Babywearing

I wear the fiend on my back for a portion of every day. It's the only way I can get my housework done. I can vacuum, wash dishes, sweep, clean bathrooms (except the tub) and organize. He's happy. I'm happy that he's happy and all is well in the world.

I've been wearing him on my back with the shoulder straps crossed over my breasts. It would get uncomfy after an hour or so and he would have a tendancy to slip down on to my tailbone (not comfy.) But last night when perusing a friend (Babs) live journal I saw a link to wearing instructions... and a how to for a Tibetan carry http://www.babyhawk.com/pages/tibetan.php I love it! It's a back carry but then when you bring the straps around to the front you pass then under the shoulder straps and tie them on top of your chest... this works awsome for me because in just a simple rucksack carry the straps fall off my shoulders (hence having to cross them in front.)

So armed with this new knowledge I tossed Phoenix on my back, did the Tibetan tie and off we went. He didn't slip, my tailbone is intact and he was up there for over an hour (typical) but my back is not sore at all! And lugging a 22 lb infant around for an hour on your back is a great workout (right Babs? lol!)

*rubs eyes*

Don't let that sweet little face decieve you... this baby is sadistic.

He woke up from his nap yesterday (only a 1.5 hour nap and his first of the day) at 4pm. He went to bed at 1 am. 9 hours he was awake. And that was 9 hours that he whined, bitched, grumped and fought sleep. So you'd think that he would have slept well wouldn't you?

I hit the sack at 1:30am. He woke at 3:20. 5:20. 7:20. 8:20. 9:20. I got out of bed at 9:30am.

I was in bed for 8 hours. I am exhausted. A typical feed looks like this... he makes his "feed me" noises. Latch him on, attempt to pass out, he pulls off, whines, latch him on, attempt to pass out, he pulls off, whine, latch him on....

What is his problem! *shakes head*

The girls are snarky snarky today. The puppy refused to pee or poo when I took him out but them promptly shit on my floor and started eating it when I brought him back in. So he's back in his crate. The girls are doing puzzles (after fighting about them) and I am attempting to pretend my name is not mommy and I'm not here.

You ever have a day where the second you get out of bed you wish the day was already over?

Today.

For Lily

A bunch of really wonderful mama's have come together to help Kathryn and Baby Lily. Their whole family could use our support (both emotionally and financially) right now. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go buy some tickets to these raffles and do your part to make their lives just a bit easier.

http://hyenacart.com/Charity_raffles/

Thank you everyone!!!

stuffed

Blerg. I am stuffed. I think Jeff might be in the bathroom purging as we speak ;) I made a schwackload of french toast for dinner and man was it good! We had some leftover so Maddy's taking french toast sticks in her lunch... that and grapefruit.

Yes grapefruit. I've never liked it. I've always wanted to like it because the smell is intoxicating to me. It's a smell I'd love to eat... except I have always hated grapefruit. However superstore's special this payday was spend $175 and get a 14 lb box of Ruby Red grapefruit. Jeff convinced me to try a slice... oh my god. Manna from heaven! I love this stuff!!!! Maddy and Olivia both wanted to try and now Madeline is in love... Olivia thought it was good but sour. She still ate it though. Jeff juiced up a bunch and we all had some of that as well.

We slept in a bit, did some housework, lazed around and then went to the kids museum. We had a blast. I sent Jeff off by himself for some guy time (to great white) and the kids and I hung out. Phoenix had a great time with the wire bead toys and the rain sticks. He nursed through the Dinosaur movie and got to pet a snake. The girls were enthralled with the snakes! We played some tic tac toe, checked out all the animals and as usual made new friends. I love going there.

I think Rose and I have cleared the air over the bruised Madeline. Finally ;)

My mother is leaving to go back to work tomorrow. She's been home for over a week and we have not seen her. She's coming for lunch. I think I'll make Egg Salad.

Black eyes, goose eggs and broken noses...

Get that girl a helmet!

Maddy's doing better... after a week and a half her black eyes are starting to fade. Her goose bump is now brown and still very bumpish. Her nose is reduced in swelling and she's mostly out of pain. My poor baby :(

I wrote an email to Rose tonight letting her know that I don't blame Travis in this. That I know it was an accident but that we should also keep in mind it's not a "he said she said" thing. That a lunch monitor saw the whole thing and that we shouldn't keep trivializing Travis's role in this by telling madeline that she "slipped" or "tripped." Rose said tonight that she's "not taking sides" but there is really no sides to take! It's pretty black and white honestly. He hurt her by accident. Done deal. I understand that she's protective of him and going to choose his "side" because he's her grandchild but have a little compassion for a poor wee girl with a ginormous injury!

Loki's on the floor chewing up his brown bear. I just caught him eating my carpet... nice.

You know what?

I love glycerine suppositories. My baby hates them... but I love love love them. You know why I love them? Because they, in 10 minutes, make a baby that has NOT SHIT in almost 3 WEEKS, well... shit! Yayyyy for poo!!!!

The downside? Having to hold it in... oh blerg.

Phoenix is not compatible with eating. Solid food that is. He is eating just the tiniest bit of things but they are mega constipating him! Then it hurts to poo, so he does not poo, so it gets harder to poo, so he does not poo... the poo. IT WILL KILL YOU!

But he had 6 gloriously large poo's and he's getting back to a liquidy state. He's a much much happier baby now :) He even fell asleep on his own, in the bedroom, by himself! It was not intentional... I left him with his Winnie slumber sleeper and turned out the light so I could go pee. Next thing I know he's snoring!

So Jeff is cleaning his shop and destressing and I'm on the puter. Like normal ;)

I'm irritated

My kids are driving me crazy. Phoenix decided that 5am was a good time to be up... until 7am when I asked jeff if he thought Phoenix would shut up if he knew how perilously close to being chucked out the window he was.

I had 4 of Madeline's school mates and their moms over for a playdate today. It went... okay. Maddy was a bit whiney and would rather have sat and ate muffins, popcorn and raisens than play with her friends. That was a tad annoying. And then she'd whine that they didn't want to play with her. That was really annoying.

The reason I am so irritated is because of non napping Phoenix. He slept for about 40 minutes (less?) before Maddy and her friends woke him up. He was really tired around 4:45 so I went to nurse him down for a nap. Of course that is when the girls CRANK the tv and start jumping up and down and YELLING at one another. I damn near lost it. I stormed into the living room and told them both to get into their rooms. Of course by then Phoenix is wide awake and is still not sleeping...

Loki is still doing well. He's had some accidents but he IS a puppy after all. He's a bit nippier with the girls currently but if they'd LISTEN to me and STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE Loki wouldn't feel the need to herd them!

Well dinner is ready so I should sign off. Oven roasted organic whole chicken and roasted califlower and brocolli. Yummo!

Sweet Lily

Lily is a wonderful, sweet little baby. She is one of a set of triplets born in september of 2006. I was able to be in an online chat with her mama and caregivers as the babies were being homebirthed. She's a chubby, beautiful girl.

She was rushed to the hospital last week with rsv and she has suffered severe complications due to it. She has been very severly brain damaged. They are not sure what is going to happen at this point.

I'm feeling mad right now. Mad that a happy, chubby little girl is being taken away from her parents. I'm also feeling very sad. Everytime I check for an update I cry... everytime I see a picture of her adorable smiling face I cry. Why? Why did this happen to such a wanted and loved little person?

I can't really articulate my feelings right now... but that's the reason I've been quiet. She occupies my thoughts constantly. I can only pray and sending healing thoughts... I wish I could make it all better...

What a day

We have our puppy :) Loki is currently sleeping in his crate. We brought him home at around 2:30 and 9 hours later he has yet to pee or poop in the house. He's peed a couple of times outside as well as pooped. He's already a little watch dog ;) He barks when people come over or when he's scared. It's hilarious! He's smart and usually comes when he's called. We'll have our work cut out teaching him not to nip heels though... being a herding dog and all ;)

I had a craptacular afternoon. Robyn and the kids had just come over for some puppy love with I got massively dizzy and felt like I was going to black out. Then I got really nauseaus. I got Jeff to take me to the er. I was thinking blood clot? But yah. They have no idea what is wrong but apparently the waiting room and er rooms were full of people that were feeling dizzy... apparently it's either the tail end of the flu or beginning of the flu... or vertigo for no apparent reason. My guess? Panic attack. Big huge motherfucking panic attack. Sigh.

