Sick husbands

Well just one husband.

I've sent him off to the er as I am pretty sure he has a raging kidney infection. His back is killing him, he's puking and shitting his guts out and can't keep anything (not even water) down. When I was rubbing his back as he puked I could feel that he left kidney was enlarged and seemed tender. I am REALLY REALLY hoping that is what it is... because if he has the flu and gives it to the rest of us I might have to kill him.

Phoenix is doing so well :) Last night he gave me a couple of three hour stretches and that was nice! They key is to nurse him for about three hours straight before bed ;) Tank him up for the long haul.

Speaking of which... little man has had enough of me typing ;)

I will survive...

lol!

The first day was very anti-climactic for me. The girls were fairly well behaved, Phoenix and I slept in a wee bit while the kids ate the cereal that my wonderful husband had poured for them :) He made them sandwiches for lunch and left them in the fridge so when the time came I just added some yoguart and fruit and we were good to go!

I actually even got dressed and ate food myself before noon... it's a red letter day!

Little man is sleeping the heat off today... I feel sorry for wee people that can't get cool. He's just in a romper but he still looks warmish. We're heading out for a bit and the air conditioned drive in the van will be nice.

I asked Olivia if she is ready to wean (her "cousin" and best friend just did at 39 months!) her response... "ummm... no." LOL! Maybe some day ... when she's about 20.

It's my other mother's birthday on wednesday so we're all heading over tomorrow night with cake, ice cream and pressies. I'm off tonight to buy her an angel garden statue... she's into angels.

It's still around +30 outside. It's TOO DAMN HOT!

Nursing a wee babe when it's this hot is hot and sticky business. We generate gallons of sweat between the two of us. Very sexy. Not.

Hot...

Waaaayyyy to fucking hot. And it's supposed to get to a high of 32 fucking degrees tomorrow!!! Hot. Too hot. I think the kidlets and I are going to hibernate downstairs all day tomorrow and try to get coolish...

Jeff has his first day back at work tomorrow. *sob*

Wish me luck.

Party prep and sore boobies!

I think that because this infection is finally going away my milk supply has come back up. Because right now I am engorged to the point where it's not even funny and my little man is passed right out... lol! Figures!

Jeff and the kids are busy setting up the back yard. We've got the sandbox, slide, basketball net, badminton set, lawn bowling, skipping ropes, kits.... I think there should be enough for them to do.

Phoenix was up about 4 times last night... yawn...

Not much left to do! Take the food outside, get dressed... bout it actually.

Now let's hope the rain stays away!!!

Storms...

Holy crap we got caught in the mother of all freaking storms today! We were at the water park with Robyn and the kids and we could see storm clouds coming... and coming... and then WHOOSH! Massive winds that were blowing branches off of tree's and almost blowing our little people away! The kids were freaked and crying, the adults were shocked and trying to get the kids dry. Within minutes the park was completely emptied. It was the worst storm I've ever been caught in. We had a good laugh about it after though ;)

Olivia loved her birthday pressies :) After we decided to take our picnic indoors to Robyn's basement we got some take out for dinner, rented Chicken Little and Hoodwinked (jeff and the kids are watching it as we speak) to round out the night. I think the kids had a good time today.

Tomorrow it's house cleaning and getting ready for Liv's party. My friend Jean is making the cake (a pony cake?) and I can't wait to see it!

It just amazes me how much I love our new little man :) My other mother asked me when I was ever going to put him down... I told her that it took me this long to get a happy and healthy baby and I don't INTEND to put him down. He's such a wee cute little guy. Sigh... I'd have 12 more but the body is just not cut out for this any more.

bleeding... babies... birthdays... ballet... food...

It's been a couple of days... lol.

The bleeding stopped, then started (with another er trip) then stopped, then an u/s to rule out leftover manky bits (which none were found) then started again. Blerg. The bleeding is about a medium period right now so not too bad. I talked to my ob this afternoon and she is confident that it's just normal post partum bleeding and that it should resolve with the course of antibiotics that i am on... lets hope!

