice cool bath. Then fans and BED!

me...

new pictures... feelin emo ;)

The Dogs Dinner

We got an assortment of elk, moose, salmon, halibut, beef and what have you from freecycle. About 3 or 4 different people dropped off stuff at various times throughout a week about a month ago. We`ve just been cutting things up as we need them for the past month but I decided to get organized and do the rest (about 30 lbs) all in one go. I cut up everything (roasts, steaks etc.) into portions a little less than a half lb and then bag and tie them all. Then we just pull out what we need when we need it!

All bagged up.

Moose ribs and salmon carnage.

Bags of elk, moose etc.

Salmon, halibut, elk etc. before being cut and bagged.

My clean and decluttered space

A big part of my daily life is minimalizing what I have and finding better ways to organize out "stuff" These pictures were taken in september and even the changes since then have been amazing (especially in the rec room.)

Full wall storage shelf system in our rec room

The view down the main hall in the upstairs.

Our very clean and minimal upstairs living room. No tv/stereo

Another view of the living room

And yet another view (you can see Phoenix basket of toys there.)

View from the kitchen to the entrance

View of kitchen island... flowers and candle are the only thing on the counter

The view of my kitchen from the dining area. The crockpot normally goes under the oven when not in use.

These pictures are from September... if anything it got cleaner and more organized from there!

Makeup and girls...

I'm in trouble with they get older ;)

Oh I'm so annoyed...

I have been battling strep/tonsillitis for a couple of weeks now (coming up on three weeks I guess) and I went back to the clinic yesterday and it's back. So more antibiotics for me and supposed rest (lol!) So I get a call from my sister this morning saying she's horribly ill, it's strep (apparently now she's a doctor) and CAN I SHARE MY ANTIBIOTICS WITH HER! Ummmm... no.

First of all, I understand that since she no longer lives here she does not have health insurance. I know she'll have to pay to see a doctor. I know she'll have to pay to get antibiotics. I know this. But I also know that I need MY antibiotics. They are not going to give me another scrip until this one runs out so that will leave ME needed antibiotics and having to suffer because I can't get any. Never mind that she just very well might have a virus (there's a bunch going around) that cause sore throats and will not respond to drugs PERIOD. I am not going to diagnose and prescribe her and that is what I would be doing if I gave her half my antibiotics.

Of course she hung up on me (real mature) refused to answer the phone when I called back and then when I finally got my mother on the phone, I tried to explain my point and the feeling I got from her is that I was making HER life more difficult because now SHE had to get her to the doctors and "don't I know that she has a lot of stuff to do today?"

Why... why why why is it always MY FUCKING FAULT. Why do they always strive to make ME feel guilty???? Dawn KNEW I was getting over strep. I made no bones about it. I also told her that my doctor told me not to share utensils, cough on people or kiss anyone... and I didn't.

Oh and then yesterday my mother moans to me about how are they going to get grandma home Christmas day. (she's in a wheelchair after having had a stroke) She was about to ask me if Jeff would take her home when I said we were full up. We're not leaving early so we can take her home. I asked why THEY could not take her home... "the truck is too tall" ... so use the car? No... just ask Jeff! He's the family chauffeur!

Always the drama at Christmas... always.

Fuck.

I am making the pact RIGHT NOW to not take on this guilt. This is not my fault, it has nothing to do with me. It is not up to me to make every single persons life easier. I am not taking ownership of other people's bad moods and attempts to make me feel like shit. They can own their own energy and karma. I refuse.

I will enjoy this Christmas with my family. I will not let attempts at negativity drag me down. I do not have to accept the shit that people throw at me.

:)

Oh yah... whatever...

lol! I'm shaking my head... once again the whole vaccine debate comes up at good ol storknet. I posted that my littles had the pox and we all got through them... this brought up the debate on how anyone could ever dream of exposing their children to the horribly deadly disease that is the POX! (duh duh duuuuummmmmm) Because don't you know that someones aunt best friend's cousins daughter had them and nearly DIED and then their uncle had them and he DID DIE and blah blah blah. Yes... the chicken pox can do damage... VERY VERY RARELY and I'm willing to bet that not as much damage as that fucking vaccine has caused. How about this? How about giving millions of kids a vaccine that will leave them without protection in 10-15 years just in time for them to get them when they are a teenager and CAN be horribly damaged? Of course people say they'll just get the booster... but not everyone will. And people that could have earned life long immunity when they were children are now completely fucked.

Another funny... a couple of weeks ago when I posted on my status on facebook that my littles had the pox and I was happy, a woman that I barely know, who added ME, posts rather passive aggressively on HER status "........ ...... is wondering why anyone would want their child to be sick." How about just WRITING ME and ASKING ME instead of pulling the PA shit that I so enjoy?

I can't believe it's only six more days will christmas. Unreal. I still having stocking stuffers to buy and wrap!!!!!

Well I've watched three episodes of 90210 season three tonight and I am off to shower and hit the hay. Jeff's downstairs watching star wars... again. Uggg.