Jeff just talked the baby to sleep. I nursed him but he would not settle and since I'm feeling yucky jeff took over. I love him.

Oh yah... Loki is named as such because the Norse God of mischief and fire is Loki. Fitting name for a corgi ;)

Oh sweet puppy breath :)

This is not a picture of the puppy we ARE getting... but pretty close! We went and checked out the corgi's this morning and snuggled with four adorable doggies :) This little BOY puppy has a lovely short cobby body, four white socks and I think is more of a sable than a red and white. The breeder said he was a mismark but I couldn't see any colour faults while I was there. The girls ran and frolicked with said puppies and when we told them that we were actually going to get one they were ESTATIC!!! We're going to go pick him up on saturday. Before then we need:

crate (borrow rose's)
bed
nature's miracle (an enzyme cleaner for wee poops and peeps)
paper towels... lots of paper towels
collar
leash
id tag
toys (checking valu village and the dollar store)
food (Innova or California Natural)
treats
bandana.. just cause

I'm so excited! I'm so insane!!!!

Just cause ;)

So night three of antibiotics and he's sleeping in 2-5 hour stretches... last night he woke up yelling both times but I think that's more of a habit than anything else ;) He took a bit to calm the first time but the second time it was only a minute or so. And then he nursed and slept for another 5 hours STRAIGHT.

I have energy again. I have motivation. It's amazing. I woke up, checked the net, fed Phoenix, folded and put away two loads of laundry, made the kids lunch, made hummus (and then ate hummus) all before noon! That's a big accomplishment for me these days ;)

Someone on snet just posted a link about lead in vinyl lunch boxes. Yep... we have two of one of the brands that may contain them. So they are going in the garbage post haste. Madeline was coveting a metal lunch box at Great White this weekend so looks like that is in her future ;)

Phoenix likes black beans. He ate about 8? 10? beans at lunch yesterday. I have having spicey black bean soup so I just sucked the spice off the beans and gave them to him. He also had some apple/mango/peach fruit cup after dinner. He was very happy with that.

Jeff and I sent the kids downstairs last night after their dinner of eggs fried in coconut oil and fresh whole wheat bread and cultured butter so we could eat our king crab legs and salad. It was nice to just hang with him (and phoenix) and actually talk while we ate! What a concept ;)

Jeff's home for lunch. I'll go chat with him :)

And he sleeps...

Phoenix had his three doses of antibiotics yesterday. I was holding out hope for a good night but didn't really think it would happen...

He went to bed at midnight. The night went like this...
wake at 3am. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 6:40am. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 7:40. Snuggle, smile, coo... Go right back to sleep
wake at 8:40. Nurse. Go right back to sleep
wake at 9:40. Reach for my hand, squeeze, coo, stretch... Go right back to sleep
wake at 11:20am for the day. Smile, giggle, nurse and get up

Holy... shit. He slept! I slept! I feel 10 million times better!!!!

He's had two doses of his antibiotics so far today and while I was nursing him on the floor while on the phone, he passed out. So he's been sleeping ON HIS BACK on the floor for 1/2 hour so far. I'm all for garlic oil. I'm all for homeopathics first... but I'm really so very glad that this is clearing him up. Because if he didn't get out of pain and start sleeping I was getting a divorce and selling the baby to the lowest bidder.

ouch

Well I figured out that the only reason my mouth was not in pain from the wisdom tooth extraction yesterday was because I was taking advil regiliously... today not so much and now my mouth is FUCKING KILLING ME!!! Ouch ouch ouch.

Phoenix is about to get his third dose of antibiotics and go to bed. I hope. I hope he sleeps. My marriage cannot take another night of no sleeping. Jeff and I fought most of last night (quietly though) and my nerves are shot.

Cross fingers that tonight is a better night... I hope. Sigh.

sickko...

Phoenix is still sick. I'm not sure he was ever better. It's becoming increasingly clear that he still has his ear infection (and sinus infection) and that's the root of all the sleeplessness. Tosses head from side to side, hates laying down, refusing to nurse periodically, cries of pain. Tomorrow morning Jeff is head out to get his antibiotics prescription filled. It's obviously bacterial and obviously more than garlic oil can handle... :( If it was viral it would have run it's course by now.

He's currently moaning in his sleep while sitting up on Jeff's lap :(

I just need him to get better. I need this family to calm the fuck down.

My tooth is out. My big huge bottom wisdom tooth. I keep waiting for the pain from this gigantic hole I have in my mouth and it has not arrived yet. Could it be the three advil liquidgels I took four hours ago? I'm just about due for three more...

We went grocery shopping whilst I was still frozen. Another 330 bucks spent. But hey we did get three lbs of frozen crab legs and claws for free! I also bought Phoenix some "Quietude" by Boiron... it's for kids to help them with sleeping issues. My issue? He does not sleep. We'll see if it helps. It's homeopathic so either way it's really not going to hurt.

On the upside, At 1:20pm Phoenix and I layed down to nurse and woke up at 4:20pm! We both had a very much needed three hour nap. Jeff and the girls went to the car dealership and checked out new vehicle options. Yes I know we just bought a minivan last year. But apparently there is a class action lawsuit starting (we've already contacted a lawyer) for the intake manifold gasket and I guess it can fail and seize the engine (Robyn the lawsuit is for your vehicle too so check it out online.) So jeff and the girls were eyeing up a 2005 Chevy Uplander with all the bells and whistles. Colour? White. Again. Doh! It only has 30,000km's and it's 22,000. We'll see. I'm not convinced we need another vehicle so soon. But we'll get financed at a much better rate and we'll spread the payments over 7 years and not 5 so we might run the numbers and see. If it's not too much more than we are paying now we might go with it. We'll see... again ;)

I've been thinking about Car seats. Olivia's is falling apart and she needs a new one. I'd really like a Britax Marathon for Phoenix. So I think I'll suck it up, get Phoenix a Marathon and put Olivia in the Evenflo Titan (we just bought it new three months ago and it's good to 44 lbs and she's only just 32 lbs so far.) I'd really like the "cowmooflauge" but we'll see if Jeff will go for it... hey! Maybe I'll let him get the uplander if I get the cow seat!

The kids are having Annie's mac and cheese for dinner (Jeff's cooking) and I'm not very hungry. I might have a fruit cup or something.

:(

I'm not sure at which point sleep deprivation becomes torture... but from my own widespread studies (on myself of course) I think it takes about a month of being constantly wakened and getting absolutely NO rem sleep. Check the time of this entry. 4... AM.

Phoenix went to sleep at 9pm. Slept until 11:45ish. Nursed well. Crashed again. I went to bed just after 1am. He woke at 1:42am. I nursed him... I flipped him onto his tummy and he started to scream. And continued to whine and bitch and fuss and moan for the next hour. following the trend of EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS. I get into bed and within a fucking hour he's awake... and awake for the rest of the god damned night.

So with murderous thoughts in my mind I figured it was safer for him for me to give up any thought of sleep and just get up and suck it up and deal. So we've watched the end of 30 minute meals. Little Miracles, Birth Stories and now we're watching the Mom Show. Phoenix is sitting beside me on the couch having just nursed and is now chewing on his tiger tail. He is showing NO signs of sleepiness. I imagine that the whole half hour of sleep I got tonight already is all that I'll be getting for the night. Add that to the 45 minutes the night before and the 15 minute nap I got today and that's almost 1 1/2 hours in 48 hours! Sweet... oh fucking hell.

I have a dentist appointment in less than 5 hours. He's supposed to be finishing my root canal on my left hand bottom tooth but since my right bottom wisdom tooth has now inflicted the entire right half of my face and jaw with shooting pains, I'm hoping I can convince him that an extraction of that tooth is a better idea. Not that I'm into pain or anything but I'd love to get it out and get out of CONSTANT pain.

