Gentlegoddess

A Photo Comparison...

2008-12-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

This year

Last year

This year...

Last year

After having lost 57 lbs in the last three months through calorie counting (1800 clean good calories per day) I thought a comparison of last year to this year might be nice...

Frodo the cat :)

2008-07-17T22:08:00.001-07:00

By request ;)

Phew...

2008-07-08T00:19:00.000-07:00

So I did manage to get every single freaking fracking thing done on my list today. The littles watched FAR TOO MUCH movies with snacks but hey... it won't kill them.

My house is very very very clean.

We found someone to watch Loki whilst we're gone. Apparently it does not matter to Mike that we've looked after his fucking cats every single time they've gone away for the last FIVE YEARS. He's still pissed that I charged him for watching his kids for three days (and feeding them for three days... while I had double pneumonia... on my kids spring break...) AFTER HE TOLD ME HE'D PAY ME GLADLY! I charged them WAY below going rate too. And I didn't babysit his dog when they went to Vancouver because Loki had Kennel cough. So he's mad. And won't let my dog stay there. I hope he's not planning a vacation soon and asking us to look after his cats.. That's gratitude for you.

So our friend Stacy is going to take him. He'll get to play with Cyrus for the two weeks and she'll do the raw thing for him while he's there (we'll have it all bagged and ready to go.) She's an angel. I really didn't want to take Loki on vacation. Stressful for all involved.

Well I'm bathed and off to bed. K is here at 8 in the morning and I have a busy day for us planned. Playing outside, a long walk, lots of stories, lots of songs. :)

updated...

2008-07-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

I am just frustrated today. We've been looking at buying a new van. We thought for sure today that they'd come back to us with a decent interest rate and that we'd be driving a new van by tomorrow. Well Jeff's stupid student loans that he made a deal to pay off are STILL ON HIS CREDIT RATING. But only until september. So as of september we can get any interest rate that we want. I want a new van NOW though and think that we should just suck up the one or two months of a $600-650 payment and then re-fi in september to get it down to $500. It would only cost us about $300 more than having a good interest rate now.

Jeff wants to fix the brakes (about $200-300) and it needs new roters) fix the a/c (free) and fix the gas gauge (probably about $100 or so). We wouldn't get any more for a trade in on the van.

So it works out to costing us about the same amount of money either which way.

But of course Jeff's in meetings and doing training all day and I can't talk to him about this.

update: I finally got to talk to him and it will be $594 as opposed to $650. I think we'll go for it. We're waiting for one more lender to contact the dealership.

/rant

It's clean up day. I have this day free and then daycare for the rest of the week. I don't clean when I have kids here (other than put dishes away, clean trays, wipe crumbs, sweep big chunks of things) during the day and there is no time for big cleans at night so days off it is.

So today I've cleaned the downstairs... bathroom, swept, litter box, swept laundry room, vaccuumed the entire downstairs, cleaned Loki's craft, cleaned the rec room, done three loads of laundry, went through the shoes, vacuumed all of the landing and carpets, collected all of the garbage, organized K's stuff.

I still have to do the upstairs... clean our room (done), bathroom (done), P's room, vacuum (done), sweep (done) and mop (spot washed), dishes, tidy, dust, clean hot spots, clear off fridge, snack plan for the week, sweep deck, clean high chairs, clean windows (done)...

Is there a way to clone myself?

2008-07-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Hawt

2008-06-30T22:49:00.001-07:00

It's a hot one! It's been around 30 for days now... we've had a wonderful long weekend so far. My sis and niece came in on saturday and then we spent the day at Hixon campground on Sunday. We ate lots, played lots, swam lots. I didn't bring a suit but managed to get soaked when Phoenix sat down IN THE RIVER, patted the water next to him and commanded "mama... sit!" so sit I did ;) In a floor length skirt and tank top ;) It was SO DELICIOUSLY COOL. Best time evah!

Today we spent the day with my friend Jean and her kids up at her place. It's so nice to hang out with friends and not ALWAYS have it be at my place! Phoenix and Alex had not a SINGLE argument (this is normal for them... they never fight... EVER) the girls were all a bit owly but Kylee spent the night last night and she woke them up at 6 freaking am...

Apparently tomorrow I'm going out with my sister and mother for a bit and then they are taking LIvy home for a sleep over. Dawn's spending the night here then. I have Alex and Kaidence full day on Wednesday. It will be fun for Phoenix to have someone bigger to play with :)

I'm off to have a nice cool bath. Then fans and BED!

me...

2008-05-22T15:05:00.000-07:00

new pictures... feelin emo ;)

The Dogs Dinner

2008-05-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

We got an assortment of elk, moose, salmon, halibut, beef and what have you from freecycle. About 3 or 4 different people dropped off stuff at various times throughout a week about a month ago. We`ve just been cutting things up as we need them for the past month but I decided to get organized and do the rest (about 30 lbs) all in one go. I cut up everything (roasts, steaks etc.) into portions a little less than a half lb and then bag and tie them all. Then we just pull out what we need when we need it!

All bagged up.

Moose ribs and salmon carnage.

Bags of elk, moose etc.

Salmon, halibut, elk etc. before being cut and bagged.

My clean and decluttered space

2008-02-19T18:47:00.000-08:00

A big part of my daily life is minimalizing what I have and finding better ways to organize out "stuff" These pictures were taken in september and even the changes since then have been amazing (especially in the rec room.)

Full wall storage shelf system in our rec room

The view down the main hall in the upstairs.

Our very clean and minimal upstairs living room. No tv/stereo

Another view of the living room

And yet another view (you can see Phoenix basket of toys there.)

View from the kitchen to the entrance

View of kitchen island... flowers and candle are the only thing on the counter

The view of my kitchen from the dining area. The crockpot normally goes under the oven when not in use.

These pictures are from September... if anything it got cleaner and more organized from there!

Makeup and girls...

2008-01-29T21:37:00.001-08:00

I'm in trouble with they get older ;)

Oh I'm so annoyed...

2007-12-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

I have been battling strep/tonsillitis for a couple of weeks now (coming up on three weeks I guess) and I went back to the clinic yesterday and it's back. So more antibiotics for me and supposed rest (lol!) So I get a call from my sister this morning saying she's horribly ill, it's strep (apparently now she's a doctor) and CAN I SHARE MY ANTIBIOTICS WITH HER! Ummmm... no.

First of all, I understand that since she no longer lives here she does not have health insurance. I know she'll have to pay to see a doctor. I know she'll have to pay to get antibiotics. I know this. But I also know that I need MY antibiotics. They are not going to give me another scrip until this one runs out so that will leave ME needed antibiotics and having to suffer because I can't get any. Never mind that she just very well might have a virus (there's a bunch going around) that cause sore throats and will not respond to drugs PERIOD. I am not going to diagnose and prescribe her and that is what I would be doing if I gave her half my antibiotics.

Of course she hung up on me (real mature) refused to answer the phone when I called back and then when I finally got my mother on the phone, I tried to explain my point and the feeling I got from her is that I was making HER life more difficult because now SHE had to get her to the doctors and "don't I know that she has a lot of stuff to do today?"

Why... why why why is it always MY FUCKING FAULT. Why do they always strive to make ME feel guilty???? Dawn KNEW I was getting over strep. I made no bones about it. I also told her that my doctor told me not to share utensils, cough on people or kiss anyone... and I didn't.

Oh and then yesterday my mother moans to me about how are they going to get grandma home Christmas day. (she's in a wheelchair after having had a stroke) She was about to ask me if Jeff would take her home when I said we were full up. We're not leaving early so we can take her home. I asked why THEY could not take her home... "the truck is too tall" ... so use the car? No... just ask Jeff! He's the family chauffeur!

Always the drama at Christmas... always.

Fuck.

I am making the pact RIGHT NOW to not take on this guilt. This is not my fault, it has nothing to do with me. It is not up to me to make every single persons life easier. I am not taking ownership of other people's bad moods and attempts to make me feel like shit. They can own their own energy and karma. I refuse.

I will enjoy this Christmas with my family. I will not let attempts at negativity drag me down. I do not have to accept the shit that people throw at me.

:)

Oh yah... whatever...

2007-12-20T00:09:00.000-08:00

lol! I'm shaking my head... once again the whole vaccine debate comes up at good ol storknet. I posted that my littles had the pox and we all got through them... this brought up the debate on how anyone could ever dream of exposing their children to the horribly deadly disease that is the POX! (duh duh duuuuummmmmm) Because don't you know that someones aunt best friend's cousins daughter had them and nearly DIED and then their uncle had them and he DID DIE and blah blah blah. Yes... the chicken pox can do damage... VERY VERY RARELY and I'm willing to bet that not as much damage as that fucking vaccine has caused. How about this? How about giving millions of kids a vaccine that will leave them without protection in 10-15 years just in time for them to get them when they are a teenager and CAN be horribly damaged? Of course people say they'll just get the booster... but not everyone will. And people that could have earned life long immunity when they were children are now completely fucked.

Another funny... a couple of weeks ago when I posted on my status on facebook that my littles had the pox and I was happy, a woman that I barely know, who added ME, posts rather passive aggressively on HER status "........ ...... is wondering why anyone would want their child to be sick." How about just WRITING ME and ASKING ME instead of pulling the PA shit that I so enjoy?

I can't believe it's only six more days will christmas. Unreal. I still having stocking stuffers to buy and wrap!!!!!

Well I've watched three episodes of 90210 season three tonight and I am off to shower and hit the hay. Jeff's downstairs watching star wars... again. Uggg.

My husband...

2007-12-19T10:54:00.000-08:00

is very very creative :) He designed and made these necklaces for our little ladies Yule presents :)

This is Madeline's :)
And a close up
Olivia's close up
And Olivia's entire necklace :)

I can't WAIT till they open them!!!!!

update of sorts

2007-12-18T23:24:00.000-08:00

Just cause... lol!

So my issue with not breathing ended up being over a week long battle with evil evil strep. I'm FINALLY out of pain and that is a very very good thing. Jeff ended up getting it as well but he got on antibiotics right away. The kids are all finished the chicken pox as well. So Goddess willing we should all be well for Yule/santa day celebrations!

I'm all done my shopping, decorating and wrapping. I'm currently folding laundry and watching Star Wars I with Jeff. I'm tired. I have to stay up for another hour or so until my bread is finished.

Sigh. I had a whole post planned out but I'm too sleepy.

wtf...

2007-12-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

seriously.

It's six thirty in the morning and other than a two minute doze here or there... I have not been to sleep yet.

I took a t-3 (tylenol with codeine) because my kidneys were sore, my back was sore, I was having tons of aches and pains of various sorts... it seemed like the right thing to do.

Those pills are going away tomorrow. Far far away. From about 20 minutes after I took ONE DAMN PILL I suffered a huge huge massive panic attack. I was so fucking exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open but every time I fell asleep I woke up convinced that if I did fall asleep I would die. Every. Single. Time. So now my bodies trigger to passing out is... to wake itself back up as soon as fucking possible.

Oh gawd. There are no words to explain how incredibly shitty I feel right now. Oh and to top it all off I have a massive sore throat. I've been managing my panic/anxiety well for a while but always, right around 16-18 months postpartum... when my hormone levels are reaching normal cause my babes start nursing less this happens. I attended a course on managing my anxiety and panic the last time and it worked very very well. I think I need that again. Or a shrink. Or something. Cause I can't live with the mood swings and the feeling of impending doom (which is one of the major signs of a heart attack... nice) and I don't think that my family really wants to live with it either.

So I sit here on the couch in the dark with my laptop... while my dark prince sleeps on the couch across from me. I tried to go to bed and managed about an hour in my room before I freaked out. I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN. I just can't.

I'm hoping this is just codeine induced. Praying it is.

Sigh. Out of words :(

The pox... round two

2007-12-07T13:52:00.000-08:00

Both the littles have fevers. Olivia has a sore throat and no appetite... Phoenix has a cough and runny nose. My bet is two rounds of spots by tomorrow. Fun fun fun!

I have a kidney infection. I'm sore. I'm tired. I need a nap in the worst possible way. We're going to finish watching Emily Young and then it's bed for all of us. Diapers need to be switched to the dryer but other than that not much housework is being done today.

I need to do a grocery list... we're supposed to go visit rose and al tonight and we have a birthday party to go to tomorrow and I think Maddy's supposed to sleep over at my moms. We'll see.

Gawd I am SOOOOOOO TIRED.

A POX upon you...

2007-11-28T12:21:00.000-08:00

Well we knew it had to happen sometime (being that we don't vaccinate for anything, never mind the chicken pox.) Madeline was complaining of a stomach ache all saturday, Jeff took her to the er that night and they said it was a bladder infection... put her on sulfa drugs. Fast forward to monday when she appears to have a rash ALL OVER her body. First culprit? Sulpha drugs... or... you know... chicken pox. The clinical diagnosis is the pox and she appears to have a pretty classic case of them. She's got between 100-200 spots. They have almost all come to a "head" and are bursting like crazy. About 2/3's of them have crusted over already. She was doing really well with them and not scratching (I'm keeping her doped on Benedryl... though it does not dope her, it actually excites her instead) but at about midnight she came upstairs with a forlorn look... "I HATE the chicken spots!!!" Some cream, Benedry, kisses and water later... she was back in bed and slept through the night.

We've done all of our school work for the morning. A science package on Chucky the salmon, two sheets of printing, a journal entry and three worksheets on ordinal numbers. Yes she's in grade one. No she's not doing grade one work. Most of what she's working on is grade two stuff. The advantages of being in a 1/2 split. This afternoon we'll work on skip counting, do our home reading program and practice spelling words. THEN when all of that is done, we'll pop some popcorn, cuddle up on the couch with Olivia and watch a movie.

Olivia is colouring Christmas pictures and humming "Jingle bells." We just ate some strawberry waffles and juice for lunch. I changed a massively disgusting Phoenix poo and we're good to go.

I'm sad for Madeline that she has to miss this week of school. Thursday the entire school is going to see a live showing of "Annie" and then report card day is Friday. She also has her ballet exam on Friday but come hell or high water SHE'S GOING. It should be fine since everything is crusting over already.

