sunny day

I'm meh. Worried about my mom. Trying to keep myself very preoccupied. It's not really working.

I tidied the kitchen. Cleaned my room. Folded and put away five loads of laundry.

The girls have a picnic snack and are eating outside on the patio table. Cut up bananas, apples and granola bars. I have all the windows and the front door open so I can hear them. They know the rules anyways but it can't hurt to be careful.

Phoenix is having a nap. He's been so incredibly happy for the last four or five days... ever since we put him on the floor on a futon. I think along with him waking me up, I was waking him up. He's getting more sleep. He's actually napping. He's HAPPY. I don't mind crawling down to nurse him 2-3 times a night. It beats being up all night with a screaming unhappy baby.

It's a beautiful day. 21 degree's. The wind is blowing a wonderfully warm summer wind. I think I'll ask jeff if we can take the girls to the park tonight.

I love my view. I'm sad that I'll only have it for at most another two years. Sigh.

Jeff applied for a job in Medicine Hat Alberta. I was kinda meh on going there until I heard that the university has a conservatory of music and dance and that he'd probably get free dance tuition for the girls. That's worth it's weight in gold right there.

Sigh. I wish it were the weekend and i knew what was going on with my mom. The not knowing is murder.

sorry I'm MIA

my mom went for a mammogram three weeks ago because she had a huge mass in her breast. They send her for a retest and x-rays last thursday. Today her surgeon called and she went in for an appointment. They strongly suspect breast cancer (has many characteristics of it). She has surgery on thursday to remove the mass, biopsy it while she's still under and if it is cancer they will be removing her breast.

I'm in shock. I'm scared. I'm sad.

I don't know what to say or do.

So I'm not up to posting much... but I still care about you all and I am here... just... tired.

annoyed

I always thought that a certain person in my life talked behind my back about how incompetent I was... now that I know she actually did I'm even more annoyed. How DARE you say I can't "handle" my children. What gave you the right to say that I shouldn't have had a third because I could not "handle" the two I already had. I think I handle them pretty damn well!

Both girls are at or ahead of where they should be schooling wise.

Both girls are excellent friends, very kind hearted (except to each other but that really would be too much to ask) and good listeners.

Neither are cruel, mean or heartless.

Everyone gets fed good healthy organic foods, gets parented gently, is shown kindness and respect. I don't dump my kids anytime I need to do something. Anytime I want to do something or just because.

Do I mess up and compromise my morals and values? Yes of course I do. I'm HUMAN... not a robot.

I'm just a mama trying to do the very best by her kids and you know what? FUCK THEM who think that they are allowed to have an opinion. I'm tired of being backstabbed. I'm tired of my best friend being backstabbed. I'm just tired of it all.

I AM handling three kids, two cats and a dog. AM.. fuckyouverymuch.

mish mash mosh... part two

Olivia is four as of Saturday. I cannot believe that she is four! She's just so teeny tiny and just so much a little person to me. Four. Wow. She graduates from 3-4 year preschool to 4-5 year preschool (lol) on Thursday and then on Friday we have her end of year picnic. Which Jeff will be unable to attend. Just like he'll be unable to attend her graduation. Which if he would have informed Mary (his supervisor) of these things two weeks ago when I told him, she would have had a chance to work them into the schedule. So I'm not sure how I'm getting to these celebrations, or getting home from them either. I might end up having to walk... although that's a loooong walk with a little person who does not tolerate walking long distances. Oh well... guess it's my problem and not his.

Madeline graduates from kindergarten on Monday. It's her last day. She's pretty bummed that she has a whole summer with no school. We'll keep in touch with her friends and then with dance camps and such she'll have lots to do.

This Wednesday is recital rehearsal with recital being Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Then we're having Emma (M's friend) and Jassy over for a sleepover. We'll rent a movie and get some healthy junk food. Jeff's been offered the evening out away from us so I'm sure he'll snatch that up... missing the bachelor life that he is ;)

We're doing the "No cry sleep solution" and when Phoenix is not suffering the effects of his wheat issues he's sleeping awesome. 3-4 hour stretches. Easy to get back to sleep. Goes to bed after his nightly routine (bath, massage, teeth, stories, nursing and bed) at like 7:30-8:30!!! We're pretty happy.