Wow I'm whiney this morning. I'm sorry.

In my next life I want to be a dad. Because dad's get to sleep. Because dad's get to lie in bed and pretend they are asleep until you take the baby and go away. Because dad's get to pull the "I don't have the tits" card whenever they want. Yep... sign me up for fatherhood.

It's really dark in here. I want to be sleeping. Nothing is going on in the net at this time of night. I'm tired.

Maddy has school today and Jeff has the day off (so really he should be helping me out here... I guess my sobbing cries did nothing to wake him). So after my dentist appointment we have to go grocery shopping and then hopefully I'll take some t3's and nap for a couple of hours. Then he has to work tomorrow and I get to go camp out in the ballet studio for a couple hours. That's always fun. Not. I have to remind Jeff to pay monthly and festival fee's for the girls. I wonder if they need to come in costume again? Eh. I'll just take it in case.

I wonder if the food thing is bothering him again? Maybe he just will never be able to eat and I'll have to nurse him until his wife takes over? Goody.

Robyn and the kids came over after preschool. We had a good visit despite the very moody Olivia. I mostly tried to just ignore her (Olivia... not Robyn...). It's always nice to have someone around who understands the depths of sleep deprivation.

Jeff went and helped Rose with her resume tonight. He loves doing resumes. He's strange. She was very appreciative and bought him a bottle of Bailey's, a shoe shine kit and a nice card. She also sent home a Valentines card for us and a cool puzzle (100 piece dino!) for the girls. It was a nice pick me up.

I made a very yummy stir fry with a Thai peanut sauce. I just winged it and used coconut milk, peanut butter, couple drops of hot sauce, sesame oil and soy sauce. It was yummy! I did brocolli, carrots, califlower and celery and tossed it all with flax rotini. I'm thinking soup for dinner for me tonight.

I really have nothing more to say but I'm bored so... hmmm...

My baby

Went down for a nap at 2pm and it's almost 5 and he's still sleeping! Rock on baby fiend!!!!

Maddy had a great day at school today. She's such a trooper about the no food dye rule. Her teacher made sure there was chocolate for her and I sent a fruit platter. She got valentines from all her classmates, a paper crown and did some painting. She got all dressed up in her black velvet dress and pink jacket. She was adorable. I am so glad she likes school... I'm very conflicted whether to send her next year or homeschool. We'll see.

I had soup for breakfast, hummus and whole wheat pita's for lunch and just had another bowl of soup and some cheese for dinner. Jeff's going to take the girls out for dinner whilst Phoenix and I are at Mother Goose.

I should probably get ready for that... lol. I'm still in my PJ's and I have to be there in an hour!

ditl

my very first ever DITL (day in the life) is up... take a look!

http://community.livejournal.com/ditl/354450.html#cutid1

Tonight...

I would really like my baby to decide that sleep is a good thing. Not that I'm stressin bout it or anything... just sayin is all.

Phoenix had a nap from 6:30pm to 9. I napped from 7:30-9. I lay down on the couch and Olivia covered me with a blanket, both girls got me bears and both Madeline and Olivia sang me rock-a-bye. They kissed me good night and went to brush their teeth. I woke up 1.5 hours later and Daddy had read them stories for 20 minutes, got them ready and then put them to bed. Then he cleaned the entire kitchen, put the leftover soup away (it was great!) and was enjoying some quiet time.

Phoenix ate dinner tonight! He had some soup ground up with the baby food grinder and he thought it was awesome. Olivia didn't eat even one bite of soup and went to bed with exactly one half a piece of whole wheat bread and butter in her tummy. She'll be hungry tomorrow! Madeline loved the soup, ate a whole bowl and two pieces of bread.

Madeline has her valentine's party tomorrow at school so she'll take her valentine cards and a fruit platter that we picked up. I like to send healthy snacks... I just know there will be tons of red food dyes and I'm counting on her and Mrs. Cole to make sure she does not eat any.

Phoenix is crying in Jeff's arms. He's been fed and he's tired but he just does not want to give in. Daddy is comforting and singing to him (while he watches "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"... yep he's a geek) but he's continuing to fuss. Maybe cause it's after midnight???

I need to go eat something healthy. I've had far too many pringles tonight and I'm feeling blergy.

*roll eyes*

Here we go again... someone posted an article on snet praising the miracle of the measles vaccine... it's been posted of course in the hopes of getting us non-vacc'ers all riled up again. I am not taking that bait! I'm in far too good of a mood to be bothered with them. I had a pm from Maribeth (the editor of snet) saying she was sorry I was having such a hard time in the cafe lately. It was nice :)

I'm doing DITL today (day in the life.) It started at 1:30am when I was headed to bed. And continued at 2:20am when Phoenix awoke for the first time... 4:20am for the second time... 6:20 for the third time (and then stayed awake until about 8:00) and then moved on to getting up at 10:00.

I have my chicken soup in the crockpot. I added some fresh grated ginger root to it as well. I need to go add a tablespoon of coconut oil too. I made a fresh batch of hummus. I went easy on the garlic today (only two cloves) because this garlic I have is bitter for some reason. I hope it mellows out in the soup. So lunch was a bowl of hummus (what was left after the kids kept dipping their fingers in it for *tastes*) and some whole wheat pita's.

Olivia is off to preschool so it's just Maddy, the fiend and I. Beverly Hills is on in one hour ;)
.................................................

Well Phoenix napped for the grand total of 45 minutes and Olivia should be home any minute. The floors are swept and vacuumed and dinner is burbling away. The bread is baking and Madeline is doing ballet while we listen to "out of the west" (LOTR) by Annie Lennox. Phoenix is on my back in the Mei Tai and he is happy... for now ;)

Mmmmmm... food...

Mmmm... my house smells so good. I did a roast organic chicken in the crockpot today and forgot to turn it down to low after a few hours... by the time it was ready it fell apart (literally) and was so incredibly tender. Yum! We had a root veggie bake with it. Organic: carrots, sweet potato's, potato's, onions and garlic. Extra virgin Olive Oil, sea salt, pepper and poultry seasoning. THE BEST ROOT VEGGIES EVER. I just finished my stock (it burbled for 7 hours) and it's ready to make chicken noodle soup tomorrow for dinner. Add a loaf of fresh whole wheat bread and we're good to go!

We had a pre-valentines evening tonight with the kids. We had some popcorn, good chocolate and licorice. Watched a movie and just hung. It was fun times! The girls were up until about 9:30 so hopefully they'll sleep in a bit tomorrow. We also got Madeline's interim report. She's doing well on everything except she still needs to listen better in class. We've chatted about that and she will work on it. She's my little chatterbox that's for sure.

The girls spent the night at my parent's this weekend. They had a good time... I guess. Apparently my mom told Dawn that the girls were nice... but they are just not her "baby!" (meaning Kylee my neice.) No shock there. I wish they would just appreciate them for the wonderful special children that they are... instead of always wishing they were somebody else.

I have so much more to say but I'm trying to watch 90210 as I type ;) My guilty pleasure.

Debate?

There has been a giant (I won't say debate because hardly any of these women know the true meaning of the word) rant/arguement at Storknet (a board I have been a member at for 6.5 years) for the past two days that just blows my mind. The subject is vaccination... or rather how people who DON'T vaccinate are just giant pieces of crap. In two days we've (a collective we of about 4 or 5 of us) been called crazy, stupid, ignorant and assholes. We've been told they'd like us to stay home, homeschool and stop putting their children at risk. We've also been virtually slapped and bitchslapped. A couple members of this group are so incredibly immature and naive that it's laughable.

All of the people that I know that have chosen to not vaccinate their children are incredibly well educated on the subject. In fact, studies show that children who are not vaccinated tend to come from homes that have married parents, a mother that has a college education and a family gross income of over 75,000. So rather us lowlifes being stupid and ignorant... it would seem we're a fairly educated intelligent bunch!

As a general rule almost ALL of the people I know that vaccinate their children have gone through a very short thought process to get there.
-my doctor says I should vaccinate
-sign us up
No research is done. They rely on scare tactics (so and so's great aunt had measles and DIED. So EVERYONE ON EARTH must get this vaccine.) and fluffed up stats that really mean nothing.