Phoenix is doing well!!! He sleeps most of the time so far so when he "wakes up" to the world we're really going to be in trouble. He's getting the hang of latching without it taking 40 tries... that's nice! He's pooping tons, peeing like a freaking race horse too and his jaundice is starting to clear up. He's also up to 7 lbs 14 oz today from 7lbs 5 oz 9 days ago :) His thighs are actually starting to get a bit chubby!!!

Olivia turns 3 tomorrow! We're having a birthday party for her on sunday but tomorrow we're going to head to the waterpark with friends around 2ish for a picnic and playtime. We got her a little tykes basketball net thing (for ages 3 and up), two pairs of pj's, treasure chest full of craft supplies, Kumon tracing book and Maddy got her a ballet barbie. We just have to pick up the pool and we're done. Oh and she got her ears pierced!!! Too cute :) Little blue titanium studs.

Maddy's hard at work still for the ballet recital. Grandma rose is putting together her pink rainbow fish costume :) We're going to see the production as a family on the friday night and then daddy will go see on saturday. I have a mother goose picnic to go to with Livvy and Phoenix. She keeps showing us her moves though and they are uber cute.

Robyn made us dinner tonight and got Mike to drop it off before work. It was SO FREAKING GOOD!!!!! A chicken, brocolli and pasta dish, a loaf of warm grain bread and chocolate muffins. Heaven! Jeff wants me to get her recipe for the bread as he nearly went to heaven when he tasted it :) Robyn is way to good to me. I love her to bits.

Speaking of which... Gray (her son) looks huge to me now! Before Phoenix was born he looked so tiny... and now he looks ginormous. So does Olivia for that matter too. It's all a matter of perspective.

Well I need to shower while daddy and Phoenix are watching "puppets who kill" ... yah... good baby tv. lol.

sigh...

Can this be done yet? Seriously?

I'd been happy over the fact that my vaginal bleeding was so minimal and was looking like it might subside very soon! So we're heading out yesterday afternoon to pick up Olivia's birthday pressies when I step over the threshhold of the house, feel a pop, feel two objects slide out between my legs and then proceed to hemmorage all over the driveway. I was soaked with blood to my knee's within seconds. I yelled to jeff to call 911, he led me over to the grass and got me laying down, got a blanket for me and sat with me.

The ambulance was here within minutes. They assesed me in the driveway and then took me to the er with sirens blazing. I was taken into a room almost immediately where they started ANOTHER FUCKING IV (like I have not had enough of needles) did some blood work (again with the needles) and hooked me up to every machine known to man. At one point my blood pressure crashed but it came back up... I guess I was in shock?

By the time they did the exam the bleeding had really slowed down. They figure that I probably have a uterine infection. The concerning thing now is that on my right side I have a fist sized hard lump right around where my uterus is I think... they didn't check that out yesterday so I am going in to see my dr at 2pm today and we'll figure out what is going on.

I'm scared.

I'm scared it's going to happen again.

I'm scared I'll bleed out in the middle of the night.

I'm just... scared...

You know.. childbirth just SHOULD NOT BE LIKE THIS. I know this is what had to happen... I know. But it just sucks.

Jeff has an appointment with our family dr for 1:15 today to discuss his vasectomy. I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT go through another pregnancy. I just can't do it. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to jeff and it's not fair to our kids.

Sigh... scared.

Birth Story of Phoenix Jeffrey Blade

Well I got up at 6am Friday June 2, 2006 after a very restless sleep. Did the required shower and teeth brushing, got dressed and headed to the hospital. We met my mother and my other mother (basically raised me since I was a teenager) there and got up to my room. To my surprise and HUGE delight I was granted a private room (this is a truly lucky thing as the hospital right now only has TWO private rooms and there were four c-sections scheduled for Friday!) When I asked why I got so lucky… I got a wink and the nurse said that the night nurses the day before were big fans of mine (I am a LLL leader and had been coming two times weekly for non stress tests) Hey… whatever pull I have I am happy to use it!

I was supposed to be having my surgery at 9:30 but I got bumped for an emergency section. I finally got in the OR at about 10:45 but then they couldn’t get the spinal in! 12 (yes 12) tried later… and two doctors later… they finally got it in. The surgery started and I was comfortable. My hubby was holding my hand and my team of surgeons were awesome. All women. All the most empathetic people who kept me updated and only focused on me… and not their golf games as had previous dr’s while doing my other c-sections… nice huh?

