I have been battling strep/tonsillitis for a couple of weeks now (coming up on three weeks I guess) and I went back to the clinic yesterday and it's back. So more antibiotics for me and supposed rest (lol!) So I get a call from my sister this morning saying she's horribly ill, it's strep (apparently now she's a doctor) and CAN I SHARE MY ANTIBIOTICS WITH HER! Ummmm... no.
First of all, I understand that since she no longer lives here she does not have health insurance. I know she'll have to pay to see a doctor. I know she'll have to pay to get antibiotics. I know this. But I also know that I need MY antibiotics. They are not going to give me another scrip until this one runs out so that will leave ME needed antibiotics and having to suffer because I can't get any. Never mind that she just very well might have a virus (there's a bunch going around) that cause sore throats and will not respond to drugs PERIOD. I am not going to diagnose and prescribe her and that is what I would be doing if I gave her half my antibiotics.
Of course she hung up on me (real mature) refused to answer the phone when I called back and then when I finally got my mother on the phone, I tried to explain my point and the feeling I got from her is that I was making HER life more difficult because now SHE had to get her to the doctors and "don't I know that she has a lot of stuff to do today?"
Why... why why why is it always MY FUCKING FAULT. Why do they always strive to make ME feel guilty???? Dawn KNEW I was getting over strep. I made no bones about it. I also told her that my doctor told me not to share utensils, cough on people or kiss anyone... and I didn't.
Oh and then yesterday my mother moans to me about how are they going to get grandma home Christmas day. (she's in a wheelchair after having had a stroke) She was about to ask me if Jeff would take her home when I said we were full up. We're not leaving early so we can take her home. I asked why THEY could not take her home... "the truck is too tall" ... so use the car? No... just ask Jeff! He's the family chauffeur!
Always the drama at Christmas... always.
I am making the pact RIGHT NOW to not take on this guilt. This is not my fault, it has nothing to do with me. It is not up to me to make every single persons life easier. I am not taking ownership of other people's bad moods and attempts to make me feel like shit. They can own their own energy and karma. I refuse.
I will enjoy this Christmas with my family. I will not let attempts at negativity drag me down. I do not have to accept the shit that people throw at me.