All non-vaccinator's that I know usually arrive at that decision by way of the following...
-what should I do about vaccines?
-most people I know do them... but are they safe?
-I should look this up
-wow... this information against vaccinations is compelling...
-I should talk to more people and do some more research
-I can see why people would vaccinate but do they know how dangerous the ingredients can be?
-oh my... I can't believe that your common vaccine contains this stuff! (http://www.vaccination.inoz.com/ingredie.html) for a list
-I'm making the choice to not subject my childen to these poisens
-I hope I've made the right choice and I'll continue to research and keep up to date on all issues due to this subject

Notice the difference? It takes a lot of guts, brains and determination to step away from the herd. To not become a "sheeple" of sorts. It's not the easy choice. To have to explain again and again why you are chosing to PROTECT your child and that to YOU people who vaccinate are putting their childrens lives at risk.

I feel just as strongly (if not more) as people who do vaccinate that we have made the right choice for our family and our children. Just as I chose to breastfeed, wear my baby, co-sleep and feed an all natural organic diet. These are choices that benefit MY KIDS. I don't do them to make ME look better. I give two shits most days about what is best for me. My kids are my life, my heart and my soul. I do everything in my power to protect them and keep them safe. And THAT IS WHY I refuse to inject them with poison all in the name of science. I believe that the more natural you are, the better you eat and the better care of yourself that you take, the better your immune system will be! My organically grown babes have the power to fight the chicken pox, the measles, the mumps. I don't know where as a species we have lost such faith in our bodies natural abilities to keep themselves healthy.

These women are rude, crude and uninformed. They rely solely on their wit and sarcasm to get them friends and see them through. Not a single non vacc'er has had to resort to name calling to get their point across. None of us are begging them to stop vaccinating their children. We're just asking them to research and keep an open mind... as we are always doing.

/rant

Another night...

Another night of no sleep. Phoenix fell asleep at 9pm... slept till 11pm and then was up ALL FREAKING NIGHT. He was driving me crazy! He'd talk, chatter, whine, cry, grunt, scream... repeat. After a fight with Jeff at 6 am (always a nice thing to wake up to) I got up, got Phoenix up and:
cleaned the kitchen
emptied and refilled the dishwasher
made a loaf of bread
browned some ground beef and onions and put my baked bean dish in the crockpot
swept the kitchen floor
collected all the garbage
tidied the living room
cleaned up Phoenix's toys

Then I turned on my computer to find a raging discussion at storknet involving how STUPID and CRAZY all non vaccinating parents are. I'd find it incredibly laughable if I were not so sick. Same arguement, different day. I swear these people get bored and think "let's pick on the freaks today." I wish all of these women could spend just ONE DAY on mothering.commune and the vaccination forums. When I post a net link I get sarcasm, when someone posts a net link supporting vac's it must be true.

Phoenix is back in bed and the girls have had breakfast and are chilling with me watching Little Bear. Yes I'm mostly ignoring them. I don't have the energy for much else right now.

Oh god...

Can I GET any sicker?

So the fiend has an ear infection. He finally stopped screaming after doing garlic oil, heavy duty probiotics (3 times a day) belladonna, camomilla and tylenol the first night for the pain. I broke my tylenol ban... when your baby is in THAT MUCH PAIN (and trust me... he was) you do something. It must have been one freak of an infection because I know Grayson didn't scream nonstop like this! Either that or Phoenix has a really low pain tolerance.

Olivia complained last night that her head hurt (oh shit) and then woke up at midnight with a headache. Then woke up at 2am barfing everywhere. Blueberries, strawberries, pancakes and syrup DO NOT make for an easy barf cleanup. Nasty nasty nasty. Of course she did it while she was laying on her back and barfed all over her face, long hair and bed. Everything fucking stained and she needed a bath immediately. She seems fine today so I don't know what that was about?

Two days ago I woke up with a head cold. Yesterday it hit hard and now today I have a fever, chills, plugged up totally head, massive head ache and all over body hurt. And I am at home, alone, looking after three kids. I really need to get Jeff a job where he can work from home.

Jeff's sick too. Not to this extent thankfully... one of us needs to have their head about them.

I called my other Mother Goose leader and let her know that I would not be there tonight. I left a message so I hope she gets it! I'll try again in another couple of hours. I've had a bath but I just can't get out of my jammies... dammit I can barely get off of the couch.

I have to make Maddy's festival dress by saturday... we have 11 kites to construct... I have to survive. It's all seeming a bit much right now.

I see this icon on a friends livejournal and it says:

To do list:
Wake up
Survive
Go to bed

that's about it for me today.

We're still alive...

But don't count on that statement holding true tomorrow morning ;)

Phoenix didn't sleep last night. Jeff and I took turns rocking and holding him ALL NIGHT. He could not sleep unless being held but he slept crappy because he was being held. I took the 1-3am shift, Jeff the 3-6am, then me again for the 6-10am. I actually managed to get him asleep and on his sheepskin on the floor for the hours of 7-9am.

He didn't nap today (okay for about 20 minutes in bed and five minutes in the Babyhawk when we were at the mall.) He basically fussed or screamed the whole day. He's sick, feverish, teething, snotting and just plain old freaking tired! You'd think he'd actually sleep. Nope. Not this kid.

We did get him down around 11 tonight and he's been up 3? 4? times in the hour and a half. He wants to nurse, he does not want to lay on his tummy, he wants his side... no not that side (!) the other side! No... forget that, he wants to sleep on his back... with one arm in and the other out (okay scrap the whole damn thing and start over!)

Insane? Yep. I'm already there.

Olivia was a bear and a half today. She'll probably wake up sick tomorrow. Maddy's good and that's good because she's going to fucking school if it's the last thing I do. It's her show and tell day tomorrow so she's taking a picture of her when she was a baby. She's got a peanut butter and raw honey flax tortilla, strawberries, yoguart and a trail mix I made with craisens, raw almonds and raw sunflower seeds. Water to drink. Clothes are picked out and homework is done. Her Valentines are done as well (done by herself, all by herself) and so are Olivia's (done by me.)

I just finished having really good sex. We're getting creative because according to his semenanalysis he still has sperm. Dead sperm.. but sperm. I also happen to have developed an allergy to latex. Latex in the vagina = really bad burns. Not good. I'll leave the rest to the imagination.

I should take my pills and get ready for bed. Iron, aspirin, B vitamin complex, cod liver oil and evening primrose oil. Yummo. I'll be burping cod livers all night.

Oh funny story... Maddy and I were in the store buying cod liver oil the other day and she says to me "mommy, do they really get the oil out of the cod's LIVER?" and I say "yes they do... they take their little itty bitty livers and squeeze the heck out of them and all the oil comes out..." Maddy says "mommy! You're lying and I'm telling daddy!!!" Nice... even when I tell her the truth she does not believe me! I finally convinced her though ;)

Well off to snuggle and bed. Or bed and snuggle.. hopefully with the large man and not the small man.

Today... continued

Well Phoenix basically screamed for 7 hours... then fussy for 2.5 hours... and now is asleep on Jeff's lap.

I had a complete meltdown today at lunch. I had finally got Phoenix to sleep and started to clean up my (very trashed) house. He woke up after 5 MINUTES screaming. I got him up and freaked. I yelled at the kids. I yelled at Jeff. I yelled at Phoenix. I slammed doors, cupboards and dishes. Jeff right away started power cleaning with Phoenix in the sling and we tidied up the whole house in 1/2 hour. I cannot operate in stressful times with a messy house. I just can't.

I feel like I am swimming and swimming and just can't get my head far enough out of the water to see the shore. I am going on faith that there actually is a shore out there and at the end this will all have been for something.

My eldest daughter is lucky she made it through the day alive. She was rude, beligerant, loud and just... so very five it was unreal. The final straw was when I finally had soothed Phoenix to sleep and asked her to grab a blanket for him. She ran at me with it, yelled "catch!" and then chucked it at his head. I had to fight to urge to throttle her... and I rarely get physical with my kids. Of course Phoenix woke up and tons of yelling ensued (from both him and me.)