Well off to make any last minute adjustments to Maddy's costume...

I am leaking...

copious amounts of breastmilk. Phoenix went to bed at 7:40. He woke two times between then and 9:40 but Jeff settled him both times. It's now 12:10am and I am engorged like you would not believe. I can't remember a time when he went 4.5 hours between nursings... maybe the "No cry sleep solution" is working?

I dropped the costume examples off today at the studio during rehearsal. 3 hours of rehearsal. Everyone loved how they turned out. It's just pandemonium at the studio during recital prep time!

I signed the girls up for the summer dance classes. Olivia has two weeks of dance camp, Maddy has two weeks of Jazz camp and a one week exam ballet prep course (running at the same time) so from July 23 to August 3 don't expect to hear from me ;)

So $300 later...

I've been checking out play systems tonight. When we buy our new house I'd like to take some money and get a good one... we're probably looking at a couple grand but they'll play on it forever so I'm going to get a decent wood one that will last.

The real estate agent was through here yesterday... she says it will list for at least twice of the price it was bought for three years ago. Now that's an investment!

I'm tired. I think I'll curl up on the couch till Phoenix calls. Jeff is watching a movie and the house is tidy. tomorrow is preschool for Liv and LLL at night... can I relax already?

I almost forgot!

Check out Olivia's photo montage I finished in time for her birthday!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=2e2b5114619e396a9633a9&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Here's Phoenix's too

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=284edd1a0ef3d447816073&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

and Madeline's!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=2a3f7f1eb43caab17425e4&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

my kids are adorable ;) It's time well wasted ;)

next week...

I WILL RELAX! I swear I will. I have been on the go constantly non-stop for the last week. Thank goodness Phoenix nurses because with all this being on the road all the time it's the only way he gets fed!

All the costumes bags are done and handed out. I just need to sew my own now.

I've had less than four hours of broken sleep each night for the past two nights. I spent thursday in the er and friday doing costumes.

Today was one of the most gut wrenching days I've ever had. I won't go into big details but a friend of a friend had her child removed from her custody due to mental health issues. I was there when it happened... her child is all of six years old and have never been without her mommy. *tears*

I've eaten entirely too many green frogs tonight.

My baby boy is ONE!!! He was one last week but that just goes to show how little time I've been on the puter. He's crawling, loving, talking... he's just a joy... most days.

Tomorrow is the big birthday party for him and Olivia. I think everything is done. I usually end up buying all the fruit and veggies and washing, cutting, organizing them myself. Well Costco has huge fruit and veggie platters for 13.99 each. SOLD! I bought one of each, some snacks, ordered both kids cakes (Magic of Pegasus for Liv and Pirates of the Caribbean for Phoenix) got goody bag stuff. All presents are bought (not wrapped but they are in the bedroom where Phoenix and Jeff are sleeping) and I think I'm ready.

For Phoenix's first birthday we bought him:
A wooden pull animal puzzle train from Melissa and Doug
An old fashioned Fisher Price Chatter Phone
Pack of 5 soft playskool cars
4 outfits

Olivia is getting:
rollerblades, Barbie ones that go over her shoes ($15!)
Melissa and Doug 48 piece wood pirate puzzle
Melissa and Doug wood pirate chest to decorate
Polly Pocket dog walking set
Littlest Pet shop two pack of animals
2 outfits

I went a bit wild... but didn't spend more that $100 per kid. We also bought Madeline an outfit and a hat. They always get a little something on the other kids birthday.

We're birthday partying at the park... it better not rain! I just checked the forcast and it's a 70% chance... maybe kids will come in their rain gear?

I need to tidy the house and go to bed. I'll probably do neither.

Oh gawd...

Save me from the mountain of tulle that has taken over my living room. I offered to be the costume mom for both Madeline and Olivia's ballet classes. Olivia's class are pink pigs. It was SUPPOSED to be easy... a body suit, a big frilly tutu (both purchased by the studio) I would cut out ears and tail and then put the bags together. The parents sew their own child's costume. But ... tutu's are back ordered. SO... we have to MAKE tutu's. This involves cutting mountains of tulle into strips, counting out strips and putting them into bags. Not only for Olivia's class (of nine girls) but Madeline's clown costumes require tutu's as well. All 12 girls. 35 strips for each tutu. 21 tutu's... do the math. That's a FUCK of a lot of tulle.