Finally at 11:42 wee baby Phoenix came into the world! He cried instantly and per my instructions they didn’t deep suction him. He was looked over quickly and then Jeff brought him to me. He stopped crying the second he heard my voice He had a ton of vernix, long fingernails and he has sparse medium brown hair. Eventually Jeff and the nurse took him upstairs where they weighed him. No vitamin K shot and no eye ointment. Daddy rubbed in as much of his vernix as he could. He weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz. A full pound lighter than Maddy and almost two pounds lighter than Olivia! He is 20.25 inches long. He is beautiful. Daddy calls him his “little dude” and I’ve taken to calling him my “wee man.” Lol!

They recovered me in post op and I FINALLY got to go up and see him a full 2.5 hours AFTER he was born. That’s a sore spot for me. Though Jeff held him the ENTIRE time and didn’t let anyone else hold him until I got to. He rocks. He insisted that I be the second one and I was.

He had no interest in nursing until about 10 that night. He’d lick the breast, nuzzle it, kiss it… and open his mouth just a teeeeeny bit. He finally took his first meal and made it a good ½ hour one. He was very sleepy (and still is) but after about 24 hours he was nursing pretty well and he is having more alert periods. He’s nursing often, lots of wet diapers, poopy ones are starting to come more frequently. My milk came in Sunday morning about about 6 am. So about 42 hours after surgery. It’s still coming in and engorgement is manageable at this point but I know it’s going to get far worse My FF boobs are increasing in size by the hour! My husband (and baby!) are in heaven!

He’s sleeping well when he’s not nursing and I am getting an amazing amount of sleep for having a little person in the house. We wake, nurse and both fall back asleep. He’s been out of my arms very little and in fact he’s napping in the fleece pouch as we speak.

My incision is looking good and feeling ok. I’m taking my pain meds religiously as I was trying to play the martyr yesterday and just take enough to get by… yah not so good of an idea. As long as my pain is controlled I am able to get around well enough.

So that’s it… we got home after 49 hours (I whined and got sprung early) and we’re adjusting to being a family of 5. The girls are IN LOVE with him and Maddy especially wants to be with him all the time. Olivia could really care less as long as her needs are met. Our first morning together as a family this morning, both girls climbed into bed with Jeff, Phoenix and I and we snuggled and cuddled for about a ½ hour. They know they are loved. Sigh… I am just so happy he’s here and he’s okay and I’m okay and I’m so in love with my wee man.

Jeff’s going to post some pics to our website tonight and I’ll pop in later with the url for you all.

I'm outta here!

I need to be at the hospital by 7:30 for admitting and then the c-section is at 9:30!!!

Oh and according to Olivia (the three year old)... it's not a boy hippie.

It's a frog. A girl frog. A girl frog that's name is Colostrum... lol!!!

Please think happy thoughts for me and pray to whatever deity that you choose that things go smoothly. I'm scared :(

ONE DAY!!!

ONE DAY! Holy shit!

At this time tomorrow I'll be holding my newest little person.
One day.

I'm freaking out here! I've NEVER known when my babies were going to come and it's very wierd to know that. I worry that he/she is not ready, I worry that I am not ready... I worry. I worry because I know all the stats about c-sections and having had two I worry because I know I hate them.

I am so paranoid these past few days about baby moving... It's like I am so close and just even more worried that something could take this joy away.

The girls are estatic. We went out last night and bought Maddy her summer clothes (a whole 4 pairs of shorts and two shirts....) she has plenty of short sleeved shirts, dresses and skorts but only two pairs of shorts. She helped me pick the stuff out and it's really cute. Oh and Olivia got her "biderman" (spiderman) jammies. She's over the moon.

They are at my mom's for the day so jeff and I can get last minute stuff done here at home. We have laundry to do, beds to change, windows to paint... lol.

My grandma is coming over for dinner and then spending the night with us so she can look after the kids in the morning and early afternoon tomorrow. It should be fun.

One day.

Holy shit.

Heading to the freakin frackin dentist...

blerg.