I'm tired. I'm run down. We're instituted a chore chart for Jeff and I to keep everything organized. During the week I'm in charge of most everything except after dinner dishes and maybe one other thing a night (like monday night he had to clean the rec room and last night he was SUPPOSED to clean the two bathrooms.)

One problem... he's tired. He sits on the couch as soon as the kids are in bed and trys to pass out. Well that's all fine and good but now I HAVE to do his chores... and that was the whole point of HAVING a chore chart... to lessen the burden on me. So I guess tonight he'll have to clean the bathrooms PLUS whatever he's supposed to do tonight. My jobs for today are a general tidy, clean my room, laundry and that's about it. So I guess I'll put away the last load I folded and start some more.

What I really feel like doing is curling up on my couch with a blankie, a cup of Chai, a really good book and reading till I fall asleep... and then napping for a good couple of hours. Instead I'll nurse the baby, feed kids, have a shower, get dressed, tidy up, do some laundry, clean the bedroom, read stories, play cars, spell words out for Olivia, homeschool Madeline, read Phoenix more stories, nurse a bit more, change another diaper....

It's NEVER dull moment... never.

Anyone want a best friend?

2007-11-21T22:08:00.000-08:00

Cause I think I'm free... lol.

My best friends daughter is on house arrest until she potty learns (she's almost five and goes in and out of being completely learned but is currently out) and therefore that means that my best friend is on house arrest. No play dates, no sleepovers... I guess this means my four year old needs a new best friend as well. Any takers?

This is apparently daddy's plan of action on the potty learning front. *shakes head*

Le sigh. I'm going to miss my friend. I hope her daughter potty learns for good quickly... although if the last almost three years are any indication I am taking resumes ;)

life... amoung other things...

2007-11-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

My sister and niece arrived safe and sound from Alabama on Friday morning. It was SO NICE to see them in person, be able to hug them and feel their energy. I've missed co-parenting with my sister, knowing someone loves my kids with the intensity that I do and would lay down their life for them. My kids are her kids and visa versa... it's strange. I feel like I can leave the room and not have to say "watch my kids kay?" because she already is... she's already there. She's already in that head space.

Phoenix took to Dawn in an instant. He's madly enamored with Kylee and loves to follow her around. She's such a little "mommy" and watches him, looks after him... wants to be with him. Between Madeline and Kylee he's very well loved.

Mom's last chemo went well. She's very tired and very sore and very much not letting herself sleep and rest... I know that she does not want to miss even a second of the time that Dawn and Kylee are here but she NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF!!! It seems like every single time she does lay down someone is there needing her... I told Dawn to lay the smack down and when mom is in bed? She is not to be bothered. I spoke to mom tonight and she was very grouchy. Long days make for a grouchy mama.

My mother has a "friend" that is driving me slowly to the brink. She loves mom to death, would do anything for her... but has about all the tact of a porcupine. Some of the recent gems were...

-(to my grandmother who's had a stroke and is in a nursing home... it was her birthday today and she was cutting her cake) Oh you cut crooked... just like your life.

-(to my other grandmother, when asking her how she takes her coffee) Oh... black like your heart?

-(to my grandmothers care provider) Well I hope you washed your hands now that you've had them all over that cake

Just no tact. At all. At any times. G double Rrrrr I tell ya.

/rant

Phoenix ran up to me today and said "nana... PEAS PEAS PEAS!!!!!" (nurse me, please please please!) It was adorable! He usually takes me by the hand, leads me to the bedroom, grabs his blanket, lays down beside me and opens his mouth. He's not subtle AT ALL.

Madeline got in trouble for the first time ever at school today. Apparently she accidentally grabbed a kids lunch kit, he punched her and then she told the teacher. She left out that she had grabbed his lunch kit. She lied about it when questioned (she didn't want to get in trouble) but then told the truth. She got a warning and a note sent home. She was devastated... she went to the bathroom at school and bawled, bawled some more at home. Told me how sorry she was that she lied and that she wants people to trust her and be her friend. I'm pissed because the OTHER kid just got a warning as well. He fucking PUNCHED her. Not even on the same scale. He showed violent behaviour and I am not impressed. I will be talking to her teacher tomorrow. I can almost guarantee that Madeline will never do this again.

Okay wow... this was a rantyish post ;)

owwwww

2007-11-13T17:46:00.000-08:00

I fell down the stairs. Holding Phoenix. On to a ceramic tile floor. ON MY KNEE. I hurt so freaking bad. I took 3 advil AND a tylenol 3 and JUST NOW am I starting to feel a bit better (well really zoo'ed but not so pained).

My knee is very red, a bunch of skin missing and quite swollen. I screamed when I tried to walk on it. Phoenix and I layed on the floor at the bottom of the stairs and cried for a while before I crawled up the stairs for the phone. I was on my way to pick up Maddy so thankfully Tammy (a friend who's little girl Emma is in the same class as Mad) could bring her home. I managed to put Phoenix down for a nap (he's fine... I pulled the landing so he'd be okay but managed to hurt myself that much more), get some frozen corn for my knee and now I'm laying on the couch (I AM NOT STUBBORN JEFF!)

Apparently I'm heading to the ER when Jeff gets home.

Fun.

Not.

sigh.

I really should have called Rose or someone to take care of me. It's unfair to Madeline to have to watch Phoenix while I can't move. I know if I called Jean she would have come down but that's a long ways to drive. I don't want to be a burden but FUCK THIS SO FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!!!!!! I was trying to get up the courage to ask Robyn to stay but they have a friend to help set up some speaker thing so they were already busy with things to do.

I guess I'll muddle through somehow tomorrow. Drugs will be my bestest friend.

Buy buy buy!!!

2007-11-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5118712

Go to this shop. Buy these dolls :) These are all waldorf inspired dolls that are portraits of children from an orphanage in Niger. 100% of the proceeds go towards the orphanage and the children. Can you think of a better gift for any child (or woman for that matter!!!!)

it's a gray day

2007-11-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

and I'm feeling grayish to go with it.

I'm tired, my back is sore, I'm tired of telling my girls to be quiet while Phoenix is attempting (for the third time) to have a nap. I'm tired of not having ANY couples friends to do things with as a family and yet it's totally not my style to say "hey you have kids, we have kids, lets hang" and yet I know that's what needs to be done in order to change this. I'm tired of not being able to arrange a time to hang out with Jean and her brood. I'm tired of not driving and therefore stuck to the house unless I can finagle a way to get out. I'm tired.

I would like an entire day to do WHAT I WANT. With no kids. With none of anything I didn't want around. With no housework or "mommy mommy mommy", with no dinners to cook and laundry to fold. And entire day to focus on MYSELF and no one else. Do these days exist? Not for me they don't.

I would like someone to cook me dinner, clean my house, watch my kids, run me a bath and fetch me some wine. To go with my whine ;)

Okay. Suck it up Princess. Real life awaits and it waits for me. Constantly. Annoyingly so.

Emo? Why?

2007-11-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

Now this is Olivia at the age of 1 1/2 or so? But yah... she looks like that today. And a good portion of most days. She's emo, moody, acts pms'y. She's currently laying on the couch on her face ignoring me. I've snuggled her, joked with her, played with her and she's STILL BEING FUCKING EMO. OMG. Why? This is pretty much a constant state for her over the last year. Seriously now... do they make antidepressants for four year olds? I'm considering it.

She just informed me that she is bitchy because she does not want to clean her room. It's not MY room. I didn't leave a weeks worth of laundry on the floor. I didn't spread her stuffed animals from one end to the next. SHE DID. She is four and a half. She can clean her damned room herself.

/end rant

So this little person
decided to wake me up just after seven am... took a massive dump in his diaper and then stood by my head shoving his blanket on my face pleading "mama, nana PEASE!!!!!!!!!!" Over and over and over. I was suffering a codeine hangover (taking it for my cough) and not exactly wanting to be awake and on duty quite so early. Oh course with a diaper change, nursing and breakfast he is now standing in front of me grooving to "dance baby dance" and dancing he is! It's cute. He's cute. I guess he can stay.

Miss Madeline is at school and therefore cannot annoy me. That's the great thing about school ;) This is however an adorable picture. Note the blue ring around her mouth? Blue sucker. You'd think at the age of six that she could figure out how to get the sucker IN her mouth and not AROUND her mouth. Apparently not. Also note the adorable puppy on her lap. That is Ozzy. My newest nephew ;) He is a puggalicious pug and I *heart* him.

Well dinner is in the crockpot (baked beans) and I should change Phoenix, get him dressed, check Olivia's room, have a shower, feed Olivia lunch, fold the laundry, vacuum the floors, put more laundry in the washer, let the dog out.................. oh this could go on for a while ;)

An update...

2007-11-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

cause my loverly sister asked so nicely for one ;)

There is snow on the ground. Nice, wet, soggy, heavy snow. It was fluffy for about a nanosecond but it's far too warm to have very good staying power. So mostly what it's doing is compacting and making things far too slippery on the roads. Thankfully we were able to purchase and get installed new winter tires on friday; about three hours after the dumpage started to take place.

Another thing about snow... it makes you realize very quickly that your extremely tall six year old outgrew her size 6X snowsuit. Your four year old is no longer a size 7 boot (and is now in size 10's!). Your baby needs something warmer than robeez for the -40 weather that is surely to come... and you can't possibly spend another winter wearing just crocs.

So we're now the proud owners of a lovely cream and pink snowsuit (size 8) for Maddy. Olivia has some snazzy new blue and white boots. Phoenix has the most teeny darling pair of Olive boots (that he HATES with a passion I have never seen. We're talking fall to the floor screaming, kicking feet, trying to rip them off of his legs and then when he succeeds? Chucking them to the other side of the room just as fast and as far as he can. It's fucking hilarious!) I also have boots. Cute, leather and fake furish type boots. They are warm.

Due to the upcoming holiday season and due to the new neighborhood we live in ( http://www.getawaybc.com/story.cgi?id=4647&section=5 ) we went lights shopping tonight and ended up with a metric assload of "crystal iced rope lights" which are multicoloured and very pretty! That combined with our blow up snow globe will have to do for this year. I imagine we'll collect stuff as the years pass.

I finally got an eye exam and my eyes have not changed one iota in the last eight years. I also got fitted for contact lenses and my trial pair should be in this week. Jeff also made an appointment for his eye exam but yesterday morning woke up with his eyes glued shut... enter... PINK EYE! Ironically enough he has not had an eye exam in eight years either and has never had pink eye... he makes an appointment? Gets pink eye. He's in a world of hurt. He went to the clinic yesterday and has prescription ointment now. Fun.

Phoenix has been taking Benadryl at night for his allergies/sinus inflammation. Our doc said to keep him on for the next couple of nights and allow him to get some rest. He cough was getting so bad that he was awake for most of every single night for 6 weeks. Poor duck.

Olivia is on her very first sleepover (that she's actually staying at!) There was a failed attempt earlier this year but she's confident that she'll stay. Robyn called and the girls are asleep and everything! It started as a play date at 1:00pm today and turned into a playdate/sleepover and now Robyn is taking her to preschool tomorrow too! That makes it 26 hours that Liv will not have been home. Weird.

Madeline is a source of worry for me. She's being bullied by a grade two girl. She takes pleasure in telling Madeline that her colouring is "gross" her shirt is "hideous" and tells everyone who will listen not to play with Maddy. Good thing that Maddy is friends with almost everyone and no one listens to Eden. It just pisses me off. Politics in grade one? I mean come on! Maddy is dealing with it fine but we are keeping our ears and eyes on the situation.

Oh and hey... MY SISTER IS COMING HOME! They bought their tickets, got their travel documents and my neice and my sister WILL BE HOME NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!! They are getting to stay for about a month and a half and I have not been happier in about two years ;) I miss them so freaking much and I can't believe that I have survived without my sister for this long. We all need her here for a bit.

Well I just told Jeff to go do his eyes. The dog is passed out and needs to go to his crate and the cats need to be fed. I sleepy.

Let them be little

2007-10-16T00:24:00.001-07:00

I LOVE this song by Lonestar. It was part of a photo montage that Madeline's Kindy teacher did at the end of the year... it's good remember that they are just little and they are little only once... so when they are screaming at 4 am, whining incessantly and generally annoying the living heck out of you... take a deep breath. Hold them close. Give them a kiss.... and remember that this too shall pass... and sooner than you want.

Let them be Little

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink
Faster than a flower blooms they grow up all too soon

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch
I live for those kisses, prayers and your wishes
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see
Every night while we're on our knees all I ask is please

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around
It's time to let them go

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

Let them be little

my life

2007-10-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

is not very exciting I guess... but it's mine.

Last night we had a wonderful thanksgiving dinner that I didn't have to cook ;) Surrounded by friends (that are basically family) and my children and love of my life. We stayed far too late watching movies, snuggling a puglet, tell stories... stuffing ourselves silly (well Robyn and I did anyways.)

Today it's house maintenance day. Outside of the house maintenance. Jeff got up on the roof and attempted to fix it. Then he weed hacked, and is currently mowing while I'm on the deck with my lap top. The girls and Loki are playing the shed and running around and Phoenix is sleeping.

We have a very healthy lawn. It was last moved in the beginning of August and with getting moved in, settled and whatnot, Jeff just never got to it again. It was very tall. And very very green. It's very very healthy :) Which is nice because our last lawn sucked ass and was mostly crab grass.

My house interior is messy... ish. I'm deciding not to care today. At the very least the laundry is almost all caught up. Take that maytag.

We have to replace the CV joint (right one) on the van. I'm hoping to sweet talk Mike into helping Jeff. We just can't swing 90$/hour for shop time right now. We own a house... but we're broke ;) Hey at least we have equity right???

My dog is now chasing jeff as he drags a falled tree into the back greenbelt. cool. Okay now he's trying to escape ;)

It's cold. I should put on a sweater. But I won't.

hmm... disjointed much?

where did I go?