Olivia had a nap today and didn't wake up until 6:30. So she's still up. I'm thinking another half hour and then to bed.

We had a simple dinner tonight... egg salad in spinach tortilla shells with frozen strawberries for dessert... and lets talk about those strawberries shall we?

It's a company called "Europes best."
The strawberries come from Chile.
They are packed in Montreal.

Where the fuck does Europe figure in this equation?

please stop screaming...

Phoenix is currently on my lap, facing me, bobbing his head up and down on my chest and SCREAMING HIS EVER LOVING LUNGS OUT. This is hour three of this.

Maddy got sick. She got better. Phoenix now has a fever and the snotty nose. It's a really good thing I don't have an infant tylenol in the house because I'd be sorely tempted to use it right now.

Calgon, take me away!

Fussy Phoenix didn't sleep last night between the hours of one am and six am. I got to bed at one. I was up at six. Madeline was complaining of a headache yesterday after school. She went to bed okay... slept until the middle of the night and then was screaming that she was cold. Jeff got her another blanket. Not a half hour later I hear "mommy! daddy! I'm throwing up!"

oh... fuck.

So I held her hair while she puked. Daddy cleaned up her bed. Got her settled on the couch. I turned on the laptop and "googled" sore neck and vomiting. I promptly got daddy out of bed and the whole family was off to the er. At first they were worried about menengitus (like we were) and then it turned to a kidney infection and she'd have to stay the day and over night... with iv antibiotics. Then that test came back clean. So they did some tests and sent us home. Possible strep throat? We don't know. Most likely something viral and it will just have to run it's course.

So we all slept (except daddy that went to work and olivia that went to pre-k) for a couple of hours and she's feeling a bit better.

Jeff ended up having to work till 9:30 tonight. He's not home yet. In the two hours the girls have been in bed; Phoenix has not stopped whining, Madeline has woken up screaming twice, Olivia has woken up crying three times and I think I'm going bald from pulling my hair.

I am exhausted, emotional and stinky. I need a shower in the worst way.

My house is a mess. I have to grocery shop tomorrow (I HAVE to) my phone will not stop ringing and I am wanting to go to bed.

DAMMIT THE FUCKING PHONE JUST RANG AGAIN.

Yawn...

I'm tired today. I got very little sleep last night and now I have to gear up for an action packed two hours of set up, sing and take down for Mother Goose. I know I'll have fun once I get there... it's just the getting there that is the issue!

I used the ground beef from last night to do some meatballs. I made them simple and just added some Montreal steak spice and was done with it. They are currently baking in the oven with a pan of roasting califlower, brocolli, carrots and garlic. They've got a bit of EVOO, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper and some Garlic plus seasoning on top. I'm counting on them tasting good ;)

Maddy had a good day at school. They tested her on her dolce sight words and she only did two... TWO. She knows a heck of a lot more than that. She hates to preform for anyone though. This could spell issues for her in public school. I'm hoping that with time she gets over that. She did get a green "gotcha" ticket though for colouring so nicely and keeping within the lines... not that I encourage conformity but it made her happy.

Olivia and I did a puzzle (100 pc) that is challenging for even an adult. She just plucked away for about a half hour and got it done. That child and her puzzling abilities just blow me away! She was making me laugh today... talking about "ass farts"... she was actually talking about asphalt! But she says it "ass fart"... hilarious!

Phoenix says "ah da" (all done) "ah ga" (no idea) and "dada" (daddy) So cute!!! He loves his feet and he sucks his thumb now. He's always chewed on it but just in the last three weeks has he actually started sucking on it. It seems to make him very happy.

I should get dressed and get a move on. The kids and I will eat and daddy will eat after he gets home from dropping me off at mother goose.

DInner of the depressed...

I took out ground beef tonight. I was planning on making something fantastic with it... but now I'm all depressed about all the shit going on and I can barely drag my ass off the couch (well that and I'm pretty sure I'm getting sick.) So the kids ate organic peanut butter and organic strawberry jam on whole wheat flax tortillas. They had yoguart and natural granola bars on the side. And water. For dinner.

I've asked Jeff if we can order for some chinese or something. I need something fattening and entirely bad for me. I also need to eat a dinner with just my husband and reconnect. I had a wonderful time with Diane here but I need to let my hair down and relax a bit.

Phoenix is napping... still. Since three hours ago. I should go check on him.

I'm bummed...

My best friend is going through some serious shit with her husband right now. Well... better said HE'S putting her through some serious shit and she does not know what to do. All I can say is that I hope she realizes how special she is and that she DOES NOT have to put up with being treated this way. She is a wonderful, caring, loving TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME person. He? A useless dirtbag. Worse than a useless dirt bag... more like a totally infected pustule on the ass of a non organic, mass produced cow. /rant

My mother in law is visiting for the week. I love having her here :) We really didn't get off to a good start in our relationship with one another but now I love her like a mother and confide and trust in her much more than I do in mine. It's so wonderful to have her love and support. I wish we could live closer to them :(

I made a rocking dinner tonight of a spicy black bean soup.
Recipe:

Tammy's spicy crock pot bean soup
Two cups of black beans, soaked all day yesterday, put in crockpot on high all night (for 10 hours) cooked in ham stock and two bay leaves
In the morning add a large can of tomato sauce
chopped carrots, celery
one large onion (sliced) 5 cloves of garlic (sliced)
cracked black pepper and sea salt, two small handfuls of taco seasoning

At the last hour add two cups of cooked rice.

The rice puffs out and gets all barlyish...

BEST FUCKING SOUP EVER! Spicy, soft, hot... oh yum.

We went to Maddy's school for family literacy day today. She read us a story and we did a story as a class. It was so much fun :)

Kids are in bed, we're watchings "cars" with a very fussy Phoenix. I'll be in bed early tonight I think. Phoenix gave me about two hours of sleep last night and that... was... it.

....................................................................................................................................................................

well phoenix went to sleep at 8:30 and I was asleep on the couch by 9. I slept until 10:30, fed Phoenix and now I'm awake. I think I might go back to bed soonish here. I need to catch up on my sleep.

I'm insane...

My mother in law is coming tomorrow. She's staying for a week. I've been working steady for two days to get the house ready for her. Jeff's been working steady for two days to get the house ready for her. I just finished (at 2:30 in the morning) folding 6 loads of laundry. I briefly toyed with the idea of putting it all away but didn't. I'm doing stuff like cleaning out under my sink where my garbage can is... Yah I'm insane.

And I was a bitch to Jeff tonight. He cleaned and cleaned whilst I held a very irritated and then screamed Phoenix. All I could think of was "come get this kid!" but if he had? I'd be bitching that he was not cleaning. He really couldn't win with me tonight... hey Jeff? I'm sorry honey :(

I get so uptight when we get company. The only person I truly feel comfortable letting see my house a mess is Robyn. That's it. Pretty sad.

So Phoenix has two teeth. Two teeny sharp little grating little irritating little teeth. My breasts are sore tonight.

I'm off to bed. Sooooo tired.

Sick sick sick

Well Madeline never made it to ballet yesterday because SHE woke up sick. So they both still have fevers, runny noses and sore bodies. Madeline was up all night last night with nightmares (Daddy slept on her bottom bunk and took care of her... I LOVE that man.) Olivia slept through the night. Phoenix nursed basically all night... he was very grouchy because...

Phoenix got his first teeny tiny razer sharp tooth! I stuck my knuckle in his mouth to calm him down today and OUCH! He bit me! It's very cute though :)

Well Jeff's home and wants to chat :)

Still sick

We'll Liv is still sick. She stayed in her pj's the whole day and was only awake for about three hours of it. Jeff gave her a lukewarm bath (not enough to bring down her temp but even to make her feel a bit better) and washed her hair. She ate half a bar of good dark chocolate, four sippy's of water and a piece of plain toast. Go liv. I took her temp a few times and it never came below 102.5. I don't know why I check. I have this need to know the number. It's pretty irrational but hey... I can be an irrational person at times! I called Robyn in a panic when Olivia was getting close to 104 but she talked me down off the roof ;)

Maddy seems fine and if she still is fine in the morning I'll send her to ballet. Olivia is not going.