Went to bed last night and within 1/2 an hour developed the WORST freakin tooth ache!!! In a tooth I have never had issues with to boot!!!

So I spent the night crying my eyes out. Arnica did not touch it. Rescue remedy nada. I even resorted to extra strength Tylenol and NOTHING!!! I've had ice packs on my face for the last 13 hours and I'm still in the same amount of pain.

What a time for this to happen. 3 days before my surgery.

So I called both my dentist and ob and she gave the ok for anti-biotics. I'd rather not have dental surgery right now right before a c-section.

4 more days!!!!

Until the baby comes :) EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! Is it possible to be totally stoked and yet completely scared at the same time? I've never gone into a delivery KNOWING that I'll have a c-section. The thought of just laying there waiting to be sliced and diced is a little unerving...

My birthday was yesterday. I had a great time :) Jeff and the girls bought me a in bed co-sleeper for the babe, a new book and some new lotion. The rest of the family pampered me with gift cards and such and Robyn got me two awesome gift packs with stuff to pamper me and the new babe! So of course I spent most of last night sniffing various lotions and potions and trying them all out ;) The best was an awsome magnet for my fridge about friendship. It made me cry. I am such a sap.

Before dinner yesterday I was in the hospital. Apparently the superficial layers of my scar from MADELINE have separated and now I have a small hernia along my scar line. Nice... very painful but not dangerous they tell me. Just don't take castor oil ;) Then jeff took me to dinner where I had a huge King crab leg platter. I think I'm STILL full!

Well everything is ready for the baby... my bag, his bag, the kids bag. The bouncy seat is washed, the sheet for the co-sleeper, my sling is washed... I need to spot wash the sheep skin today though. Oh and get jeff to put the infant seat back in the car...

Well since I'm actually up before the girls are I shall get some breakfast. The mini beast demands to be fed :)

Can I cry?

Cause I sure as hell want to.

I've been in bed since 12:30. Lights out since 1:45 ish... it's now almost 5 and I have not slept for more than a half hour at a stretch. I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! It's like my freaking brain just cannot shut down and it's PISSING me off! I am so TIRED! I want to sleep for like five hours... or two hours... just a decent stretch so I don't feel like such a zombie. *sob*

Tuesday thoughts

Well only 10 more days (or less!) until baby day :) I called my grandma and got things set up for her to come and spend the night on the first so she can be here when we leave friday morning. I think we have to be at the hospital at like 6am and I don't want to wake the kids that early. Then she'll stay with the girls until I'm settled in bed with babe, jeff will come home and pick kids up and then they'll all head to hospital (with my grandma too.) Then the girls go to spend the weekend with my other mother (Rose) I think they are looking more forward to that than the actual baby thing!!!!

I'm a bit worried about Livy... she's only spent one night away from me in her life and she didn't do so well... I hope she'll be okay.

I need to make a list of the girls stuff they'll need for that weekend and figure out if maddy has ballet rehersal that saturday.

We had a busy freaking weekend. It's nice to relax today. Though I do love it when we're busy cause the time goes by so fast! Yesterday Liv and I went to Robyn's for the afternoon and the kids were STELLAR! They played, we actually got to finish sentances... lol! I love spending time with Robyn. I can just be myself you know? And not worry about offending her with anything I say cause most likely she thinks the same way!

After Robyn's we all went to Rose and Al's for dinner for their grandsons birthday. It was a great dinner... the kids were a bit cranky though. All of the kids had had busy weekends.

Tonight is mother goose night. I wonder if Stacey has had her baby yet???

Still pregnant...

Still here... still pregnant

I went in for my 36 weeks 2 day appointment today and my very normally low blood pressure (usually about 105/65 ish) was 148/88! I've been having tons of foot/hand/face swelling so of course we're thinking pre-e... well I had a bunch of blood work done and it all came back GREAT! So why the high pressure? Who knows I'm just glad it's not pre-e!

I signed my papers of consent for the c-section if this baby has not come on his own by june 2... that bummed me out.

She checked me (by my request) and I'm soft, 50% effaced and 2cm's. More evening primrose oil for me!

Ho hum...