2007-09-21T09:22:00.001-07:00

the woman who wanted to be a lawyer, travel the world, have rampant sex any time of the day with the love of her life?

who did the swingin thang? Who partied the night away in clubs? who could attend any concert any time?

who swore she would never have kids? who rebelled against any form of commitment?

she's been replaced...

by someone who wants to be a midwife, loves long drives while her children sleep in the back seat, has quiet but still mind blowing sex on the couch... after the kids are in bed ;)

by someone who can't imagine sharing her man. Who parties the evening away at pagan family friendly events. Who's idea of a good concert is "big comfy couch"

by someone who laments the fact that her baby making days are over. who nurses her babies until the wean. who has made the ultimate commitment for her family.

I've changed.

I've grown.

I've matured.

I can't imagine doing anything else, being anywhere else or being ANYONE ELSE.

I love who I am.

I love my life.

I'm me... and for the first time in my life it's right where I want to be.

HE'S WALKING!!!!!

2007-09-13T22:22:00.000-07:00

and it's so freaking adorable!

I put him down while on the phone with jeff and he took 6 steps. Then a bunch of steps at LLL tonight. Then he walked like four or five times at Roses!

He WALKS!!!

That is all :)

Is it true? Could it be?

2007-09-13T09:32:00.000-07:00

Olivia Sporting her "first day of school" outfit :)

Madeline in her "first day of school" outfit

Phoenix sporting his... new teeth? Smile? Cuteness?

Emma (Maddy's friend) Madeline and Olivia outside M's school on the first day

Am I actually becoming a *gasp* morning person????

I guess that's what happens when you get up every single day at 7am and start falling asleep at 10:30 (yes 10:30... don't have a heart attack... I'm serious!)

I'm sitting here with my breakfast, listening to Chuck Berry while Olivia does some serious "Happy Feeting"

I'm back, a poopy diaper to change, a baby to get dressed and washed. I lead an exciting life. I should go run and put diapers in the wash as well.

Maddy's at school. Lunch is packed (pizza, apples, granola bar and banana for snack) and Olivia has school at 1. Jeff and I are actually going to take Phoenix and go do some birthday prep stuff. With just one child. We may get a wee bit giddy with the freedom ;) (great now he obviously was not done filling his pants cause he's crappy again...)

Yesterday I had my three kids, three daycare kids and then Maddy's friend. I must thrive on chaos ;) I find when there are that many they just tend to keep one another amused. We come home, have a snack (yesterday was fruit salad and juice) all homework gets done, homework gets invented for those that come without and silent/out loud reading takes place. THEN they get to play for about an hour and it's go home time. I LOVE afterschool care.

Olivia is sitting beside me saying "mommy, mommy, change Phoenix. No time for writing... change Phoenix! Changing!" I may have to kill her. Now Phoenix is driving his car on Liv's chair so she took off. These are the sounds of my morning...

I miss my Madeline. I enjoy the quiet but I miss her.

My sister is? hopefully? coming home for Christmas. Oh gawd she'd better. I need her here right now.

We're having a small party for Maddy's birthday day at my mom's on saturday. That reminds me I have to call Aunty Gail and my grandma. Then the big waterslide party at Ester's on the 22nd.

Well poopy diapers wait for no woman and it will just get stinkier the longer I wait. If I'm not back in 10 call the emt's kay?

but first... some new pics ;)

another day

2007-09-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Phoenix is having a heck of a time with his sleep tonight. He's been up about 5 times in the last 2 hours and we have NO idea what is wrong. So we've given him Motrin and we're crossing our fingers.

Maddy's lunch is made; organic pb and strawberry jam pinwheels on whole wheat tortilla, whole yogurt with honey, cinnamon and vanilla extract and orange flavoured craisens with watered down orange juice to drink. Banana for snack. I wish I made lunches for myself like I do for her ;)

I have two extra day care kids tomorrow. I love a house full.

On Friday I somehow managed to collect three extra kids on the way home. Caitlin (our one after school kid) Maddy, Liv, Phoenix and I were going to watch a very family friendly movie and eat our snack downstairs, then Maddy wanted Emma to come so I invited her (such a sweet kid with a wonderful mother), then Kendra (another grade one girl but in the K-1 split) overheard and I got guilted into inviting her... THEN our old next door neighbor Danica asked to come. We had a blast, the kids had a great time and Jeff hid upstairs ;) I have a feeling I'll always be the one with all the kids over at their house. I guess I'm just not afraid of having that many kids over. I find it fun :)

Ballet/song and dance are back in full force. Not much to report there. We planned it for the girls to have the same teacher as last year as we adore her :)

I made a roast chicken in the crockpot today so it could cook while we were out. Neither Jeff nor I are feeling well (head colds coming on) so it was an easyish type day. Did a bit of shopping and came home. Got Phoenix some new rice noodles and gluten free cereal (Gorilla crunch by envirokidz) and the girls some lunch things.

Well I should help jeff fold the laundry ... oops... he's done ;) Shucks ;)

My stock is finished (soup tomorrow) and the bread machine is almost done it's thing. I think I may have the hang of this suzie homemaker crap after all ;)

Instant Karma...

2007-09-06T18:41:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love the mysterious and wonderful ways that the Goddess works... whatever good you put into this world comes back to you threefold. Whatever bad you put into this world comes back to you threefold...

remember the post where I said my inlaws backed down on a promise yet again? Well the sale of their house just fell through.

Karma's a bitch ain't it?

Planning a sixth birthday party...

2007-09-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

SIX!!! I can't believe my teeny blonde blue eyed chubby baby is going to be six in 12 days! She's so tall with hair down to her waist and these muscled little dancer legs. She can read, do simple math, clean her room... she is way too young to be six and in grade one.

Esters Inn is the setting for the party. September 15th. Rose just informed me that her crew (them, Mike, Robyn and the kids) will be gone camping again. But if we got our tent trailer fixed would could go! Ummm... no. It will be cold. Probably rainy and yah. We're having a party. And she'll be gone. As usual ;)

So I guess it will be Madeline, Emma, Kaitlyn, Brianna, Caitlyn, Madison and Elisabeth. Olivia too of course, though she won't have a friend there... maybe we should invite Kathrine and Caroline? We'll see. So I'm booking the party Room and the kids will have two glorious hours to do those water slides just as many times as their little legs will ;) We'll have cupcakes, ice pops, juice, snacks and fun! I'll invite my mom and grandmother but I doubt they'll show up. I guess it will just be Maddy's friends, Jean, Jeff and I. I know they'll have a blast.

For goody bags I'm thinking a craft kit in each bag, a princess crown and some chocolate candies (Sundrops that are made with natural dyes, like M&M's.)

Madeline wants a pretend cash register, baby stroller, new baby and a Pucci Pup. She also wants a princess "polly pocket" type doll. I think maybe Olivia will get that for her. I found a cute Graco umbrella stroller for $9, the cash register for $19 and the new baby set for $22. I think we'll ix nay on the pup. She'll get some new clothes and a book or two to round it out.

Just got out of a very relaxing hot tub with Jeff. I think I'll go jump him while his defenses are down ;)

pysch...

2007-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

So part of the reason that we chose to buy THIS house instead of buying the one that we were already living in that my inlaws owned was that we would receive money from the sale of the home. I won't go into huge details but basically they would give us the down payment for this place and then promised us more after their house sold and we would save that as a financial buffer. We informed them of this plan and they applauded us for being fiscally responsible...

Fast forward to today. They just informed us that there will be no more money forthcoming. So we spent more money on a house, spent money moving AND increased our mortgage by $400 a month on the promise of having an additional "X" amount of dollars in the bank and now it's not coming.

Now them backing down on their promises is nothing new so I shouldn't be surprised. It is what it is. However I am still disappointed.

The girls have not SEEN Jeff's mom since January. They are coming to visit on September 18th. They'll arrive that evening and are only staying until saturday morning. 3 days. Nice. They won't stay here and we probably will not see much of them at all.

Once again... it is what it is.

I am very grateful for what they have given us. We would not have been able to purchase a house without their help. However for the small amount they gave us, we helped them make $140,000 over the last three years by living in their rental and allowed them to acquire equity on it.

I'll just stop... I sound like a whiny little bitch.

I'm... meh

2007-09-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

I've been lax on journaling. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm... depressed? I'm not sure but I feel that way a bit.

Lately I've been feeling the finality of Jeff's sterility. I don't "want" more children but I'm feeling the finality of not ever having that choice again. I was okay with it 10 months ago but not so much now. Not that there is anything that we would do or can be done. I feel our family is complete. But mommy amnesia has set in and I can only remember all the good things about being pregnant and having a newborn ;)

I'm dealing. I'm hoping this stage does not last long. I should have waited until now to get my dog ;)

The house is great. It's a dream. Our first mortgage payment came out and now we're officially on the poverty program ;)

Phoenix is back in cloth. He seems to tolerate being a bit wet much better than he used to and now that he is not quite so hating diaper changes and is willing to sit a tiny bit still, it's easier to get a snappi on him without impaling his penis and testicles.

School starts on tuesday... I'm ready but am I "ready?"

I need to let my feelings go to the Goddess and just trust that everything will work out.

Phew

2007-08-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

We're moved. We moved in on friday and JUST NOW as of about three minutes ago have the whole house unpacked and ready to go. The kids do have a couple of boxes that they have to sort through and jeff has to do his room and put together the outside kids stuff but other than that... DONE!

The rec room was a HUGE job. Three nights we worked down here. The built in shelving is wonderful and is packed with the kids stuff and dvd's, puzzles, games, toys, crafts etc. It's so nice to have a place for everything! You would never be able to tell that I probably gave away close to half of our stuff. I'm going to keep decluttering and giving away things until I am satisfied :)

So tomorrow Jeff goes to the old house to clean, pack up the final couple things and steam clean the carpets. The girls and I are going to Jean's for Elisabeth's birthday party sleepover... well actually Olivia is coming home with daddy and Maddy, Phoenix and I are sleeping over. I know she wants to stay but she gets scared and then horrible during sleep over times.

I'm tired. I'm going to have a glass of wine and hit the hay.

A picture post!

2007-08-09T10:07:00.001-07:00

Do you mind? I just woke up!

So pretty!

Rockin the new glasses :)

Cutest baby EVAH! You will bend to my mind powers...

Yes mama?

A baby profile :)

HUGE rant ahead

2007-08-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

can we just be fucking moved and settled and DONE already???

From the minute the kids woke up they have been fighting.

-don't let phoenix in my room...
-PHOENIX GET OUT OF MY ROOM
-MOM GET PHOENIX OUT OF MY ROOM."

-mom she hit me
-no i didn't
-yes you DID!
-it was just a little tap
-NO YOU WHACKED ME ACROSS THE FACE WITH THE TELEPHONE
-just a little bit
-MOM! MADELINE'S LYING!
-MOM! OLIVIA'S A CRYBABY!

-Girls. I am putting Phoenix to bed. Please eat your lunch, leave the dog alone and be quiet...
*loud shouting, running around the kitchen, dog barking incessantly, kids screaming at one another ensues...*

I promptly LOSE MY MIND and shout at the kids to "get in their rooms" and then rant and rave at jeff about the kids the second he walks through the door.

THEN! Jeff goes to work and I find a giant puddle of DOG PISS at the end of the hallway! Nice! So then I go to get the dog and he pisses ALL DOWN THE HALLWAY, ALL OVER ME, ALL OVER THE ALREADY PISSED ON SPOT. I am going to shoot the dog... well I would if I had a gun that is.

The house is fucking trashed. We're moving in two days. Nothing ever gets FINISHED. We do bits of something, move to the next thing, do a bit there... move on again. I just want it done. I AM DONE.

We have to go sign papers today at the lawyers and the monster children have to come with us. OH WHAT FUN. Just fucking shoot me now.

house crap

2007-07-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

So most of you know we're buying a new house

http://www.propertyguys.com/listings...p?propid=12862

and it's getting close to the date that all the subjects get taken off (August 1st).

Our mortgage was approved. CMHC (mortgage insurance guys) approved us on the condition that the house appraisal come to asking price or over. So we've been waiting on pins and needles to see if we could get the appraisal guys over there before the 1st and they can go tomorrow! So tomorrow afternoon (if the numbers are good) we'll be faxed our papers and we take possession on the 9th with a move in date of the 10th!

Our mortgage broker seems to think they'll be no problem with the value of the house and that is reassuring.

So now we wait ... lol. The house we're in right now http://www.mls.ca/PropertyDetails.as...ertyID=6010218 has had quite a few viewings and of course since my in-laws are giving us money from the sale of it, it's in our best interest for them to get top dollar.

So I'm here. I'm busy packing and stressing...

Okay I lied...

2007-07-21T01:04:00.000-07:00

more point form it is.

*still cleaning. Remax lady is coming at 11 tomorrow morning to take pics. Right now we've done... the laundry room except the floors, rec room except the floors, downstairs bath except the floors, upstairs bath except the floors, all the bedrooms, living room, dining room, entrance, kitchen from top to bottom. We're finishing the floors tonight. Doing our bedroom quickly in the morning and doing a top to bottom vacuum in the morning. A good thorough house cleaning takes about 12 hours to do well. Phew.

*went and saw my mom tonight. She had a couple good cries. We talked for hours. I feel very close to her right now. She has not smoked for two days and I am so proud of her. I am so very glad that I didn't move away due to Jeff's work and can be here for her.

*(I'm back... had to nurse Phoenix)

*It's still blowing my ever loving mind that we're getting this house. I mean I guess technically the deal could fall through but I doubt it. The papers are at the lawyers, the contract was faxed to our mortgage guy and there is nothing else to do but wait for the financing to come through. Since we were preapproved it's not a worry.

*August 10th. Holy shit.

*We're still planning on going on vacation if you can believe it! I'm hoping it happens.

*wow I'm tired.

Taking a massive dump...

2007-07-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

of my brain that is ;) Point form which I know is annoying but these things need to leave.

*so so so so so fucking worried about my mother's surgery tomorrow at 11:30. I wish I could be there at the hospital with her. I know she wants me to stay home with my babes but the urge to be there and hold her hand is strong.