Ahh... the clowns. Bodysuits, tutu's (multicoloured... we have six colours of tulle as opposed to just white for olivia's class) clown hats, neck ruffles, wrist ruffles, ankle ruffles, pompoms on the body and sequins on the tip of EVERY SINGLE STRIP OF TULLE on the tutu. Oh the parents are going to LOVE me... not.

So after about six hours worth of work I have the pig bags almost ready to go. I'm done half the tutu strips but everything else except the ear claw clips and sequins are all sorted, bagged and labelled. Tomorrow night? I tackle the clowns...

Speaking of which. My FIL comes tomorrow and stays till thursday. If he would have asked we would have told him it's not a good time. Tomorrow jeff has to pick up more clown stuff at the studio, Maddy has school, he's supposed to game at Chris's house. Tuesday Olivia has a dentist appointment, Jeff has an appointment with our banker, Olivia has preschool. Wednesday Maddy has school, then we head to the studio for rehearsal for 2.5 hours then I go to Mother Goose right after for two hours. But he didn't ask... so we spent the ENTIRE day (of our seventh anniversary!) cleaning.

We did hire the girl next door (Talia 14 years) to babysit for 2.5 hours tonight. We took Phoenix, went for dinner and dessert and then went for a drive. We needed that. We need to do that more often. Freedom for $20? I'm all for it.

Well back to nursing the babe and cutting tulle. Tulle.... it will be the death of me.

How cute it is!

To see Phoenix's fat little butt waddling around the house as he masters the art of crawling... of course now he can also master the art of getting into stuff that he should not be.

His first mess of the day was to dump the ENTIRE bucket of dog water on the floor. And as Olivia sprinted to grab a towel she slipped, landed first on her butt and then on her head and then proceeded to scream. She was soaked, Phoenix was soaked, the dog was scared and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry lol! Olivia just kept saying "that Phoenix... life was easier before he could move." *insert maniacal laughter here"

He's currently crawled into the dining room and is cleaning the floor. Blerg. There cannot be much there... the dog is really good at making sure of that already ;)

Well I had to take my first time out from Phoenix in the middle of the night. He woke up, screamed and screamed and screamed. I was getting ready to chuck him across the room so I left, took a breather, came back in (he was still screaming) and was ready to be gentle and kind. I held his hand, stroked his fingers and he stopped screaming and went back to sleep. The is the very first time in over five years that I've had to leave a screaming baby. I highly doubt I would have hurt him but the images in my head were not very kind... we'll put it that way.

Since Olivia got up before I did my living room is already trashed. She's currently munching on a juicy mango. They had cases of them (12 to a case) for sale at Superstore at $6 a case! I should go pick up another before they are all gone. I heart mango's.

Well I should eat some breakfast. I am tired today... very very tired.

mish mash mosh

My son is crawling. We're in for it ;)

We're going to see Shrek the Third today as a family. My inlaws sent me a cheque for my birthday so I'm taking everyone as my treat. I'm hoping Phoenix does alright! I can't believe he'll be 1 in less than a week!!!!!

We had a good time at my parents last night. We had bbq'ed hamburgers and they were delicious. We did smores as well and the girls enjoyed that. We actually managed to have nice conversations and I felt like I was being heard for one. It was nice.

I asked Jeff to cancel my birthday thing for tomorrow night. It was not well organized and I didn't want him calling people the day before asking them to come. I find that rude when people do that to me so I didn't want to be the reason it was being done to others. And really? When you get to this age the only people that care about your birthday is your kids anyways! I didn't want to have to spend my whole birthday cleaning my house, making a cake and generally stressed about having guests. Not my idea of a good time. It probably sounds like I am pissed and annoyed at jeff... but I'm not. Just disappointed. I'll get over it ;)

I wish my kids would stop fighting. They are annoying me. They are making me repeat everything 4 or 5 times. I don't have the patience for this today... well I'm being patience but I sure as fuck don't feel like it.