My husband...

is very very creative :) He designed and made these necklaces for our little ladies Yule presents :)

This is Madeline's :)
And a close up
Olivia's close up
And Olivia's entire necklace :)

I can't WAIT till they open them!!!!!

update of sorts

Just cause... lol!

So my issue with not breathing ended up being over a week long battle with evil evil strep. I'm FINALLY out of pain and that is a very very good thing. Jeff ended up getting it as well but he got on antibiotics right away. The kids are all finished the chicken pox as well. So Goddess willing we should all be well for Yule/santa day celebrations!

I'm all done my shopping, decorating and wrapping. I'm currently folding laundry and watching Star Wars I with Jeff. I'm tired. I have to stay up for another hour or so until my bread is finished.

Sigh. I had a whole post planned out but I'm too sleepy.

wtf...

seriously.

It's six thirty in the morning and other than a two minute doze here or there... I have not been to sleep yet.

I took a t-3 (tylenol with codeine) because my kidneys were sore, my back was sore, I was having tons of aches and pains of various sorts... it seemed like the right thing to do.

Those pills are going away tomorrow. Far far away. From about 20 minutes after I took ONE DAMN PILL I suffered a huge huge massive panic attack. I was so fucking exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open but every time I fell asleep I woke up convinced that if I did fall asleep I would die. Every. Single. Time. So now my bodies trigger to passing out is... to wake itself back up as soon as fucking possible.

Oh gawd. There are no words to explain how incredibly shitty I feel right now. Oh and to top it all off I have a massive sore throat. I've been managing my panic/anxiety well for a while but always, right around 16-18 months postpartum... when my hormone levels are reaching normal cause my babes start nursing less this happens. I attended a course on managing my anxiety and panic the last time and it worked very very well. I think I need that again. Or a shrink. Or something. Cause I can't live with the mood swings and the feeling of impending doom (which is one of the major signs of a heart attack... nice) and I don't think that my family really wants to live with it either.

So I sit here on the couch in the dark with my laptop... while my dark prince sleeps on the couch across from me. I tried to go to bed and managed about an hour in my room before I freaked out. I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN. I just can't.

I'm hoping this is just codeine induced. Praying it is.

Sigh. Out of words :(

The pox... round two

Both the littles have fevers. Olivia has a sore throat and no appetite... Phoenix has a cough and runny nose. My bet is two rounds of spots by tomorrow. Fun fun fun!

I have a kidney infection. I'm sore. I'm tired. I need a nap in the worst possible way. We're going to finish watching Emily Young and then it's bed for all of us. Diapers need to be switched to the dryer but other than that not much housework is being done today.

I need to do a grocery list... we're supposed to go visit rose and al tonight and we have a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I think Maddy's supposed to sleep over at my moms. We'll see.

Gawd I am SOOOOOOO TIRED.

A POX upon you...

Well we knew it had to happen sometime (being that we don't vaccinate for anything, never mind the chicken pox.) Madeline was complaining of a stomach ache all saturday, Jeff took her to the er that night and they said it was a bladder infection... put her on sulfa drugs. Fast forward to monday when she appears to have a rash ALL OVER her body. First culprit? Sulpha drugs... or... you know... chicken pox. The clinical diagnosis is the pox and she appears to have a pretty classic case of them. She's got between 100-200 spots. They have almost all come to a "head" and are bursting like crazy. About 2/3's of them have crusted over already. She was doing really well with them and not scratching (I'm keeping her doped on Benedryl... though it does not dope her, it actually excites her instead) but at about midnight she came upstairs with a forlorn look... "I HATE the chicken spots!!!" Some cream, Benedry, kisses and water later... she was back in bed and slept through the night.

We've done all of our school work for the morning. A science package on Chucky the salmon, two sheets of printing, a journal entry and three worksheets on ordinal numbers. Yes she's in grade one. No she's not doing grade one work. Most of what she's working on is grade two stuff. The advantages of being in a 1/2 split. This afternoon we'll work on skip counting, do our home reading program and practice spelling words. THEN when all of that is done, we'll pop some popcorn, cuddle up on the couch with Olivia and watch a movie.

Olivia is colouring Christmas pictures and humming "Jingle bells." We just ate some strawberry waffles and juice for lunch. I changed a massively disgusting Phoenix poo and we're good to go.

I'm sad for Madeline that she has to miss this week of school. Thursday the entire school is going to see a live showing of "Annie" and then report card day is Friday. She also has her ballet exam on Friday but come hell or high water SHE'S GOING. It should be fine since everything is crusting over already.

I'm tired. I'm run down. We're instituted a chore chart for Jeff and I to keep everything organized. During the week I'm in charge of most everything except after dinner dishes and maybe one other thing a night (like monday night he had to clean the rec room and last night he was SUPPOSED to clean the two bathrooms.)

One problem... he's tired. He sits on the couch as soon as the kids are in bed and trys to pass out. Well that's all fine and good but now I HAVE to do his chores... and that was the whole point of HAVING a chore chart... to lessen the burden on me. So I guess tonight he'll have to clean the bathrooms PLUS whatever he's supposed to do tonight. My jobs for today are a general tidy, clean my room, laundry and that's about it. So I guess I'll put away the last load I folded and start some more.