*Jean and her kids are coming tomorrow to keep me company while I sit and wait. I didn't ask her to come but she offered. I'll take the offer.

*Tomorrow night Rose will take all three kids so jeff and I can go to the hospital to see my mom. This will be the first time I've left Phoenix with anyone but Jeff.

*the real estate agent is coming on friday to take pictures of the house. I'm freaking. I wanted more time to declutter and depersonalize. So tonight Jeff took down all the kids art work, pictures and anything personal. We shit kicked the rec room. I piled a huge amount of stuff to give away in the middle, took two garbage bags of junk out, recycled a giant box of paper... Then jeff did the hutch, I did most of the bookshelf and he did the rest (oh I am SO GOING TO LOVE the built in shelving in the rec room). He's going to bring up all the stuff to give away and all the freecycled stuff that should be picked up tomorrow and we should be good to go.

*tomorrow night is floor cleaning, laundry room cleaning, kitchen scrubbing, room tidying... I am so going to HATE keeping this house clean for the next three weeks while trying to pack. I wonder if I pack everything RIGHT NOW and just let them have clothes and tell them to play outside for the next month that I would be considered a bad mom? ;)

*I'm tired tired tired. In the midst of legal calls, calls to the buyer, calls to jeff, calls from Rose... I had four little girls PLUS my best friend Robyn and her two kids come over to play. It was busy but good.

*Oh and we're buying the sellers couch and love seat and her bedroom set (with double bed, headboard, side table, mirror and dresser) apparently... even though I don't really think it's all that cool for a six year old. Hmmm...

le sigh.

I think I'm done.

because I don't have enough stress in my life...

2007-07-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

We are putting an offer on a house. TOMORROW. I'm freaking out. Mostly freaking out because this is not our money (jeff's parent's are giving us $20,000 for a down payment) so we have to wait for money transfers for the deposit, house inspection, lawyer...

Also freaking out because we are the first to look at this house and she also had three people lined up for tomorrow night. We need to get her this money asap!!!!

This is the house http://www.propertyguys.com/listings...p?propid=12862

It's a dream. Seriously. Fuck I don't have enough drama in my life I have to choose this time to buy a house!

So we phoned her tonight, offered her a $1000 deposit and we go tomorrow afternoon at 1pm to sign papers!!!! OMG!

eeeeekkkk!

2007-07-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

My mom (Debbie) and dad (Kem) this past Yule time.

She has her surgery on Thursday to remove her breast, a chunk of her liver and her lymph nodes. She's in stage IV breast cancer. Please send all the healing thoughts you can manage.

swingsets amoung other things...

2007-07-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

My parents bought my kids a metal swingset this weekend. It has two slides, a trapeze bar, glider and a slide. They LOVE it. Both mornings now as soon as I get up I am confronted by Madeline.

"Mommy... I'm dressed, I ate breakfast and I cleaned up the living room. Can I go outside?"

That was at about 9:30. It's 12:45. They've been in to pee, request a picnic lunch for themselves and Danica (the next door 10 year old), pick up the lunch and then ask if they could go for a walk.

I was dreaded summer because? I never freaking SEE my kids! lol! And before anyone gets all up in arms... my back yard is completely fenced. I keep all my windows and doors open. They are not allowed to go anywhere else without asking me. The neighbors on BOTH sides are always out and would instantly alert me to anyone weird if I didn't see them. We're all good ;) We live in a nice neighborhood and the only reason they are allowed out for a walk right now is because they are with Danica.

Phoenix is down for a nap. He's uber bitchy today. Olivia has a doctor's appointment to check out her hip at 1:45. I think I'll just get Jeff to take her and that way Phoenix can nap for as long as he wishes. Madeline is going over to Emma's later today (sometime after 2:30) so I think Liv and I will do some puzzles, workbooks and maybe let her play on the computer.

I'm not so patiently waiting for my mother to get a call from her doctor. She had her liver and lung x-rays on friday and we're waiting for the results. They need those back before her mastectomy. If she does have cancer in both that puts her at stage IV breast cancer. The 5 year survival rate for that is 20%. :(

The waiting and not knowing is the hardest.

We went for a hot dog roast and bonfire at their place last night. Gail, Tom, Sue, Bob, Debbie and Grandma M were all there. We had a great time. It was nice to just talk and laugh.

We're heading out tonight for some house viewings. Cross fingers we find something we want!

my mom's biopsies came back...

2007-07-04T19:54:00.001-07:00

and it's not good news. She has a very aggressive form of breast cancer. Tomorrow she goes for x-rays on her lungs and liver. They'll do surgery to take off her right breast within the week. At that time they'll also biopsy her lymph nodes. After her surgery she'll begin chemotherapy.

I'm freaking out. Big time. I don't know what to do or say. I just want to hide in my bed and cry for a week :(

Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree...

2007-07-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

Yah it's that time of year again. The time when I start making lists and preparing to buy/make yule pressies so I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT in november/december. Wish me luck.

I have a budget of $20 each for the nieces/nephews I really like; $10 per kid for the ones I have to buy for and $10 for the one kid of a friend we buy for. $20-25 for each of our parent's and small homemade gifts and pictures for our grandparents. Then we're doing baking and pictures for our friends and siblings.

So because I'll lose my list... I'll post it here.

Jasmyn- Melissa and Doug pirate chest ($7) Fairy workbook ($12)
Grayson- Melissa and Doug wooden Pizza set ($20)
Kylee- Books (maybe Nancy Drew) and some hair stuff ($20)
Alex- wooden name letters, wooden dinosaur, paint and brush ($10)
Brandon and Travis- $10 Blockbuster gift card, popcorn and chocolate bars ($15)
Ella- Melissa and Doug wooden animal puzzle train ($20)

My mom- Heart Grandmother birthstone necklace from Doodles Jewell's ($25)
My dad- funny t shirt and music ($25)
Larry- either a wine magazine subscription or wine related supplies ($25)
Diane- Heart Grandmother birthstone necklace from Doodles Jewell's ($25)
Rose- book on either massage or reflexology ($25)
Al- funny t shirt and $10 worth of Timmies GC's ($25)
Grandma M- $20 GC for nails
Grandma C and K- pictures and ornament ($5)

For the kids this year we are starting a "something you need, something to read and something you want." Plus a couple presents from Santa. So for the something you need, both girls are getting tiny 1cm pentagram pendants. Something to read, Maddy will get the Little House on the Prairie box set and Olivia will get the Narnia box set. Something they want and the santa things will wait till closer. Phoenix is going to get some wood toys... maybe some wood food and a wood fishing puzzle. Stuff like that. I think maybe a baby Waldorf doll for "something he wants." lol!

Jeff is still busy geeking out with his models tonight. Going on over 3 hours now! Go Jeff! My ass is numb from all this surfing but I've sent out emails for custom stuff and searched ebay till my eyes bled...

sunny day

2007-06-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

I'm meh. Worried about my mom. Trying to keep myself very preoccupied. It's not really working.

I tidied the kitchen. Cleaned my room. Folded and put away five loads of laundry.

The girls have a picnic snack and are eating outside on the patio table. Cut up bananas, apples and granola bars. I have all the windows and the front door open so I can hear them. They know the rules anyways but it can't hurt to be careful.

Phoenix is having a nap. He's been so incredibly happy for the last four or five days... ever since we put him on the floor on a futon. I think along with him waking me up, I was waking him up. He's getting more sleep. He's actually napping. He's HAPPY. I don't mind crawling down to nurse him 2-3 times a night. It beats being up all night with a screaming unhappy baby.

It's a beautiful day. 21 degree's. The wind is blowing a wonderfully warm summer wind. I think I'll ask jeff if we can take the girls to the park tonight.

I love my view. I'm sad that I'll only have it for at most another two years. Sigh.

Jeff applied for a job in Medicine Hat Alberta. I was kinda meh on going there until I heard that the university has a conservatory of music and dance and that he'd probably get free dance tuition for the girls. That's worth it's weight in gold right there.

Sigh. I wish it were the weekend and i knew what was going on with my mom. The not knowing is murder.

sorry I'm MIA

2007-06-25T22:34:00.001-07:00

my mom went for a mammogram three weeks ago because she had a huge mass in her breast. They send her for a retest and x-rays last thursday. Today her surgeon called and she went in for an appointment. They strongly suspect breast cancer (has many characteristics of it). She has surgery on thursday to remove the mass, biopsy it while she's still under and if it is cancer they will be removing her breast.

I'm in shock. I'm scared. I'm sad.

I don't know what to say or do.

So I'm not up to posting much... but I still care about you all and I am here... just... tired.

annoyed

2007-06-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

I always thought that a certain person in my life talked behind my back about how incompetent I was... now that I know she actually did I'm even more annoyed. How DARE you say I can't "handle" my children. What gave you the right to say that I shouldn't have had a third because I could not "handle" the two I already had. I think I handle them pretty damn well!

Both girls are at or ahead of where they should be schooling wise.

Both girls are excellent friends, very kind hearted (except to each other but that really would be too much to ask) and good listeners.

Neither are cruel, mean or heartless.

Everyone gets fed good healthy organic foods, gets parented gently, is shown kindness and respect. I don't dump my kids anytime I need to do something. Anytime I want to do something or just because.

Do I mess up and compromise my morals and values? Yes of course I do. I'm HUMAN... not a robot.

I'm just a mama trying to do the very best by her kids and you know what? FUCK THEM who think that they are allowed to have an opinion. I'm tired of being backstabbed. I'm tired of my best friend being backstabbed. I'm just tired of it all.

I AM handling three kids, two cats and a dog. AM.. fuckyouverymuch.

mish mash mosh... part two

2007-06-19T15:14:00.000-07:00

Olivia is four as of Saturday. I cannot believe that she is four! She's just so teeny tiny and just so much a little person to me. Four. Wow. She graduates from 3-4 year preschool to 4-5 year preschool (lol) on Thursday and then on Friday we have her end of year picnic. Which Jeff will be unable to attend. Just like he'll be unable to attend her graduation. Which if he would have informed Mary (his supervisor) of these things two weeks ago when I told him, she would have had a chance to work them into the schedule. So I'm not sure how I'm getting to these celebrations, or getting home from them either. I might end up having to walk... although that's a loooong walk with a little person who does not tolerate walking long distances. Oh well... guess it's my problem and not his.

Madeline graduates from kindergarten on Monday. It's her last day. She's pretty bummed that she has a whole summer with no school. We'll keep in touch with her friends and then with dance camps and such she'll have lots to do.

This Wednesday is recital rehearsal with recital being Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Then we're having Emma (M's friend) and Jassy over for a sleepover. We'll rent a movie and get some healthy junk food. Jeff's been offered the evening out away from us so I'm sure he'll snatch that up... missing the bachelor life that he is ;)

We're doing the "No cry sleep solution" and when Phoenix is not suffering the effects of his wheat issues he's sleeping awesome. 3-4 hour stretches. Easy to get back to sleep. Goes to bed after his nightly routine (bath, massage, teeth, stories, nursing and bed) at like 7:30-8:30!!! We're pretty happy.

Well off to make any last minute adjustments to Maddy's costume...

I am leaking...

2007-06-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

copious amounts of breastmilk. Phoenix went to bed at 7:40. He woke two times between then and 9:40 but Jeff settled him both times. It's now 12:10am and I am engorged like you would not believe. I can't remember a time when he went 4.5 hours between nursings... maybe the "No cry sleep solution" is working?

I dropped the costume examples off today at the studio during rehearsal. 3 hours of rehearsal. Everyone loved how they turned out. It's just pandemonium at the studio during recital prep time!

I signed the girls up for the summer dance classes. Olivia has two weeks of dance camp, Maddy has two weeks of Jazz camp and a one week exam ballet prep course (running at the same time) so from July 23 to August 3 don't expect to hear from me ;)

So $300 later...

I've been checking out play systems tonight. When we buy our new house I'd like to take some money and get a good one... we're probably looking at a couple grand but they'll play on it forever so I'm going to get a decent wood one that will last.

The real estate agent was through here yesterday... she says it will list for at least twice of the price it was bought for three years ago. Now that's an investment!

I'm tired. I think I'll curl up on the couch till Phoenix calls. Jeff is watching a movie and the house is tidy. tomorrow is preschool for Liv and LLL at night... can I relax already?

I almost forgot!

2007-06-10T00:55:00.000-07:00

Check out Olivia's photo montage I finished in time for her birthday!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=2e2b5114619e396a9633a9&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

Here's Phoenix's too

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=284edd1a0ef3d447816073&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

and Madeline's!

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=2a3f7f1eb43caab17425e4&skin_id=0&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

my kids are adorable ;) It's time well wasted ;)

next week...

2007-06-10T00:07:00.001-07:00

I WILL RELAX! I swear I will. I have been on the go constantly non-stop for the last week. Thank goodness Phoenix nurses because with all this being on the road all the time it's the only way he gets fed!

All the costumes bags are done and handed out. I just need to sew my own now.

I've had less than four hours of broken sleep each night for the past two nights. I spent thursday in the er and friday doing costumes.

Today was one of the most gut wrenching days I've ever had. I won't go into big details but a friend of a friend had her child removed from her custody due to mental health issues. I was there when it happened... her child is all of six years old and have never been without her mommy. *tears*

I've eaten entirely too many green frogs tonight.

My baby boy is ONE!!! He was one last week but that just goes to show how little time I've been on the puter. He's crawling, loving, talking... he's just a joy... most days.

Tomorrow is the big birthday party for him and Olivia. I think everything is done. I usually end up buying all the fruit and veggies and washing, cutting, organizing them myself. Well Costco has huge fruit and veggie platters for 13.99 each. SOLD! I bought one of each, some snacks, ordered both kids cakes (Magic of Pegasus for Liv and Pirates of the Caribbean for Phoenix) got goody bag stuff. All presents are bought (not wrapped but they are in the bedroom where Phoenix and Jeff are sleeping) and I think I'm ready.