Oh but I got to sleep to 11am today so that was cool!

Oh and cause we're really really broke I don't actually get a birthday present. Maybe I'll buy myself something when my mother goose money comes in. I really want a new pair of Birks.

Apparently Rose is still dropping off a present for tomorrow night. I really wish people would not spend money on me that is way better off spent elsewhere. Money is tight for everyone these days.

We're back!

Some pictures first :)

And you all will be happy to know that my husband apologized for being an ass and putting unrealistic demands on me and all is well with the world ;)

So we went to Lac La Hache for the long weekend with out brand new (to us) tent trailer. The van towed it there with no problems, we set it up with no problems and had no problems with it for the entire weekend! yayyy!!!! It was so very nice to be warm all night, wake up and be able to have a warm drink right away, have a place to hang and cook when it rained and have places to stash all of our stuff. It so totally rocked!!!!

The girls had the "best time ever!" They found a couple of older kids (10 year old girls) that took to them instantly and carted them around for the weekend. They went for walks, played in the playground, bounced around from site to site and had more freedom then they had EVER had before. But they respected the rules, checked in often and were so well behaved it was incredible. They played hard, slept hard... ate hard... lol. They ate like horses and were in bed asleep by like 10 every night but the first one. The decided that smores rock, hot dogs were very cool and that getting to drink juice all the time was so very cool ;)

Phoenix did okay. He was slung about 90% of every day by either jeff or I. I brought the playpen and he went in for for two minutes once before screaming. I won't pack that next time. It was a waste of space. He has a newfound love for buttered popcorn rice cakes (the big ones... he'd eat an entire one in a sitting!) Him and I slept in one bunk, the girls in the other and jeff on the table bed. I would have rather slept with Jeff instead of Phoenix but with him nursing so often still it's impractical.

Jeff and I had a blast. We loved hanging out around the fire with all the other adults at night, drinking and laughing. Good times.

We're planning for our next trip already. We're probably heading to Hixon next. It's only a half hour away but it's a cute campground with water/power/playground/dog area. It's on a river that you can gold pan in.

It's hard to explain but even though we had a rocking good time... I'm eager to do it without the entire clan. I felt a bit judged at times and a bit... ignored (not by you guys Robyn obviously). It didn't ruin my time by any means and I won't let it bother me at all. But I am eager to do it alone. We're hoping that Robyn and clan might want to come to Hixon with us... or if not there then maybe somewhere else this summer. I had a blast with them.

"all done mama, alllll done!"

especially NOT the children!

Mr. Phoenix decided at 2:47am that he was "all done" sleeping and I should get up and amuse him. Needless to say I was not amused... in the slightest.

He screamed for 1.5 hours... right in my ear. He would not be soothed, nursed, cuddled... I ended up wrapping him in a blanket, rocking back and forth and shushing vigorously. All the while Jeff and I are fighting because "he wants his wife and life back" and "phoenix is manipulating me."

O... K...

I know that Jeff was just ranting and I can respect that. But I WILL NOT let Phoenix cry it out and I WILL NOT leave the room and let him scream and I WILL NOT let myself feel guilty for tending to my infant sons needs... even if that means I ignore some of my own needs. I won't. I will not. It's not going to happen. Ever.

I know that Jeff has needs. I do. But at 2:47 at night when he's already been sleeping for an hour the only need he has right then is sleep. I told him to go into the living room and crash on the couch so he could get some sleep. He chose instead to rant and rave for an hour. So he made the choice to not sleep as I see it.

I am tired of being an all night buffet. I am tired of being on beck and call. I am tired. Period. But this is the way that we chose a long time ago to raise our children and I am not changing it now. Besides... jeff does none of the nighttime parenting anyways. When he's the one getting up 3-4 times a night then he gets to choose how, when and where our son sleeps.

I love my husband. I love my son. I want to make both happy. But when it comes down to it Phoenix will only be a baby for a short period of time. If I meet his needs now (like I did for both girls) in the short term it will have great rewards for the long term. I am trying my very hardest to make my husband happy and respect his needs. His house is clean, there is almost always dinner on the table (and often it's what he's requested), he can go out whenever he wants, if he wants sex he only has to ask. I sit and talk to him about his interests, I let him slack off on the housework and pick up the pieces afterwards... what the fuck else can I do?????