I spent $105 at the fabric store today. Thank the goddess I get it reinbursed by the dance studio. The ribbons are all cut out. Jeff is tracing patterns as we speak and I only have to cut the material for the girls dresses. If just ONE MOM bitches at me I might have to slap her. Then YOU do the fucking work next time! Grrrr! And not one of them offered to help. Nice.

I went to Ave Maria last night and picked some stuff up for Liv's flu... in the anticipation that the rest of us will get the flu as well. Got ground beef, whole organic milk, two jars of organic jam, honey, fenugreek. I put in an order for three Kleen Kanteens. Oh and I picked up coconut oil too. But they were out of the big jars again! Grrrrr!

Okay I should go cut out material. I need some sleep!!!

WTF?

Sick.

Olivia is very sick. Fever of 104-5ish sick. I'm being good and letting her body do it's thing but it's SO HARD to have her so sick and not be able to DO anything. She was up most of the night (thank so SO MUCH JEFF!) but Daddy was up and down with her because I was ...

Up and down with the baby. Who is not sick (I think) but was up about every 15 minutes for 7 hours. Crying, fussing, sad... fuck.

Maddy is not sick. She slept through the night. She also thought it would be a good idea to wake up her sick sister. Not once... but TWICE! She's in her room now. I'm toying with the idea of never letting her out.

I have SO MUCH TO DO this weekend and people to see and things to organize... fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!

"people before things, people before things, people before things"

/rant

Circumcision...

There are few things in my life that I am very passionate about. Breastfeeding, attatchment parenting and circumcision.

I was wandering around Mothering.commune today and finally came across the Penn and Teller Circ episode. I watched the half and hour program, I cried for the poor baby boys that were having parts of their bodies sliced off against their wills. I was checking out some other sites and some of the quotes on this one site http://www.sexuallymutilatedchild.org/ just cut me to the core.

In Memory of the Sexually Mutilated Child

In memory of all the children throughout history who have died at the hands of sexual mutilators; and in memory of those who almost died, those who wanted to die, and those who wished they had died; and in memory of those who never knew that a sexual mutilator killed a beautiful, wondrous, irreplaceable part of them.


"What happens to you here is forever." "Through lack of understanding they remained sane." George Orwell, 1984

"Mutilation ... implies the cutting off or removal
of a part essential to completeness, not only of a
person but also of a thing, and to his or its perfection,
beauty, entirety, or fulfillment of function."
Webster's Dictionary of Synonyms
Springfield, Massachusetts: G. & C. Merriam Company, 1968

"A piece of skin the size of a quarter
contains more than three million cells, 12
feet of nerves, 100 sweat glands, 50 nerve
endings, and almost three feet of blood vessels."
The Human Connection
Ashley Montagu and Floyd Matson
McGraw-Hill, 1979

"Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity."
George Bernard Shaw

"There's something deranged about anyone who persists in
circumcising babies after being confronted with the facts."

"Carving, crushing, burning, and slicing a baby's penis,
reducing it to gore, getting his hands covered with penis
blood, and filling his ears with shrieks and screams of agony
and terror are the potent drug cocktail the serial circumciser
needs to make himself feel alive."

"I was never to see those beautiful,
mystic, Leboyer newborn-baby smiles again."
Rosemary Romberg, after the circumcision of her third son, eight days old

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you talk me out of it? Why didn't someone stop me?" Mother and health care provider after watching a video about circumcision after her son had been circumcised

"It's absolutely horrible. I didn't know how horrific it
was going to be. It was the most gruesome thing I have
ever seen in my life. I told the doctor as soon as he was
done, if I had a gun I would have killed him."
Melissa Morrison, seven months after watching the circumcision of her baby son "The psychological impact of circumcision," by R. Goldman

"I'm sobbing. The baby's screaming. The doctor's cutting.
There's blood everywhere. And the doctor looked into my
face and said, 'There's no medical reason for doing this.'"
Marilyn Milos, RN, Executive Director, NOCIRC

"Circumcision meets the legal definition of sexual assault and child abuse."

Violating the Golden Rule -- George C. Denniston, MD
"I clearly violated, all in one instant, the Golden Rule (I certainly would not have wanted that done to me); the major tenet of medical practice, First, Do No Harm; and all seven
Principles of the American Medical Association's Code of Ethics."

Foreword to Circumcision Exposed -- Paul M. Fleiss, MD
"I now know that every baby I circumcised cried and that I never responded to their pain ... I then decided I was on their side; my job was to protect babies, not harm them."

Excuse me now... I have to go snuggle my very perfect, very whole little baby boy. And cry for the millions and millions of boys that have had this horrid atrocity done to them. *tears*

And another day draws to a close...

I got approximately one hour of sleep last night. Jeff brough me home a large iced cap last night at around 10 pm. I finally fell asleep at 4:30 this morning!!! For about... 10 minutes. Then I got maybe another 45 minutes at around 5? Then Phoenix was up until 9am which was when Olivia got up for the day. Oh well. I survived. I'm sooo tired though. Phoenix just went to bed about 20 minutes ago and I'm soon going to going him.

Olivia played with her paper horses, played Bob the Builder with Princess bear, played games with me on the computer. She had some leftover chicken noodle soup and fresh bread for lunch and then we were off to get Madeline.

Madeline had a wonderful play date today! We got together at Caitlyn (with a C) and Dawn's house. Emma and her mom Tammy came as well. The girls all played very nice together and a good time was had by all. Olivia was a bit nervous and had to have Madeline in sight at all times. Both girls were very polite and gracious. Phoenix had a ball being loved on and I think other than nursing him, I really didn't hold him for the whole two hours! He was loving being passed from Tammy to Dawn. They were cuddling and snuggling him. I think their uteruses (uteri?) were twitching ;) He had great fun trying to dive at Dawn's cats and chatting.

We had a good supper of pasta and tomato/mushroom sauce. I made some fresh foccaccia to go with and some frozen corn. I'm going to do the good food box next month after I read what's in yours Robyn! That rocks! I'm glad your root veggie roast turned out well. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Tommorow night is the day before grocery shopping. Slim pickins... I'm making a sweet and sour stirfry with chicken, brocolli, garlic and tri coloured peppers. I'll do up some jasmine rice to go with.

Oh so tired. Night all :)

My 200th post!

Hurray! Apparently I have a lot to say ;)

Maddy discovered the computer today. Yes she's five. I've done my best to keep her away from it so far. But Olivia was at preschool and Phoenix was sleeping and I had already drawn and cut out horses, coloured in her princess book, cleaned the kitchen with her and read four books. I refused to turn on the boob tube so we checked out Nick Jr. instead. She played games for about an hour! She's got a bit to learn on mouse control but she has the concept down pat. I highly reccomend the "Wonderpets" game. So cute! Useless... but cute!

Olivia had a good day at preschool. She brought home a food bag? It's a brown paper bag, with pictures of food stuck on it. She had put organic lettuce, sausage rolls, a hot wing platter (?) and various stuff on it. I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with it... but it's cute!

Phoenix's rash is doing much better. We took him to our doctor yesterday (first time in 4.5 months! We don't do well babe visits apparently...) and he figures it was a systemic reaction caused by gluten. We had tried him on a bit of organic oatmeal and he screamed for 48 hours and has had this rash for three weeks. He said it could take a few more weeks to work itself out of his system. So no grains till at least a year (no biggie... babes can't digest grains until at least then anyways) and keep him off any foods for another month or so. We'll probably try again somewhere around 8.5 to 9 months. He's over 20 lbs on just boob so he'll be fine.

I'm beginning to think that with my very tall boy I should have sprung for the extra tall bodied Baby Hawk Mai Tai. When he falls asleep on my back his head lolls... even with the head rest. He often falls asleep on my back. Easiest way to get a baby to nap; bore them to death.

Dinner was very good tonight. Dinner was also very good last night for the record. Yesterday I did an organic roast chicken in the crockpot and after dinner put the bones and meat on for stock. It made the BEST STOCK EVAH! I then did a chicken noodle soup in the crockpot tonight with a loaf of fresh bread.