For Phoenix's first birthday we bought him:
A wooden pull animal puzzle train from Melissa and Doug
An old fashioned Fisher Price Chatter Phone
Pack of 5 soft playskool cars
4 outfits

Olivia is getting:
rollerblades, Barbie ones that go over her shoes ($15!)
Melissa and Doug 48 piece wood pirate puzzle
Melissa and Doug wood pirate chest to decorate
Polly Pocket dog walking set
Littlest Pet shop two pack of animals
2 outfits

I went a bit wild... but didn't spend more that $100 per kid. We also bought Madeline an outfit and a hat. They always get a little something on the other kids birthday.

We're birthday partying at the park... it better not rain! I just checked the forcast and it's a 70% chance... maybe kids will come in their rain gear?

I need to tidy the house and go to bed. I'll probably do neither.

Oh gawd...

2007-06-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

Save me from the mountain of tulle that has taken over my living room. I offered to be the costume mom for both Madeline and Olivia's ballet classes. Olivia's class are pink pigs. It was SUPPOSED to be easy... a body suit, a big frilly tutu (both purchased by the studio) I would cut out ears and tail and then put the bags together. The parents sew their own child's costume. But ... tutu's are back ordered. SO... we have to MAKE tutu's. This involves cutting mountains of tulle into strips, counting out strips and putting them into bags. Not only for Olivia's class (of nine girls) but Madeline's clown costumes require tutu's as well. All 12 girls. 35 strips for each tutu. 21 tutu's... do the math. That's a FUCK of a lot of tulle.

Ahh... the clowns. Bodysuits, tutu's (multicoloured... we have six colours of tulle as opposed to just white for olivia's class) clown hats, neck ruffles, wrist ruffles, ankle ruffles, pompoms on the body and sequins on the tip of EVERY SINGLE STRIP OF TULLE on the tutu. Oh the parents are going to LOVE me... not.

So after about six hours worth of work I have the pig bags almost ready to go. I'm done half the tutu strips but everything else except the ear claw clips and sequins are all sorted, bagged and labelled. Tomorrow night? I tackle the clowns...

Speaking of which. My FIL comes tomorrow and stays till thursday. If he would have asked we would have told him it's not a good time. Tomorrow jeff has to pick up more clown stuff at the studio, Maddy has school, he's supposed to game at Chris's house. Tuesday Olivia has a dentist appointment, Jeff has an appointment with our banker, Olivia has preschool. Wednesday Maddy has school, then we head to the studio for rehearsal for 2.5 hours then I go to Mother Goose right after for two hours. But he didn't ask... so we spent the ENTIRE day (of our seventh anniversary!) cleaning.

We did hire the girl next door (Talia 14 years) to babysit for 2.5 hours tonight. We took Phoenix, went for dinner and dessert and then went for a drive. We needed that. We need to do that more often. Freedom for $20? I'm all for it.

Well back to nursing the babe and cutting tulle. Tulle.... it will be the death of me.

How cute it is!

2007-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

To see Phoenix's fat little butt waddling around the house as he masters the art of crawling... of course now he can also master the art of getting into stuff that he should not be.

His first mess of the day was to dump the ENTIRE bucket of dog water on the floor. And as Olivia sprinted to grab a towel she slipped, landed first on her butt and then on her head and then proceeded to scream. She was soaked, Phoenix was soaked, the dog was scared and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry lol! Olivia just kept saying "that Phoenix... life was easier before he could move." *insert maniacal laughter here"

He's currently crawled into the dining room and is cleaning the floor. Blerg. There cannot be much there... the dog is really good at making sure of that already ;)

Well I had to take my first time out from Phoenix in the middle of the night. He woke up, screamed and screamed and screamed. I was getting ready to chuck him across the room so I left, took a breather, came back in (he was still screaming) and was ready to be gentle and kind. I held his hand, stroked his fingers and he stopped screaming and went back to sleep. The is the very first time in over five years that I've had to leave a screaming baby. I highly doubt I would have hurt him but the images in my head were not very kind... we'll put it that way.

Since Olivia got up before I did my living room is already trashed. She's currently munching on a juicy mango. They had cases of them (12 to a case) for sale at Superstore at $6 a case! I should go pick up another before they are all gone. I heart mango's.

Well I should eat some breakfast. I am tired today... very very tired.

mish mash mosh

2007-05-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

My son is crawling. We're in for it ;)

We're going to see Shrek the Third today as a family. My inlaws sent me a cheque for my birthday so I'm taking everyone as my treat. I'm hoping Phoenix does alright! I can't believe he'll be 1 in less than a week!!!!!

We had a good time at my parents last night. We had bbq'ed hamburgers and they were delicious. We did smores as well and the girls enjoyed that. We actually managed to have nice conversations and I felt like I was being heard for one. It was nice.

I asked Jeff to cancel my birthday thing for tomorrow night. It was not well organized and I didn't want him calling people the day before asking them to come. I find that rude when people do that to me so I didn't want to be the reason it was being done to others. And really? When you get to this age the only people that care about your birthday is your kids anyways! I didn't want to have to spend my whole birthday cleaning my house, making a cake and generally stressed about having guests. Not my idea of a good time. It probably sounds like I am pissed and annoyed at jeff... but I'm not. Just disappointed. I'll get over it ;)

I wish my kids would stop fighting. They are annoying me. They are making me repeat everything 4 or 5 times. I don't have the patience for this today... well I'm being patience but I sure as fuck don't feel like it.

Oh but I got to sleep to 11am today so that was cool!

Oh and cause we're really really broke I don't actually get a birthday present. Maybe I'll buy myself something when my mother goose money comes in. I really want a new pair of Birks.

Apparently Rose is still dropping off a present for tomorrow night. I really wish people would not spend money on me that is way better off spent elsewhere. Money is tight for everyone these days.

We're back!

2007-05-22T20:57:00.001-07:00

Some pictures first :)

And you all will be happy to know that my husband apologized for being an ass and putting unrealistic demands on me and all is well with the world ;)

So we went to Lac La Hache for the long weekend with out brand new (to us) tent trailer. The van towed it there with no problems, we set it up with no problems and had no problems with it for the entire weekend! yayyy!!!! It was so very nice to be warm all night, wake up and be able to have a warm drink right away, have a place to hang and cook when it rained and have places to stash all of our stuff. It so totally rocked!!!!

The girls had the "best time ever!" They found a couple of older kids (10 year old girls) that took to them instantly and carted them around for the weekend. They went for walks, played in the playground, bounced around from site to site and had more freedom then they had EVER had before. But they respected the rules, checked in often and were so well behaved it was incredible. They played hard, slept hard... ate hard... lol. They ate like horses and were in bed asleep by like 10 every night but the first one. The decided that smores rock, hot dogs were very cool and that getting to drink juice all the time was so very cool ;)

Phoenix did okay. He was slung about 90% of every day by either jeff or I. I brought the playpen and he went in for for two minutes once before screaming. I won't pack that next time. It was a waste of space. He has a newfound love for buttered popcorn rice cakes (the big ones... he'd eat an entire one in a sitting!) Him and I slept in one bunk, the girls in the other and jeff on the table bed. I would have rather slept with Jeff instead of Phoenix but with him nursing so often still it's impractical.

Jeff and I had a blast. We loved hanging out around the fire with all the other adults at night, drinking and laughing. Good times.

We're planning for our next trip already. We're probably heading to Hixon next. It's only a half hour away but it's a cute campground with water/power/playground/dog area. It's on a river that you can gold pan in.

It's hard to explain but even though we had a rocking good time... I'm eager to do it without the entire clan. I felt a bit judged at times and a bit... ignored (not by you guys Robyn obviously). It didn't ruin my time by any means and I won't let it bother me at all. But I am eager to do it alone. We're hoping that Robyn and clan might want to come to Hixon with us... or if not there then maybe somewhere else this summer. I had a blast with them.

"all done mama, alllll done!"

2007-05-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

especially NOT the children!

Mr. Phoenix decided at 2:47am that he was "all done" sleeping and I should get up and amuse him. Needless to say I was not amused... in the slightest.

He screamed for 1.5 hours... right in my ear. He would not be soothed, nursed, cuddled... I ended up wrapping him in a blanket, rocking back and forth and shushing vigorously. All the while Jeff and I are fighting because "he wants his wife and life back" and "phoenix is manipulating me."

O... K...

I know that Jeff was just ranting and I can respect that. But I WILL NOT let Phoenix cry it out and I WILL NOT leave the room and let him scream and I WILL NOT let myself feel guilty for tending to my infant sons needs... even if that means I ignore some of my own needs. I won't. I will not. It's not going to happen. Ever.

I know that Jeff has needs. I do. But at 2:47 at night when he's already been sleeping for an hour the only need he has right then is sleep. I told him to go into the living room and crash on the couch so he could get some sleep. He chose instead to rant and rave for an hour. So he made the choice to not sleep as I see it.

I am tired of being an all night buffet. I am tired of being on beck and call. I am tired. Period. But this is the way that we chose a long time ago to raise our children and I am not changing it now. Besides... jeff does none of the nighttime parenting anyways. When he's the one getting up 3-4 times a night then he gets to choose how, when and where our son sleeps.

I love my husband. I love my son. I want to make both happy. But when it comes down to it Phoenix will only be a baby for a short period of time. If I meet his needs now (like I did for both girls) in the short term it will have great rewards for the long term. I am trying my very hardest to make my husband happy and respect his needs. His house is clean, there is almost always dinner on the table (and often it's what he's requested), he can go out whenever he wants, if he wants sex he only has to ask. I sit and talk to him about his interests, I let him slack off on the housework and pick up the pieces afterwards... what the fuck else can I do?????

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG.

Fuck I am so... tired. Tired of being in charge of EVERYONES happiness.

:)

2007-05-16T00:21:00.000-07:00

I have readers! Yayyy! Thank you all for checking in with me and I *heart* you all :)

So the last week has been interesting. Finally tonight the trailer lights are working (thank you for lending us your husband yet again Robyn!!!) Faulty grounds, wiggly wires... meh. It's fixed and working though and that's all that matters to me! It's also insured, has a new vent hatch, new hitch thingy... it's all good to go.

Phoenix is not a happy camper though. We decided to try him on some cheerio's to see if his wheat allergy had subsided. Yah. It has not. So his poor little inner butt cheeks are all moist rashed and bleeding. I'm changing him AS SOON as he poops (every 1/2 hour or so) and cleaning him well, slathering him with Calendula cream and doing all I can to get him to heal. He's having lots of naked butt time as well. Robyn suggested Grapefruit seed extract but since it's not fungal or yeast I'm not sure if it will help. I might try just to see. Anyone have any tried and true recipes?

The girls had a great day. Talia and Danika the 14 and 10 year olds from next year came over and played hide and seek with them for a couple of hours! It kept them very amused. They are also taking them for a walk tomorrow to the ice cream shop so that should be fun for them :) I am really enjoying having older kids next door. My girls just hero worship them. Then tonight while we worked on the trailer, cleaned the van, spliced lights... they played mommy and baby in and out of the van and had a blast. They both went to bed without any meltdowns by 8pm and all is well with the world!

Jeff is over at Chris's right now. Something to do with little alien space ships? Colour me confused ;)

Well I better make Maddy's lunch and get her things ready for school tomorrow... and I hear Jeff's van :)

Anyone listening?

2007-05-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

That should get your attention ;)

Robyn just finished her first year of blogging and since I've been doing it for about three years I thought I'd ask for comments from readers too! Let me know you are here and that you love (or hate!) me!!!

Please :)

Oh to be young and stupid...

2007-05-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

and that's all I'll say on that subject.

I'm in the kitchen, making dinner with P on my back. We're grovin to Pat Benitar (Love is a Battlefield... which is really is) and making chicken catchatory (and I know I butchered that but I am far too lazy to go look it up.)

I got two of my new skirts today. I'm in love.

Maddy's play date went well.

I had far more to say but now I'm pissed and fuming for a friend so I'll end now.

Slightly guilty...

2007-05-06T22:47:00.000-07:00

feeling that is. My wonderful hubby is currently cleaning the kitchen. But not only is he cleaning the kitchen, he's cleaning the kitchen with my bitchy teething baby on his back so I can surf the net and drink my tea. Now THAT'S a good husband :)

My five year will be the death of me. I swear if she is rude, mean or freaks out at me one more time I will lose my mind. It's like she has completely forgot how to speak nicely, be nice to her sister, share, or have any rational logical thought. Of course I play into it and get in a battle of wills with her when I KNOW the logical thing to do is say "when you are ready to speak to me nicely I will talk to you then"... She's behaving like a two year old right now and since I have a three year old and an almost one year old I'm so not fucking interested. At all. In the slightest. She was just horrible terrible yesterday and today. I'm so done.

Well the tent trailer is up and wired. Course the wiring does not work and we don't know why. Which means we have to bug Mike again and I'm not sure he'll be too impressed about that. We spent all today cleaning, washing dishes and putting stuff back in the trailer. I pretty much have everything utensil/dishes wise that I need. I'm making lists like crazy.

We went to NR Motors today to drool over the new tent trailers. You know... not much has changed in 30 years ;) Different colours... same layout... heavier though! The big tent trailers that have bathrooms and stuff are WAY to heavy for our van to pull. The new tent trailers that are the same size as ours outweigh ours by about 600 lbs as well. We did find a new hatch cover (19.99) trailer light (12.99) longer ball mount (49.99)... that will bring the trailer total (free trailer) up to around $350. lol.

We saw the funkiest camper (Robyn you guys gotta buy it!) for about $25,000. It has two pull outs and a propane fireplace! A huge bedroom in the back (bedroom!!!) big kitchen, tons of floor space. It was the coolest camper evah! We saw tons of 5th wheels (used and new) and some of the 7 year old ones were going for like 12,000. I drooled. I could totally get used to camping like that ;)

Jeff and the baby are downstairs doing laundry now. Loki's around eating his bull penis (yep.. bully sticks are dried bull peni... yuck) and the cats are laying around shedding as cats are wont to do.

Madeline has a play date tomorrow. Emma and Kendra are coming here for a couple hours after school. I'll make them some lemonade and popcorn, send them outside to play and be done with it. I need to fold laundry, clean the bathroom and wash floors tomorrow. I hope I have the energy to do it!