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG.

Fuck I am so... tired. Tired of being in charge of EVERYONES happiness.

:)

I have readers! Yayyy! Thank you all for checking in with me and I *heart* you all :)

So the last week has been interesting. Finally tonight the trailer lights are working (thank you for lending us your husband yet again Robyn!!!) Faulty grounds, wiggly wires... meh. It's fixed and working though and that's all that matters to me! It's also insured, has a new vent hatch, new hitch thingy... it's all good to go.

Phoenix is not a happy camper though. We decided to try him on some cheerio's to see if his wheat allergy had subsided. Yah. It has not. So his poor little inner butt cheeks are all moist rashed and bleeding. I'm changing him AS SOON as he poops (every 1/2 hour or so) and cleaning him well, slathering him with Calendula cream and doing all I can to get him to heal. He's having lots of naked butt time as well. Robyn suggested Grapefruit seed extract but since it's not fungal or yeast I'm not sure if it will help. I might try just to see. Anyone have any tried and true recipes?

The girls had a great day. Talia and Danika the 14 and 10 year olds from next year came over and played hide and seek with them for a couple of hours! It kept them very amused. They are also taking them for a walk tomorrow to the ice cream shop so that should be fun for them :) I am really enjoying having older kids next door. My girls just hero worship them. Then tonight while we worked on the trailer, cleaned the van, spliced lights... they played mommy and baby in and out of the van and had a blast. They both went to bed without any meltdowns by 8pm and all is well with the world!

Jeff is over at Chris's right now. Something to do with little alien space ships? Colour me confused ;)

Well I better make Maddy's lunch and get her things ready for school tomorrow... and I hear Jeff's van :)

Anyone listening?

That should get your attention ;)

Robyn just finished her first year of blogging and since I've been doing it for about three years I thought I'd ask for comments from readers too! Let me know you are here and that you love (or hate!) me!!!

Please :)

Oh to be young and stupid...

and that's all I'll say on that subject.

I'm in the kitchen, making dinner with P on my back. We're grovin to Pat Benitar (Love is a Battlefield... which is really is) and making chicken catchatory (and I know I butchered that but I am far too lazy to go look it up.)

I got two of my new skirts today. I'm in love.

Maddy's play date went well.

I had far more to say but now I'm pissed and fuming for a friend so I'll end now.

Slightly guilty...

feeling that is. My wonderful hubby is currently cleaning the kitchen. But not only is he cleaning the kitchen, he's cleaning the kitchen with my bitchy teething baby on his back so I can surf the net and drink my tea. Now THAT'S a good husband :)

My five year will be the death of me. I swear if she is rude, mean or freaks out at me one more time I will lose my mind. It's like she has completely forgot how to speak nicely, be nice to her sister, share, or have any rational logical thought. Of course I play into it and get in a battle of wills with her when I KNOW the logical thing to do is say "when you are ready to speak to me nicely I will talk to you then"... She's behaving like a two year old right now and since I have a three year old and an almost one year old I'm so not fucking interested. At all. In the slightest. She was just horrible terrible yesterday and today. I'm so done.

Well the tent trailer is up and wired. Course the wiring does not work and we don't know why. Which means we have to bug Mike again and I'm not sure he'll be too impressed about that. We spent all today cleaning, washing dishes and putting stuff back in the trailer. I pretty much have everything utensil/dishes wise that I need. I'm making lists like crazy.

We went to NR Motors today to drool over the new tent trailers. You know... not much has changed in 30 years ;) Different colours... same layout... heavier though! The big tent trailers that have bathrooms and stuff are WAY to heavy for our van to pull. The new tent trailers that are the same size as ours outweigh ours by about 600 lbs as well. We did find a new hatch cover (19.99) trailer light (12.99) longer ball mount (49.99)... that will bring the trailer total (free trailer) up to around $350. lol.