What I really feel like doing is curling up on my couch with a blankie, a cup of Chai, a really good book and reading till I fall asleep... and then napping for a good couple of hours. Instead I'll nurse the baby, feed kids, have a shower, get dressed, tidy up, do some laundry, clean the bedroom, read stories, play cars, spell words out for Olivia, homeschool Madeline, read Phoenix more stories, nurse a bit more, change another diaper....

It's NEVER dull moment... never.

Anyone want a best friend?

Cause I think I'm free... lol.

My best friends daughter is on house arrest until she potty learns (she's almost five and goes in and out of being completely learned but is currently out) and therefore that means that my best friend is on house arrest. No play dates, no sleepovers... I guess this means my four year old needs a new best friend as well. Any takers?

This is apparently daddy's plan of action on the potty learning front. *shakes head*

Le sigh. I'm going to miss my friend. I hope her daughter potty learns for good quickly... although if the last almost three years are any indication I am taking resumes ;)

life... amoung other things...

My sister and niece arrived safe and sound from Alabama on Friday morning. It was SO NICE to see them in person, be able to hug them and feel their energy. I've missed co-parenting with my sister, knowing someone loves my kids with the intensity that I do and would lay down their life for them. My kids are her kids and visa versa... it's strange. I feel like I can leave the room and not have to say "watch my kids kay?" because she already is... she's already there. She's already in that head space.

Phoenix took to Dawn in an instant. He's madly enamored with Kylee and loves to follow her around. She's such a little "mommy" and watches him, looks after him... wants to be with him. Between Madeline and Kylee he's very well loved.

Mom's last chemo went well. She's very tired and very sore and very much not letting herself sleep and rest... I know that she does not want to miss even a second of the time that Dawn and Kylee are here but she NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF!!! It seems like every single time she does lay down someone is there needing her... I told Dawn to lay the smack down and when mom is in bed? She is not to be bothered. I spoke to mom tonight and she was very grouchy. Long days make for a grouchy mama.

My mother has a "friend" that is driving me slowly to the brink. She loves mom to death, would do anything for her... but has about all the tact of a porcupine. Some of the recent gems were...

-(to my grandmother who's had a stroke and is in a nursing home... it was her birthday today and she was cutting her cake) Oh you cut crooked... just like your life.

-(to my other grandmother, when asking her how she takes her coffee) Oh... black like your heart?

-(to my grandmothers care provider) Well I hope you washed your hands now that you've had them all over that cake

Just no tact. At all. At any times. G double Rrrrr I tell ya.

/rant

Phoenix ran up to me today and said "nana... PEAS PEAS PEAS!!!!!" (nurse me, please please please!) It was adorable! He usually takes me by the hand, leads me to the bedroom, grabs his blanket, lays down beside me and opens his mouth. He's not subtle AT ALL.

Madeline got in trouble for the first time ever at school today. Apparently she accidentally grabbed a kids lunch kit, he punched her and then she told the teacher. She left out that she had grabbed his lunch kit. She lied about it when questioned (she didn't want to get in trouble) but then told the truth. She got a warning and a note sent home. She was devastated... she went to the bathroom at school and bawled, bawled some more at home. Told me how sorry she was that she lied and that she wants people to trust her and be her friend. I'm pissed because the OTHER kid just got a warning as well. He fucking PUNCHED her. Not even on the same scale. He showed violent behaviour and I am not impressed. I will be talking to her teacher tomorrow. I can almost guarantee that Madeline will never do this again.

Okay wow... this was a rantyish post ;)

owwwww

I fell down the stairs. Holding Phoenix. On to a ceramic tile floor. ON MY KNEE. I hurt so freaking bad. I took 3 advil AND a tylenol 3 and JUST NOW am I starting to feel a bit better (well really zoo'ed but not so pained).

My knee is very red, a bunch of skin missing and quite swollen. I screamed when I tried to walk on it. Phoenix and I layed on the floor at the bottom of the stairs and cried for a while before I crawled up the stairs for the phone. I was on my way to pick up Maddy so thankfully Tammy (a friend who's little girl Emma is in the same class as Mad) could bring her home. I managed to put Phoenix down for a nap (he's fine... I pulled the landing so he'd be okay but managed to hurt myself that much more), get some frozen corn for my knee and now I'm laying on the couch (I AM NOT STUBBORN JEFF!)

Apparently I'm heading to the ER when Jeff gets home.

Fun.

Not.

sigh.

I really should have called Rose or someone to take care of me. It's unfair to Madeline to have to watch Phoenix while I can't move. I know if I called Jean she would have come down but that's a long ways to drive. I don't want to be a burden but FUCK THIS SO FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!!!!!! I was trying to get up the courage to ask Robyn to stay but they have a friend to help set up some speaker thing so they were already busy with things to do.

I guess I'll muddle through somehow tomorrow. Drugs will be my bestest friend.

Buy buy buy!!!

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5118712

Go to this shop. Buy these dolls :) These are all waldorf inspired dolls that are portraits of children from an orphanage in Niger. 100% of the proceeds go towards the orphanage and the children. Can you think of a better gift for any child (or woman for that matter!!!!)