Baby come... please... nowish would be good... lol.

finally decided on dinner tonight. Tuna melts for jeff and I and mini pizza's on whole wheat bread for the girls. Some dye free mac and cheese on the side and we're good to go! Jeff's working a night shift tonight so he's home for dinner and then not home again till like 9:30. I'm aiming to have the kids in bed by 8 and then I can have some alllll alone time.

We really need to shave Frodo's ass. He gets all manky and smelly and I just don't want a stinky cat around! Maybe tonight we'll finally get around to that?

I packed my bag for the hospital...
3 pairs old undies
4 pairs socks
toiletries
gum
mints
birth plan
jammies... one pair have to put in another
coming home outfit (will wear that in)

I need some new slippers and then I'm done. The baby's bag is all packed. We're taking cloth diapers to the hospital so we can cd from the very beginning. Takes up a lot of room though! I've also got to patch my old nursing pillow to take. I don't care if it gets messy for the first couple of days... it'll be good enough. Only 15 days or less!!!!

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGG

Picture me screaming this at the top of my lungs... this is how I feel RIGHT FUCKING NOW. Now also picture me PULLING OUT MY FUCKING HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAARRRRGGGGG!

Deep breath...

Apparently my kids are incompatible with outside life. If it MOVES it must be an enemy and shrieking at the tops of their lungs must ensue... we're talking an ant... or a teeny fly. I'm serious...

So they are outside in the sandbox, jeff and I are wrestling the infant seat and trying to get it in tight enough in the van... both girls start SCREAMING "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!" at the tops of their ever lovin lungs... why you ask? Surely someone was trying to rape them, or there was a rabid wolf in the back yard... oh no...

why? why? WHY? The gate closed.

Yep. The... gate... closed...

Oh the fucking horror.

I won't even get into how just frusterated mommy turned into pyscho mommy at that. We'll just say that since they are incompatible with the outdoors, they are now both firmly swaddled in their beds and it's nap time. For about the next three years...

I feel like I am about as far away from a gentle discipline mommy as I can get.

did I mention aaaarrrrrrgggggg?

sleep? what's that?

With all the shit that's been going down at this message board I didn't get any sleep last night. I worried about what happens if she decides to get nasty with me again, what if she goes ahead with the "this person makes me unsafe" and gets me banned... she's got enough people that she's friends with on there (including admin's) to do that very easily. And I don't wanna leave :( I love the women on there :( I'm so fucking freaked about this baby and having him that I need that support. I think the damage is probably already done though... everyone knows she's talking about me ( all in the name of "therapy" )

So I finally fall into a semi decent sleep at around 6 am and the next next door neighbors start JACKHAMMERING at 8am. Rise and shine porcupine! Sleep? Who needs that!!! Fucking idiots.

Oh and useless contractor is STILL NOT FINISHED OUR FUCKING WINDOWS!!!! He (or the window guys) made a mistake on the kitchen one so we have to wait for a new one. He still has not come back to caulk Maddy's or our window's... he still needs to fix the sophiting on the side and the chipped wall in the bathroom. Did I mention that he thinks it's okay to hang window's with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he head half in the house? Yah. Nice.

The kids are stil sleeping thank goodness. I need to get out of this funk for their sake...

Should I stay or should I go...

Well I think my ex friend is officially back at the group we both used to post at. I can ignore her posts and go on there gleefully but now she is dredging up past issues on there that we have had... :( I really don't need this shit right now... really... don't. I've never done ANYTHING to anyone on there other than the shit that went down with her and even then I was not rude or mean... I just wrote my feelings in defense at what she said about me.

I'm just in defense mode ya know? I don't want to be hurt.

I don't want to read mean things about me and how horrid of a person I was because I ditched her.

I don't want everyone looking at me like "oh YOU'RE the one who hurt her"

I had my reasons... I'm not justifying myself again.

Why now? 18 days... now I have to fucking worry about this.

I need a hug.

u/s update!

Baby is doing very well.

I am 35 weeks 5 days today.

Head measured at 36 weeks 2 days.
Tummy measured at 38 weeks 6 days.
Legs measured at 39 weeks 2 days!

Baby is very head down. Good fluid. Things look well.

Oh and he's already an estimated 7 lbs 2 oz!!! And an estimated fetal age of 37 weeks 4 days :)