We saw the funkiest camper (Robyn you guys gotta buy it!) for about $25,000. It has two pull outs and a propane fireplace! A huge bedroom in the back (bedroom!!!) big kitchen, tons of floor space. It was the coolest camper evah! We saw tons of 5th wheels (used and new) and some of the 7 year old ones were going for like 12,000. I drooled. I could totally get used to camping like that ;)

Jeff and the baby are downstairs doing laundry now. Loki's around eating his bull penis (yep.. bully sticks are dried bull peni... yuck) and the cats are laying around shedding as cats are wont to do.

Madeline has a play date tomorrow. Emma and Kendra are coming here for a couple hours after school. I'll make them some lemonade and popcorn, send them outside to play and be done with it. I need to fold laundry, clean the bathroom and wash floors tomorrow. I hope I have the energy to do it!

Well off to surf some more. Facebook is sucking my soul so I should go check it out some more ;)

Dinner

Tonight is going to be super yummy! I'm doing Penne whole wheat pasta with a four cheese sauce and sprinkled with fresh green onions. Baked chicken breast with cumin and pepper, peaches and cream corn. For dessert I'm doing baked apples with brown sugar, butter and cinnamon.

I'm drooling already and I have no even started cooking yet ;)

Yawn

I'm tired! It's been a very busy couple of days. Last night was Jeff's conference pub night and he was preforming stand up comedy. He rocked down the house hard core! Everyone had a great time and we got to eat yummy appetizers and chat. Afterwards we went out for dinner (because the girls were already at Grandma's) and we got back there at about 8:45ish. We were home by 9:30 and the girls went right to bed.

Jeff did a couple of things around the house and crashed. I was in bed by 12:30ish. Phoenix slept okay (went to bed at 10:15, woke at 1 am, 3:45am, 6am and 9am? somewhere around there) He's already back in bed for a nap.

Today is a school day for Madeline and I'm hoping we'll set up the tent trailer tonight so I can start getting stuff ready for may long weekend! I popped it up a bit and found the crank so we're good to go. Apparently Mike is going to help us wire the van and I want him to look at the furnace for us as well.

I need to tidy the house, do the dishes, sweep, vacuum... laundry. Eat. You know... normal stuff ;)

A picture post!

I've been asking Jeff to take a good picture of me for ages... apparently I clean up well ;) I won't show you the pics BEFORE makeup ;)

Madeline is nursing her pig... olivia her snail?

Evil Phoenix just learned how to crawl. Apparently it will be our undoing ;)

Slinging with Daddy in Fort George Park

I am sooooo cute

Model? Madeline?

I yar lazy...

Today at least. All I did off that list was put the diapers up to wash. Oh and I made dinner. That was it.

I did however do a photo montage of Madeline with Phoenix sitting on my lap.. check it out!

I made Eggs Benedict for dinner and we had berries (blue, black and razz...) for dessert. It was uber yummy.

Olivia coloured and played all afternoon. I took part in her imaginary play by feed her oats and water out of her bucket (pretend oats and water), brushed her mane and sent her around picking up "people" to give them rides. Oh she was a horse if you didn't guess.

Jeff picked up Maddy today but then showed up at home without her! Emma wanted her to come play and Tammy (Emma's mom) was keen so she went straight home with them. Jeff picked her up at 5:45 after work so I only had two kids all day. Strange as it was... I missed her :)

She came home very grouchy and upon further investigation found that she took one bite of her sandwich and maybe two bite sized pieces of watermelon for lunch. She ate her two picks and a banana but nothing else other than that! No wonder! She ate a ton at dinner (two whole english muffins, 1.5 eggs, jelly and a whole bowl of berries) and then it was bedtime. Well she was so bloody rude to us from the time that she got home and THEN said she was going to live with Emma. Okay. So we talked about how the way she speaks hurts us and our feelings and we talked about everything good about our house and family and asked her to think about that. Well then she burst into tears and sobbed her guts out. She never used to be empathetic at all about anything, now she's emo girl extreme. Gawd. So I soothed and tucked her in. She better sleep in tomorrow.

Jeff's out for his painting night. Phoenix had a late nap so he's currently sitting on the floor eating a stacking cup. He ate four rice crackers today (he LOVES them) and nursed a ton. He's finished his antibiotics so we'll take him in this week and make sure everything looks good.

Loki and Frodo are doing their nightly "kick eachothers ass" session. lol.