Watched the first episode of American Idol tonight. Wow. Some people are so incredibly fucking UNtalented it's not even funny. Nuff said.

I should head to bed. Jeff and I got in a very long philsophical discussion tonight about wicca and paganism. Either we're very elitist, very picky or assholes. Okay... probably most of the above. I just don't understand why every new member of our pagan board for the last couple months is either A. A complete flake or B. A complete asswipe. (No I'm totally not talking about you Kat ;) ) Could we just get some nice normal eco-friendly pagans please? PLEASE?

/rant

off to boob babe ... and by babe I mean the small one. Not the large one ;)

It's a better day...

or it will be if I hear from Robyn... you out there my friend?

I made yummy yummy ham stock. I used yummy yummy ham stock to make black beans in the crock pot. It took soaking them over night, THEN cooking them on HIGH for 8 hours to get them soft enough to mash. I refried them, added some taco seasoning and Jeff has lunch for the next week. He LOVES refried beans but the sodium content in the canned ones is insane.

I was hoping to have them for dinner tonight but they were not finished till after the girls were in bed. So I made my (robyn's) chicken pasta but instead of brocolli in it put halved baby organic tomato's. Soooo good. Served up with flax pasta. Yummo.

I took out my frusterations and bad mood on my house today.

I cleaned out the hall closet and that yielded THREE garbage bags full of stuff. All the top sheets (we don't use them) tableclothes we don't use, excess towels and pillow cases, a ton of gift bags, blankets... then I cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards and took four boxes full of stuff out. I gave away ANYTHING excess that I have not used in the last two months. The only things I kept that I don't normally use was my coffee maker and a veggie tray. That's it.

Jeff did the storage room, rec room, laundry/cat room, all the hallways down stairs. He took all the stuff to give away and donated it, did all the recycling and cleaned his heart out. Phoenix took a three hour nap and that helped quite a bit.

The girls were helpful, cheerful... a real joy to be around.

Well jeff's getting off the phone and we are just starting "Brothers Grimm." Hopefully it's a decent movie.

Meh...

It's been a day. One of those days where you seriously question the wisdom of having that third child that you wanted so much. Don't get me wrong... I love Phoenix with all my heart and soul but my girls are getting on my everloving last freaking nerve. It's the NUMBER of children and needs and wants that wears me down.

You know ... it takes a village to raise a child. In this society that we live in we are so separated from those that could give us help with the child rearing. Hold babies while they cry, make our kids a meal, fold some laundry. I'm jealous (yes jealous) of people (mostly my best friend) who have their mother in laws around to invite them for dinner, watch their kids... who WANT THEM THERE. I always feel like an intruder. I feel like when I pull into their driveway and someone else is there that I should just keep on driving :( We descend with our horde and the noise level increases five fold. I feel like I need to keep my kids quiet and well behaved so people will invite us back... but we rarely rarely get invited anywhere. And I'm tired of inviting myself :(

Apparently I'm having a pity party tonight. Oh well. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

I'm making ham stock tonight so I can make refried black beans tomorrow for dinner. It smells delicious. I've done my menu's for the next two weeks as well. My MIL is coming for a week at the end of the month and I am SO looking forward to it. I can't wait to have some company and help!!! I sound so pathetic don't I :(

I'll end here. Anything else I say will just come out totally wrong.

:)

First of all... if you have not read the new Hathor comic go here: http://www.thecowgoddess.com/?p=521

absolutely true. She always manages to put into words exactly what I think!

Olivia had preschool today. While she was there, Phoenix had a piddly 45 minute nap but in that time Madeline and I made tuna salad and egg salad. She had a great time! She chopped up all the eggs, added the mayo and the spices, stirred it all up. She had to tell everyone that SHE made the dinner ;) Olivia had a good time and came home with a stop sign that she had made. All night every time we said something she didn't want to hear, or did something she didn't like she'd pop her sign in the air "STOP!" it was hilarious!

Well I'm obviously not pregnant (thank the Goddess above) as I ovulated today. Funny cause Robyn ovulated yesterday so my cycle must have pushed it back in order to be at the same time ;) Or my body is just whacked. I've always ovulated at a similar time as women I'm close to though so who knows!

Jeff just got in from shoveling three inches of snow. He's cold. (okay I'm back... baby woke up, went it to boob him but he REALLY woke up... that kind of awake where they tell you that they just had a great nap and they are ready to party and NOTHING you can do will convince them to go back to sleep... well at least he's in a good mood).

Better depart, Jeff's got a bunch of web work to do and I'll hang with the fiend. Even though I'd really rather be sleeping... sigh...

I need to go to bed

and yet here I sit... ;)

We did some running around yesterday and hit Ave Maria. An easy $50 every single time I enter that store. I bought kids probiotics, baby soap, kids toothpaste (orange from Green Beaver... it's... interesting) organic milk and butter and Jeff some new crystal rock deoderant.

Today we slept till 9 when Phoenix simply would not settle. I nursed him in the living room, handed him to jeff and went back to dreamland for another 1.5 hours. Nice! We went to a birthday party (son of a friend) today and the girls had a blast. Of course people get me started on the food dye issues and before you know it we're talking organic meat, coconut oil, cloth diapers, baby wearing and all of a sudden I'm the resident freak! Thank fuck no one brought up vaccinations or co-sleeping... I might have been stared right out of there! Oh well there's one in every crowd... might as well be me ;)

I've been told that I need to get Phoenix out of my bed. He needs his own room. He needs his own crib. Did that someone miss the memo where I proclaimed that all children I have will sleep with me, in my bed, until they no longer have a need to anymore? Obviously they did. I LOVE co-sleeping. I REFUSE to get out of bed to deal with a baby in the middle of the night. Deal with it! Not your bed, not your baby, NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

/rant

Okay I'm really off to bed now. I just have to search quickly online for a good decent priced bread machine. I thought it might have been the flour but obviously one of the heating elements went because my bread was about 5 inches tall and raw. Yummy!

and peace was had once more...

the girls are in bed. Oh thank the Goddess. They've been treating one another like they are their own personal punching bags. They are not fighting in ernest, but playfighting like crazy. First they are lions and "pinning" one another, then they are ponies and kicking one another, then they are sisters and wrestling. Girls... noise and dirt. I honestly think they really are boys just cleverly disguised as female.

Phoenix is majorly teething and pretty grouchy. He just woke up from a two hour nap and he's still grouchy ;) Come to think of it though sometimes I'm grouchy after I nap too. Oh he's sitting now!!! That's exciting :)

While Phoenix was sleeping we had a yummy dinner of Caesar salad, Olive chibatta bread and cheeses (double creamed brie and havarti) and then continued cleaning the girls rooms. We bought Maddy four big rubbermaid storage bins for under her bunk bed. She then made labels for them (barbies, dolls/bears, Loving Family, Dress up) and put them on. I cleaned her room out of all excess toys and put them back downstairs. We then did the same to Olivia's. Their rooms are all sparkly now.

Yesterday we got a call from Rose asking us to come and visit at night... when I told her we had to grocery shop she told us to bring over the girls so we could shop alone! Rock on! So we got two hours to ourselves (and phoenix of course) and then went over and watched a movie. We got home around 11:30 or so. It was a wonderful quiet night with visiting and just hanging out.

Well the fiend is still acting hungry so I'll go boob him ;)

Today...

Was a fairly good day! I got a decent amount of sleep last night. I managed to get a nap as per my previous post. Olivia had fun at pre-school. My BFF brought me chocolate chip cookies (that were FUCKING AWESOME! Thank you Robyn!) The girls went to bed without a hitch... it was all good.

I made Jeff and I a yummy sweet and sour organic beef over some whole wheat rotini for dinner. He had a meeting right after work with a web client so I ate cookies for dinner and waited for him. The girls had organic eggs fried in coconut oil, fresh whole wheat bread, organic peanut butter and vanilla rice milk. And cookies for dessert ;)

Mr. Fiendish is in bed already. He had a lovely long bath which we took a very adorable video of. If you want to see the video and I know you ;) Email me at Kozoris at telus dot net and I'll send you the link.