Well off to surf some more. Facebook is sucking my soul so I should go check it out some more ;)

Dinner

2007-05-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight is going to be super yummy! I'm doing Penne whole wheat pasta with a four cheese sauce and sprinkled with fresh green onions. Baked chicken breast with cumin and pepper, peaches and cream corn. For dessert I'm doing baked apples with brown sugar, butter and cinnamon.

I'm drooling already and I have no even started cooking yet ;)

Yawn

2007-05-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

I'm tired! It's been a very busy couple of days. Last night was Jeff's conference pub night and he was preforming stand up comedy. He rocked down the house hard core! Everyone had a great time and we got to eat yummy appetizers and chat. Afterwards we went out for dinner (because the girls were already at Grandma's) and we got back there at about 8:45ish. We were home by 9:30 and the girls went right to bed.

Jeff did a couple of things around the house and crashed. I was in bed by 12:30ish. Phoenix slept okay (went to bed at 10:15, woke at 1 am, 3:45am, 6am and 9am? somewhere around there) He's already back in bed for a nap.

Today is a school day for Madeline and I'm hoping we'll set up the tent trailer tonight so I can start getting stuff ready for may long weekend! I popped it up a bit and found the crank so we're good to go. Apparently Mike is going to help us wire the van and I want him to look at the furnace for us as well.

I need to tidy the house, do the dishes, sweep, vacuum... laundry. Eat. You know... normal stuff ;)

A picture post!

2007-05-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

I've been asking Jeff to take a good picture of me for ages... apparently I clean up well ;) I won't show you the pics BEFORE makeup ;)

Madeline is nursing her pig... olivia her snail?

Evil Phoenix just learned how to crawl. Apparently it will be our undoing ;)

Slinging with Daddy in Fort George Park

I am sooooo cute

Model? Madeline?

I yar lazy...

2007-04-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

Today at least. All I did off that list was put the diapers up to wash. Oh and I made dinner. That was it.

I did however do a photo montage of Madeline with Phoenix sitting on my lap.. check it out!

I made Eggs Benedict for dinner and we had berries (blue, black and razz...) for dessert. It was uber yummy.

Olivia coloured and played all afternoon. I took part in her imaginary play by feed her oats and water out of her bucket (pretend oats and water), brushed her mane and sent her around picking up "people" to give them rides. Oh she was a horse if you didn't guess.

Jeff picked up Maddy today but then showed up at home without her! Emma wanted her to come play and Tammy (Emma's mom) was keen so she went straight home with them. Jeff picked her up at 5:45 after work so I only had two kids all day. Strange as it was... I missed her :)

She came home very grouchy and upon further investigation found that she took one bite of her sandwich and maybe two bite sized pieces of watermelon for lunch. She ate her two picks and a banana but nothing else other than that! No wonder! She ate a ton at dinner (two whole english muffins, 1.5 eggs, jelly and a whole bowl of berries) and then it was bedtime. Well she was so bloody rude to us from the time that she got home and THEN said she was going to live with Emma. Okay. So we talked about how the way she speaks hurts us and our feelings and we talked about everything good about our house and family and asked her to think about that. Well then she burst into tears and sobbed her guts out. She never used to be empathetic at all about anything, now she's emo girl extreme. Gawd. So I soothed and tucked her in. She better sleep in tomorrow.

Jeff's out for his painting night. Phoenix had a late nap so he's currently sitting on the floor eating a stacking cup. He ate four rice crackers today (he LOVES them) and nursed a ton. He's finished his antibiotics so we'll take him in this week and make sure everything looks good.

Loki and Frodo are doing their nightly "kick eachothers ass" session. lol.

I need to move my ass!

2007-04-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

All I've done this morning is clean the kitchen and run the dishwasher. Oh and I picked up some dirty clothes... and I talked to my best friend on the phone. Yah... that's it.

So my TODO list today is...

vacuum house
wash diapers
make dinner
declutter basement
bring doll cradle upstairs, a freecycler will be here at 4:30
change sheets on our beds

get moving Tammy!!!!

On this day...

2007-04-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Two years ago we got confirmation that we were pregnant. Our wee baby Violet only stayed with us for 9 weeks but she's never far from my mind and heart. I know that were she to have stayed, Phoenix would not be here... and I know deep down that her soul is a part of his... but it hits me every april and may and it probably always will.

So I'm a bit blue today. I don't expect anyone to remember and I'm not sad at all that they didn't for who else remembers the day you found out you were pregnant except oneself? But I could really use a hug... or some chocolate. Three hours till Jeff is home...

Still thursday ;)

2007-04-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

Maddy had a wonderful playdate today. When the twins mom brought her home she said she was "so incredibly polite and has the best manners!" Apparently the three girls had a fantastic time running around screaming their heads off ;) Snack was great as well according to Madeline and she's eager to repeat this arrangement :)

Olivia had lots of fun at preschool. Her and Jeff got there a bit early so she was showing him around and introducing him to all of the toys. lol!

Phoenix never did nap but it was nice and quiet and both girls were out having fun. That works for me!

Funny thing. We were out at superstore doing a bit of grocery shopping last night. Jeff, I and all three kids. The girls were in their jammies.. when we meet Jean, John and THEIR two kids... both in THEIR jammies. Superstore. Where AP parents meet and have social lives. Proving that you can have fun WITH your kids! Maddy and Elisabeth were ecstatic of course! That reminds me, Jean called today and I have not called her back yet. I think I'll invite them over for an afternoon next week some time.

I was called a martyr today. Simply because I don't dump my kids at every opportunity. Now even if I WANTED to dump my kids (which I don't) where the hell would I dump them? My mom is not interested in watching them, I'm not going to bug Rose to do it as she's got enough on her plate right now and that leaves me with having to pay someone. Well I'm sorry but I'm not going to PAY someone to watch my kids while I shop. I can bloody well take them WITH me. They are my kids! Sure they annoy me at times but I *gasp* actually like spending time with them. (horror upon horrors.) And if it's so important that I shop sans kids... that's why I'm married :) He can watch the kids while I go. Is it really that hard for people to see that maybe I don't want/need to ditch my kids constantly??? I get my time in the evenings to relax. While they are small that is all I really need.

/rant

Frodo is screaming at the top of the stairs. He's too lazy to haul his fat ass over the gate. The gate that needs to be there because Loki likes to eat kitty roca at any opportunity. Phoenix is beside me chewing on his toothbrush. The kids are in bed and Jeff's still at work. We ordered in a panago pizza and wings for dinner and it was very yummy. We had four pieces left so Jeff came home and had dinner with us.

this is really a nothing kinda post isn't it? Hmmm...

Time off!

2007-04-26T14:22:00.000-07:00

I am having a once in a lifetime day... BOTH of my girls are somewhere else and Phoenix and I are home alone! Olivia has preschool today and a mom at Maddy's school offered to have Maddy come and play for the afternoon! She said that since Phoenix had an ear infection and I looked tired as all hell that it might be nice for me to have a break. There's a change! No one EVER offers to give me a break! Needless to say... I took advantage ;)

So Phoenix is sitting on the floor, snuffling like a pig, wiggling his eyebrows at me as I type and generally just being in a good mood. That's also a nice change! Oh he's sleeping sooooo much better now. Good 3-4 hour chunks, nursing for 15 minutes and then heading back into dreamland. My supply didn't take a hit from my period this month either so he's getting tons of good healing milk just when he needs it! He's less than impressed about the taste of the Biaxin but he takes it ;)

Jeff works a night shift tonight so the girls and I are on our own for dinner... I wonder who does debit at the door? lol!

I found out on tuesday that my "mom" lost her job... her job that she's been at for 20 years! They are "reorganizing" and apparently she does not have the skills that they need her to have. I'm sad for her. She's 57 and even though she is the YOUNGEST 57 year old I've ever knows it's tough to be so uncertain about your future at that stage of your life. Jeff's helping her with her emat questions and I'll do whatever I can to help as well.

I finally got a box packed for "Babycatcher" a live journal person that I read :) She lost her baby Abby shortly after birth last year and she is due with another little girl this year at the same time! I'm sending some newborn cloth dipes, wool, bigger dipes and a fuzzy suprise (A full sized Care Bear "Wish Bear" which I thought was appropriate.) I'll get that mailed this weekend.

Well the native (baby) is getting restless. He needs a boob and since mine is the only one around... I guess it will have to do!

me :)

2007-04-23T16:26:00.001-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

And yet again...

2007-04-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

My baby fiend has a double ear infection. Apparently according to the doctor (who was very nice and very thorough) his right ear is ready to burst and his left ear is not far behind. Nice.

I've ended the P sleeping log. Cause well.. he just is not. Sleeping that is. Two nights ago he screamed half the night (by that I mean around 5 hours all told. Shrill high pitched screaming.) Last night he screamed for about 8 hours all told. Today he spiked fevers on and off, was lethargic, napped on and off all day (but only on people) and whined/screamed and moaned whenever he was not sleeping. So I finally decided to take him in.

Hence.. double ear infection. The doctor figures it's bacterial from all the freaking goop in his ear so he's now on Bactrim twice a day for seven days (heavy duty bacteria fighting antibiotic) and we also have a ear drop that actually is an anesthetic to numb his ear canal. I'll send jeff out tomorrow for more Bio-K probiotics. I also picked up some non-alcohol gripe water to help with his tummy which will be very upset from these antibiotics. Oh and some motrin. Lots of motrin.

Hell yah I'm totally stocked up on allopathics right now. I won't even apologize and try to logisize it. I'm fucking tired. My baby is in fucking pain. Nuff said. Let the crunchy police kick my ass. I don't fucking care. I treat everything else homeopathically.

We had dinner at my grandmothers tonight. My parent's, favourite aunt and uncle, my two cousins and one of their boyfriends was there. I had a great time (other than dealing with P) and he got to be snuggled and comforted by many sets of loving arms. Oh it was SO NICE to have a wee break. The girls chased bunnies, talked to ducks and barked back at a dog. Played in and out of the barn and were really good. Then they washed dishes with Sadie and Britt (my cousins... 19 and 24) and had a blast.

Yesterday we went to Alex (my friend Jean's) birthday party at Ft. George park. It was lots of fun. It was just them, their immediate family and us :) Lots of yummy food and good people. The girls had a blast running around with Elisabeth and Phoenix napping in the babyhawk the whole time. We did some running around after dinner, stopped by Al and Roses just after 8 and then got the kids into bed at a decent time (of course that's when the screaming started and didn't stop!!!)

Well Phoenix just started crying because Jeff tried to stop him from biting his leg. lol. Other than that he's been really happy for the last two hours! Motrin and ear drops will do that to you.

I hope to get some sleep tonight. It's times like this when I wish Grammie was around to help.

edited to add: Jeff found ear goo on the bed when he was getting things ready for Phoenix tonight so it drained a wee bit during his nap today... blerg.

Friday

2007-04-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

A school day for Madeline today. I got Jeff to take the laptop to work so I couldn't be on it... lol. I wanted to spend the whole day with no distractions from my kiddo's. So Phoenix and I got out of bed just after 9 when Olivia came in to wake me up. After breakfast we read 8 books (we got our Scholastic press order in) and then got dressed. Phoenix, Liv, Loki and I went outside and played ball and tag despite the coldness. We had smoothies for lunch and then Phoenix had a nap... I passed out sitting up on the couch while Olivia coloured ;)

We went and picked up Maddy at 2:30 and played outside when we got home from our walk. Then hung out, cleaned the house, made dinner (organic taco meat on macaroni and cheese with brussell sprouts and corn) and went to Rose's for a visit. I didn't see Madeline the whole time we were there... she was outside playing with the boys!

So it was a late night for the kids and a busy day tomorrow. Ballet for both and then a birthday party for Phoenix's friend Alex (my friend Jean little guy.)

P log

2007-04-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

Woke at 3ish am and nursed... and then again at 4ish am sometime?
Woke at 8:45 am and nursed... then was basically up for the day. Not too bad!

April 20
Ate some dehydrated apple around lunchtime (about a teaspoon)
Ate some applesauce (about three tablespoons!) with about two tablespoons of rice cereal after nursing at about 10pm. Threw up his hands and said very clearly "all done!"
Nursed at 11:30 and to bed after his quietude...

we'll see what the night brings ;)

Phoenix Log

2007-04-20T01:03:00.000-07:00

I'm keeping a solid food and sleep log for the boy ;) Yes I'm that desperate to see any pattern and work on improving it! This two hours of sleep a night for me is going to put me over the edge soon!

So yesterday April 18.
Solid: some dehydrated apples, some organic brown rice cereal and organic applesauce
Quietude before bed
Fell asleep at 11pm. Woke 2 am and nursed. Woke 3:30 and burped. Woke 5:15 and nursed. Woke 9:30 am!!!!!! (so very good night!)

April 19
Solid: some dehydrated apples
Quietude morning and night
Fell asleep at 9:20 pm. Woke 12:10 am and nursed (I'm heading to bed now so I'll update in the morning... cross fingers!)

Today is a day...

2007-04-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

Like no other day of course!

Our next door neighbors have their daughter/son in law/two girls (ages 10 and 14) living with them. They are getting very old (late eighties/early nineties) and are ready to move into an retirement home. Their family is taking care of getting the house and yard up to date and apparently are moving here for good from Australia. They are very very nice.

Sharon (the daughter) is a registered Nurse Midwife and has started a business called "Family Health: Parenting Help and Education." Sounds great huh? Yah... she believes that babies should never rule the roost, should be sleeping through the night early on and should only eat every three hours. That if they are eating more often then that, something else is going on and that should be dealt with. Babies should have their own rooms and the family needs to not be baby centered.

She lives next door to me. I am a LLL leader. Hmmm.... how's this going to work?

She's planning on providing breastfeeding support, prenatal classes and post-natal support in sleeping, feeding and calming issues. My toes... feeling a bit stepped on ;)

I don't mind so much that she is providing breastfeeding support but she said to me that she would never be a LLL leader as we are not "structured" enough. Schedules have to be in place and maintained and none of this wishywashy stuff.

I get the feeling she thinks I am a slightly crappy parent for letting Phoenix rule my life with his sleeping issues, feeding issues and having him on the boob every 1.5 hours. Well Olivia nursed every 1.5 hours too and she turned out wonderfully!

Hmmm... just venting sorta. Cept I'm not mad or anything. Just kinda slightly bemused about it all. lol!

So Jeff bought me a new breadmaker yesterday. A new CUISINART breadmaker! It's pretty... all stainless steel and stuff. Oh and it makes REALLY good bread. Yum!

Today was the first session of mother goose for the spring. We only have 8 weeks and then off for summer. We had seven familes. It was all good. One mom was stressing way too freaking much about her daughter touching things. The whole time was "insert name... NO!" Annoying. She was 16 months old. Give her a break!

Another little boy was only one week older than Phoenix and seemed SO MUCH MORE ADVANCED. So much. He was crawling everywhere. Totally didn't care that his mother was there. Sat in front of me the whole time. In contrast my babe whined, clung to me, climbed me and nursed while I was supposed to be leading. I know he'll crawl ... but when? Maybe then he can freaking follow me instead of WHINING!

I've not been complaining about his sleep issues lately but they are many. He fights going to sleep, he fights STAYING asleep, he fights going back to sleep after nursing. Last night he went to bed at 11:30. Woke at 2 am to nurse. Then woke at 3:30, refused to nurse and SCREAMED for two hours. What he really wanted was for me to get out of bed and rock him but I am so exhausted I just couldn't. I rocked him in my arms for a bit until he didn't want that anymore. So I lay beside him with my hand on his back and slightly rocked him ... for two hours. I'm not sure when he fell asleep... I know when I woke I still had my hand on his back. I think we probably both gave in to sleep at the same time. I've never been able to sleep while a baby is crying ever.

I had bought some Boiron's Quietude quite a long time ago for him but never used it. You give one dose morning and night and it's supposed to help with sleep disorders in infants. Babes whole wake frequently, fight sleep and get fussy at night. I don't think he has a sleep disorder... I think he sleeps like crap because he does. This kid will never die of SIDS because he does not sleep long enough too! I'm hoping the Quietude makes his night waking shorter and just nursings.. not screamings.

My sister is not moving back to Canada. Boo Hiss. I really miss her.

Robyn and the gang are in Quesnel for two days and then dropping off her two kids at her mother in laws and then off to Edmonton for two/three days. Alone. With no kids. As good as that sounds right about now I couldn't leave my nursling. Dammit... I wish my conscience would leave me alone! lol! We're looking after their cats... Boots is a very stupid cat. They left town and left him outside so Jeff was over three times yesterday trying to get that damn cat to come it! Do you think he would? He'd get to the door and then run away! He finally got him in at lunch today... think he was finally hungry enough.

Well I should be sleeping. Liv has pre-k tomorrow and then kindy for Maddy on friday. Then a birthday party for Jean's little Alex on saturday. No rest for the wicked ;)

Clothes!

2007-04-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

It's been FOREVER since I was able to buy some new clothes. There is always something else that comes up... and besides I have a really hard time buying hippie, patchy, my style clothes here in town. BUT I don't know WHY I never thought to buy EBAY!

So today I spent about $100 on three skirts but they'll do me for a very long time so I'm not panicked... they'll be the basis of my summer wardrobe. I just need to add a bunch of tank tops in matching colours and I'm good to go!

wanna see ;)

brown patchy

pink patchy

daisies and ladybug patchy

Yep I know I have eclectic tastes ;)

Where are my children?

2007-04-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

because I hardly saw them today!!!

I got up at around 11ish. Got ready, got the kids ready and then Madeline, Phoenix and I went to visit my friend Jean and her two little people (Elisabeth is Maddy's age and Alex is Phoenix's.) From the time we arrived (around 1) to the time we left (about 5:30) I saw Madeline for 10 minutes. And that was enough time for the two girls to wolf down two muffins, some cheese and drink a glass of water.

They played dress-up, makeup, polly pockets... restaurant, sisters and school. They played and played and played... the had not ONE single fight, one argument, one issue. Not one. Not a single one. Was that really MY child I took over there today? I soooo need to her to play with her big friends more. She is such a likable person then!

While we were playing (well jean and I were gabbing non-stop for 5 hours and the boys sat and petted one another) Jeff and Olivia payed some bills and then went to the kids museum. Apparently they had a wonderful time and ended the trip with popcorn and nacho's with cheese sauce. Olivia has no food dye allergies ;)

So then we got pizza for dinner, cleaned up, I fed the babe and Jeff dropped me off to grocery shop. BY MYSELF! For almost two hours!!! Rose brought me home with my groceries, I walked in the door. Fed Phoenix. He fell asleep and went to bed by 10:30.

It was a busy busy day but wow was it a good one!

Photo montage!

2007-04-12T00:42:00.001-07:00

Montage madness!

Of Mr. Phoenix :) Check it out!

Hmmm...

2007-04-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts...

-I wonder what time Jeff gets lunch? I'm not "supposed" to call him at work anymore and apparently he's not calling me FROM work anymore so I actually don't have any idea when or if he's coming home. That's annoying.

-I put a set of tires up on freecycle. I had a taker. He came this morning and apparently I should have specified that they were CAR tires and not truck tires. I didn't realize that there was a difference. And then when he was here he tried to talk me into giving him my really nice iron padded lawn chairs... ummm no.

-I had the city knock on my door this morning. They were fiddling with our water shut off valve in the neighbors driveway and marveling at how OUR water valve was in THEIR driveway. I dunno why! I didn't build the house. So I had to turn on the water, turn off the water, turn on the water, turn off the water.... annoying.

-Loki has the runs. Again. Perhaps if he just ate HIS food and STOPPED EATING FUCKING CATSHIT he'd be solid. Now that we have a gate up that should stop.

-Our new neighbors are cool. She actually knocked on the door to ask if I needed anything from the "shops" as she was headed to superstore. She's Australian. I think I'd like to live there if they are all as nice as her :)

-Phoenix is trying very hard to crawl and pull up. This is resulting in a LOT of head wounds. Poor baby!

-I got next to no sleep last night. Normally I'd call my husband to complain and get sympathy but (see random thought #1)

-I need some companionship. I need an adult to talk to. Mikes home on days off though so I shouldn't bug Robyn... now that they actually like each other and enjoy spending time with one another ;) I might call Jean.

-LLL is tomorrow night. I need to get the key I suppose.

oh Jean is on the phone! Yay! Companionship!

Le sigh...

2007-04-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

I'm all alooooone... there's noone here besiiiiide meeeeee...

Yep just another night at home. Being bored. lol! Jeff is out for his weekly painting "guy time" night. Part of his "taking time for himself" crusade. I was kinda hoping all of this would mellow him out a bit... maybe it takes longer for it to take effect?

All three kids are sleeping and Loki is hard at work destuffing a pink Dr. Seuss fish. Currently my house is COVERED in fluff but he's busy, not chasing cats and not peeing on my floor... you take what you can get ;)

Today was a pretty good day with the kids. Olivia had preschool and then when Robyn was dropping her off she mentioned that she had to go grocery shopping so I offered to take Jassy for the afternoon. She was awesome and they all had a great time. We played outside for almost two hours, blew bubbles, drew with chalk, rode bikes and scooters and played simon says. I know my kids had no problems falling asleep tonight!

I made "coney" fries and roasted cauliflower and broccoli for dinner tonight. I did homemade fries and then did some organic ground beef with taco seasonings for on top. It was so good!

I've eaten FAR too much chocolate the past three days. I feel blergy.

Well I think I might just lay down and sleep for a bit before jeff gets home.

Happy Bunny day!

2007-04-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

The turkey is on, potatoes peeled. Baby tomatoes, cucumber and cheese are sliced and in the fridge. The house is clean, tablecloth on the table, kids are napping... eggs are boiling for deviled eggs. All the dishes, silverware and napkins are ready to put on the table. The butter is softening and the iced tea has brewed and is cooling. We are almost ready!

My mom is bringing a macaroni salad and my grandmother is bringing a dessert. Jeff and I did most of the deep cleaning yesterday so today was mainly just a tidy up. We both need to shower and get dressed though.

The kids loved their easter bunny loot :) They both got a hollow chocolate animal, chocolate eggs from the hunt, play-doh spring buckets, bubbles, stickers, chalk eggs, glow in the dark bracelets and a new book. Phoenix got a fuzzy puppy book and a Tigger dressed in a bunny costume. Grandma Rose got them bunny ears and a stuffed bunny for Phoenix. They were pretty excited :) I don't want easter to get all commercial in this house. I think 20-30 bucks per kid is MORE than enough. Especially knowing that my parents AND my grandmother bought them easter stuff too!

Anyways off to chat with jeff while he's showering ;)

Dance Festival!

2007-04-05T00:02:00.000-07:00

Well we got a surprise phone call today from Maddy's ballet teacher Tina... their group was chosen to take part in the "Gala Event" tonight (the best of the best). Wonderful news! Perhaps a bit more notice would have been nice...

There were 30 acts tonight. Ballet, jazz, tap, highland, modern... So much fun! So much talent!!! Kids from 5-17 ... very cool. Maddy's group was the ONLY group chosen that was under the age of 10 years! Most of them were at least 12 and up. So cool! And we got to see their adjudication sheet and they scored 83/100. We are so very proud :)

Pictures! (no flash photography allowed during the performance.. so it's all before and after)

Madeline after the performance, making a very strange pose

Sitting on the stage after the performance

Backstage in the gym... one final practice (the purple haired girl is a stand in)

Morgan, Cameron, Madeline and Molly all posing so pretty

Madeline and her ballet Teacher Miss. Tina

A pre-show pose

Gorgeous ringlets. This is what 1.5 hours gets you folks!

Stage Make-up. I swear to you... she really is only just 5!

Just... drained.

2007-04-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

I can honestly say that this has been one of the most emotionally and spiritually draining days of my life. I can't say when I've felt this horrible before... I think an all time low has been hit.

But then I had to suck it all up and put on a happy face for Madeline and her spring dance festival. Their group took first for "Let's go fly a kite" in large group, demi character 8 and under. I'm proud of her. She danced wonderfully, behaved impeccably and had a wonderful wonderful time. My mom and dad, grandmother and cousin Sadie showed up to watch. I'm glad she had some supporters. It was very important to her that people be there to cheer her on.

I'm going to eat some french onion soup and go to bed. I may not get up again ever... if I have to have another day like this.

wow....

2007-03-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

I had my healing/reading and cleansing with Carmen St. Pierre yesterday http://www.amrasspirit.com/index.htm It was fantastic!!!!

Many of the details are far too personal for me to post to a public site (and the people who need to know already know) but I will say that it was a life altering experience. I'm uplifted spiritually and emotionally and even physically.

I am starting a new weightloss journey today as well. More exercise, less snack foods at night, more getting real with myself. Everyday in every way I am getting thinner and thinner and thinner. I feel as if I can really do this... I am in charge of my body and all I need is will power. I have a ton of will power (no fat jokes please ;) ) and succeed at almost everything that I do. So why should this be any different?

Well off to shop and get stuff done while Madeline at at rehersal. The spring dance festival is tomorrow for her and she's very very excited :)

Ouch...

2007-03-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

Whine... I have a massive massive headache. Bad to the point where it's hurting to look at the computer screen. I just want my baby to go to sleep... but to get him to do that I have to nurse him... and right now that idea is making my skin crawl. I don't want to be touched, I want to sleep. For hours and hours.

I'm worried... my sister has been feeling uber crappy for months now and upon seeing a doctor today for an MRI was informed that she has three spots on her brain. Mostly likely MS or Lupus. I've NEVER heard her more upset. I kept it together long enough to get off the phone and then lost it :( I just want my sister home so I can take care of her, snuggle with Kylee and lend some support.

Blah. What a day.

:)

2007-03-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining, Olivia's at preschool, Maddy's watching tv and Phoenix is sleeping. The puppy is chewing a bone and the cats are snoozing. Almost all caught up on laundry and my kitchen is clean. Maddy is mostly over her red food dye induced insanity and while Phoenix did wake every two hours to nurse last night, he was in bed from 12 midnight to almost 11am and didn't spend any time screaming.

So it's a good day. I'm heading over to superstore tonight to pick up some of that 5 hpt stuff that Robyn got for depression. I need it to help keep me on an even keel. I actually got my period today so that explains some of my mood for the past week... I need to find a way to take some more time for myself. Whether it's a nightly walk, shopping with friends or just reading in my room for a portion of every night with no kids around.

I started with "the sun is shining" and I'll end with ...

THE SUN IS SHINING.

Is it possible?

2007-03-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

That my baby is just truly this bitchy?

He sleeps well for three nights and then pulls a week of 5 hour total sleep nights where he's screaming, bitching and whining at me for the rest of the time. I can't leave the room or he loses it, even if someone else is holding him and there is nothing physically wrong with him. I can't go pee without taking him, brush my hair without holding him, make a sandwich without bringing him into the kitchen. He can no longer sit on the floor and play with his toys... he has to sit either right beside me on the couch or on me while whining the entire time. Daddy is not cutting it either. He's happy with jeff for about two seconds before screaming for me.

I know he's teething... and he still has this snotty nose (I think we're going on a month now?) I wonder if he has another ear infection? I dunno. He was so gassy and crampy last night again... I think it could have been the large amounts of cheese that I ate. Oh fuck I don't know. I want to take him to the doctors again over this food issue of his but all I'm going to hear is "let him cry" and "he'll just have to learn to deal." Gawd I'm so tired of this fussy fussy fussy baby.

Madeline is STILL DRIVING ME NUCKING FUTS! She's being hyper, rude, mean... listens to nothing I say. It sounds food related but who knows... I don't know what else she could have got into. I'm SO TIRED OF DEALING WITH HER. Jeff just reminded me that she had popcorn at the dog agility show yesterday that was yellow. Fucking hell. GAWD I'M SO TIRED OF THIS.

Olivia is fine. She's mellow and a love. Can I sell my other two and just keep her? Don't tell my other kids I said that.