I'm wiating up to see Beverly Hills 90210 at midnight and then I'll be off to bed. Grocery shopping tomorrow and need to pay some bills.

And just when you think you're losing your mind...

Your baby sleeps, your husband takes two days off work to help you, you see your best friend and the world is a better place.

I feel about a zillion times better than two days ago. Phoenix has stopped screaming, is nursing much better, is sleeping... I'm happy. He's still waking up 3 times a night to nurse but he's going back to sleep right after or talking quietly to himself and then passing out. I feel rested. I feel rejuvinated.

Jeff took two emergency vacation days because I think he knew how close to snapping I was... I think he's the ONLY one that knew how close to snapping I was. Sleep deprivation does very mean things to a mama...

We went to the museum with Robyn and the kids yesterday. I needed that. To get out with other mom's and chat about life and kids. I made a new friend or two, the kids got to run off some energy and I got to show off my new Babyhawk of course ;)

I ended up making a fantastic pasta dish in about 1/2 hour last night. Chicken, organic tomatoes, red onions, tons of sliced garlic... all sauted in coconut oil and then toss with raw EVOO and pasta once it was done. Heaven.

I went to the dentist this morning where they finished one of my root canals. It didn't hurt. It did take a LONG FUCKING TIME! 1.5 hours with my mouth wide open. But now it's all smooth and pretty. They used composite fillings (no mercury offgassing thanks so much!) and it looks good. Unfortunately the freezing is wearing off and ohmyfuckinggodithurts! I've taken some more ibuprophen... I hate to take pain killers but ouch!!!

Well liv is at preschool for another hour. I'm having a nap.

And he sleeps...

He's been sleeping for 2.5 hours now. In bed. Without me.

I'd love to be sleeping but with two other kids to look after and feed and amuse... I'm not. But I did get my kitchen cleaned, eggs hard boiled and dinner thawed. Small miracles.

It's Phoenix's 7 month birthday today!!! 7 months... 7 months of kisses and cuddles, smiles and laughter, giggles and milk sighs... in 7 months he's almost tripled his birthweight and has thigh rolls like a michelin man. In 7 months he's stolen my heart and refused to give it back.

He hates sleep, he screams a lot, he likes to whine... but he's my baby boy and I wouldn't trade him for the world (maybe 8 hours of straight sleep... but not the world.)

Sleep is highly overrated...

I know all my posts these days are about sleep... or lack thereof. Eh... you go with what you know right? And currently all I know is I'm NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING SLEEP.

I can deal with a baby nursing all night. Wake up, nurse, go to sleep. I can do that. I did that with Olivia until she was two. I have no issues AT ALL nursing a baby each and every single time that the need it. I however DO have issues with babies that wake up, refuse to nurse, scream, then fall asleep and wake up 15 minutes later. And do this for 4 hours straight.

I finally got up with Phoenix at 5:30am because I was seriously thinking of chucking him out the window. We watched an hour of Friends and now we're watching some stupid show on "surviving motherhood." Another "wean your baby" "you don't need to feel guilty for not breastfeeding" "solids at 2 months are great!" show. Yah... advice I don't need right now thankssofuckingmuch.

So I've slept for about 1/2 hour. I know it's his teeth and his cold. He can't really breathe laying down. However I have a hard time sleeping sitting up. I'm praying this passes quickly.

So I figure I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or when he moves to his own room. Or when... oh who knows. You can't put a timeline on this kind of torture ;)

A vintage picture post :)

The boy is not old enough to be vintage... so here's one from a rare smiley moment the other day :)
Little Miss Madeline when she was about 7? 8? months old :)
Madeline doing the required naked baby on sheepskin pose ;) About 7 months old.
Olivia... looking fat and contemplative. 6ish months.
Sisters... lookin cute! Maddy is about 2.5 and Olivia is around a year.
Maddy and I at the park... she's about 8 months old.
Olivia... looking fabulous in her shoes. 1.5 years.
Olivia... around the same age. I love this picture :)
My Madeline beauty :) Around 3.5.
Olivia in the bath. Our kewpie doll. 1.5 years.
Madeline being Madeline ;) 3.5.
Olivia at around 1.5 years. Being her normal cute self.
All Hallow's eve. Maddy was three and Olivia was 1 1/3.


Just cause :)

Hoping for a peaceful night?

I won't hope too hard though...

Phoenix went to bed at 1:45am last night. We went to bed at 3:15am... Phoenix woke up at 3:25am and SCREAMED for about an hour. Screamed to the point where I seriously considered taking him to the er... I could hear his tummy gurgling and he was cramping :( He is NOT READY FOR FUCKING SOLIDS. He just is not. No solids of any sort of form for at least the next month. Poor baby... having a cold, teething and then having a reaction to food. For the first time in his life he had some allopathic medication... I didn't even have any infant motrin in the house so he got a 2/5's of a dose meant for a 24 pound child (he's 20 lbs) and it eventually soothed him a bit. He woke up after about an hour SCREAMING again for another 1/2 hour, refused to nurse and then slept straight until 11am. He nursed at 3:25 am and then not again till 11am. My boobs... were ready to explode.

After he nursed both breasts I got up and pumped and got another 4 oz off. I went back to bed until he woke up at 1:30pm! Jeff snoozed on the couch and the girls watched some movies and hung out. He's been refusing the breast less today than the past three weeks so that is making me feel a bit better about things. I've been so tired, so stressed, SO NEEDING A BREAK that it's been very overwhelming. I know I need to ask for help but I am so bad at it. I feel at times that I am fighting a losing battle and I just want to curl up and sleep for about a week. I wish... but if all my wishes were fishes I could fill a whole ocean with my words. It's no use wishing when the fairy godmother never comes.

Today was a good day as far as days go. We went to my real mothers place and ended up staying for Chinese take-out... ohsofuckinggood. So I didn't have to cook after all ;) She sent home a big pot of Chilli, turkey soup, lettuce, green peppers, pepperoni and a huge box full of bulk spices. Taco seasoning (which we use a ton of) oregano, celery salt, bay leaves, montreal steak spice, curry and seasoning salt. Muchly appreciated! Madeline is spending the night there and apparently she is having a great time. She just called to say goodnight :) So cute! She's had some junk food and now it's time for bed.

Rose bought me some patterns for the spring ballet festival... I should see how much she spent so I can pay her back! The one pattern will be perfect I think but I'll pass it by Madeline's ballet teacher on wednesday. She has rehersal from 12:15 to 1pm. Olivia is back at pre-school on thursday... sweet.

Here's hoping for a quiet night. Phoenix has done minimal screaming this afternoon and evening so I'm praying to the goddess above that he sleeps... for just a bit.

Happy New Years!

Well calendar new year at least ;) Being wiccan we celebrated the new year beginning November 1st.

Well we did absofreakinnothin tonight to bring the new year in. Everyone we knew was already doing something or were having people over and we were not invited. Way to feel loved ;) I had planned on staying home with our kidlets and just chilling but it was a little depressing not to even have an option you know? Nothing to do and no one to watch the kids if there WAS something to do! We didn't even think ahead to make some yummy food or get some booze... maybe Phoenix would have gone to sleep earlier had I some alcohol in my system ;)

But all in all it was a nice, semi-peaceful evening. We watched a movie with the kids and ate some popcorn. The girls were in bed before 9 and then we hung out, watched Friends, Jeff did some web work and played with his MP3 player. I got to have a nice bath while Jeff looked after Phoenix and we rang in the new year talking to some friends on the phone (the only ones that actually phoned to wish us a happy new year!!!)

Well Phoenix is in bed (as of about 1:45am) and hopefully he'll sleep better than the last two nights. I'm running on single digits of sleep (like maybe 5 total for both nights?) and I could use a break. Where is the kind grandmother than has nothing better to do than come rock my baby so I can sleep? Oh right... she's in sechelt... lol! She's coming to visit this month... thank goodness for retired MIL's ;) I'm beginning to get a little batty from sleep deprivation. I can totally see why they use it for torture.

First new years day that we have not been invited anywhere for dinner either. Dammit... does that mean I have to cook? ;)