So yah yesterday we went to the dog agility trials and took Mr. Loki to check out the scene. He made friends with a female agility Pem, two Bernese Mountain dogs and two Nova Scotia Duck Tolling retrievers. I got to talk to tons of people and get info about how to get started. It was in the agriplex and it was lots of fun. Loki was a hit with everyone and we had all the kids (and most of the adults) come up to ask if they could pet him at some point. LOL!

I'm stoked about May long weekend in Lac La Hache. We're taking our tent trailer, my best friend and her hubby just bought a truck and camper so neither of us have to tent it! Yayyy! We've decided we'll drink beer, play cards and act like our parents did when we were kids (minus the pot smoking ;) ) It will be nice to have a place to cook and a heater. A roof over our heads and a bed not on the ground.

Well bitchy baby is getting even bitchier (is that possible?) Should go boob him.

Footprint

2007-03-24T02:37:00.000-07:00

I was thinking tonight (while nursing my babe down to sleep at 2 am) about what it means to be pagan in regards to our footprint on this earth. Obviously part of being pagan and choosing this path is my devotion to nature and to the Mother Goddess and a huge part of what it means to be pagan (to me) is how to preserve our earth and ensure that it is here and clean for future generations.

It's funny because when I was led to the Pagan path (4 years ago) I realized that in my heart and with my actions I already WAS Pagan. I was Wiccan in my soul for a long time before I became aware. Becoming a parent strengthened my resolution to make a difference in our waste management and to become healthier not only spiritually but physically. We cloth diaper (three kids now and very little disposable diapers to last for the next 500 years in our landfill), breastfeed (no formula cans to dispose of, nor toxic plastic bottles to feed our babies with) babywear with slings and wraps (no plastic non-biodegradable strollers to clutter the garbage dumps) and use very little in the way of baby "gadgets" (no swings, exersaucers etc to hang around for a long time after our babes are grown.)

We eat natural foods in as close to their natural state as possible and buy locally whenever we can. We eat organic local meat to ensure that animals are being treated fairly. We use ecologically friendly cleaners and personal hygiene items. Recycle, Freecycle and donate. Drive a vehicle that is good on gas and buy pre-loved.

What about you? How important is being friendly to the earth for you? Is it part of your pagan path? Is it something you think about?

Why?

2007-03-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Edited to remove very large rant about a very tired husband... who really did not deserve to be ranted about.

I may have no other option...

2007-03-22T23:27:00.000-07:00

I just might have to sell Madeline to the gypsies.

As a little PSA... no name chocolate puddings DO NOT SAY they have food dyes in them... but they have food dyes in them. Trust me. This is the only thing different in her diet and she's been a fucking pyschopath for the past two days.

She got up this morning, woke up her sister. Then chased her around the house until she screamed. Then ran screaming down the hallway and woke up Phoenix. I got up and walked into the living room to find CEREAL spread EVERYWHERE! She apparently took handfulls of cereal out of her bowl and threw it around the room.

Okay at this point I point to her and tell her to go to her room. I tell her she can come out when she's 18. For the next couple hours she continues to yell "when can I come OUT! when can I come OUT!" So then she had to stay in her room until lunch. I did let her out afterwards... until she took a teddy bear, whacked phoenix in the chest with it and he fell backwards knocking his head on the floor. Back in her room...

repeat this sequence (with different bad/out of character actions) all afternoon.

She was in bed by 7:30.

Thank Fuck.

Yum!

2007-03-21T14:55:00.000-07:00

The girls and I are chillin out with our afternoon smoothie. Today it's organic whole milk, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, bananas, raw honey and one organic raw egg. It's soooo good!!! All the berries were of the frozen variety and so it's nice and frosty cold.

Phoenix is napping. I took him in the bedroom, changed his diaper, nursed him for 10 minutes... he kept doing the latch on latch off thing so I flipped him over, rubbed his back for a bit and he passed out! Sweet!

It's a freaking blizzard outside. Winds up to 50km/hour. Nice. Snowing and blowing. When the fuck is spring going to be here??? I want to replant my garden, watch my iris's bloom, reseed the lawn. ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE DAMN SNOW! /rant

I've got Mother Goose tonight. I'm looking forward to it. It's our second to last session of the winter season and then we break for a couple weeks for spring break. I wonder what attendance will be like?

I gave Loki a good grooming, cleaned his ears and clipped his nails. I like his nails uber short (like hidden in the fur short) and he just lays on his back with his four little paws waving in the air. It's adorable! Oh and Jeff got informed by a woman at the library yesterday that he HAVE to clicker train and that if your puppy is not totally trained in all areas by the time they are three months then they never will be. Ummm. Okay. Can you say fruit cake?

We put in Madeline's scholatic book order today. I got some sweet books!!! I love how cheap they all are! I went a little wild ;) Oh well it's for the good of the school right?

Well I'm going to put a movie on the for kids and have a wee nap.

Coffee anyone?

2007-03-21T01:31:00.000-07:00

Well Jeff and I finally made it to a pagan coffee meet... we never usually go because I don't want to have to ask Rose to babysit (she babysits her other grandkids often enough) but I thought I'd ask her anyways. It's been since before Christmas the last time that Jeff and I got out together without the girls (the babe was with us of course.)

We met one other member there and chatted the night away. We headed back to get the girls at around 10:30 but ended up staying and visiting till 11:30!!! I was chatting with Rose about her daughter Michelle... apparently she feels unnapreciated and unloved. I'm not sure why... I know I have been enjoying her company when she is around and I make an effort to include her in conversations.

Phoenix is still up and getting his diaper changed. I'm crossing fingers that he sleeps after this.

This is basically a nothing post... I don't have much to say apparently!

hrmmm...

2007-03-20T00:28:00.000-07:00

I had a disturbing conversation with my sister tonight...

She explained that she's "read all the research" and if they ever have a son they'll still circumcise him... Well my darling sister please read some more on this subject.. please?

http://noharmm.org/home.htm

is a good place to start. I can't even fathom thinking that a part of your baby boy needs to be cut off :( It can interfere with breastfeeding, it can lead to DEATH in some cases. It's an elective surgery... ELECTIVE.

It's late and I need sleep... please do some more reading?

I hab a cowd

2007-03-18T23:23:00.000-07:00

Blerg. I am ill. I have a cold. It's the same cold thats been threatening me all week but finally hit. Blerg.

I'm also very hungover... I never ever drink. In fact that last time I got drunk was almost two years ago! But Robyn and I decided we were going to nurse our babes, put them to bed and drink. And so we did. A bunch of beer, case of coolers and case of Mudslides later...

Blerg. My head is pounding. We had a great time though. We talked straight for 6 hours, laughed our asses off and bonded more big time. Now if only we could remember the night? ;)

Jeff steam cleaned the carpets tonight. Loki promptly barfed front and center in the living room. Jeff asked to let the cats up but you just know they'll drag their asses everywhere because they know the carpet has just been done.

We bought Loki two new stuffies today (from VV) a rope bone, a rope and nylon frisbee and a pack of tennis balls. We made the score of the century at Value village... two pewter goblets that are from Birks originally with the original price tags on them. We paid $6 for the pair... they were $95 each!!! Sweet :)

Well Jeff is watching Open Season... again. Phoenix went to bed at 8:30pm and I'm about have a nap on the couch :)

Long long long long LONG day

2007-03-17T01:07:00.000-07:00

I need quiet. Lots of quiet.

Phoenix waiting until I got into bed last night at 2am and decided that no... he was not in fact interested in sleeping at all and that yes... he was going to bug me until I got up with him.

So Phoenix and I watched 30 minute meals, 90210 (yes it's on at 3am) and then Mad about You. He finally nursed back to sleep again at 4:30am!

I took Loki out for a pee, snuggled him a bit then crated him and curled up on the couch expecting to be awoken at any second by the fiend...

9am rolled around... He slept for 4.5 hours IN A ROW!!!! A ROW!!!!!! wow. Then I curled into bed with him and we slept until noon. And then the day started. We went to...
M&M meats for chicken and frozen berries. Ospika pet and farm supplies for Innova EVO to supplement his chicken backs and hearts. Another place for cat litter. We then hit Shoppers Wholesale for organic fruits and veggies. Lunch and dropped frozen foods off, I nursed and changed Phoenix and then back on the road. Olivia, Phoenix (in the babyhawk) and I shopped at Superstore for the next hour and a half. FINALLY we came home. Fed the kids and relaxed... for about an hour.

Jeff took the girls and went to pick up our order from our local Metaphysical store and then picked up stuff from Ave Maria (health food store) for me. Came home, picked up fiend and I and we went to the mall to exchange Jeff's shorts and look for Jassy's birthday pressie. She wanted Dusty the talking vacuum... not at superstore, not at zellers...

So at 9pm we all headed up to Hell*Mart where we FINALLY located a talking vacuum. Purchased said vacuum and came home. It's now 10pm and we've been on the road since 1pm. Got the kids into bed. Jeff and I finally ate. Played with the very neglected today puppy and did some cleaning.

Phoenix is STILL AWAKE but ready to be nursed and put to sleep I think. I hope.

Tomorrow is parent viewing day at ballet so I get to sit through back to back classes with both girls. Then Jassy's birthday party and we stay until jeff gets off work at 5:45. Then a family night movie with the kids.

Sunday... sunday we relax hopefully.

I'm all alone...

2007-03-16T01:16:00.000-07:00

Well Jeff is here too... but all three kids were IN BED and ASLEEP by 9:40 tonight. That's a record... that has not happened anytime in the last two months. Yay!

We have a loverly dinner tonight at a chinese buffet. I had two plates and I am STILL stuffed 7 hours later. The girls enjoyed an assortment of fries, shrimp, chow mein and sushi... yep sushi.

Olivia loves sushi. She loves the nori (seaweed), the rice the fish... she loves it all. She gobbled down all that jeff had shared with her and then wanted her own plate full of sushi. So imagine if you will a teeny little pixie baby walking through a restaurant with a plate full of sushi, exclaiming to anyone that will listen that she "looooves sushi!" Adorable. Phoenix ate his toes and his toys and Madeline munched oodles of noodles. Everyone that walked by had to admire our children (and probably marvelled at how well behaved they were!) and that was nice :)

After dinner we took our kids to (ssshhhh) Mcdonalds for some ice cream and so they could play in playland. They had a great time and got to shake some sillies out. We went to Zeller's after and bought a new toilet seat (wahoo) with a built in potty seat (super wahoo) and then came home.

Loki and Frodo chased eachother in cirles around the house while I talked to my sister (who incidentally is NEVER COMING HOME ;) ) It goes something like this... Loki chases Frodo, F stops, hisses and keeps running, L barks, F spats, L playbows and the chase is on. All night... You would think they would eventually get tired of this game... nope!

Well Jeff is asleep on the couch and I just took his picture. Today is a ditl day!

Thursday is a day...

2007-03-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

Now who could not love that little face!!!

I've had decent sleep for three nights in a row. THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW! He's had no solid food for six days in a row... noticing a correlation?

Last night he went to bed at 10:20pm. Nursed at 1:20am, 4:15am, 7:15am and 9:45am. Notice the three hour stretches there? THREE HOUR STRETCHES! Rockin dude! He wakes slightly, grunts, latches on, switches sides, passes out. I'm not sure he even really wakes up! Heaven. Really. Heaven heaven heaven. Oh I like him soooo much more than I did last week ;)

Madeline got her report card. She did awesome and showed improvement on her sharing skills. She's now up to par :) I got her book order sheet and got busy ordering books for birthdays and just because days. I love cheap books!

Last night was Mother Goose and though it was a small crowd it went fairly well. All busy boys and no girls (we usually only have two anyways) but not bad busy. Just busy.

Tonight we're going out for dinner. I'm not sure where actually... maybe the chinese buffet or Denny's. Something kid friendly and diet friendly for Madeline.

Well should get dressed. I just got out of the bath and Robyn will be home with Olivia fairly soon. Phoenix has been in bed asleep for over 2.5 hours so I imagine he'll be up soon. Maddy and I played Old Maid, Crazy Eights and did some school work together. The puppy is napping :)

Camera download ;)

2007-03-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

So we finally go around to downloading the camera... let the past month commence!

Sigh... and this is what happens when good kids go bad. And their mom's beat them (or their cousins throw them face first into ice which is more likely...)

Loki!!! He's smiling :)

Loki head profile

Phoenix and Loki hanging out

Can you say bat ears? Come in space control!

Play?

Teeth... the source of all my hellish evenings

My darling children :) Excuse the look on Madeline's face... she was concussed at the time ;)

teeth?

2007-03-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

He's getting at least one tooth (top left) and probably more. He screamed again for six hours last night. He has a wicked cold and his tummy is still pushing through the last of the solid foods.

Why oh why did I get the emo kid to end all emo kids? He's sensertive... so very sensertive (and yes I know I spelled that wrong.) He's annoying the ever living heck out of me. I love my baby but I SO CAN'T WAIT until he's not a BABY anymore!!!!

My sil is not helping matters any. Her exlusively breastfed baby who is just four months old is sleeping in 12 hour stretches in her OWN BED in her OWN ROOM. I am sofuckingjealous.

Grrrr... I may just have to eat him while his bones are still soft.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2007-03-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

I am ohsofuckingtired I can barely keep my eyes open. Phoenix SCREAMED from 2:30am to 8:30am. Pretty much straight. I'm not entirely sure what his problem is... he has a cold and is snuffly but I think it's more of the solid foods thing. We had been gradually introducing solids in very small amounts of very benign foods... apparently he's not capable still of eating anything other than breastmilk. I think I'll make an appointment with his doctor and see is there is anything else going on. So I made Jeff sleep in the bedroom with us and suffer through the noise as well. Why am I always the only one who has to deal with this shit?

I looked up the symptoms of a food intolerance and he has five of the seven signs. Runny nose and eyes, red around his anus, mucusy stools, gas and fussyness. He had some cucumber last night and some sweet potato's the night before and he's been miserable. I'm taking him off solids again for another week and then starting at the beginning. Some organic brown rice to begin. I am SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS!!!!